Goose, you haven't said what you wanted for your birthday.

Too many things to do, not nearly enough time.

( Goose. )

Oh fuck. . .

TESLA ROSE SPENCER!!!!

You'd better get your little behind inside right now or I swear to GOD, I. . .

Answer me, Tesla!

So, uh, Baby Tess showed up.

You can obviously see how many kinds of weird it would be if she stayed with me.  Not that she ain't cute as a bug, it's just...  I'm just not willing to go there.  I'm on my way to get her, bring her back to the hotel, but it would be all kinds of nice of one of ya could come get her?

Please?
 

Now just what the hell is this?

Shawn? What the hell are you tryin' to pull, kid? This is isn't funny.

This space reserved to shamelessly brag about my daughter being a college graduate.

( Logan. )

( Mom. )

Little Guy will graduate to Ace Guy Echolls on or around May 4th.

Yes, I know it's awesome. Carry on.

( ETA: Logan. )

it's amazing what one can find going through their computer files. Especially here, I imagine.

Tesla, when did you stop being an adorable little rockstar?

Then again, maybe you haven't. . .

Well, Goose, I was glad to see you had such a great time at the wedding.

( Shawn. )

( Logan. )

It's kind of amusing how this job doesn't change at all, nor do the officers.

Maybe it's getting to be time to retire.

All right, top wine recommendations, or just, alcoholic drinks in general.

Anything to make one forget their children's mistakes.

Mmk Miss Dora, whatcha wanna do now?

( Mom. )

( ETA: Lynn. )

Yay for the lack of puking my brains out today. My breath thanks you, Gigi. I'm sure Logan and Dora do too.

And just when I thought, "it really can't get much worse."

Guess I shoulda known better.

Seriously, I need a drink.

So normally you worry about forgetting things on trips. I don't forget anything, literally, nothing. Nadda. I remember what I was wearing at my third birthday and what I spilled on it after I burned myself on my birthday candle.

I forgot my effing contacts, but I remembered the nerdy glasses. The really nerdy ones.

Dig out pictures and I never talk to you again, mother.

How about snugglage here? It's nice outside.

Really sucks to be a parent when you find out monsters really do exist.

I thought lying about Santa Claus was bad.

What's this? I hardly have time to be here, I have a number of important ca-. . .

Oh God. I'm in California.

I demand an explanation!

Oh, God, I hope someone's awake.  Tess?  Lynn?  Shawn?  Dick?  Madeline?

Anyone?

Look, if anyone wants to make some easy money, use your godbox, come to the Neptune County Sheriff's Office.  I'm Logan Echolls, and I, uh, got picked up for a DWI last night.  I've got the money for bail, but they'll only release me into, I dunno, protective custody or something.  The sheriff's a dirt bag.  You wanna be my protective custody, I'll pay you an easy grand.  Right up front.  This offer excludes girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, BFF's, mothers, and anyone who wants to beat the crap out of me once I'm out of jail.

Oh, Goose, how did you grow up so fast? I just found all your baby pictures. So cute, so beautiful.