Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Oh, Gai-sensei!"

Username: 
Password:    
Remember Me
  • Create Account
  • IJ Login
  • OpenID Login
Search by : 
  • View
    • Create Account
    • IJ Login
    • OpenID Login
  • Journal
    • Post
    • Edit Entries
    • Customize Journal
    • Comment Settings
    • Recent Comments
    • Manage Tags
  • Account
    • Manage Account
    • Viewing Options
    • Manage Profile
    • Manage Notifications
    • Manage Pictures
    • Manage Schools
    • Account Status
  • Friends
    • Edit Friends
    • Edit Custom Groups
    • Friends Filter
    • Nudge Friends
    • Invite
    • Create RSS Feed
  • Asylums
    • Post
    • Asylum Invitations
    • Manage Asylums
    • Create Asylum
  • Site
    • Support
    • Upgrade Account
    • FAQs
    • Search By Location
    • Search By Interest
    • Search Randomly

Castiel is a better weapon ([info]ofthursdays) wrote in [info]wariscomingcom,
@ 2014-04-28 00:37:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:anna milton, castiel

Anna
I see you decided not to move on.


(Post a new comment)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-27 09:23 pm UTC (link)
I made a decision.

Its complicated yes, but it makes me happy

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-27 09:26 pm UTC (link)
I didn't know you hungered for the dark.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-27 09:29 pm UTC (link)
Its not about that.

They're more than just that

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-27 09:31 pm UTC (link)
You know they are more than the charm they show you too.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-27 09:38 pm UTC (link)
I know what they are. And they know I cannot be won over with charm and words. I don't help him in hell I don't do anything different Castiel.

You should know better than to think me so weak minded

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-27 09:41 pm UTC (link)
But you support him, Anna.

Or do you think you can make them love humanity, make them kind?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-27 10:10 pm UTC (link)
Do I?

Hardly. I have no intent to change either of them, evil and darkness has its place in the world as much as we do.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-27 10:25 pm UTC (link)
If you are in partnership you know that has a certain meaning. Not that you agree with all they do but that you find who they are appealing. Worthy.

It does but do you wish to be in the middle of it?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-27 11:09 pm UTC (link)
I find them appealing yes, and worthy of my love, but don't assume I'm any less an angel for it, or any less ready to fight for heaven.

You really do think me weak don't you? Think that this has made me less, think that they can control me. I've been with Crowley before Castiel. For months. I loved him then, and I found I couldn't stop.

And neither he, nor Kol has tried or will try to sway me to the darkness. We all have our place in the greater scheme, Crowley especially.

So stop it, its insulting

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 04:15 am UTC (link)
You think you can have it both ways, be a child of the light and love the king of Hell? To love humanity and also cherish those who take advantage of their need and their pain? Do you really think you can be at both ends of the balance?

I don't think you're weak. I never could. I think if you follow this path you will, likely soon, be forced to make a choice very much like the one that lead me here and I don't want that for you. You know their nature has a lot in it that goes against what you believe. Your choices seem to be turn a blind eye, stand against it and leave or... join them. All of those have a price.

I worry for you because I love you, or do only they deserve the benefit of your doubt?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 09:40 am UTC (link)
I loved him before he was that. And yes he's a demon, I'm more than aware but my feelings for him can't be news to you. I am not at both sides of the balance. He does not control me, neither do.

Crowley knows the line he cannot cross with me. And he never has.

And believe me I am well aware of the price that might one day be taken for daring to love.

Crowley, Ruby, it all comes back to our brothers ego, in fact, no, it all goes back to the Garden. Temptation, Original Sin. The world was poisoned long before demons took a hand in it.

I can't help my feeling, and frankly. If our father sees it as something vile then I'm sure he'll make it known on his return

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 10:00 am UTC (link)
You loved him before he was a demon? I promise you, sister, this is news to me.

You mean he hasn't hurt you personally, but what of those who are not you and Kol?

Daring to love? You know that I am not talking about just any boyfriend.

Not to me. There was a time but that is past. To me, my concern, is what they think is alright to do, is desirable, versus what you value. You have to know they don't match up. As for Ruby, that is different too.

No, you can't help your feeling, but you can help your choices. This isn't about our Father.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 11:01 am UTC (link)
No. I loved him before he was King of Hell.

Who have you hurt Castiel, under orders from what we now know to be wrong. How many? Your vessel, did he truly understand what you were asking of him? Crowley has done a lot to change since being here, he hasn't made deals, he hasn't unleashed the rather considerable power he could have. I don't expect sainthood, I can't. He is what he is, but he's trying. Kol too, and they're not doing that just for me.

No, of course not, because you've happened to fall for two humans. Me, it wasn't so easy. But under the law you've committed a grave sin too, haven't you? That is why this IS about our father, unless you believe he created us wrong. Lucifer believed us to be without flaw and humans to be the abominations, its why he twisted their souls after all.

But we are far from pure. Not one of us.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 11:12 am UTC (link)
That isn't as reassuring as you think.

Yes, I caused pain under orders but he was never under orders and I never enjoyed it. Is that how you comfort yourself? They are evil but they are trying not to be? If evil serves him he will employ it. He is the consume businessman. You think he can rule Hell and leave all that behind?

This isn't about sin. This is about your conscience. It is going to be tested. It will likely be tested often. They may not cross a line towards you but you know they are not the altruists you are.

What sin are you referring to?

And what do you think Crowley does? He recruits souls for Hell. Human souls. He draws them to torment. He is not a kind man, Anna. Nor is Kol. Your own heart has to be concerned about their nature. You love those whom they target.

I don't claim to be pure. I claim to be concerned for what this will likely cost you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 11:17 am UTC (link)
They were created just as we were. Created by our brother, or have you forgotten.

No, I don't think he can, but light and darkness, they can be a balance. I did not betray heaven last time, much as they believed I did. I was in pain, and those who caused it enjoyed it, angels. You find me the difference Castiel. The true difference between someone like Raphael and someone like Alastair. Find me one difference.

The sin, feeling, caring, maybe even love, friendship. You've already betrayed heaven because you've let humanity get close to you.

Right yes, he does. What does Ruby do? Your dear friend's wife, what did she cause, what did she birth? If you're going to judge me brother then judge Sam too.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 11:23 am UTC (link)
I know what a demon is, sister.

I am not selling you Raphael over Alastair. You know I have no time for either. I am talking about Crowley and Kol and how they do not have your moral compass. Just as Raphael didn't have mine. That ended in pain because I trusted him but he couldn't be what I could trust. Your situation is very close to that and that is my concern, which you seem to poorly understand.

Love is not a sin, Anna. It never was. I betrayed Heaven by killing my brothers. You cannot compare Peter to Crowley and Kol. That isn't even my point. He will never challenge my moral compass.

This not about judgement. This is not about Ruby or Sam or Rapahel or anyone else.

They are going to do many things you are not okay with. Have you really thought about what that will mean to you?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 11:39 am UTC (link)
Why? Its a point I feel I need to make, tell me that there is not just as much evil in heaven. Infecting it like a poison, infecting it so much, Lucifer fell, Gabriel ran. Tell me that heaven hasn't been corrupt for a very long time.

No, they don't have my moral compass, but they also don't control me. And they know what I will do if they step too far.

I am not comparing them, nor would I ever claim love was a sin. You misunderstand me, as usual.

The angels, the ones still up there, they would believe it to be a sin, yours just as much as mine. So many of them still think of humanity as less than we are. I however am happy to see you so content. All I ask is that you try to do the same for me and accept I know what I'm doing and that I know how to seperate my feelings from restoring our fathers kingdom.

Stop avoiding, this is as much about Sam and Ruby, as much about heaven and hell as anything else, you support Sam, in spite of everything you know to be wrong about that, about his child, in many ways about Sam himself, but me, no, that's a step too far. Because what, I'm as pliable as Ruby, ready to switch alligances on a whim, ready to turn against my own kind for love?

You know me better than that; or you used to.

Yes. I have. I had before when it was just Crowley. We managed.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 11:55 am UTC (link)
You aren't choosing the evil in Heaven to attach yourself to and neither am I so it is not an issue here. We both know what's wrong with it and we oppose it because we know that.

I didn't say they control you. I am saying the ones you are with will cause you moral conflict because your loyalty to them will be challenged by your kindness and loyalty to humanity.

As opposed to what you are doing?

And they are wrong. I think we have established that Heaven, as it is, is not something we support but that has nothing to do with my concerns for you.

I am far from content, sister. I am far from happy but I am loved by a good man.

And what are you doing? What have you chosen for yourself? How is choosing to love one evil better than aligning yourself with the evil in Heaven? You know in your heart you are not evil.

I care for Sam, I protect him. He is my friend. I also worry for Sam and for what his choices cost him as I worry for you. There is no difference Anna. It is the same.

I am not accusing you of changing sides. My concern comes because I know you will hold strong to what you believe in but, if you do, going against them will be inevitable as going against Heaven was inevitable because you love humanity. It's because you are strong I worry. Because you are good and they are not.

And what conclusion did you come to? How do you manage when the one you trust shows a cruelty you can't abide?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 12:00 pm UTC (link)
I have no moral conflict.

I'm not evil. I have never been such. I fell, I fell because of a love of humanity and you Cas, you dragged me back to heaven, after I tried to help you understand. You did that and then you came to see for yourself.

You want to know what conclusion I came to. I am an angel of the Lord. I hold to my beliefs as I believe He wishes, not any angel above. Not Raphael, no one.

If either go too far, betray my love so deeply. I will smite them down.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 12:04 pm UTC (link)
In this moment, no, but you have to know it's coming.

I am not accusing you of evil, I clearly said the opposite.

You love his creations, you love Him and you lobe humanity. Yes. That's my point. They don't.

That is almost inevitable, Anna. They will be what they are and, for that, your hand will be forced by their actions. Do you see any other outcome?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 12:08 pm UTC (link)
I have seen true affection, for humanity. From both of them. Maybe they can choose differently.

We both know hell needs to remain, it has its place in the greater scheme. But currently heaven is destroying itself, and that's what's most important.

Don't tell me what's inevitible. A few years ago could you have imagined Uriel working for Lucifer, a demon married to a Winchester, Gabriel actually stepping up for a fight. Don't you ever tell me fate is decided.

I am ready for that outcome, but I will not say it is inevitible.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 12:13 pm UTC (link)
Crowley claimed affection for a few who amused him. He also said he cared nothing for the rest. Kol feeds on them and enjoyed inflicting pain. Then we are again at the balance. What happens if you turn the king of Hell into an altruist? How will he fulfill his role then?

I'm not saying it's not important. I was speaking as your brother just now, not a soldier.

It is no shock that they are going to do things you'd be against, Anna. You know who they are. What Uriel or Gabriel would do is not relevant. Crowley has a role he has to fulfil and things he has to do for it. That isn't speculation.

Because you don't want to say it? Because if you open your eyes you won't like what you see?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 12:29 pm UTC (link)
He said. And yes, Kol does, he is what he is. But he's held to the truce, and for a creature of such raw emotion its not an easy task.

You miss every point I make Castiel. I wasn't talking about what our brothers would do. Its about what they have done, the times they chose when no one could have anticipated it its about unexpected choices, its about making your own destiny. Fate has her place of course but she does not control every action.

And I'm sorry, if you miss the point I'm trying to make then maybe I was wrong about you, maybe you still don't understand humanity and maybe you are not the one to take back heaven. This isn't about what I see, this is about what I hope, what I believe them capable of.

They might prove me wrong. They might hurt me.

But they have a chance not to. A chance I chose to take.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 12:39 pm UTC (link)
He has held to it for now.

Crowley is making his own destiny. As the king of Hell. That is what you are choosing. You can't mean to tell me you see no possible conflict within yourself.

It has been my mission even before it was yours and I am not abandoning it now. I understand all I need to complete it. I value their sovereignty, I respect their realm and my place in this was never your call. I know where my heart it.

Hope, what I hoped was true, what I wanted to believe was true, protected me from nothing because it was misplaced. I wanted to believe Heaven was righteous. It only lead to pain. Desire is no protection.

You still think there is a chance that, in the course of his role, Crowley will not do things you can't abide?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 12:58 pm UTC (link)
Just stop it. You have friends equally unlikely to hold to the truce who still have. You're being arrogant.

His destiny is not mine. Not in that regard. But we do need an understanding with hell.

Do you? Tell me what you understand? Tell me what you're willing to do for heaven.

Because I'm not sure I believe that you'd give all this up. Leave your lover, your friends. You went from being a drone to being capable of so much more. But I'm not sure you understand, we can't just storm into heaven and kick the doors down.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 01:08 pm UTC (link)
And if you were concerned for me because of it I'd be grateful you cared enough to be.

Yes. An understanding but it's different for me than for you now. You are much closer to it.

You already know the answer to that Anna. You know me. You know what I'd do. Is it really necessary to turn this on me? I was only concerned for you.

I have given up all I had before, I allowed Raphael to kill me to buy Sam and Dean a few minuted and if that was the only way I'd do it again.

But if this is what you do when I show you genuine concern? Doubt everything I stand for? Then what does that say about what I mean to you? Where is my incentive to show you concern again? I am here because I love you and you call my unfit.

So be it, Anna. If that is what you think of me then what is there even between us? If I am nothing more to you than an unfit soldier, if I am undedicated in your eyes, then keep them elsewhere. I don't need that from you.

You only make me feel more alone than I felt before you came.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 01:17 pm UTC (link)
I'm not turning it on you. I don't know what you did in your world. I just know this isn't it. Nothing like it. There are so many differences, so many other ways to fight and I will not be tied by fate or formula. We're better than that.

You'd given a glimpse up. Now you seem to feel love, in a way I'm not sure you were capable of then.

I don't think you're undedicated. I think you're not very perceptive sometimes but I have never doubted your faith.

But I know how this ends, you walk away, call me a cautionary tale and charge heaven with no sense of just how dangerous this is all going to be. You assume I'm lost, that he'll use me, that I won't be able to stop myself.

More than that you assume I won't stand against him if he pushes me that far.

How alone do you think that makes me feel.

You know, last time it happened, with Crowley, Gabriel called me an idiot, but he at least respected me enough to know what side I was on.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 01:57 pm UTC (link)
It may be different but not enough to change me and what it meant to me and to them.

When I came here the residents told me to find a reason to fight. They meant a lover. They didn't know I already had a reason to fight. Now I only have more reason. More love. It doesn't make me weaker or make me hesitate.

We are all guilty of that. I know exactly how dangerous it's going to be. I have already died and faced Hell for it. Nor do I assume you're lost but I do think you will face inevitable challenges you may not be able to resolve. It won't even be using you. It will just be doing his job. What he has to do to their souls.

It isn't about him going against you. I don't know how I can make this clearer. It's about his job in regards to humanity.

I don't know how alone, Anna. It's all been your choice so far. You're in control. I was willing.

I know what side you're on, that's my point. You're not on the same side as them. They are Blue, you are Grey. They are Dr No. You are Bond. You are fundamentally not all pulling in the same direction for humanity. That is where my concern lies.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 02:11 pm UTC (link)
So tell me, big battle, fate of the world. Someone has Peter, ready to kill him, ready to destroy him utterly. On the other hand you have a shot at finishing it, at winning the war at the cost of him.

Would you take it?

They make the choice. Those that deal, they sell their soul, they give up the beautiful gift He gave them. Crowley did it too. And I pity that. But its his job to ensure they know the error of that choice. Hell was a prison, sure it was twisted, our brother manipulated things, whispered to the world above. But like you said, Crowley's a businessman, Azazel was a fanatic. I know which I'd prefer on the other side.

Its never been so simple as that.

And I'm not the hero. I've never been the hero. But I will make the hard calls and the hard choices. I would have killed Sam Winchester if I'd been here, had the chance to stop Lucifer in his tracks. You know I'd have done it.

Think what you want. I know what needs to be done

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 02:19 pm UTC (link)
Peter would not want me to give up the world for him and so I wouldn't dishonour him by doing so. He has loves too.

You talk like there is another angel here, without attachments, ready to take my place. There isn't and I am no less committed. I used to fear that is what would happen but it never did.

He also offers that choice, seeks them out, the troubled and coaxes them to sign. It is not passive. It doesn't trouble you?

I know and I would have stopped you but you said yourself, it cannot be you. You seem to seek to convince me it can't be me either but there is no one else.

All you have done is dismiss my concern for you but it's a valid concern. If you don't care what that will do to you then that's your choice.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 02:27 pm UTC (link)
And you say that so clinically and yet you said you'd stop me saving the world by killing Sam. I think affection blinds you, so maybe it can be me. Or maybe we find another. Someone loyal.

Yes he does. He lies and cheats and causes immesurable pain. So do angels. He deals, cruelly and efficantly. Because he was made like this. Because of angels. Because of Gadreels failure and Lucifer's manipulations.

Its how the world is now, good and evil, its not all so black and white or, whatever, Bond and Dr No. Its messy and its mixed up but ultimately, we need hell. Its part of things now.

Your concern is that he'll use me. I've pointed out he wouldn't get the chance. Now can we move on.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 02:36 pm UTC (link)
You cannot. You certainly cannot now. Heaven and Hell cannot be that closely affiliated again and they would not accept you, as you said.

I am not blind because I have a reason to fight and you speak as if you have no one who can be used as leverage against you. They already used them against me. It did not stop me.

But you are opposed to the angels, Anna. You oppose them because they do just those things.

Yes, we need Hell. That doesn't mean we have to ally with it.

Don't tell me what my concern is. I know what my concern is. You just contradict everything I say as if it has no weight.

You do not respect me. So what, then, do we move on to when a basic and sincere concern from me turned into an attack on me, into an utter lack of faith in me? Is that how my love is to be received? Then I ask you what's the point if you have no trust in me Anna? What do we even have?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 02:40 pm UTC (link)
You want the truth here, you're probably right. They won't trust me, so it has to be you. But only if you're willing to do what needs to be done. Why do you think I was being so cold to you.
I needed to know.

And truth be told I stil don't.

I respect you, and your concern. But to take down Raphael we might need to make some choices. Ones you likely would find abbhorrant.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 02:44 pm UTC (link)
It doesn't take you being cold for you to know. It takes trust and the weight of my actions so far. Even if that was so it isn't the time for it.

You speak as if I am new to this. I have killed our brothers, Anna. Do you think abbhorrant is beyond me? I am already past it.

You also hijacked the subject I came to discuss with you but so be it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 02:47 pm UTC (link)
So when is the time for it.

Yeah well, I suppose we'll see.

Okay fine, back on topic. I decided not to move on. I decided I couldn't and I decided he, and Kol were worth it.

Condemn me if you must. Our brothers and sisters will

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 02:51 pm UTC (link)
When I am not trying to be your brother and not a soldier.

You say as if you haven't know me for millennia. As if I haven't been fighting for years. I do not like this side of you. Patronising. You can do better without it.

You are determined to misread me. I don't know how to talk to you in a way you can't twist. You are not hearing me.

I am not condemning you. I am afraid you are condemning yourself. Do with that as you will.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cadoexvenia
2014-04-28 03:57 pm UTC (link)
I see.

I have known you, you've followed my order well, we had a good garrison, a proud history. But look how easily that all fell away, dead by betrayal, dead by my hand to the betrayer.

I don't want to misread you. But this won't be a war like any other, I just wanted to know how you reacted.

Do you think that's what I've done, twist words?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ofthursdays
2014-04-28 09:29 pm UTC (link)
It fell away because you left, Anna.

The same way I have reacted to it so far.

Either that or you have simply misunderstood all I've been saying.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Home | Site Map | Manage Account | TOS | Privacy | Support | FAQs