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Hal Yorke was involved tagentially (needstheroutine) wrote in wariscomingcom,
@ 2014-01-05 22:51:00

Entry tags:

alex millar, hal yorke, john mitchell, katherine pierce, lauren drake, lydia bennet

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I suppose since none of you are ripping my heart out that its real.. That I'm here.

Which means I have some apologies to make.

[Alex]

Alex. I...

Where do I begin but with how very sorry I am for everything I did. It got too much, it got too hard, and once again I didn't ask for help. In hell I saw things, I saw how bad it got at home, the things I did.

I'm sorry.

[Mitchell]

You truly are stronger and braver than I am ever capable of being. Your control I...

You should be proud

[Lydia]

I don't know why you chose to save me but I will always be grateful that you did.

Thank you. You're the best friend a man could have.

[Lauren]

I don't know what to say.

I 'm sorry. For everything. But you should know, in spite of how he...how he used you. You're strong. You have the potential for great things. You just need control, but I am far from the man to teach you.

[Katherine]

I am sorry. I don't know quite how to say it but there it is. I used you, in weakness, I twisted things because it was easier, God, it was cruel. And it wasn't him, not always. I'm sorry.

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Alex

needstheroutine
2014-01-06 01:35 am UTC (link)

I used them. Katherine, Lauren. I used them because I could. Because it was easy. Because I knew Katherine would think she was helping me, because a part of me, of him, did see her as...I don't know. I knew it would work.

You are far from my nightmare. That's him. That's always him and its the nightmare I can never escape. Because I'm never going to be strong like you, like Mitchell.

I'll always be the coward Alex.

I caused that in you and I don't know how to begin to make it up to you

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 10:44 am UTC (link)
	I am aware of that. Katherine was an idiot. And Lauren was words that I'm trying not to use because they upset Lydia. Oh shut up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yeah, you caused this and I don't know if I can ever get the control back. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Alex needstheroutine 2014-01-06 11:04 am UTC (link)
	Lauren got caught up in it. He told her all the right things, she was young, she was naieve. He knows how to take advantage of that. I don't want you to blame her for his...for that. Right. You can. I have faith that you can. Please Alex don't let me be the instrument of your destruction (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 11:56 am UTC (link)
	For the fact you were screwing her? I think it's a little late for that, Hal. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Hal needstheroutine 2014-01-06 12:23 pm UTC (link)
	You know better than most I think, what he is. What he is capable of...his prefrances are...famed. I dont know what I can say except I wanted to be better. For you. For us. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 01:19 pm UTC (link)
	I don't need to know the details. Still a ghost over here, remember? You wanted to be better, and made it a thousand times worse. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Alex needstheroutine 2014-01-06 01:24 pm UTC (link)
	I wasn't planning to give details. I just needed you to know, it wasn't me, it wasn't what I...You're the only woman I want Alex. You should know that. And I know what he said about Katherine too. I need you to know that's not...Its you I love. I know. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 02:18 pm UTC (link)
	It felt like it was you. To me, it felt like you had gone off with someone else. Someone you could touch. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Alex needstheroutine 2014-01-06 02:22 pm UTC (link)
	Do you think any of that was about anything more than her blood? I could have made a less insulting choice. I know you think I have some manner of feeling for her. I've never felt for her as I do about you (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 02:36 pm UTC (link)
	You telling me it wasn't? Maybe. But I'm still a ghost and she's real. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Alex

needstheroutine
2014-01-06 02:42 pm UTC (link)

In the spirit of honesty. Yes, I have been attracted to her. She's...that side of me. He wanted her for himself rather desperately, to use and destroy and discard. Because that's what he does.

With me, attraction is as far as it went, and once I was with you there was nothing more to it. When I fed from her, the blood it...its all there was. Its all there could have been. Nature of the beast as it were.

Yes. But I hope that I have never lead you to believe that I cared for you any less because of your nature. Do you think that's the kind of man I am. That sex is all I crave.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 03:12 pm UTC (link)
	Of course you were, who wouldn't be. And Lauren? You know, I always knew that what we had wouldn't be enough, that I wouldn't be enough for you. Guess I was right on that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Alex

needstheroutine
2014-01-06 03:16 pm UTC (link)

Yes well.

Lauren...Some things happened. He was training her you see. Twisting her mind, turning her to be loyal to him. I...He was always good at that.

You are.

If you'd let me near you I'd prove it to you, remind you its not just Lord Harry that knows how to make a woman feel exactly what he wants them to.

We may not have what we would have if you'd never been killed but best case scenario you'd be dead at my hand or what happened to Lauren would have happened to you.

You're enough for me. I assure you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Hal

stucklikethis
2014-01-06 03:51 pm UTC (link)

You know, I used to have this stupid dream, that we'd make it through things, even though there would be him and I'm not real, we'd manage it anyway because I would be enough for you and you'd not make the same mistakes you did before.

And it wouldn't even have to be for long, just until that fucking Christmas Bauble happened and we could wish to be human and could just be together and grow old and fuck and be human.

But the Bauble didn't even fucking happen and you became him anyway and I'm still here like this.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Alex

needstheroutine
2014-01-06 04:02 pm UTC (link)

You're real. Don't do that, don't believe that. You're real.

The bauble yes. Wishes. If it comes, if it does, at any point you know I'll wish it. There's nothing I'd want more than to be human, to not have to suffer this endless hell that he causes. Not to wake up in a world he's spent 50 years tearing down around him. His own personal kingdom to rule.

500 years and its been the one thing thats kept me going, the thought that one day that might change. The cycle might stop. Leo helped, Annie, Tom...and you, you most of all. Because in all that time, in all those 5 centuries. I never imagined I could truly love another person.

Let me prove that you're real.

Let me show you that

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 04:09 pm UTC (link)
	I'm a ghost. An echo. I know you think right now that you'd wish for it. How do you plan on proving it to me? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Alex needstheroutine 2014-01-06 04:20 pm UTC (link)
	You are very real to me. What, you think I wouldn't? After what he did, after what I did? There is nothing I want more, as long as you wish it too, as long as you're with me. By proving that you can still feel. Perhaps not as ~~tangib~~ obviously but you can (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 05:06 pm UTC (link)
	~~I've barely seen anyone in weeks. No contact. Just me, alone in the woods.~~ Sure. Don't, don't put that on me. You want to be human, if the chance ever comes up, you do it regardless of what I do. I don't know if I'm ready for that. You need to earn my trust again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Alex needstheroutine 2014-01-06 06:30 pm UTC (link)
	You think I could do it without you? Alex...I don't know, you know I've never been au fait with... I'll do what I need to do. Whatever it may take (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 06:40 pm UTC (link)
	You don't get to put that kind of pressure on me any more. You don't get to count on me being your saviour. That's the thing, I don't know what it would take. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Alex needstheroutine 2014-01-06 06:43 pm UTC (link)
	It's fair. Its for me to figure out then. Its reasonable (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 07:29 pm UTC (link)
	I just don't even know any more if I can even save myself, I can't handle the pressure of needing to save someone else too. I hope you do. I don't know how, but I want you to do it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Alex needstheroutine 2014-01-06 07:47 pm UTC (link)
	But no, you're the strong one. You always have been. Please Alex. I'll figure this out. But first I need to...undo some plans as it were. I had not lain idle (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hal stucklikethis 2014-01-06 07:56 pm UTC (link)
	I'm so strong I've spent the past couple of months in the woods. What did you do? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Alex needstheroutine 2014-01-06 08:19 pm UTC (link)
	Because of me. It's the wolves. He had a plan for the wolves. Shouldn't be suprising (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)