InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Oh, look, a cockroach."

murderbot (secunit) wrote in valloic,
@ 2022-12-02 09:28:00

Entry tags:

!: network post, temp character: cole cassidy, ₴ inactive: gretchen cutler, ₴ inactive: lee thompkins, ₴ inactive: morgan yu, ₴ inactive: murderbot, ₴ inactive: sabrina spellman

Seasons greetings motherfuckers. It's that time of year again. That magical time when you all party too hard engaging in social obligations and find yourself tottering with your higher judgment totally fucked. Year three. Let's go:

As we near the holiday season, I'll remind you:
Do not drink too much.
Because I know you will, as (most) of you are human and stupid, and drinking too much is how you demonstrate cheer without having to rely on creativity, when you drink too much and you are worried about getting home...

Contact me to get you there safely.
I am responsible, discreet, and used to having humans leak mysterious fluids of all kinds on me.
I am also not sexually interested in you, unlike Todd from Accounting.
I will ensure that you reach home without incident and will annoy you until you drink at least three glasses of water.
Unless:
You want to talk about your feelings, my feelings, or some other person's feelings. I don't care.
You hit on me, flirt with me, or touch me inappropriately. I find human sexual interaction disgusting AF.
You insult me or behave rudely. I don't fucking put up with that. This is a free service. Behave like something better than your species.

Thank you and stay safe.
Unless I don't like you, in which case, die in a snowbank.

Don't fuck yourself up this holiday season or I'll do it for you. And a happy New Year or whatever.

Now. What fuckery does this weird-ass planet have planned for us this holiday?

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

secunit
2022-12-02 04:17 pm UTC (link)

Everyone knows a Todd from Accounting, even if they don't know the Todd from Accounting. He sucks. Self-inflicted inebriation, however dumb, is not consent.

[ Gretchen ]
How is he? I think Morgan's been doing better the last week or so. He made a joke about the Void which I think is progress, even if it's sort of having a house blow away in a hurricane and you mop what remains of the kitchen kind-of-progress.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

unlovable
2022-12-02 04:24 pm UTC (link)

The label I worked at had a Chad from Accounting. He and Todd will be besties in hell.

murderbot.
Shit, I honestly don't know? I'm about as oblivious to the subtleties of human emotion as you so I'm probably not the best to ask. But time heals all and all that shit so I'm sure it'll be fine, eventually. Until some other fresh hell sneaks up on all of us and suddenly stuck in void facing your own mortality over and over again seems like a walk in the park.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	secunit 2022-12-02 04:48 pm UTC (link)
	Fuck Chad. Fuck the Chad and Todd alliance. [Gretchen] I'm afraid to ask this because ew, but how are YOU doing? You died. Humans shouldn't remember doing that. It's not ideal for their brains. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	unlovable 2022-12-02 04:52 pm UTC (link)
	Amen to that. murderbot. Humans probably aren't supposed to live in a snowglobe from hell and get stuck in some weird pocket dimension of whatever this is but here we are. I'm alright. The ratio of daytime sobriety to not is a little worse than usual but hey, not like I got much else going on for me so why the fuck not right. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Gretchen/Murderbot secunit 2022-12-02 04:58 pm UTC (link)
	Truth. Your brains are solidly fucked by now. I'm not one to really have perspective on inebriation beyond the fact it tends to make your species stupider and more aggressive, but just don't pickle yourself. I'm sorry you died. Aleksis can join Todd and Chad in hell. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Gretchen/Murderbot unlovable 2022-12-02 11:14 pm UTC (link)
	Mine's been for years but at least here I feel less like I'm the weird unfunctioning one. Until he decides to grace us all with his presence again probably. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -