Triumphant: logs, entries, media.

Death Eaters Strike Again!
Journalist Theodore Tonks killed in own home

By Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet Correspondent

LONDON - Late last night, just days after the body parts of Minister Bagnold were discovered strewn across the country, the eerie glow of the Dark Mark lit up the sky over the Tonks household, highlighting the death of yet another victim at the hands of the newly-risen Death Eaters.

Theodore 'Ted' Tonks, age 38, was discovered murdered in his residence by his wife, Andromeda. Aurors rushed to the scene after receiving Mrs Tonks's distress call. Though no official reports have yet been made, it was overheard that Ted had not been killed by the usual Killing Curse, but rather through more savage means of a slit throat and possibly poison. Upon examining the scene, officials determined the killer was able to enter the Tonks residence through a weakened point within the wards themselves, a security flaw often found in the newer magical homes favoured by non-pureblooded families.

Mr Tonks was an award-winning journalist and author, who published several long-form articles right here in the Daily Prophet. Though not overtly controversial in nature, his work often tackled humanitarian and social justice causes, particularly for muggle and magical creature rights. Perhaps his most divisive act was to marry Andromeda Black, a member of the wealthy pure-blooded Black family, which resulted in the latter's banishment and disowned status. Many pure bloods believe it was this forbidden love that had started the famous family's implosion.

His only child, daughter Nymphadora Tonks, a first-year Auror trainee at the Ministry, was not spotted at the scene of the crime, though undoubtedly she is in a prime position to hear the gruesome details of her father's murder--perhaps at the hands of her notorious Aunt?

***

Learn from Tonks's mistake and keep your perimeter wards up to date! This week's advice column includes several tips on how to create an impenetrable defence for your home and stay safe.

Subscribe to Rita Skeeter's magical journal for all the latest breaking news, magical gossip, hot style trends, decorating tips, and relationship advice!

Rita Skeeter is an award-winning journalist, author, and icon. Her latest book Sirius Black: From Black to Blacklisted is the #1 bestseller in the Witch Weekly Book List. Look for your copy in all reputable magical bookstores.

Gruesome Slaying of Minister Bagnold Shocks Britain

By Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet Correspondent

LONDON - Less than one day after Albus Dumbledore's well-received town hall style appearance, citisens of magical Britain awoke to a gruesome sight this morning when the human body parts were discovered at prominent magical landmarks. The body parts were later identified to be those of Minister Millicent Bagnold, who was finishing her final 30 days in office.

Witnesses report finding Bagnold's head in the Ministry's Atrium fountains, arms in the Three Broomsticks, and legs in front of Ollivander's. There are no leads as to what's happened to the rest of her, though.

While details of the gruesome slaying are almost too terrible to discuss (will one ever be able to enjoy a nice beverage in the Three Broomsticks without thinking about where those hacked off limbs had been?), but Ministry officials are taking special interest in the Ollivander's crime scene where the killer left a nefarious fiery message:

DUMBLEDORE LIES. MAGIC LIVES.

More astute readers may recall this message from some weeks ago when our esteemed Daily Prophet issue was crudely vandalised with these exact words. It is safe to say, dear readers, that whomever wrote the damning message is also the Minister's killer.

It is difficult to consider the reasons for why Bagnold killed so brutally. If one were to consider political ambitions...well, it is true Bagnold already had one foot out the door and posed little threat to her political rivals, but could our current and suspected candidates have been motivated to kill Bagnold for other reasons? It is not beyond the realm of possibility to ponder if Rufus Scrimegour, Head of the Department for Magical Law Enforcement and newly-announced candidate for Minister, could have engineered such a crime to demonstrate his leadership abilities (and to perhaps take some attention away from how poorly the DMLE has been faring against rising Death Eater attacks).

But it cannot be ignored, that stark, terror-inducing message. It suggests that the killer has no great love lost for Albus Dumbledore and will go to dramatic lengths to make sure his message is heard. Make no doubt about it, dear readers, this is the work of a very dangerous extremist, and do we know many of those? Death Eaters? Bellatrix Lestrange? Perhaps. Yet a simple review of recent history would show that this work is simply not the Death Eaters' style.

So, no, my readers, I don't think it could have been the work of Death Eaters at all. Could it be, perhaps, the man who fooled the magical world into thinking he was dead for nearly a decade and then returned with a soapbox speech railing against Dumbledore on a day usually reserved for joyous celebration? Those are not the actions of a sane, reasonable individual, are they?

***

Readers, do you think you know who the killer is? Share your thoughts right here!

Subscribe to Rita Skeeter's magical journal for all the latest breaking news, magical gossip, hot style trends, decorating tips, and relationship advice!

Rita Skeeter is an award-winning journalist, author, and icon. Her latest book Sirius Black: From Black to Blacklisted is still the #1 bestseller in the Witch Weekly Book List. Look for your copy in all reputable magical bookstores.

Ministry Announces New 'Gelato Socials'
'We have lost our way,' says Minister Bagnold

By Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet Correspondent

LONDON - In an effort to expand the sense of community among witches and wizards of the United Kingdom, Minister Bagnold today announced the government's new initiative of hosting free 'gelato socials' in the Atrium of the Ministry of Magic every Tuesday evening at 18.00.

"The magical community is a small but caring community. We look after our own," said Bagnold in an earlier announcement today. "Lately, we may have lost sight of this fact. Subnationals have threatened not only our collective safety, but the very fabric of our common sense of decency, morality and greater good. Let us defy these efforts of subversion. Let us come together and reignite our bonds of kinship with each other. Let us learn to trust each other once more and show the world what makes us so great."

The gelato offerings will come in 12 flavours to suit every discerning palate and is being specially created by Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour for the occasion.

The inaugural social will be held tonight and will include a special performance by the critically acclaimed Knights of the Round Table circus troupe.

***

The Ministry's new weekly 'gelato socials' may help promote a greater sense of community, but let's not forget how much it also promotes a greater expansions of our waist lines! Pick up this week's latest issue of Witch Weekly to learn how Rita stays slim and trim.

Subscribe to Rita Skeeter's magical journal for all the latest breaking news, magical gossip, hot style trends, decorating tips, and relationship advice!

Rita Skeeter is an award-winning journalist, author, and icon. Her latest book Sirius Black: From Black to Blacklisted is the #1 bestseller in the Witch Weekly Book List. Look for your copy in all reputable magical bookstores.

Sometimes I just don't know what to say about the world we live in.

Skeeter, you can take your NEW addendum and shove it up your undoubtedly bleached arsehole. No doubt its depths are more impressive than your so-called deep investigative findings.

Added later.
[ REGULUS ]

Unicorns and defilement. What's up with that?

Unicorns Slaughtered and Mutilated in Hogsmeade
Dumbledore saves 3 children from similar fate

By Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet Correspondent

Hogsmeade - Just one week after several buildings were damaged by an intentional fire, more horror fell upon Hogsmeade when three Hogwarts students unexpectedly stumbled upon the scene of a gruesome crime taking place: a shadowy creature who had killed, drained, and mutilated three unicorns near the woods.

As the offender was about to undoubtedly commit something similar to our young witnesses, rescue came in a form of none other than Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, vanquisher of Dark Lords and recent subject of various burning effigies witnessed in Hogsmeade, Brighton and York at the instigation of the allegedly alive James Potter.

"I don't know what that thing was, but I had never felt so scared in all my life," said Adriadne Vane, Hufflepuff, age 17, one of the students in peril. "It was making these...these slurping sounds, like it was drinking that poor unicorn's blood. Who would do something like that to such beautiful animals? And then when that thing saw us and was going to jump at Terrence [Brown, Hufflepuff, age 17]. I thought we were done for. But Dumbledore saved us! He cast a spell so powerful, there was a bright white light that surrounded that dark thing and trapped it. I don't know what happened next. Professor McGonagall brought us back to Hogwarts. I can't remember much else. We must have been in shock!"

Ministry investigators later reported the unicorns had had their blood entirely drained, and tails and horns removed. Experts say unicorn parts is often an ingredient in many powerful and Dark potions, curses and, of course, wand cores.

The Ministry has yet to say what has happened to this mysterious wraith after capture, what it was exactly and what the creature's intent was for the unicorns.

Subscribe to Rita Skeeter's magical journal for all the latest breaking news, magical gossip, hot style trends, decorating tips, and relationship advice!

Are you READY, Skeeter fans? Sirius Black: From Black to Blacklisted drops on 1 June with a NEW addendum in light of recent events! Did James Potter and Sirius Black conspire to murder Lily Evans and her young son, Harry? Find out all about Rita's deep investigative findings! Reserve your copy today and get a FREE autographed photograph!

Rita Skeeter is an award-winning journalist, author, and icon. Her next book Sirius Black: From Black to Blacklisted will be released on 1 June, a scintillating exposé on one of the Black Family's most infamous members who is best known for betraying and murdering his best friend James Potter and his family. Look for it in all reputable magical bookstores.

Who | Bellatrix Lestrange, Evan Rosier, Rabastan Lestrange & you.
Where | Diagon Alley, just outside of Gringott's Bank
When | Approximately 5:00 PM
What | The Dark Lord requires an object, and his faithful are sent to retrieve it

Feel free to use this post to tag in, thread or otherwise explore this plot point.

****

The countercurse meant to slow the replicating charm to a dull crawl having been uttered, and Hufflepuff's cup having been retrieved, meant that the only obstacle left to overcome was a swift and unhasty exit. Bellatrix, indeed, knew that their disguises were quite done and that the goblins (because they were clever, nasty little beasts) would have alerted the Aurors. Fighting one's way out of anywhere was sure to get the blood up, and as she looked to her companions she smiled beatifically. Ready if you are, gentlemen.

The door flung open, and she crossed the threshold onto the street below.

Then, with her wand aloft, her smile became a snarl.

"Hello."

I can't say how much I appreciate the recent role-switching at the Daily Prophet. It really speaks to a mood of co-operation, team spirit and generosity. It isn't about promoting your own name, after all, it's about making sure the public gets the best information from the best source. So I'm very glad to see Rita's recent foray into the art of the human interest story. We have so many elderly witches and wizards in care homes, I think it's so important for people to check in on them sometimes and see how their days are going, whether they've had any nice events or exciting visitors lately. Congratulations, Rita. I didn't think my opinion of you could get any higher.

Bellatrix Lestrange's Secret Bleeding Heart
Is the cruel fugitive Death Eater trying to change her ways -- or just her image?

By Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet Correspondent

LONDON - Yesterday, a muggle hospice found themselves in the presence of a famous figure of sorts -- even if they didn't quite know it. Yes, readers, The Daily Prophet has learned that infamous Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange, fresh on the heels of breaking out Great Britain's most wanted Death Eaters, made an anonymous donation to St Agatha's, one of the more decrepit elderly care homes in England, to the tune of thousands of galleons.

"Bellatrix Lestrange, was that her name then? Peculiar, but beautiful, just like her gentle, willowy spirit and wondrous smile!" said Robert Flynn, director of operations for St Agatha's, appearing a bit dreamy-eyed over the Death Eater responsible for the torture and murder of several witches and wizards. "Miss Lestrange's generous gift was only matched by the time and spirit with which she spent with our patients. Why, when good ol' Errol had a bit of an accident -- as these types often do, you know -- she even volunteered to clean it up! If only we had more caring souls like Bella here, our world would be a better place."

Indeed, as these muggle photos depict, Bellatrix spent the afternoon conversing and canoodling with muggle senior men (perhaps it's been a little too long since the death of her hubby) and participating in various card games with the female set.

Readers, is this just another ploy or is Bellatrix turning over a new leaf? What do her fellow Death Eater compatriots think of their leader's secret passion, and will they follow suit? Death Eaters rescuing kittens from trees? Saving goldfish from burning buildings?


Subscribe to Rita Skeeter's magical journal for all the latest breaking news, magical gossip, hot style trends, decorating tips, and relationship advice!

Rita Skeeter is an award-winning journalist, author, and icon. Her next book Sirius Black: From Black to Blacklisted will be released in June, a scintillating exposé on one of the Black Family's most infamous members who is best known for betraying and murdering his best friend James Potter and his family. Look for it in all reputable magical bookstores.

My darling readers,

Tune into the National News Service on 4 May to hear Yours Truly participate in a riveting panel discussion with Ministry officials and other celebrity experts on recent events. You'll hear the Ministry's response to my hard-hitting questions and learn the truth once and for all.

After the panel, stay on for my exclusive interview with Cherrywick Vanderpucker -- the HOTTEST new designer on the scene. He'll tell you what's in for summer and why it's okay to splurge just a little for a good quality wand cosy. His latest collection can currently be seen at Madame Malkin's.

Hugs & Kisses,
Rita

[Private]

Ugh. Whatever about Potter. Obviously some prat who thinks he's starring in Les Misérables.

The greater injustice is here that I got scooped by a dippy biscuit who doesn't know what a lede is. I can't BELIEVE this!

Well, the full moon is over, and tomorrow is May Day! I'm pretty excited, for real. Apparently I'll be out and about in Oxford in the morning for some hard-boiled journalism, then I might have to poll everyone to see where the best place to spend the afternoon is. Hogsmeade usually has pretty good celebrations, it can be kind of crowded though. Not so great for us shorties. I'll have to be sure and wear something really brightly coloured so I don't get completely lost in the crowds (might even make Tilden piggy-back me, shh).

Kind of a pain when it happens on a Tuesday or Thursday though. Being in the office for one day with the weekend on one side and fun and excitement on the other? That's just cruel. I guess it would be worse if I got the whole day off, but even so, it doesn't really feel like work, does it?

Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I was contemplating recent events as I took tea this morning and naturally I simply had to read the leaves. Concentrating one's mind on a subject does give such clear readings. But oh dear, what terrible things I saw in the leaves! A deer being chased by a rat and a dog. Oh, how I shudder. Quarrels and disputes leading to treachery and adverse conditions. As terrible as the news has been so far, it will only get worse!

How can I assist in the investigation?

Werewolf Breaks Into Ministry
Ministry Worker Dead; Fearsome Fenrir Greyback a Suspect

By Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet Correspondent

LONDON - On Monday morning, the Ministry of Magic experienced a second blow to its security when a man -- or should I say beast? -- suspected to be the terrifying werewolf Fenrir Greyback allegedly broke into the venerable institution and stole the Werewolf Registry Book after killing Ministry Worker Ian Bassenthwaite, aged 33, and using the victim's wand to gain illegitimate access to the department.

When contacted for an official statement, the Ministry has refused to acknowledge my questions, stating that while a possible security breach has occurred, it was still too early in the investigation.

However, my reputable sources inside the Ministry say that the DMLE is treating Bassenthwaite's missing as a status. Why? While Bassenthwaite's body has yet to be found, a bag of human teeth were left at the scene of the crime. Forensics report the teeth as belonging to the victim. Investigators are calling the crime "horrifying" and "absolutely brutal and completely lacking in any humanity whatsoever."

As we all know, Greyback was the leader for You-Know-Who's Dark Army. During the war, Greyback led hundreds of dark magical creatures to attack muggle and magical villages across Great Britain. Men, women, and children were tortured, killed, and even eaten. Worse still were the ones who were turned and converted to the Dark Lord's purposes. Fenrir Greyback was able to evade capture at the end of the war, and until recently, his whereabouts were unknown. As for what Greyback will use the stolen Registry remains to be seen, but doubtless we can all make some very intelligent guesses.

Readers, this latest werewolf attack is one of the more brutal ones we've seen yet in an alarming trend of escalating werewolf violence. The fact that these events occurred in broad daylight -- forget the full moon -- begs the question: are werewolves really just murderous beasts camouflaged in human skin? Does the full moon merely reveal what these creatures truly are? Werewolf Rights activists would heartily protest such insinuations, but the fact of the matter is this: rarely have we seen this level of brutality in intelligent, morally conscious witches and wizards.

Furthermore, why isn't the Ministry doing more to protect us from these dangerous creatures?

A secretary at the Ministry who wished to remain anonymous reports that Werewolf sympathies may be originating from within. More specifically, this source points some of the blame at Aurors such as Benjamin Fenwick, a senior Auror whose kill rate would suggest a parallel affinity with the more violent werewolf methods. Fenwick is rumoured to be psychologically unstable and an alcoholic. Rumours also suggest Fenwick was heavily engaged in acts of uncondoned vigilantism and has had known associations with other werewolves such as Remus Lupin (a former associate of convicted murderer Sirius Black).

There are only two days left until the full moon, readers, and the wolves are howling at our door.

###

Subscribe to Rita Skeeter's magical journal for all the latest breaking news you need to know (and what no one else will tell you!), magical gossip, hot style trends, decorating tips, and relationship advice!

Rita Skeeter is an award-winning journalist, author, and icon. Her next book Sirius Black: From Black to Blacklisted will be released in June, a scintillating exposé on one of the Black Family's most infamous members who is best known for betraying and murdering his best friend James Potter and his family. Look for it in all reputable magical bookstores.

Does the DMLE Have a Drink Problem?
A certain loudmouthed Auror has been frequently spotted at downscale pubs consuming frankly alarming amounts of poor quality alcohol. "Oi, that [name redacted] Ministry tosser's a regular," says one eyewitness. "Prolly keepin' em solely in business at this point. Also, they water down their ale!" A pending investigation into whether or not pubs have correct liquor licences. This isn't the first time we've heard about Aurors imbibing more than they should. Do we, readers, feel pity for this dwindling department whose stubborn remaining members are becoming increasingly irrelevant, an existential problem that is clearly driving the more weak-willed to substance abuse? Or do we feel outrage that we fund these irresponsible Ministry workers? Chime in with your opinions!

Back at it Again
Our favourite convicted murderer reveals more about his childhood of torturing magical creatures. While word has it he still converses and even takes tea with his equally infamous cousin, a certain feared Death Eater at large! With our gentleman murderer's intimate familiarity with the prison and our terrifying Death Eater's fugitive status and brazen loyalty to You-Know-Who, these names are sure to top the Ministry's list of suspects in the recent Azkaban breakout. Who do you think is responsible behind the breakout, readers?

Where's the Exterminator?
The uptick in werewolf animal attacks amongst rural Britain has culminated in the brutal slaughter of a foal said to be valued at 50.000 galleons, the spawn of famous winged racers Wind Beneath My Wings and Luck Be A Lady. Witnesses say owner Madsen Grapplehorn is positively fuming over the loss of his massive investment and infuriated by the incompetent protections provided by the ranch at which the foal was being raised. Werewolves are required to ingest Wolfsbane Potion for every full moon, but there is hardly much enforcement of the law, action is only taken after a crime has occurred, and more often than not, the beast gets away with it due to the time elapsed between the crime and its discovery. Is the Ministry doing enough to protect her citisens against this beastly blight? As we all know, prevention is the KEY to reducing criminal activity. Do you have any werewolf stories to share?

Hogwarts: Smuggling Source?
You'd think education wouldn't be so controversial, but a recent scandal has rocked Hogwarts with the revelation of a certain professor who was caught reselling valuable ingredients (grown in Hogwarts' very own greenhouse!) to underground potions brewers. Said professor has been sacked and then swiftly arrested, with a full investigation pending into what promises to be an extensive underground black market. What an embarrassing turn of events for the school and its staff! How many of them were complicit, do you think, readers? Parents across the nation are said to be absolutely outraged.

Approximately five minutes into any given visit home some variation on this conversation is bound to happen:

Mum: Have you set a date yet?
Me: Winter.
Mum: This winter?
Me: Any winter.
Mum: dramatic speeches about old maids and adorable grandbabies and whatnot.

I mean, Tilden would make adorable grandbabies, she does have a point there. But it's sort of fun to make her stew. Meanwhile I'm getting paid to go to Kneazle shows. High profile, no. Super fun day at the office, definitely. Currently covered in fur mind you and some of the purebred Kneazles were a bit frisky with their claws - hot tip, if you plan to do this, visit the purebred cages first. Apparently they'll flip out if you have a million other cat smells on you. That courtesy of the very nice man at the entrance. Anyway it's a three day event so look for the details in tomorrow morning's Prophet under the photo of me holding an enormous grey thing.

On a more serious note, I did think maybe the Azkaban escapees would have been caught by now. There's a lot of newsroom rumours of course but none of them seem particularly more credible than the others. Obviously the Aurors would want to keep any real information secret so Lestrange and Rosier don't get advance warning but the silence is extremely unnerving. Here's hoping for a quick resolution.

Rita Skeeter still uses her bio to promote her 'biographical' drivel: Some things don't change.

[Warded: Narcissa]

Draco will be home for Easter I presume - Would you like for him to have tutelage during this time?

Before Skee anyone asks: No. Fucking. Comment.

Though I want it on the record the Scrimgeour pays for his robes out of his pocket and not our funding and if that line gets our budget cut again you scum-sucking road whore I swear I will

[Marly]

Should've saved the drinking for tonight, I guess.

How terrible to hear of the attack on Azkaban. It has kept us quite busy through the night. I would have hoped in this day and age and after all the work the Ministry has done that we would be spared the depredations of lunatics. My sympathies, of course, go out to the families of the two Aurors. I am sure they are comforted by the thought that their loved ones died in sartorial splendour.

This is a very sad day for the DMLE. It's been quite a while since anyone's died on the job, losing two in one night is nothing short of a tragedy. Flitwick, Farthing, and the staff recuperating at St Mungo's fought bravely and did their duty.

I have complete faith that our Aurors will catch the escapees and anyone who may have helped them, though. Anyone who thinks they know something useful ought to report it immediately. Otherwise, try not to panic. It's important to remember that everything is different now - Rosier and Lestrange do not have large groups of powerful friends to go to. They cannot afford to attack people indiscriminately. Be sensible and be safe.

[Private]
Merlin. I haven't thought about Rabastan in so long. I never really talked to him in school, but... the idea that I sat in the same class as him when we were kids is so surreal. I hope they get caught soon.