I have a pair of Cybermen.

I think they're... dead? Deactivated? What's the appropriate word for the result of their electrics being shorted out thanks to a lightning bolt in their heads.

What should I do with these tin cans?

Hello.

So, I managed to capture one of the "silver rats" that have been running around.  I'm afraid to say, that they are what I feared they would be.

Cybermats, the advanced guard of the Cybermen.  Scouts if you will.  I suspect that they have detected the rift's activity, and have sent the cybermats to investigate.  Which would probably why they'd be investigating you.  You've all been through the rift, and therefore would give off a certain type of energy signature.  Only detectable by some of the most advanced technology. 

But, I wanted to warn you all.  If the cybermats are here, then the cybermen will be on their way.  And nothing good can come of that.  They cannot be reasoned with.  They will either try to convert you, or kill you.  And believe me, you will not have a choice in the conversion process.  They're cybernetically augmented humanoids.  With no individuality or emotion.

I'm so sorry, so very sorry that you've been dragged into this mess.  But, you need to be prepared.  They cannot be killed by 20th century guns, although it will damage them.  One of their greatest weaknesses is gold.  I believe that UNIT have developed gold tipped arrows in order to combat them.  So, I will organise getting some of those for everyone that wants them.

If you have any questions, please do feel free to ask them.

You know what sucks? A heatwave when you have a few hundred volts of electricity under your skin all the time. I thought London was supposed to be cold and raining, isn't that what the media always says? Not made of all the heat and this damn humidity on top of that. And why does this country fail when it comes to air-conditioning? Most places don't even seem to have it at all! My head is pounding and I kinda need to get my body temperature down pretty much now before I make all the electrics short out.

[FILTERED TO LINDSEY]

I am so uncomfortable right now, distract me?

[FILTERED TO ELSA]

Don't suppose there's anything you can do, is there?

So, in other news, what exactly are we supposed to be doing here?

I mean, finding jobs is obviously out of the question, so where are we getting our funds?

Okay, I'm going to try something here.

My name is Gwen Raiden. And I am a freak. I am electrokinetic which means I generate and manipulate electricity. I could cause this entire city to have a power cut, or cause a lightning storm, and I can't touch people without killing them. By the time I was five years old I had killed four nannies and two gardeners.

That's just who I am. It's how I was born. I'm telling you guys this to show that I'm a potential danger too and I'm fully expecting UNIT to start freaking out about me now that I've admitted this. I've also got experience with vampires, werewolves, demons and lawyers. I actually tend to get on better with some of them than normal people much of the time. But the fact remains that they are dangerous. Many of us are.

So I'm suggesting a very simple set of rules for us all to live by. No matter what race or species we are.

• No killing people.
• No attacking people.
• No mind controlling people.

Beyond that, hey, let us all live and let live, yeah? Seem fair?

Right.

So, Vampires. Yes I'm aware there are quite a few of you. Many of whom I'm very aware of the powers of. I looked you up. Reading, research, wonderful thing.

Now I shan't 'out' you as it were. Frightfully rude. But then some of you are in stories here, so I wouldn't rely on anonymity.

Anyway, my point. Rules. There will need to be rules on your feeding. I've met vampires. Tried to sacrifice me. Not a huge fan I'll admit. But if you're willing to be sensible we can work something out.

Normally I'd expect this kind of crap to be caused by The Trickster.  But, he'd normally have shown up to gloat by now.

But, curiosity got the better of me.  I had to know if I was fictional too.

And what the freaking hell.  My name is Dean Winchester, and I'm freaking fictional, man.

Never sure why people are so fond of this damn city. So far the beer is wrong, its stupidly expensive everywhere and lawyers have to wear stupid wigs.

I briefly considered seeing about getting ID and passing some kind of bar here but I have no idea how I'd even begin to go about that.

[Raiden]

You doing okay babe?

I have found the upside of being fictional! Things like this exist online!

Lindsey, we're fictional. We're from a fucking TV show.

And it's not even about us. It's about him.

And I'm only in three fucking episodes.

Please, is it possible I can get a room or place by myself. Far from others. I already lost control when I arrived. I don't want to hurt anyone. And what if they come after me? Like the Duke and the others?

Firstly I would like to apologise to you all for this rift business. We're going to fix it, return you all, return me to death or It shouldn't be too awfully long. Until then we will find somewhere for you all to stay.

There are some here that know London quite well yes? I'm sadly not one of them but we'll work that out with the Doctor..s.

My name is Romanadvoratrelunder. Its easiest to go with Romana of course. I am of the same people as the Doctor and between us we should make short work of this.

So, go explore London? Consider it a holiday perhaps? We shall keep you updated on our progress.

Okay. Not what I was expecting. I say "Wolfram and Hart" you lot say....?