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Tweak says, "you sank my battleship!"

Rachel (rchelberry) wrote in nyadas,
@ 2013-10-01 12:51:00

Who:Anyone in NYC
What:50s themed Ice Cream Party!
When:The night after the chat
Where:Rachel and Kurts Apartment
Rating:N/A
Status:Open to all/threading

Although the idea had started out randomly, it had seemed like so much fun! So they had run with it, and she was really looking forward to having everyone over for the night. She knew it was going to be a lot of fun. She had gone out with Kurt earlier to pick up the stuff for their outfits as well as to stock up on Ice Cream, drinks and anything else they might need.

She had spent a while getting ready after she got home, because even a party at her own apartment required her to look good! It was essential. She had managed to find the dress she had found online the night before and when she had put it on, she felt amazing. She loved it! She checked her reflection in the mirror, smoothing the dress and admired the fabulous hair and make up job that Kurt had done on her.

She set about making sure everything was ready, everyone should start arriving soon and she couldn't wait!

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hjclarington
2013-10-02 02:07 am UTC (link)

"It's perfect," Hunter replied, accepting the beer from Rachel. "Thank you, Rachel." He immediately took a sip of the beverage, sighing at the feeling of the cold liquid rolling down his throat. This was going to be a good party after all.

With that Rachel took him to the couch and motioned for him to sit, which he did without hesitation. It was still a little strange, sitting down with this person he barely knew, but it didn't feel nearly as uncomfortable and he thought it might. "That kid is full of talents," Hunter remarked in reference to Kurt. "Must be awesome to live with him. Sebastian and I don't cook at all. My culinary skills extended to two or three desserts and that's about it."

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rchelberry
2013-10-02 07:21 am UTC (link)

"He is," she agreed with a nod, "though I do a lot of the actual cooking around here. He's more into baking, but that is just fine with me because his cookies are amazing, you'll try them later, he and Jeff made them earlier," she said with a chuckle. "What desserts do you make?" she asked him, because hey, there was nothing wrong with being able to make desserts, as many girls would agree, they were the best part of the meal!

"What's it like living with Sebastian?" she asked him, "I'm still getting to know him too, really, we've only spoken a few times but he seems a lot more, frankly, he seems nicer than he used to be."

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hjclarington
2013-10-03 02:55 pm UTC (link)

Hunter nodded as Rachel spoke about Kurt and his culinary expertise, and her own as well, sipping his beer as he listened. "Well, notably I make a pretty mean bananas foster," Hunter said with a grin. "I can also make a pretty decent fruit tart. I had a nanny when I lived in Paris that let me cook with her, and she sent me some recipes when I was in junior high."

"He is nicer than he used to be," Hunter answered Rachel's query about Sebastian. "He mellowed out a lot when I came in and took over at Dalton. And coming to New York has grounded him, I think. Small fish in a big pond, which I think he needed. I'm drowning a bit here, but he's really flourishing. And he's helping me out a whole lot, figuring myself out, getting used to the city, stuff like that."

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rchelberry
2013-10-03 03:15 pm UTC (link)

She listened to him, nodding her head, she could have spoken more about desserts and trivial things, but that was not the important part of that conversation. The words that followed were. "Why do you feel like you're drowning?" she asked him, biting her lip, "i've spoken to Quinn, she's told me some things but i'm not judging anything. I figure you must be having a pretty tough time right now, and that whole drowning thing could be the centre of it. Maybe someone neutral to talk to could be just what you need?" she suggested with a friendly smile.

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hjclarington
2013-10-03 03:21 pm UTC (link)

Hunter opened his mouth when Rachel mentioned Quinn, but shut it again immediately. He looked down at the beer in his hands, but didn't really see it. "Yeah," he finally said, lifting his eyes to Rachel's again. "It's not an easy situation. And it really is my fault that things are so tangled up."

He sighed, wanting to take a sip of his beer to have something to do with his hands, but not really feeling in the mood to drink anymore. "What did Quinn tell you?" he asked, tone not accusatory at all, his voice soft. "So I know what you know before I expound on the subject."

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rchelberry
2013-10-03 03:27 pm UTC (link)

She reached out and gave his hand a friendly squeeze, "just that you two had been hanging out, but you'd told her some stuff about you and Sebastian," she kept her voice soft, then paused for a moment and stood, motioning for him to follow her. This wasn't the kind of conversation any of the other guests should overhear, Hunter was having a hard time, and if he needed to talk, he should know that he could trust her to not just tell everyone. Making sure he followed, she went to her room and closed the door behind them and sat on the little ottoman at the foot of her bed. "Hunter, I promise, i'm not judging you or anyone here, I could tell the other day on the small conversation we had that you were having a rough time."

She sighed, pausing for a moment before continuing, "we don't know each other very well, but Glee club rivalries are history now, I just see someone who needs someone to talk to. I'm not taking any sides, I don't want to see anyone get hurt," she turned her lips up in a slight smile then and chuckled, trying to make the situation a bit lighter, "but you and Quinn should probably avoid late night meet ups for a bit."

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hjclarington
2013-10-03 03:34 pm UTC (link)

Hunter was still surprised by every kind gesture Rachel paid to him, not because he didn't think she was the sort of person who would do something like that, but because he didn't feel remotely like he deserved it. He followed her when she got up, and hesitated a second when they entered her room, feeling a little like he shouldn't be there, in her space like that.

But once she sat, he forced himself to relax. He grabbed the chair that was tucked under her desk and swung it around to face her, sitting down and setting his beer aside. He tried to laugh at Rachel's comment, but it just made his guts twist up inside him, fresh guilt flooding into his heart.

"What, uh. What did she tell you about the other night?" he asked, the words feeling sticky in his throat.

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rchelberry
2013-10-03 03:38 pm UTC (link)

"Well she didn't go into detail, don't worry. I didn't need all of that," she assured him with a smile, bringing him here had been the only place she could ensure privacy to talk, so he shouldn't feel awkward. "She told me you slept together, that was it. I think kinda like that, she's a bit confused by the whole thing, doesn't really know what to do or what to think," she told him. "She doesn't hate you, you know. In case you've got it into your head that she'll hate you for this situation, she doesn't, don't think she could. But this is about you, right now. Not Quinn."

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hjclarington
2013-10-03 03:54 pm UTC (link)

Hunter shifted in his chair as Rachel spoke, not feeling uncomfortable exactly about the subject matter, but not really knowing how to talk about it himself. He swallowed, wringing his hands in his lap.

"I..." he started, then closed his eyes for a moment. "Thank you for saying that. Because I am a little worried about her hating me. Though not as worried as I am about hurting her. That's the last thing I want to do, especially after everything." He shook his head.

"I really like her, Rachel," he admitted, a passionate weight behind the words. "When I'm with her I feel so... Light," he tried to explain. "Like she's the sun and I'm coming alive in her warmth. I want to hold her and protect her and keep her close so no one can ever hurt her again."

As he finished, the buoyancy in him deflated, and he slumped back. "It's not confusing when I think about it," he says, meeting Rachel's eyes and hoping she might understand. "It's not like yin and yang, black and white. She touches something in me, we have a connection. But..." He bit his lower lip and shook his head again. "He does too. I have that with him too."

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rchelberry
2013-10-03 04:00 pm UTC (link)

She listened to him patiently, intently, just letting him get it out, not interrupting. She understood what he meant, she knew what it was to feel that passionate about someone, to be confused and not know how to choose between two people that you cared for. It wasn't easy. She had to smile a little at his description of the feelings because she'd been there herself. "How did the whole thing with Sebastian come about?" she asked him, not refraining from saying his name, it wouldn't help or change anything.

"Obviously, that particular situation isn't one i've been in, but you know who my friends are, i've seen them go through it. And it's ok you know, to not to be sure. You don't have to be one or the other," she assured him. "But maybe it'll help to talk about how you got involved in both situations romantically?"

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hjclarington
2013-10-03 04:15 pm UTC (link)

"He asked me to move in with him," Hunter replied with a laugh, knowing how it sounded when he put it that way. "When I moved out here I found out he was at Columbia too. I got to talking to him and he found out I was living on campus and offered me a room in his apartment.

"He's been hitting on me since I met him," Hunter went on. "In Ohio I found it mildly annoying and mostly ignored it, because I figured he was just trying to push my buttons. And back then I was still trying to decide if I was bi or gay or whatever. I wasn't really interested in experimenting; I just did a lot of introspection."

Pausing, Hunter reached out and grabbed his beer, taking a drink. "We just... talked. Once I moved in with him, we really started talking. And we clicked. I can say right now that he's my best friend, that I don't know what I'd do without him. We were talking one day and he told me that he liked me, that he really always had, and we decided to go on a date. Quinn and I intentionally tried to stay casual, and I thought there was no harm in seeing what it would be like, going out with another boy. And it was nice, being with him, but not because of what he was. Because of who he is. I feel so safe and comfortable and unafraid with him."

Hunter smiled, but it was sort of an empty expression. "It's not about sexual conquest," he finally said, just wanted to be clear. "It really is just all about connecting with someone. When I first started talking to Quinn I had no plans at all of dating her. She was clearly still hurting and getting over things with Puck and I just wanted to make her smile. And then we met in person, there was this instant draw. I found that I could tell her anything, that being with her made me feel so happy. I wanted to be close to her and hold her hand, I wanted to compliment her and see her blush. I still do. I can't help being pulled toward her."

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rchelberry
2013-10-03 04:22 pm UTC (link)

"Sounds like Sebastian," she laughed when he talked about how the other boy had continuously hit on him, it didn't surprise her. Oh yeah, she'd had her issues with him in the past, but things were mellowing now, and even her memories of him before now reminded her of how he could be. He was definitely a flirt. She grinned at him, "I sometimes wonder if they put something in the food at Dalton," she teased, trying to keep things a little light every now and then.

But she did turn serious again almost immediately as she listened to more of his words. "I never thought it was about that," she assured him. "If it was, you wouldn't be beating yourself up over it," she pointed out. "I guess what you need to figure out is do you feel romantically towards Sebastian in the way you do about Quinn? He;s your best friend, and he understands you and if your sexuality is something you've questioned then he would be someone who could help you with that, absolutely," she nodded. "And it's ok to be bisexual, but even if you are, you still need to decide what one of them it is you would want an actual relationship with. Which one makes your heart beat a million miles a minute? That you wish you could spend every second of every day with?"

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hjclarington
2013-10-03 04:40 pm UTC (link)

Hunter tipped back the rest of his beer as Rachel steered the conversation to its inevitable conclusion; she wasn't the first person who had given him this sort of advice. With a hard swallow, he set the bottle aside and crossed his arms over his chest, curling in on himself a little.

"I'm not questioning anymore," he said, looking directly into Rachel's eyes so she could see how serious he was being. "It's not a matter of wondering if I want him or her. The answer is yes in both cases, and to the full of extent of that word. I want friendship, I want romance, I want that connection, emotional and physical. The attraction is definitely there."

Hunter tipped his head down, pausing a moment before lifting his eyes and continuing. "That is exactly the problem. When I'm with Quinn I feel like I've been spinning around and around and the world is flying behind me a million miles an hour. My stomach goes fluttery and my chest gets tight and I want to lift her up in my arms and twirl her with me.

"And then I'll go home and Sebastian will bring home dinner and we'll laugh and talk and watch terrible television and he'll reach over to hold my hand and it feels like I've grabbed a live wire. He makes my heart beat like I just sprinted a hundred yards. It's intense with him, this dense feeling of want. But it's not just that, it's not lust."

He shook his head again, laughing darkly at himself. "It's stupid, I know, to think I could love them both. But I don't know, Rachel. I think maybe I'm well on my way to exactly that."

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rchelberry
2013-10-03 04:48 pm UTC (link)

"Hunter it isn't stupid, not at all," she assured him, because to think like that, would only serve to drive him crazy. "There was time when I felt the same, torn between Finn and Jesse, probably a lot more immature than what you're feeling now but it was real then. I didn't want to give either one up, Finn was Finn. I was so sure that he was the person that I was destined to spend my whole life with. Then Jesse, we connected too, on music and we could talk and he made me feel good. He basically was the male version of myself," she laughed."

After a brief pause to sip her wine, she went on, "and it doesn't just hurt them, it hurts you too. Because you care about them, you don't want to hurt anyone. You're not a bad person," she assured him, seeing him close in on himself a bit, she reached across to lay a hand on his shoulder in comfort. "What I'm sayin is, it's entirely possible to feel that way about them both for whatever reasons. Eventually there will be something that just makes you know what's right for you."

She had thought it was Finn for her, at the time it had been, it had fallen apart now, but that didn't matter. "Quinn is one of my best friends, I should be trying to persuade you to make your choice, try and convince you that she's it. I'm not going to."

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hjclarington
2013-10-03 05:04 pm UTC (link)

Hunter's mouth fell open a little when Rachel mentioned the hurt he was likely suffering, and he felt that tight feeling through the middle of him again, guilt and worry and self hatred. He swallowed hard against it, tightening his arms over his chest, but he could still feel tears pricking at the backs of his eyes.

"I wish it was that easy," Hunter said, his voice coming out rough. He cleared his throat. "Maybe it will change and I'll just know, like you're saying. But right now..."

He took a breath and collapsed in a little more, his gaze falling to his knees. "The idea of choosing right now hurts. I don't know how I'll ever be able to do it. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to lose them."

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rchelberry
2013-10-03 05:10 pm UTC (link)

She could see the hurt in his eyes and she couldn't help it, she hurried over to him and stood to the side of him, bending down a bit and wrapping an arm around his shoulder, wanting to comfort him. To give him a hug and reassure him that it would all be ok in the end.

"It's not easy," she agreed, her voice soft, "and you don't have to choose now, I should tell you that you do, but you need to be sure. Do I think you should date either of them right now? Probably not, because you need to figure things out, but nobody will hate you for any choice you make," she told him gently. "You have to do what makes you happy."

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hjclarington
2013-10-03 05:28 pm UTC (link)

Hunter let himself relax a little into Rachel's embrace, swallowing again to keep his emotions from getting the better of him. "I don't know if that's true," he said. "I feel like at least one of them will hate me. And I'm probably going to end up hating myself some, too."

He took a deep breath, trying to center himself. "I don't know how this happened. Sometimes I wish neither of them cared about me, because it would save them from having to deal with this. But I hate the idea of not having what I have with them now, even as confusing as it is."

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rchelberry
2013-10-03 05:35 pm UTC (link)

"I think it's true, will one of them be hurt? It's inevitable, but they both care about you, and for that reason they would come around, because they probably just want you to be happy too. They want to make you happy," she said, it was very simple in some ways. But so complicated in others. "You have to just stop beating yourself up," she told him, "you didn't choose to feel the way you do. Feelings are something we can't choose," she reminded him.

She rubbed soothing circles on his back, it probably seemed strange, this girl who had been so stuck up and prim just less than a year ago, the one who always needed to be comforted, was standing here now, trying to comfort someone else who needed it.

"You will figure it out but you can't force it, you have to just let things happen, figure it out on your own time. But try not to sleep with Quinn again, or Sebastian, if you even have with him yet. For your own sake as much as theirs, it'll just cause you more confusion, you know?"

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hjclarington
2013-10-03 06:00 pm UTC (link)

"I wish I could choose," Hunter said, and he knew he was being petulant, but the prospect of having to hurt someone he cared about was wearing on him more than a little. "Sometimes I think it was easier when I was totally closed off to everyone."

He sat still for a moment then, just letting Rachel soothe him. Her touch was comforting, calming, and he closed his eyes, letting go a long breath.

"I don't mean for these things to happen," he said, his eyes still closed. "It's just so hard to say no to these two people. Especially since I don't want to."

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rchelberry
2013-10-03 06:03 pm UTC (link)

"I get that," she nodded, "But it wasn't," she said simply. "Because opening up hasn't just brought you to them, it also brought you friends, and those are imporrant too," she pointed out, because that was something she;d never had before. For a long time, she'd been so in her own head, focused on her own success that people didn't want to know her. She'd been unhappy, her smile fake, she was single now but had amazing friends. That made her happy.

"And I know you don't mean for it to happen, I don't think anyone ever does in a situation like that. I just don't want any of you getting more hurt than is neccessary," she said honestly. "Just talking to you tonight, I can tell that you are a really good guy, if you weren't, you wouldn't be so torn up. So one thing I want you to remind yourself of is that."

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hjclarington
2013-10-04 01:09 am UTC (link)

Hunter took a deep breath, absorbing Rachel's words, making himself take them to heart. "You're right," he finally said, sniffing a little. "I was miserable when I was alone. And I'm happy now, Rachel, I really am. Except for when I think about one of them being hurt by me."

He breathed in again, and exhaled long and low. "Thank you," he said, turning his eyes up to Rachel. "For listening and not judging. You have no idea how much I needed a talk like this. I had one with Jeff too, but it's good to talk to someone like you who doesn't really know me. If that makes sense at all."

"Though," he added, standing to look Rachel in the eye, "I hope we can talk like this more often from now on? Not about this necessarily, but..."

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rchelberry
2013-10-04 07:29 am UTC (link)

"I can understand that, nobody likes to think about hurting someone they care about, and the fact that even thinking it is difficult just reiterates my point," she assured him as she stood up straight from her crouched positon beside his seat.

"You have nothing to thank me for," she smiled, "sometimes you need to talk to someone who is not too involved, who doesn't know you so has no pre-judgements," she said, because she knew that it could be hard to talk to people sometimes, especially when they knew you and had this decision in their mind about who you were.

"And we can talk any time you want," she promised him, "what are friends for? And as far as i'm concerned, we are friends now," she told him, leaning in to give him a proper hug, she figured he needed it.

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hjclarington
2013-10-04 11:58 am UTC (link)

Hunter held Rachel back, noticing how well she fit into his arms, her forehead against his collarbones. He was still figuring out human contact, and it was almost like a revelation to him, holding someone like this. It felt nice, comforting, and he discovered he had a certain fondness for Rachel. But - and he even made a mental note of it, because it stood out a little in his mind - he didn't feel anything for her beyond friendship and gratefulness. It was almost a relief, knowing he could have a physical and even emotional connection with someone without losing himself completely.

"I'm glad," he said finally, easing out of the hug. "That we're friends. Last year I would never have imagined this, but I'm so happy I was wrong. It feels really good to have friends, real friends."

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rchelberry
2013-10-04 12:03 pm UTC (link)

She smiled at him, "I am too, it's amazing what getting out of a place like Ohio, and out of high school can do. You realize that you can be friends with people you never thought you should before," she said, because it was genuinely something she had learned these past months. She felt the same towards Hunter, there was nothing romantic in it, she just saw another friend who needed someone to help him through a bit, a shoulder to lean on, maybe cry on. She liked knowing that she was a person that people now felt they could come to, that she wasn't as selfish and self centred as she had always appeared."

"Trust me, last year there were a lot of things I wouldn't have imagined, but we're different people now, or well different versions of ourselves. We're growing up and we can be ourselves, and just know that if you ever need to talk, i'm here. And I really hope you figure things out, but don't worry about Quinn, i'll look after her too."

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hjclarington
2013-10-04 01:06 pm UTC (link)

"I like that, a different version of ourselves," Hunter replied. "I never thought people changed, but I think it's more of a refinement than anything else. Polishing off the rust and finding a new approach to life."

Hunter tipped his head down at the mention of Quinn. "I appreciate that," he said, his voice a little rough again. "I don't want to hurt her, I'm going to do everything I can to not hurt her, but it's good to know you'll be here for her no matter what happens."