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Ianto Jones ([info]readystopwatch) wrote in [info]marinanova,
@ 2017-08-07 07:00:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:ianto jones, spike

Day 439 (Backdated) | Action | Closed to Spike
[Ianto has barely hung up on his call with Tyki before he's staggering out of the library towards the Blood Shack. He'll have to talk to jack soon as well but right now he just can't take being alone with this and while Jack could be anywhere in the dome he knows exactly where he can find Spike. What's more he's the one who has a past with Tyki, the one who might actually try to talk to him in person and the idea of him being hurt is all he can think about.

The walk to the Blood Shack is a blur, one more thing that's impossible to focus on with his frantic pulse ringing in his ears and the barely controlled panic coursing through his whole body. He's genuinely terrified by this turn of events and he couldn't hide it even if he tried. He's white and his hands are shaking enough to make him struggle with the door. When he's finally inside he doesn't know what to say or do except stagger around the bar and into his arms.]


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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 12:05 pm UTC (link)
[ He's been waiting for this, contemplated if he should cut to the chase and just call, make sure Ianto was at least relatively alright but knowing that he'd probably come look for him at the Shack meant he's better off staying right here. He's halfway out from behind the bar before the door even opens, keen vampire senses hearing Ianto before he fumbles it open. Meeting him half-way, he wraps him up tight, like a fort made of cold muscle and determination. ]

It's okay. I got you.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 12:34 pm UTC (link)
[These two and their forts. It's such a relief that he doesn't have to explain what's happening. He wonders if Spike has spoken to Tyki yet, what he could possibly have said, if it went any better than his conversation did. He hates that he genuinely believes Tyki about having no reason to come after him again but that he still can't let go of the fear induced by having him back in this place. He's glad Spike hasn't never judges him over it even when they were still just friends because he is genuinly freaking out right now.]

I know he has no reason to target me again but even just having him back here feels like too much.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 01:45 pm UTC (link)
I know.

[ He has no right to judge, because he knows exactly the kind of reaction Tyki brings out in people — he used to do the same thing. They're more similar than Ianto perhaps realises, so much so that Spike is a little worried about what meeting up with Tyki will do to their relationship.

One thing at a time. ]

He won't touch you. I got his word on it and he knows what happens if he breaks it.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 02:05 pm UTC (link)
[They're nothing alike in Ianto's mind. Spike has hurt and killed more people than he could probably ever count but if he had been the one to capture him that night Ianto thinks it would have gone differently. A quick death, not hours of careful dissection. That never seemed like Spike's style and that's the critical difference in his mind. It's not the death that he has nightmares about after all. It's everything that led up to it.]

I know you'll protect me. But just seeing him, just knowing he's here, it makes me feel sick. This place is too small to avoid him forever, one day I'll turn a corner and he'll be there and that terrifies me.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 02:10 pm UTC (link)
I know.

[ Tense this time and he has to use more effort than he'd like to admit to not let the anger and need for retaliation take him over completely. It's a tricky situation and that will always be true — maybe he wasn't big on torture but Dru was, Angelus even more so and hey, he's kept a few people locked up in dark dingy sewers as an easy meal. He knows what he's done. In his mind, he and Tyki really are the same. ]

What can I do?

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 02:16 pm UTC (link)
Just hold me. [It's something, having this particular protector here this time. After all, is there anyone besides Spike left who can stand up against Tyki? Aigis, maybe, who he's probably totally met at some point that totally happened. Perhaps a few others. But anyone else is long gone. If he starts hurting people again they no longer have Kitty to reign him in. It's a terrifying feeling, being so close to helpless.]

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 02:21 pm UTC (link)
[ He wraps Ianto up without a word, enveloping him best he can and although that doesn't feel like nearly enough, how much can he even do? It's a suffocating feeling. Usually, he can beat, kill or steal his way out of anything. ]

You're not alone. You'll never be alone, alright? Stay close to me, or Jack or- [ He hesitates, surprising himself with what he's about to say because they talked about it and decided against it but this is special circumstances. ] -or both of us, alright? Whatever makes you feel better.

And I'll always stand between him and the rest of you. I promise that.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 02:30 pm UTC (link)
[It's that last line that unexpectedly touches him the most. The rest of you. Not just him. It's the first time Spike has ever admitted he would do something like that. Usually he just makes a show about not being a hero or only caring about people he's close to. Hearing those words is reassuring, not just because of what Tyki said about other potential victims but because it feels so good to finally have that change in Spike admitted to out loud even if he won't actually point it out. It's enough to make him feel like he can finally breathe again, like his world has stopped spinning like it has been for the last hour. He's sure Spike must be able to feel the way his trembling is subsiding, or how his pulse starts slowing down to something approaching normal. Not quite there yet, but close.]

Be careful. I don't want him to hurt you.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 02:51 pm UTC (link)
[ The difference here is, like so often, a matter of choice. He'll always resist when it's someone else telling him it's the right thing to do, or tries to coerce him to join the Boy Scouts, but now? With Kitty gone, the Defence Force a pale memory? Now he can step up to the plate, because he knows no one else will. ]

I don't think he's got it in him to hurt anyone. [ Maybe. Can never tell for sure, but he sure didn't look too good. ] I'm meeting up with him tomorrow night. Maybe I'll know more after that.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 02:57 pm UTC (link)
[He really is one of the last defenders of this place. Ironic, all things considering.

The idea of Spike willingly meeting up with Tyki sends a shudder through him. He wants to beg him to stay away, to make him promise not to go anywhere near him but maybe deep down he always knew it would happen. He knows they were something like friends once.] Promise me you'll be careful. I can't stop thinking about the fact that he might hurt someone else the way he hurt me. If it was you I wouldn't be able to take it.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 03:05 pm UTC (link)
[ Willingly, even looking forward to it which is something he can't ever admit to Ianto of all people. He has so many reasons to play this carefully and the risk of dying isn't even at the top of the list. ]

I'll be fine. [ He tries to be as reassuring as possible without giving away the reasons behind that confidence — that he can withstand torture just fine, will do just that in a not too distant future back home and besides, he knows exactly what Tyki would do to him if crossed, because he's already given him a taste of it back when he snacked on Lacus. Crucifix, fused into his body, sizzling away at his flesh until it reaches his heart or he's so desperate he claws it out himself.

He'd take some good old fashioned vivisection a thousand times over that. ]

I'm just going to talk to him. That's all.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 03:13 pm UTC (link)
[No, looking forward to it is something he should keep to himself. It would be too much of Ianto knew. Not a betrayal but something close to it. He finally drags his face away from where it's been buried against Spike's chest this whole time to stare at him, worried and scared and very visibly at the end of his rope. There's no sign of tears; he's so many miles past those where Tyki is concerned.]

He said he wasn't interested in hurting me again because there are others he'd rather kill first. If he decides to do that I really don't know if anyone here can stop him. Even you.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 03:19 pm UTC (link)
You don't think I can take him?

[ Not genuinely asking, not quite a joke, but certainly a weak attempt at lightening the moment, do a bit of bolstering. It's so easy to fall into the same old routine he had with Dru whenever she was unsettled, but Ianto isn't asking him to kill anyone, isn't asking him if he loves him eyeballs to entrails. It's moments like these where he wonders if he has what it takes to last with a normal, mortal man but he can't falter on this. Not today. ]

Listen - I was with him after he had his Noah ripped out. Can't tell if he's got it back, but from the sound of him I doubt it. It's- familiar. [ Like how manic and crazy he was in the early soul days. ] I can tell you he doesn't have his lit'le creepy crawlies anymore and that's a plus for us. Alright?

Besides, I've gone up against bigger bads in my day and I'll do it again in the future. None of them'll even come close to taking me down. [ Because he's notoriously hard to kill, not because he beat them. ]

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 03:27 pm UTC (link)
I've gone up against bigger bads as well. It doesn't stop me being afraid of him. [In a way that made this al so much harder at first. All the monsters he's fought, all the times he's saved the world, it made him feel weak and useless to be taken down by one man, to have one person who frightens him so much. After the Daleks and the Cybermen and everything else he should have been able to handle this better. It's not as though this was the first him he'd been hurt or afraid or helpless after all. Spike was the only one who never seemed to judge him for it or make him feel bad about it when it happened. It makes it easier to show this real vulnerability around him now.]

You really think his Noah is still gone? [He wasn't able to tell from their conversation by then again he avoided the aftermath of what they did along with everything else related to Tyki. He hadn't wanted to go anywhere near him at the time.]

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 03:31 pm UTC (link)
And that's fine. That happens. [ He has a feeling he'd feel the same about Glory. Maybe not fear, but certainly more than he does the others. Guess he'll find out, in a couple of years time. ]

He's not himself, that much is clear. Last I saw him he was... defeated. Seems a bit mental now, that's usually not his style. [ Always in control, unflappable. Tyki had been flapping a lot during their talk. ] I'll find out for sure, but I doubt he's as big of a threat as he was.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 03:37 pm UTC (link)
I really do want to believe that but I don't know if I'll ever be able to. [He knows how hypocritical that is, given who he's talking to and how things began between the two of them. It's not something he can overthink right now, not in the midst of all this. All he knows is Spike more than earned his second chance and in the end forgiving him and growing close was something he never had to think about. It won't ever happen with him and Tyki though.]

I suppose you know him the best of anyone left here. You'll have to be the one to judge how much of a threat he is. [You're the Sheriff now, Spike. How does it feel?]

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 04:11 pm UTC (link)
[ Not great, but he can deal with it as long as he doesn't have to wear a badge or arrange any meetings or really do anything that isn't just beating the shit out of anyone who dares break the peace. That he can do. ]

Leave it to me. [ He leans in close, planting a kiss on Ianto's forehead. ] Jack know where you're at?

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 06:28 pm UTC (link)
[That kiss is more reassuring than it has any right to be and he leans into him as well, finally starting to relax a bit here.] I haven't called him yet. It's been a bit of a blur since I saw he was back.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-07 07:59 pm UTC (link)
Probably should, before he starts climbing the walls. [ He strokes his hand over Ianto's back in a soothing manner. This is going to be rough for a while, huh? ]

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-07 08:39 pm UTC (link)
Right. [He looks a bit chagrined, because he knows Jack will be sick with worry. He came to spike first because he knew where he was while Jack could have been anywhere around the dome. Even though it hasn't been long since Tyki made his announcement there's no doubt Jack will have seen it. So it's with incredible reluctance that he steps away from Spike for a bit of privacy to call Jack and promise to see him soon. It's been awhile since they've all been this on edge with a real threat to deal with and he clearly hates it.]

I could use a drink.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-08 05:04 am UTC (link)
[ They've had a nice long stretch of mostly peace and quiet, it's true. Perhaps that's why he's excited that Tyki is back, not because he wants something to happen necessarily but rather that he's so starved for any kind of action that even the memory of it will do. There's another thing he'll have to keep to himself. Little white omissions of truth. ]

That I can do. [ Reaching behind the bar, he hauls out the ever present bottle of whiskey and two glasses. ]

Booth or bar?

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-08 11:30 am UTC (link)
[Any indication that he's glad Tyki is back should indeed be kept to himself. Maybe this is how other people feel, looking at the two of them and wondering how they can put everything that happened aside.]

Booth. [He wants contact, wants to feel like he's not alone and that doesn't work as well across a bar.]

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 01:53 pm UTC (link)
[ That's part of why this situation is so weird, because he doesn't expect Ianto to be able to understand at all and yet he knows that he's understood the same kind of thing before. Maybe the difference here is that it didn't happen to him, Spike never knowingly killed anyone he didn't know would get back up again. ]

Come on then. [ Bringing over the bottle and glasses, he leads towards a booth, pouring Ianto a full glass once they're seated. ]

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 02:04 pm UTC (link)
[Who knows what it is? Maybe it's because he saw early on that there were layers to Spike even without the soul, that he could change while Tyki never gave any indication of that to him. Or maybe it's as simple as the fact that one vampire bite and some threats doesn't compare to torture and death. It's hard to step away from all that, even if he wanted to.

He leans grateful against Spike's side, downing the glass almost immediately. Maybe it will help, or maybe it's just to have something to focus on, something to do.]

I hate being so shaken by this. I hate that he does this to me.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 02:11 pm UTC (link)
[ He refills Ianto's glass soon as it's back on the table, not really worrying for a moment about getting him too pissed. If anything it'll put him to sleep, worst case scenario Spike will just have to carry him back to the apartment and what's the harm in that? ]

I know. All things considered, you're handling it pretty well.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 02:19 pm UTC (link)
[Getting him pissed might not be a bad idea. It's the only way he'going be asleep by the time Jack shows up. Plus the idea of doing anything to numb all this is not one he can say no to. Real coping mechanisms will have to wait until tomorrow. Today the fear is all too real to be dealt with. He'll be starting in on that second glass pretty quickly.]

I'm handling it terribly, we both know that. He doesn't even have any reason to come after me and I'm terrified. I'm afraid for you and Jack and everyone else here and you are all the ones in real danger but I just keep thinking about myself.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 02:28 pm UTC (link)
You haven't pissed yourself yet. That's pretty impressive. [ It's true, and also an attempt to at least lighten the situation with a fraction. ]

Listen — I know you probably don't want to think about this, but me and Tyki go way back. I probably know him better than anyone here that doesn't come from his world, Kitty included and she used to shag him. I know what makes him tick, because that sort of stuff used to make me tick.

[ Still does, in unguarded moments of nostalgia, but these days he'd never act on it. ]

If I was in his situation right now, I'd bolster and threaten to keep people away until I got my feet under me because I'd know there was nothing to back that up with.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 02:34 pm UTC (link)
[He laughs without much humor at that comment. It does lighten things, but only barely.

He listens to Spike's assessment of the situation thoughtfully, tucking himself closer against him almost unconsciously, like he has to prove to both of them that the similarities between Spike and Tyki really aren't important to him. It's hard to put his brain into research mode but he tries, just to see if it makes all of this easier to handle. Turns out it really doesn't, and so far finishing his second glass of whiskey isn't either.]

You really think his powers are gone?

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 02:45 pm UTC (link)
[ Luckily there isn't much research for Ianto to do. If anything Spike wants this discussion to be had, to get it out in the open rather than tip-toe around it. He can keep his personal relationship with Tyki out of the way, but he can't ignore that they have a bond because that bond is exactly what could make or break this thing. ]

If he was back to his old self, he'd keep quiet, catch us with our knickers down. [ Because that's what Spike would do. ] And... he didn't sound like himself. Not even close. Whatever you lot did to him, it hit hard.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 02:50 pm UTC (link)
I didn't do anything to him. [Ianto replies quietly, not able to meet his gaze as he admits that. Not just because it's all too similar to what they did to him.] I didn't want anything to do with it or him afterwards. I just hid from it. Jack told me what they were planning but I even begged him not to cross Tyki or go near him. I wish I could say it was because I saw what happened to you but really I was just afraid.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 02:54 pm UTC (link)
[ He gives Ianto a squeeze around the shoulders, filling up his glass again. This is one of the downsides to dating a vampire - no sense of what alcohol will do to your innards in the long run. ]

I don't blame you. [ He fakes a sigh, torn between wanting to give context to why he thinks Tyki is done for, and not wanting to give Ianto unnecessarily grisly details. ] I saw him, after. It... it was pretty brutal. Worse than for me, that's for sure.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 03:00 pm UTC (link)
[Fill away. He's starting to get just enough of a buzz from this to decide that getting too drunk to walk home is a really brilliant plan. He wants an excuse not to hurt or think for a few hours.]

I suppose I should be glad he was suffering but I'm not. It's hard to feel satisfied about it from my end. It isn't as though it changed any of what happened. [He plays with his glass for a moment before asking hesitantly.] Did he feel any remorse for what he'd done? Was it like when you got your soul back?

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 03:51 pm UTC (link)
[ No one can blame him for that and when the time comes, Spike will scoop him up like a sleepy child and get him into bed safe and sound. ]

It's not the same. [ Said with some hesitation, because he's not entirely sure what's going on. ] Can't say what was going through his head that day, but he was resigned to it. He was... human. [ He pauses again, but maybe it's important to paint the whole picture. ]

A human full of flesh eating butterflies, trying to chew their way out. Poetic justice, I guess.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 03:59 pm UTC (link)
[Most of that hesitation is coming from how similar what they did to both of them was, and it leaves him feeling mixed up and miserable about it all. He never had time to see what their actions did to Tyki. He was gone so soon after that they didn't have to worry about consequences, consequences he's watched Spike struggle to live with every day since then.]

I don't think it is. Justice, I mean. There wasn't any for either of us after what happened. I was just the only mess anyone had to worry about cleaning up until today.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 04:07 pm UTC (link)
I asked him about it, you know. The Noah, if he wanted it back and he couldn't give me a straight answer. In that sense, I think we're the same. Was the same.

[ Because Spike's done the work to move away from that state of limbo where you have no purpose and there's a hole in your chest and nothing you do can fill that aching void because everything is pointless and why didn't they just kill you instead of condemning you to this cruel and unusual punishment? ]

Not that it matters much now. I don't think he has it in him to cause trouble, and after tomorrow night I'll probably know for sure.

[ He reaches for his cigarettes, changing his mind half way and ends up just laying them on the table. Can't exactly smoke with Ianto pressed so close to him. ]

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 04:16 pm UTC (link)
It took you some time to decide if it was worth having your soul back. We just never gave him the chance.

[He slides the cigarettes back over to his reach. There's something comforting about it, that smell of smoke and blood and leather coat that is so distinctly Spike. Anyway he's making steady progress on this bottle of whiskey and has already reached the point of being too out of it to really care.]

I wish I could say I hope he's changed or he can start over but I think that would be a lie. I'll never be able to forgive him or trust him so I suppose I don't really care one way or another. It's not satisfying to know he's suffering, but I don't feel any pity for him, either. I don't want anything to do with him at all.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 04:45 pm UTC (link)
[ If the smell of blood is comforting, he'll be in for a treat tomorrow night. That's all in the future though and for now Spike's grateful for the gesture, knocking one out against the table and lighting it one-handed, never really letting go of Ianto. ]

I'd say that shows you're handling it pretty well. Not saying you're over it, but maybe ready to move on at least. [ Or he's just burying his emotions, but who is Spike to judge for that? It was horrifying. ] Forget about him. From the sound of it, he seems just about ready to forget about you too.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 04:53 pm UTC (link)
I thought I was moving on until today. [He really was. Spike knows first hand he's more or less stopped having nightmares about it. And as odd as it sounds his experiments with bondage he and Jack have been exploring have made him feel more confident, like he really has moved past the fear of being overpowered and helpless. And all it's taken is one little conversation with Tyki to tear all of that down and destroy it. He can feel tears of frustration and misery prickling at his eyes and squeezes them shut to keep any from leaking out.]

I hate that he can forget about me and I can't do the same. I don't want to let him have this power over me. Feeling this way makes me feel like I'm back there that night all over again. I'm just as helpless to get over this as I was to get away and it's so damn frustrating.

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buh html
[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 05:06 pm UTC (link)
You're not. [ It may sound like he's about to argue that Ianto isn't helpless and that he'll get over it no problem and there's no reason for him to worry, but we all know Spike doesn't operate that way. ]

You got something you didn't that night — you got me and there's no way in hell Tyki'll get through me. You hear? [ He tightens his grip over Ianto's shoulders. ] And that's something you did. You got me here. Without you- I don't know where I'd be right now.

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[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 05:13 pm UTC (link)
[This sort of thing has always been a strength of theirs. Emotional support, talking, just being there even before they were anything more than friends. He leans into that grip, head finding his shoulder.]

I feel that way also. [They both know how much he leaned on him in the days after the attack. He doesn't think he'd be this functional without that support. Back then it felt easier because Spike wasn't someone close to him, and he approached things so differently. Now it's different, but no less important. And those words were something he really needed to hear now..] Thank you. I'm glad we got each other here.

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[info]chipswiththat
2017-08-09 05:32 pm UTC (link)
Me too. You have me a reason.

[ He presses a kiss on Ianto's head, quite content to leave the topic of Tyki Mikk alone for the night unless Ianto brings it up again. He'll know more tomorrow night, just like he'll know then that this is the last time they'll ever sit together in the Blood Shack. ]

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So much nostalgia with that thread!
[info]readystopwatch
2017-08-09 05:39 pm UTC (link)
[If they're going to have a last time in the place this moment just now feels like a good one. In the middle of all the pain and fear this, right here, feels perfect and for just this instant he feels reassured and maybe even safe. He was alone last time but he isn't now and that makes it possible to sit here in his arms, and maybe eventually even doze off enough for Spike to carry him home.]

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