I thought I was moving on until today. [He really was. Spike knows first hand he's more or less stopped having nightmares about it. And as odd as it sounds his experiments with bondage he and Jack have been exploring have made him feel more confident, like he really has moved past the fear of being overpowered and helpless. And all it's taken is one little conversation with Tyki to tear all of that down and destroy it. He can feel tears of frustration and misery prickling at his eyes and squeezes them shut to keep any from leaking out.]
I hate that he can forget about me and I can't do the same. I don't want to let him have this power over me. Feeling this way makes me feel like I'm back there that night all over again. I'm just as helpless to get over this as I was to get away and it's so damn frustrating.