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Myka Ophelia Bering ([info]beringandwells) wrote in [info]makebelievelog,
@ 2012-09-26 02:18:00

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Entry tags:h.g. wells, myka bering

Who: Myka and H.G.
What: First face to face meeting of Bering and Wells since Helena’s death and the explosion of the Warehouse.
When: Tuesday Late Evening/Early Morning
Where: Helena’s Room
Rating/Warnings: Angst, warehouse explosion, death, etc.
Status: Closed/Complete


She looked like hell. It had been roughly three days since she had arrived in The Land of Make Believe. Sleep was allusive. Every time her eyes closed the events leading up to the Warehouse explosion played out. She had been lying when she told Claudia that she’d be all right. It was a good thing that Steve hadn’t been present at the time for he would have caught her lie. The bag of Twizzler’s was nearly gone. Most hours of the day she spent chewing on the candy curled up on her couch. Claudia, Steve and Pete were here and she should be happier. But Myka couldn’t find the joy in being surrounded by her family with the thoughts going through her head. It wasn’t enough to ease the emotional turmoil raging through her body. Not even the fact that Helena herself had also been pulled into this dimension served to soothe the ache. As if taunting her, Helena’s words kept repeating over and over in her head.

Myka, we have to think rationally not emotionally

How do you say goodbye to the one person who knows you better than anyone else?

It was the only way I could think to save you.

I smell apples

With her legs pulled up and her arms crossed over her knees, Myka continued to rock back and forth. She couldn’t go on like this for much longer. Sooner or later she was going to burn out completely. With her Warehouse family she had overcome many an obstacle. Prevented disasters on more than one occasion. She herself had survived her body being taken over by Alice Liddell. And yet she was unable to face one woman. A woman who had betrayed her trust and had almost succeeded in destroying the world. The same woman who had driven her away from the Warehouse and had convinced her to return again. The very same woman who had given her life to save her, Artie, and Pete. Helena. Immediately her feet dropped to the ground. Myka remembered seeing Helena’s room number in a conversation with Pete. It was just down a flight of stairs. Throwing caution to the wind she rose and exited her room shutting the door behind her. She was a woman on a mission and was walking autopilot until she stood in front of a door on the second floor. Myka knocked on the door and then looked down at the ground questioning whether or not she could actually do this.


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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-27 07:37 am UTC (link)
Even with the lack of spoken words, Myka and Helena had been having a conversation. It was all in their eyes, their touches. Everything had a meaning behind it, and it was an unspoken language that they both spoke. It was part of why they knew each other so well. Helena could see the nuances in Myka's body language, be able to predict her thoughts with a glance. It what made them such a good team. Both of them were logical thinkers, though Helena did have a tendency to let her emotions get the better of her sometimes when she wasn't careful, so they just fit together. And those last moments in the Warehouse, she had tried to tell Myka what she'd failed to give voice to before, what she'd run out of time to say. But here, she was alive again, she was real. Could that mean she could say all the things she'd wanted to say before?

Feeling Myka's fingers flex against her chest only made Helena's heart beat a little harder against her ribs. Briefly, her tongue dashed along her lips, wetting them as she gazed deep into Myka's soul. She saw the pain, the anguish, everything she was trying to keep a handle on. But there was something else, and Helena wasn't exactly certain if she was imagining it simply because it's what she wanted to see or not.

Though when Myka touched her cheek, Helena leaned into her hand, her eyes closing briefly as she relished the touch for more than one reason. When she opened her eyes again, she saw Myka placed her hand over the locket, and she thought of commenting on it when she heard the way the other woman said her name. She managed a little smile, squeezing Myka's hand that she still held against her chest and really didn't want to let go of. "You're safe." It was more a statement towards her saving the other agent in the Warehouse, but it was also relevant to the current moment. Right here, right now, they were both here, alive and safe.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-28 12:52 am UTC (link)
Seeing Helena's smile brought one to her face as well. There was something about H.G. Wells smile that could bring one to her face instantly. Perhaps, it wasn't so much the smile but the woman whose lips were smiling. Nevertheless it was a smile that only grew when she felt Helena squeeze her hand. Hearing the words You're safe forced a shaky breath from Myka's lips. She had heard the double meaning behind those words. Her life had been saved by the Victorian woman in the warehouse explosion. But it also meant that at this particular moment they were both safe. Alive and able to comfort one another. Say words to one another that had gone unspoken for so long.

Myka began to pull her hand away from Helena's chest and bring it back down to her lap. Instead of relinquishing the feel of Helena's skin against hers she linked their fingers together. Her other hand moving to rest in her lap. She was going to keep contact until she had fully come to grips with them both being all right. Being alive didn't necessarily mean that they were all together there. The two of them had been through a lot before being pulled here. Events that would continue to haunt them until one or both of them chose to speak about it. The silence in the room remained save for faint sounds in the distance. There were so many things that she wanted to say but Myka couldn't find the words to say them. Instead she shifted her gaze down to look at their clasped hands resting on her lap.

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-28 01:31 am UTC (link)
Even with the storm of thoughts and emotions running through her, all of them seemed to calm the longer Myka was there. And as Myka linked their fingers, Helena was more than glad for the continued touch. She needed that grounding now more than ever before. She still felt unstable, as though she might disappear or turn into a hologram again at any moment. But with her hand in Myka's, she was able to reassure herself that she was, in fact, a solid, sentient being.

Myka was so very right that being alive didn't mean that they were all right. Helena was so far removed from all right, and had been for so long she wasn't even certain she knew what being all right truly meant. But with Myka there with her, maybe she could learn that again. Perhaps she could actually work through her issues and learn to let go of things, knowing that Myka was there and obviously willing to listen when needed. Despite knowing she had so many things to say, Helena didn't even know where to start. There were so many things to say, so many things to make up for, but Helena knew simply saying she was sorry wouldn't fix any of it. No, Helena knew she needed to prove herself, needed to prove that her desire to change herself was an honest one. Or had she proven just that when she's sacrificed herself? Really Helena had a hard time seeing whether that redeemed her or not given everything she'd done in her life. But there was no greater act of love than dying to protect the one you love.

Looking at their clasped hands, Helena's gaze slid upwards, briefly detained by the fact she realized Myka's shirt was see-through. Her gaze, after some moments, finally slid back up to Myka's face, or what she could see of it from this angle. "You have no idea how wonderful it feels to touch things again." Helena finally broke the silence. On the surface, it seemed like an innocent enough statement, but given Myka knew what Helena had been put through, it spoke to the state of shock she was still in. And it spoke to the fact Helena was trying to come to terms with all the changes she'd been through in such a short amount of time.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-28 04:33 am UTC (link)
Had she lifted her head she would have noticed Helena's gaze as it stalled on her chest. But Myka kept her gaze on their clasped hands. By actually seeing her own hand entwined around Helena's, she was able to continue to push away her doubts. Doubts that this wasn't going to last. That Helena would be ripped from her again. Myka knew that if the Victorian woman were to die or be taken by the Regents that she would lose it. Their relationship had begun at gun point and moved to friendship and understanding. Helena's betrayal while it had driven her from the Warehouse hadn't changed anything. Myka understood the reasoning behind her motives but only wished that Helena had been more open to letting them help her. She hadn't been lying when she had said that she'd believed in her. The double meaning behind it had been that she'd always believed in her. Losing Helena again had the potential to be the catalyst to make her leave the Warehouse for good this time. It didn't matter that the Warehouse was her happiest place on earth.

When Helena spoke Myka finally looked up. Helena had spoken precisely what was going through her mind. Before the explosion at the Warehouse Helena had only been in her body for a short period of time. Prior to that existing solely as a holographic image. It had pained Myka every time she had seen the hologram knowing that she couldn't reach out and touch her. The subtle touches that usually happened when they would stand side by side. Pete's incessant taunting of Helena had been like tiny knives piercing her heart. No doubt mirrored in what Helena herself was feeling at his remarks. "Well, you can touch me all you want."

It took a few moments for what she said to truly register in her head. But once it had her cheeks showed signs of blushing. She hadn't meant to speak precisely what was on her mind but the response had slipped out before she could stop it. The hand that had been clasped tightly in Helena's pulled away and moved to the locket around her neck. It had become an almost subconscious response. As her hand rested on it she realized what it was. Wearing the locket had become second nature but as much as she had grown attached to having it, Helena deserved to have it back. Slipping the chain over her head she held it in her hands rubbing her thumb across it. Her intention had always been to return it to Helena but things had happened so quickly. When all was said and done her only thoughts were to protect the locket and the memory of Christina. In a whisper Myka said aloud, "I kept you safe but now its time your mom has you back."

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-28 06:39 am UTC (link)
Change was difficult for Helena to come to terms with, though she was also used to it, which was quite the oxymoron. Then again, Helena wasn't exactly conventional in many ways. She may have the ability to adapt in any given situation, but that didn't mean it wasn't difficult to deal with. Helena really hoped that this time she could actually get accustomed to one way of life without having the Regents interfere or her dying. Speaking of the Regents, Helena suddenly realized the Regents weren't here, which meant she had a freedom from them that she hadn't known since Christina's death. She took a breath and let herself relax a bit, her shoulders losing some tension they had been holding at that thought.

Helena firmly maintained that being put on the Janus Coin was a fate worse than being Bronzed. She'd never said as much because she knew it was her own fault that she'd ended up like that, but it truly was. Helena hadn't thought there was anything worse than being Bronzed, but there it was. Between the times that the Janus Coin had been activated, it truly felt like she'd been dead. There was just nothing. It was much like being asleep only without dreams. Just an unending nothingness. Though at Myka's response, Helena couldn't help but to smirk, a glint dancing across her dark eyes. "I most certainly will do that."

Once she saw the blush on Myka's cheeks, Helena chuckled, giving Myka's hand in hers a little squeeze. When Myka pulled her hand away, Helena briefly felt a pang of sadness at the loss of contact, but it passed quickly. Myka was still there beside her, and she could live with that. Brushing a hand through her raven hair, her mind briefly became caught up in thoughts of what being in this place really meant. There were no Regents, no Warehouse, so what would she do with herself? She'd never even thought she'd have a life without the Warehouse, and it had been a part of her for so long, she didn't exactly know how to be a normal person. Inwardly, she was wishing she had some materials so that she could work on building some things, such as her Grappler. She missed having her tools at her disposal, but perhaps in time she could find materials and fashion some things into existence in this place. If she could have her Grappler, and perhaps a Tesla, she'd feel better about the matter.

Though Myka's whisper caught her attention and she turned her gaze to her hands and saw her locket there. All at once, emotions hit her hard, eyes welling with unshed tears. She had thought the locket was lost to her. Of course, she'd known Myka would've found it, but she hadn't had a chance to ask the other agent about it. Things had been too hectic after the chess lock, and then she'd died in that explosion. But the fact the locket was here, that she had that piece of Christina she could hold onto, perhaps it would help. Even though she wanted to to reach out and take it from Myka, she waited until it was offered. The way Myka's thumb ran across it and the way she spoke to it showed that it meant something to Myka as well, and she wouldn't cut that moment short for the other woman. If there was one person in all of time that she didn't mind sharing her daughter with, it was Myka.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-28 08:20 am UTC (link)
Myka heard the response to her slip up and felt Helena squeeze her hand before she'd pulled it away. While she hadn't intended to say those particular words they'd been spoken. She couldn't take them back not that she wanted to. It was no secret to herself that her body hummed at the thought of Helena touching her. The subtle touching and sideways glances were the things that she had relished having. The elephant in the room had practically been ignored never truly discussed until it was too late. Those feelings that had been stored away and ignored were screaming to be released.

The question was could she do it. Could she voice precisely what it was that she was feeling inside? Give words to how she felt about Helena. It would be a lie if she said that she wasn't terrified. The last person to have stirred feelings this intense within her had been Sam and he was long gone. Was she forever destined to have her lovers ripped away from her? Their deaths caused by an artifact? At the thought of losing another the question begged on whether it was worth it. Despite all the questions going through her mind, Myka knew that no matter what Helena was worth it. She'd go to hell and back for the woman knocking down anyone who stood in her way, consequences be damned.

Myka felt a tug at her heart as she looked at the locket in her hands. She felt as if she was giving a piece of herself away. As if she was feeling the pain of losing Christina. Myka had long since realized that to love Helena was to love everything about the woman. To love her meant to accept where her hatred came from, accept what she had done as a result of her hatred, the betrayal and ultimate sacrifice. She took in a breath a tear threatening to fall. Handing the locket over was going to be ranked among the hardest things she'd ever do. Raising the locket to her lips she placed a gentle kiss against it. Myka had all but forgotten that Helena was in the room for a moment. Continuing to have her moment with the memory of Christina. Right before she broke her moment Myka gave one final message. "I promise you that I will take care of her, no matter what."

When Myka looked up she saw the unshed tears in Helena's eyes and knew. The Victorian woman had witnessed the moment that she'd been having. Taking the locket she gripped it in her hands and shifted her body so that she was practically sitting half on and half off Helena's lap. Myka took the locket and leaned forward to slip it around Helena's neck. As the locket slipped around its owners neck, Myka rested her hand against it. The other hand touching the ends of the silky strands of hair. The locket was finally home where it belonged. Looking into Helena's eyes Myka said, "She's home now."

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-28 09:22 am UTC (link)
In truth, Helena wanted to touch Myka, to hold her in the way a lover would, but she kept herself from doing it. It was difficult for Helena to tell if Myka returned her feelings. Sometimes the Victorian woman thought she did just in the way they spoke to each other, in shared glances and touches, but Myka had never voiced anything concrete. But more than that, Helena was afraid that Myka didn't return the feelings and that she'd be rejected if she told her how she felt. And while Helena was no stranger to heartbreak, she couldn't take that pain right now. So it would remain the elephant in the room until she felt she could handle it. Besides, sometimes it was better to live in ignorance of the truth, and Helena had been exposed to many extremely harsh truths in her life that she didn't want another one. She really didn't know if she could repair her heart if it was broken again. Everything could only be broken so many times before it couldn't be put back together, and Helena knew if her heart broke again, it would never be put back together. It was barely held together as it currently stood.

After everything that Helena had lost in her life, it really wasn't surprising that she couldn't take anymore loss in her life. Didn't she deserve something good to come her way? Yes, she'd done her evil, had taken lives both guilty and innocent, but didn't she deserve something good? Something that didn't break her very soul? That is, if she even had enough of a soul left to be broken. Her soul was as battered and broken as her heart was, and most days Helena just wished for an end to the pain she felt inside. And in the days she'd spent in this place, she felt so tired. She wouldn't say as much, but she was tired of feeling pain and she really was just waiting for something to hand her a new way to hurt or something to throw her past pains in her face and make those wounds deeper than they all ready were.

Though as she watched Myka with her locket, Helena bit the inside of her cheek. Myka was right, that loving her meant having to accept her hatred, her darker side that frankly still lurked because she still had that hate within her. She was trying to let go of it, but Helena didn't let go things easily. She still clung to Christina, so afraid that letting go of her meant she had to let go of her completely. The loss of her beloved daughter still hung heavy on her, and the wound still bled. Though seeing Myka treat the locket with Christina's picture in it with such reverence and love almost pushed her over the edge. Though hearing Myka's words did push her over that emotional edge because she knew she meant those words. And really, Helena couldn't remember the last time anyone promised to take care of her. Actually, she was fairly certain no one had ever promised that before. Not that Helena had ever let anyone close enough to promise such a thing, but that was slightly different.

When Myka shifted closer to her, Helena drew in a breath and held it momentarily. Once her locket was back in place, she glanced down at Myka's hand over it, then she lifted her gaze back to Myka's, searching her eyes. And those words. Some tears finally fell down her cheeks. "She's always been home," which was in reference to the time Myka had had the locket. And she leaned closer to Myka, wrapping her arms around her and hugging her tightly. There was no hesitation in the movement, only need of the contact. Hugging was not her first reaction, and she'd never hugged Myka before, but right now, she was too overcome by emotion and she needed this contact.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-29 01:52 am UTC (link)
Myka saw the tears as they fell down Helena's cheeks. When she had made the decision to return the locket to her, the intention had never been to make her cry. It had been to return something that had been lost in the chaos. Seeing Helena's tears brought more to her own eyes. The knowledge that she had been the cause for them being there almost too much to bare. Myka would do anything to ensure that she'd never have to cry again. Threatening anyone who dared cause the woman more pain. When Helena said she's always been home those tears that had been precariously resting on the corner of her eyes began to fall. The message received loud and clear. Helena was inferring that Christina had been home even when the locket was in Myka's possession. Though never physically knowing Christina, Myka was being given the chance to share her memory with her mother. That gift alone filled her heart with more love and brought it to the point where she thought it might burst.

When Helena wrapped her arms around her Myka returned the hug. The hand that was resting against the silky strands of her hair tangling in them. Her head resting on the opposite shoulder. Myka took the time to breathe in Helena's scent and relax into the embrace. They had never hugged one another before. Their touches having remained subtle up until now. As she relaxed into the embrace the tears that had been slowly sliding down began to spill down her cheeks onto Helena's shoulder. Actually holding Helena in her arms was proof enough that the Victorian woman was in fact truly there and alive. Myka's body began to shake in relief and her grip tightened. She never wanted to let the other woman go because of her fear. The fear that there was still the possibility of her being taken away again.

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-29 03:58 am UTC (link)
Helena knew Myka hadn't intended to make Helena cry, but Christina was an emotional topic for her. And the way Myka obviously respected what the locket both meant and represented to Helena, and treated it with the love and care Helena always had, it just brought all those emotions to the forefront even more than before. Even now, Helena was still protective of Christina, and she never let her locket out of her sight, and she rarely, if ever, took the necklace off. But she'd trusted Myka to find it, to keep it and protect it when she knew the other agent had followed her and Sykes to China. Of course, there was a fear that she wouldn't see the locket again, but she needed Myka to be able to find her. Luckily she'd managed to drop the locket when Sykes wasn't using the riding crop to control her movements.

Feeling Myka return the hug, Helena closed her eyes, letting Myka's scent permeate her senses. It still was strange to hug. As it stood, Myka was only the second person to hug her since before she'd been Bronzed, but Helena relaxed into it. She was still holding onto her emotions, but as she felt Myka's grip on her tighten, another swell of emotion surged through her. She was being held, comforted, and Helena could honestly not remember the last person to do that in her life. For so long, she had been alone, mostly because she'd kept people at an arm's length, or further, away from her. But finally, the fact that someone cared fully dawned on her. Her own hold tightened on Myka, one hand sliding into Myka's hair and tangling into it. Unable to hold her emotions in, Helena began to cry, tears falling faster and harder as she buried her face into Myka's shoulder.

The Victorian woman couldn't remember the last time she'd let herself cry, she never really did. Though when she did cry, she always did it in privacy where no one else could see. But right here, right now, she felt safe letting herself not only feel but to express her emotions. And with all the changes she had been through lately, it was no wonder why she was crying. She was crying for allowing herself to fall so far as to betray the one person she wanted to never leave her. She was crying because she'd died in the name of love. And she was crying because she was again alive and someone cared.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-29 06:02 am UTC (link)
The two women sat there seeking comfort in the other. For the first time in a long time allowing all their emotions to be expressed freely. Myka had never cried as hard as she was now. In the past choosing to lock the intense emotions deep inside and putting forth a tough exterior. With every tear and sob that escaped she poured more and more of her soul out. Tearing down every wall that had ever been constructed to protect her from pain. When she had lost Sam, she had retreated inside of herself. Blaming his death on her slow timing in coming to his aid. The loss of her lover had made her a hard ass and unable to truly work with anyone else. Sam had been her partner and understood her more than anyone else had. He'd seen the real, Myka. No one would ever understand just what that partnership meant to her. She had to let go of her pain over losing Dickenson and the obvious betrayal that Artie felt. The rift that had been created in their family, the guilt weighing down on her. Only one of the catalysts for when she left the warehouse. All being released with her tears.

As she continued to cry, Myka began to let go of all the pain that she kept inside. The hatred and anger that she had kept inside had hardened her heart. Leaving her unable to truly express how she felt. Too afraid of opening up to be betrayed or hurt again. She let go of the left over anger at herself over Sam's death. Sure, they'd found out an artifact was at fault and caught who was responsible but she still hadn't let go of her guilt. But encased in Helena's arms she finally let go. She'd long forgiven Helena for betraying her and the Warehouse. A deep understanding having formed for the Victorian woman's reason. But forgiving Helena did not mean that she had fully forgiven herself. She should have been able to see the downward spiral and blackness that was occurring in her. But she had been blinded to it and for that the world had almost been destroyed. The more anger and guilt that she let go of the less of a weight on her shoulders she had.

Next came the pains that left the strongest weight on her heart. Believing that Steve was working for Sykes and had truly betrayed them. She'd avoiding voicing what her thoughts on the matter were to protect Claudia. In the beginning Myka was in denial because though she hadn't known him all that well Steve would never betray them. But when he had Tesla'd her and Pete the only thoughts were of betrayal. When he'd gotten them word that he was undercover the guilt had been immense. All the hateful words and thoughts that had gone through her mind paining her heart. Myka hadn't lied to Pete when she had said that if she didn't stick to business she would lose it. Running up the stairs after Claudia and seeing Steve's dead body had ranked up there with coming upon Sam's body. She hadn't gotten the chance to ask for his forgiveness in ever doubting him. But the pain that weighed her down most of all was the anger that she felt at Walter Sykes and Helena.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-29 06:03 am UTC (link)
Walter Sykes had taken away two of the things that gave her life meaning and purpose. In Egypt she had learned that the Warehouse was her happiest place on earth. Gathering and cataloguing artifacts was rewarding even with the few close encounters they'd had. Sykes had also taken Helena away from her. His anger had driven him to leave a bomb in the Warehouse. Sure, he had been defeated and Pete's mother, Jane, having gotten to safety. But they had been unable to diffuse the bomb and the Warehouse was destroyed. As she let go of her hatred for Sykes and allowed forgiveness to settle in her heart her tears and sobs began to slow. With the most of the anger gone her heart was beginning to feel whole again. But it would never be whole unless she let go of one final thing. Myka had to let go of her anger at Helena's noble sacrifice or else she would never find a complete peace of mind. With Helena's arms around her, tears continuing to slowly fall down her cheek, Myka released the one final piece holding her back. In her heart she screamed to the heavens that she forgave Helena for everything.

In that moment with her heart full of joy and free of burdens Myka smiled into Helena's shoulder. It had only taken being encased in a comforting embrace for her battered heart and soul to become whole again. For the first time in a long time she felt love soaring inside of her lifting her to new heights. "Love" Myka was so caught up in the new feelings within her that she didn't realize that she had said it out loud.

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-29 08:29 am UTC (link)
Upon hearing Myka's sobs, it only fueled Helena's own sobs. Though at the same time as she was realizing she was comforting Myka. That alone was startling to Helena. For so long she'd been little more than a destroyer. How many lives had she taken? How many deaths was she responsible for? How many lives had she ruined? After the things she'd done, Helena hadn't thought she was capable of comforting anyone. Yes, she still had a soft spot for children and was always able to talk to them, but that was different than being able to comfort someone. Nevermind the fact the woman she was clinging to was one she had betrayed once, had made Myka betray the things she'd held closest to her heart, made her doubt herself. Myka may not have said as much, but oh Helena had been able to see it. After they'd successfully retrieved the Joshua Horn, she'd seen it all in Myka's eyes as the other agent had put the Horn in its place in the Warehouse.

Guilt. Regret. Hatred. Grief. Anger. Fury. Helena had one hundred and twenty years worth of them. The one thing she would never repent for was killing her daughter's murderers. They had got what they deserved, and she had made them feel every ounce of pain they had made her feel. And instead of letting herself grieve, Helena had instead embraced the anger and hatred within her heart. It had twisted her little by little. She truly had a slow descent into madness. Helena had simply wanted her daughter back, was that really so much to ask? She'd worked in a place where miracles happened, and she threw herself into finding some way to turn back time and save her daughter, to keep her happiest place in tact. But all the artifacts she found didn't fulfill what she needed. So she'd devised her time machine. Time travel had become her unhealthy obsession by the mid 1890s, which had given birth to The Time Machine. And then when her time machine had failed, when she'd only managed to witness her daughter's death with her own eyes, to cling to her lifeless body for the remainder of the trip. That had been the true turning point in her life. That was the precise moment when Helena had stopped caring, had truly given up and given in to her anger and hate.

Helena had let her anger and hate control her, and it ended with two agents dying because of her and her requesting to be Bronzed. As much as Helena had tried to use it to transport herself through time, to wake in a better world, if anyone ever even saw fit to deBronze her, she hadn't anticipated on it multiplying her hate and anger. Then again, when she couldn't do anything except think for a century, what else would she think about but Christina and her loss? It dug the hole in her soul deeper and sent her even further into her downward spiral. Though when she'd woken in the new world, it had been so utterly jarring, so vastly different from the world she'd left behind. Everyone she had ever known was long dead, and she didn't belong in the modern world. But even with that, she'd found her path in it, or what she believed had been the path in it. Even while she'd always planned to find the Minoan Trident and use it, it had always been about putting an end to her own pain and anger, but Helena was not the type to take her own life. No, she always made others feel her pain and anger and hate, which is why she was more than ready to take the entire world down with her.

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-29 08:29 am UTC (link)
What she hadn't counted on was meeting Myka. The other agent had been the only one who could stop her. And oh how the regret had hit her so hard. She realized just how much of a monster she had become, and while she really wished the Regents had just killed her, they put her on the Janus Coin instead. Though she was glad that she'd been able to see Myka again. It was strange how being a hologram had given her perspective. But then Sykes had come into the picture, and Helena wanted to protect the Warehouse, protect Myka and the others. She was fully willing to let Pete destroy the Coin, destroy her to keep them all safe, but that had failed. Yet in their darkest hour, when they were trapped in the Warehouse with the bomb and they couldn't diffuse it, Helena had an idea and managed to make it happen in time. She'd managed to save Myka, Artie and Pete, all the while knowing she herself would die.

Oh she'd been absolutely terrified and overwhelmingly sad to die, but gazing into Myka's eyes had given her the strength she needed to die nobly. And Helena would gladly die a thousand times over for Myka if it meant the other woman was able to live. Helena didn't think herself a noble soul, yet she had died in the name of love, in the name of protecting the one she loved. And now she held that very woman in her arms, clinging to her as though her life depended on it as her body shook with her soul-felt sobs. But slowly, they died away as she released her grief, giving it a voice that she had refused it for far, far too long. And as her sobbing calmed, she found herself feeling lighter, feeling better for getting her emotions out that she'd always kept locked deep within herself.

Which was why she'd heard what Myka said aloud. And at first, Helena thought she'd just imagined hearing it. But, she hadn't, had she? Lifting her head from Myka's now soaked shoulder, she looked at Myka, searching her face. "What did you say?" There was a question in her eyes, a hope that maybe, maybe what Myka had said meant something deeper.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-29 09:26 am UTC (link)
Myka felt the loss of Helena's head when she lifted it off her shoulder and pulled back. She could feel that her shirt was soaked on her one side and the same must be true for Helena. Their faces and eyes held a red puffiness from the amount of crying that both women had done. A look of confusion settled over her face when Helena asked her question. Had she said something out loud and not realized it? There had been so many thoughts and emotions going through her head any of which could have been spoken. When she looked more closely into Helena's eyes she saw something that she hadn't quite seen before. Myka was well and truly stumped. She sat there in silence trying to figure out what had been said out loud. When it finally dawned on her. The way in which Helena had said What did you say?" had been with a voice full of hope. Her last few thoughts had been experiencing a burden-less heart and of love.

Her heart began racing in her chest at the thought of saying that one word. Love, just a single world but one that held so much power. The power to build and the power to destroy. Myka opened her mouth to respond but no sound came out. Now that she was looking Helena in the eye it was much harder to say the words that had come so easily before. If there were any tears left within her they'd be spilling down her cheeks in frustration. Why had it been so easy to say the words, word, before but now she had practically gone mute. Myka knew the answer but was too scared to admit that she was afraid. That if she spoke those words to her and explored whatever it was between them that one day it would be ripped from her. But she knew that she'd regret it if she never at least tried.

Taking a few breaths Myka took her hand and placed it against Helena's heart. Beneath the palm of her hand she could feel Helena's heart beating faster. Feeling the Victorian woman's heart racing brought a smile to her face. Was it possible that the feelings she were so afraid of were returned? She knew that the older woman cared about her but were the feelings deeper than simple affection? The only way to truly know was say something. With a renewed sense of courage Myka locked her gaze with Helena's and with a smile said, "Love. I said love. I love you, Helena."

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-29 10:04 am UTC (link)
Helena's own shirt was soaked with Myka's tears, but that was the furthest thing from her mind right now. Right now she was hanging in the balance, wondering if she'd actually heard Myka say what she thought she'd said. Perhaps Helena had put too much hope into her voice, but it was too hard not to. Helena had spent far too long being angry and spiteful, she needed something to counteract that. But the question was if Myka actually returned her feelings or not. So as Myka sat there in silence, obviously trying to figure out what she'd said, or figuring out how to explain it, Helena just felt her heart pounding in her chest.

And then Myka place her hand over her heart, which momentarily confused her and only increased her heart rate. Really, Myka just needed to say whatever it was before Helena had a heart attack. Smiling. Myka was smiling. That was good, right? And then Myka finally said what it was she'd said. Helena's mouth fell open a bit and her dark eyes widened. Somehow, tears trickled down her face again, but this time they were tears of happiness and relief and a smile stretched across her face, one that made her eyes sparkle and that lit up her entire face. And in that moment, words were failing her, so instead of speaking, Helena responded with action.

Namely, she leaned close to Myka, capturing the other woman's lips with her own, pouring her love into it, making it a deeply passionate first kiss. She tangled one hand into Myka's hair, pulling her head closer. The kiss was response enough to Myka's words, but after several long moments, Helena broke the kiss, but kept her face close to Myka's, looking her in the eye with a warm grin on her face. "I love you too, Myka."

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-29 11:04 am UTC (link)
After she spoke the words, Myka waited patiently for a response from Helena. Her wait was short lived as Helena's response was immediate. First shock and then a look of happiness spread across the Victorian woman's face. Her heart filled with joy that she could bring that happiness to Helena. It was clear that Helena had something to say but was unsure of how to voice it. The two were so alike that it was uncanny at times. And then other times a complete relief as they both understood one another so well.

When Helena leaned close and pulled her into a passionate kiss, Myka instantly returned it. This is what she had been waiting months to experience. While she hadn't truly voiced it in her mind yet the want had still been there. As Helena tangled her into her hair to pull her closer, Myka reached out with her free hand and braced herself by placing it on Helena's thigh. When the kiss was broken, Myka whined at the loss of contact. All traces of protest gone when she heard Helena's response. As if the kiss hadn't been proof enough that her feelings were returned. Hearing those three words in addition to her name brought another smile to her face. "You better." Myka teased never breaking eye contact.

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-30 02:39 am UTC (link)
All right, Helena was wondering in the back of her mind if this was really a dream. But even if it was, she wasn't going to waste this. It really did feel as though a huge weight had been lifted off of her heart with those simple words Myka had spoken to her. After all the long years she'd suffered blow after blow to her heart, it now felt so much lighter, to the point where she felt as though she could fly. And as Myka returned the kiss, it only served to lift her further.

At Myka's comment, Helena arched her eyebrows, a bit of a smirk curving her lips. "And all ready you're bossy." She chuckled, untangling her hand from Myka's hair and moving it to her cheek, gently brushing her fingers against the wet skin there. "And look at this, you are a brilliant kisser with brains to match," she said with a wider smirk. Oh this was so much more than she had ever expected. She truly hadn't thought Myka could return her feelings, especially after what she'd done to her and put her through. Yet here they were, and it was real and it was happening.

As such, Helena leaned in and kissed Myka again, partly to reaffirm that this was actually happening, and partly because she could. The taste of Myka's lips against hers was sweeter than anything she had ever imagined. It was perhaps made sweeter by the fact that she'd finally gotten something she wanted. And she would hold onto this because she'd be damned if she let this slip through her grasp now that she knew how Myka felt about her.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-30 05:28 am UTC (link)
Myka laughed at the same time Helena did. Her response had been cheeky but held a sense of seriousness within it. She had bared out her soul finally expressing her true feelings. If it all wound up being a game and her emotions toyed with than she'd never recover. He heart truly belonged to the Victorian woman sat before her and she hoped above all else that the same could be said of Helena's heart. Myka knew she'd never have the entirety of Helena's heart as a piece of it would always belong to Christina. When Helena's hand brushed against her cheek she pushed against it relishing in the soft touch.

A wide smile had stretched across her face at Helena's words. She would continue to be cheeky if it brought that laugh out from the Victorian woman's lips. Myka would do anything to bring Helena happiness and peace of mind. When Helena leaned in to kiss her again the smile that was stretched across her face disappeared. Her lips occupied with something more important. This time around Myka deepened the kiss getting lost in a haze due to the feel and taste of Helena's lips. Moments later she broke their kiss to take a breath of air. As she sat there the toll the emotional roller coaster they'd just overcome became apparent. Her body was fatigued entirely. Sitting back Myka said, "time for bed." When she said the words she'd meant them in the literal sense. It was late and they really should try to rest. As she shifted the side of her body that was soaked with Helena's tears the shirt pulled from where it had begun to stick. It was uncomfortable at best and the only option was to take it off. Without really thinking it through she slipped the shirt over her head before turning back to Helena.

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-30 06:14 am UTC (link)
Myka of course had every right to have a fear that Helena was using her. After all, the Victorian woman had done just that once all ready. But Helena wasn't playing Myka. No, she was being completely honest and open about how she felt about Myka, and it did feel good. Helena didn't want to lose this, she wouldn't be able to handle it if she lost Myka now. Not after everything she'd been through. The pain of loss wasn't something she could shoulder any longer. So she would hold onto Myka, to this happiness that she'd waited her entire extended life to have.

All ready Helena could tell she would never tire of kissing Myka. The kiss was like the breath of life to her. She could feel her heart and soul reviving within her the more she was in contact with Myka now. She savored the kiss, matching the depth of the kiss when Myka deepened it. When Myka broke it, Helena licked her lips and gazed at Myka. She, too, began to feel the effects of the emotional onslaught. It had been ages since she'd unleashed her emotions in such a fashion. So when Myka made the comment about it being time for bed, Helena arched an eyebrow, wondering what context she meant that in. And Myka taking off her shirt didn't help support the just sleeping interpretation. As such, when Myka turned back to her, Helena's eyes were sliding over Myka's newly exposed skin. Yes, she'd been able to see it before but now it was completely free of the shirt, leaving Myka in only her bra. As such, she looked back up at Myka, her eyebrow still arched in curiosity.

"Just what type of sleep are you referring to, love?" The switch to calling Myka love was subtle, but it was a powerful one, at least for Helena. Christina had been the only other person she'd called by that term of endearment. And now Myka had earned it.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-09-30 06:46 am UTC (link)
Myka watched the not so subtle gazes as Helena's eyes took in her newly exposed torso. Her intention at the time had been to take the shirt off and let it dry out before putting it on again. Not truly comprehending the power that she held over the other woman until she had seen it hidden beneath her eyes. Myka smirked inwardly because it sent a sense of pride throughout her body.

Hearing Helena's question Myka allowed a smirk to appear on her face. As tired as she was she couldn't help teasing the Victorian woman who had referred to her with a term of endearment. No one had ever called her love before Helena and it warmed her soul. But it also awoken the playful side that hadn't been seen since Sam. Leaning forward her fingers began to trace shapes across Helena's thighs moving higher and higher. Her hands continuing Her hands moving to trace little hearts across her stomach before moving own to settle on Helena's hips. Myka continued to lean forward until her face was level with the face of the woman she loved. As she had leaned in her hands had put pressure against Helena's hips to help steady herself and drive the woman mad. In a soft raspy voice, Myka said, "The kind of sleep that involves you, me, a bed and hours of blissful slumber."

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[info]indelibleink
2012-09-30 07:30 am UTC (link)
Helena was really trying to control herself. But really, she wasn't a patient person when she wanted something, and considering she wanted Myka and the woman was currently sitting beside her without a shirt on didn't exactly help her rather limited amount of control. In fact, she barely had any, but was really trying not to run into things. But then Myka had decided to tease her. Myka certainly had power over her, though Helena may not exactly like admitting such a thing in the current circumstance.

Feeling the way Myka touched her put her entire body on high gear. Her nerves tingled, shivers running all along her body. The closer Myka leaned closer to her, Helena's heart beat faster and harder in her chest. And Myka's goal of driving her mad was a success. If the touching hadn't been enough, the tone of Myka's voice was more than enough to snap Helena's control over herself. After all, she hadn't had sex in over a century, and now with the woman she loved half naked beside her, Helena wanted nothing more than to ravish her and be ravished by her.

"Bloody bollocks," she cursed in a slightly hoarse whisper, her eyes locked onto Myka's. The lust and want and need was overwhelming within her dark and expressive eyes. And as Myka was dangling meat in front of a starved wild cat, Helena was going to pounce. Sliding her hands up along Myka's arms to her shoulders, Helena drew in a ragged breath before suddenly shifting position. She straddled Myka's hips, sitting on her thighs and pressing her against the back of the couch, leaning in close to her. "Why make the trip to the bed, when there is a blissful sofa right underneath us?" Helena's own tone was low and dripping with lust and need. Despite the emotional drain she'd suffered, her body was fully awake and humming, no screaming with need for Myka's touch. She slid her fingers along Myka's shoulders, tracing little patterns along her collar bone and down along her chest.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-10-01 02:51 am UTC (link)
When Myka had begun teasing Helena she hadn't quite realized the affect that it would have on either of them. Her initial plan had just been to tease her a little adding some more joy into the air. The powerful emotions of relief, angst, sadness, that had been brought on earlier still permeated the room. Though not as strong as they had been in the beginning. Never had she realized just what she was creating by taunting the Victorian woman. It hadn't quite passed through her mind that Helena hadn't had sex since before she was bronzed. And that her taunting was quite a bite more than harmless teasing.

Myka heard Helena's curse and smirked at her success. But that smirk was wiped from her face when she saw the lust and desire in her eyes. Just as she was about to speak up she felt hands sliding up along her arms to her shoulders. Before she knew it Helena had moved and was straddling her waist pushing her against the back of the couch. The speed at which it had happened brought a gasp from her mouth. Myka had let her guard down and it had given her the chance to pounce, quite literally.

When Helena spoke again the lust and need obvious in the tone of her voice. Myka lost all ability to think rationally. She didn't quite know what to do. All that was able to break through the haze in her head was that she was sitting half naked on the couch with the woman she loved straddling her lap. As Helena's hands began to stroke along her collar bone and chest, her eyes closed and breathing becoming quite difficult. Her body was craving the continued caress of Helena's but finally after a few moments rational thought broke through the haze. It was too soon for all of this and as she opened her eyes, Myka whispered, "Helena" to get the woman's attention.

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[info]indelibleink
2012-10-01 06:21 am UTC (link)
Under normal circumstances, or if Helena had hooked up with someone between being Bronzed and Janus Coined, control wouldn't be as much of an issue. While she wasn't patient, the rational part of Helena did know that this needed to progress slowly. The relationship she wanted with Myka was unlike all of her relationships from the Victorian era. Never before had she had a monogamous relationship, nor had she been courted, and while she was a bit afraid of the monogamous relationship, she wanted that love, that level of being close to someone, to matter that much to someone. It was definitely not something she was used to. She had loved before, but never to the extent that she loved Myka, but more than that, no one had loved her before. Oh there had undoubtedly been many who claimed that, but none of them knew the real Helena Georgia Wells. But Myka did. Myka knew all of the horrible things she'd done, knew her inside and out, and despite the betrayal, the blood that stained her soul and the anger and hate that had twisted her into a monster, Myka still loved her. And Myka was the only person Helena had ever known that could claim that and mean it.

As such, her emotions were running even higher because of that. She yearned for Myka, wanted to be one with her. Her mind was pretty much a haze and focused solely on Myka and wanting her more than she had ever wanted anything else in her life. Helena might even say she wanted Myka more than she'd wanted to save her daughter.

As she slid her hands along Myka's skin, wanting nothing more than to drink her in, she felt the way Myka's body craved the touch. However, Helena heard Myka whisper her name, and it pulled her out of the haze enough for rational thought to once again enter her mind. She blinked and looked at Myka, then glanced down at where her hands were on Myka's chest and knew this was too soon. As much as she wanted all of Myka, now wasn't the time to pursue that. Drawing in a breath, Helena pulled her hands away and shifted off of Myka's lap, once again sitting beside Myka on the sofa, brushing a hand through her hair. Though reigning in all of her want and need was a difficult thing to do, but she was trying to regain her control over herself.

"I do apologize, love," she spoke as she looked at Myka, obviously trying to reassert control of herself. "I did not mean to lose control like that."

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[info]beringandwells
2012-10-03 02:29 am UTC (link)
When Helena finally came to her hands had moved down to rest precariously on her chest close enough to slip her bra down. Myka watched as the woman she loved moved off of her lap and back to the other side of the couch. She took a deep breath trying to get her own need under control. They'd both allowed it to go further than either of them was ready to go. Reaching over Myka grabbed the shirt she had discarded and slipped it on. She'd deal with the dampness if it kept Helena from losing control again. As Helena spoke, a small smile crept up on her face. "Please don't apologize. I don't think you realize just how much I want you." If she hadn't put a stop to thinks she had no doubt that Helena would in fact know. But it was too soon for them to take this next step. Actually admitting the feelings that they had for one another was a giant leap compared to where they had been previously.

"It's probably best that I return to my room tonight. We have both clearly shown that we cannot keep our hands off one another."

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[info]indelibleink
2012-10-03 03:21 am UTC (link)
If Helena had approached this the way she'd approached her previous relationships, if they could be called relationships considering the vast majority of people she'd slept with had been married, she wouldn't have stopped. But she wanted this to be different. She wanted to be different in this relationship, different for Myka. Giving in to wanting Myka right now wasn't changing, it was keeping to her old patterns. That wasn't what she wanted to give Myka, she wanted to give her the best of what she had, which she really was still trying to figure out what good was left in her, but she knew Myka made her a better person, and she didn't want to lose that.

Though the comment about how much Myka wanted her took her by surprise. She hadn't really heard someone say that about her in, well, a very long time. And it meant even more to her that Myka had said it. As such, a little smile of her own curved her lips.

"Yes, we have been rather free with our expression, have we not?" It really was a good thing Myka had put her shirt back on. Well so it was seethru, but it did keep some of Myka's skin covered. She drew in another slow breath and looked at Myka. "And the last thing I want to do is rush things. I want this to be a real relationship, though you'll have to bear with me. I have never had one like this before and I am rather, as you would say, old-fashioned in such approaches. Sometimes." And she was babbling slightly nervously because this was new to her and she was afraid of ruining things before they even really got a chance to begin.

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[info]beringandwells
2012-10-04 03:31 am UTC (link)
Myka began giggling as Helena babbled away. The nervousness obvious in the usually composed woman's speech. She'd never heard the Victorian woman so flustered and unable to keep her composure. It was endearing that she was the one that was capable of turning Helena into a, well, a giddy teenager. Though as soon as she thought it, Myka decided that she would never mention that to the older woman. Lest a tirade of denial were to be released only further proving her point.

Placing her hand over Helena's lips, Myka silenced her with a smile on her face. If she didn't think it was wise that she return to her room before either one of them went too far she would stay. For the mere fact that observing Helena act like a teenager was priceless. Leaning forward she placed a kiss on Helena's lips, lingering for a few minutes before pulling back. "We will take it slow and just explore what this is. I love you and I'd wait an eternity for you if I had to. You are my reason for living. There is no one else for me."

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[info]indelibleink
2012-10-04 04:03 am UTC (link)
This being reduced to a teenager thing was not something Helena was used to. In fact, Myka was the only person she'd ever met that could reduce her to such. Well, at least in this current situation. Never before had nay other lover she'd taken made Helena feel this way. And if Myka pointed out that she was acting like a giddy teenager, Helena would of course deny it steadfastly. After all, she had dignity to maintain. So really, it was just better for everyone that Myka didn't point it out lest Helena embarrass herself further.

When Myka placed her hand over her lips, Helena looked at her a bit in shock for a moment, but was sufficiently silenced from babbling further. And then she was further silenced when Myka kissed her again, a kiss that she returned, truly enjoying the feel of Myka's lips against hers. When she broke the kiss and Helena heard her words, she smiled warmly, yet some tears welled up in her eyes again, but these were tears of happiness. Helena hadn't thought she'd ever find someone who would say words like those to her and mean them.

"And you, you make me a better person. I would, and have, give my life for yours if it meant keeping you safe. I love you, and I would do anything for you. You are my light in my dark, and now that I have you, I'm not letting you go." She gazed into Myka's eyes, the warm, wide smile still on her face. Though a question suddenly came into her mind. "Because times have changed, what does this make us right now? In my day it was called courtship, but that is not exactly what this is yet."

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[info]beringandwells
2012-10-05 02:08 am UTC (link)
The smile returned to Myka's lips at Helena's response. It filled her heart with so much joy to know just how much she meant to the other woman. While the thought of her dying was still a sore topic between them, she couldn't argue the fact. Helena had given her life to ensure that she and everyone else lived, but most importantly that she did. She hadn't thought about how to define what she and Helena had as it was still so new. Pete and everyone else would say that it had been there always but it had taken Helena dying for her to realize the extent of her feelings. With her gaze still held by Helena's, Myka raised her hand and began stroking the Victorian woman's cheek. After a few moments she said while continuing her soft caress of Helena's cheek, "We don't need to put a title on this. But, if we were to label this, we'd be dating. And dating means you are my girlfriend and I can do this whenever I want." Myka closed the distance between them and kissed her again. She really couldn't get enough of the feel of Helena's lips against hers.

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[info]indelibleink
2012-10-05 03:12 am UTC (link)
Helena hadn't realized what she'd truly felt for Myka until that moment when Myka had told her to shoot her. That had been why Myka had been able to stop her at Yellowstone. She hadn't been able to pull the trigger because she couldn't kill someone she loved. After spending so long trapped within her own hate and anger, Myka had broken through without her even noticing until it had happened. And really, she hadn't even thought Myka could return her feelings, yet here they were, and she'd been proven wrong. She couldn't think of any better way to be proven wrong.

At Myka's caress, she leaned into her touch, her smile widening with Myka's words. For the first time in so very long, right here in this moment, Helena felt as though she belonged somewhere, that she was wanted and needed. Returning Myka's kiss, she conveyed as much through it, setting one hand against Myka's cheek, her thumb gently caressing her cheek. If this was how good it felt to love and be loved in return, this is how she wanted to spend the rest of her life, and she wanted to make Myka happy. And there was nothing she wouldn't do to ensure that happened.

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