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Helena Wells-Quinzel is H.G. Wells (indelibleink) wrote in makebelievelog,

In truth, Helena wanted to touch Myka, to hold her in the way a lover would, but she kept herself from doing it. It was difficult for Helena to tell if Myka returned her feelings. Sometimes the Victorian woman thought she did just in the way they spoke to each other, in shared glances and touches, but Myka had never voiced anything concrete. But more than that, Helena was afraid that Myka didn't return the feelings and that she'd be rejected if she told her how she felt. And while Helena was no stranger to heartbreak, she couldn't take that pain right now. So it would remain the elephant in the room until she felt she could handle it. Besides, sometimes it was better to live in ignorance of the truth, and Helena had been exposed to many extremely harsh truths in her life that she didn't want another one. She really didn't know if she could repair her heart if it was broken again. Everything could only be broken so many times before it couldn't be put back together, and Helena knew if her heart broke again, it would never be put back together. It was barely held together as it currently stood.

After everything that Helena had lost in her life, it really wasn't surprising that she couldn't take anymore loss in her life. Didn't she deserve something good to come her way? Yes, she'd done her evil, had taken lives both guilty and innocent, but didn't she deserve something good? Something that didn't break her very soul? That is, if she even had enough of a soul left to be broken. Her soul was as battered and broken as her heart was, and most days Helena just wished for an end to the pain she felt inside. And in the days she'd spent in this place, she felt so tired. She wouldn't say as much, but she was tired of feeling pain and she really was just waiting for something to hand her a new way to hurt or something to throw her past pains in her face and make those wounds deeper than they all ready were.

Though as she watched Myka with her locket, Helena bit the inside of her cheek. Myka was right, that loving her meant having to accept her hatred, her darker side that frankly still lurked because she still had that hate within her. She was trying to let go of it, but Helena didn't let go things easily. She still clung to Christina, so afraid that letting go of her meant she had to let go of her completely. The loss of her beloved daughter still hung heavy on her, and the wound still bled. Though seeing Myka treat the locket with Christina's picture in it with such reverence and love almost pushed her over the edge. Though hearing Myka's words did push her over that emotional edge because she knew she meant those words. And really, Helena couldn't remember the last time anyone promised to take care of her. Actually, she was fairly certain no one had ever promised that before. Not that Helena had ever let anyone close enough to promise such a thing, but that was slightly different.

When Myka shifted closer to her, Helena drew in a breath and held it momentarily. Once her locket was back in place, she glanced down at Myka's hand over it, then she lifted her gaze back to Myka's, searching her eyes. And those words. Some tears finally fell down her cheeks. "She's always been home," which was in reference to the time Myka had had the locket. And she leaned closer to Myka, wrapping her arms around her and hugging her tightly. There was no hesitation in the movement, only need of the contact. Hugging was not her first reaction, and she'd never hugged Myka before, but right now, she was too overcome by emotion and she needed this contact.