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Myka Ophelia Bering (beringandwells) wrote in makebelievelog,

The two women sat there seeking comfort in the other. For the first time in a long time allowing all their emotions to be expressed freely. Myka had never cried as hard as she was now. In the past choosing to lock the intense emotions deep inside and putting forth a tough exterior. With every tear and sob that escaped she poured more and more of her soul out. Tearing down every wall that had ever been constructed to protect her from pain. When she had lost Sam, she had retreated inside of herself. Blaming his death on her slow timing in coming to his aid. The loss of her lover had made her a hard ass and unable to truly work with anyone else. Sam had been her partner and understood her more than anyone else had. He'd seen the real, Myka. No one would ever understand just what that partnership meant to her. She had to let go of her pain over losing Dickenson and the obvious betrayal that Artie felt. The rift that had been created in their family, the guilt weighing down on her. Only one of the catalysts for when she left the warehouse. All being released with her tears.

As she continued to cry, Myka began to let go of all the pain that she kept inside. The hatred and anger that she had kept inside had hardened her heart. Leaving her unable to truly express how she felt. Too afraid of opening up to be betrayed or hurt again. She let go of the left over anger at herself over Sam's death. Sure, they'd found out an artifact was at fault and caught who was responsible but she still hadn't let go of her guilt. But encased in Helena's arms she finally let go. She'd long forgiven Helena for betraying her and the Warehouse. A deep understanding having formed for the Victorian woman's reason. But forgiving Helena did not mean that she had fully forgiven herself. She should have been able to see the downward spiral and blackness that was occurring in her. But she had been blinded to it and for that the world had almost been destroyed. The more anger and guilt that she let go of the less of a weight on her shoulders she had.

Next came the pains that left the strongest weight on her heart. Believing that Steve was working for Sykes and had truly betrayed them. She'd avoiding voicing what her thoughts on the matter were to protect Claudia. In the beginning Myka was in denial because though she hadn't known him all that well Steve would never betray them. But when he had Tesla'd her and Pete the only thoughts were of betrayal. When he'd gotten them word that he was undercover the guilt had been immense. All the hateful words and thoughts that had gone through her mind paining her heart. Myka hadn't lied to Pete when she had said that if she didn't stick to business she would lose it. Running up the stairs after Claudia and seeing Steve's dead body had ranked up there with coming upon Sam's body. She hadn't gotten the chance to ask for his forgiveness in ever doubting him. But the pain that weighed her down most of all was the anger that she felt at Walter Sykes and Helena.