This Is Fine

The Magical Institute of Learning and Fun is an Important place of learning and fun and CULTURE that SOME PEOPLE are clearly incapable of appreciating. I hope the Ministry finds whoever was responsible for DESECRATING such an IMPORTANT MAGICAL INSTITUTION and puts them out for a PUBLIC FLOGGING. NONE OF YOU DESERVE TO BE WIZARDS!

Peter and Lucy

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PRICELESS ARTIFACTS WERE RUINED, PETER??? I thought this was the sort of thing you were going to WARN us about! Why are you useless?

Isn't it a beautiful Sunday? Of course Draco and I feel terrible for the poor people who have been caught up in recent ugliness with cursed packages and whatever happened last night. Our condolences to the dead!

More importantly, Draco's six month birthday was Thursday and naturally Lucy took the day off so we could spend all day together, celebrating our darling little boy. It's amazing how much he's grown and how absolutely perfect he is. Watching him grow has been the greatest joy in my life and I am sure the next six months will be even better than the last. And he wants me to pass on his gratitude for all of the lovely presents you sent! We're both obsessed with this delightful little mirror from Rue des Sorcières that makes him look like the cutest little Christmas elf.

And to cap off Draco's birthday week celebrations, Lucy made reservations for us tomorrow night at a restuarant I'm sure none of you have actually heard of and couldn't get into even if you had. The chef's tasting menu is supposed to be to die for. I'll be sure to let you all know how wonderful it is afterwards!

Hello! I hope most of you are having a wonderful December! Sadly it's too chilly for Draco and I to take our usual morning stroll but we had a delightful time this morning playing with the newest addition to his peacock collection. This one is filled with organic kapok from Malaysia and for all of the other parents, I have to say you really can feel the difference in quality over cotton filling.

Also if you're looking for fun things to do with your kids this month and you know how to behave in public, I'd like to invite you to take some time to visit the Magical Institute of Learning and Fun and enjoy our holiday programming!

We're bringing back our wonderful Lecture Series and offering free admission to any current students home for the winter holidays! We know how hard it can be to get a proper education about magical history at Hogwarts but we are here to help. So bring your kids to the Institute for some very exciting conversations about how to keep the muggle out of your Christmas, different ways to honor our magical ancestors in the holiday season, and how to block out your neighbor's garish display.

We've also decked our halls with boughs of holly so you can enjoy the very festive, all magical decorations while wandering through our exhibits. My favorites at the moment are Great Witches of History and the Evolution of Magical Fashion! But the fairy lights in the Hall of Enchanted Mirrors aren't to be missed! Most exciting of all is our Christmas Village! Our Activity Center has been converted into a giant winter wonderland in an authentic recreation of a 1720s wizarding village! Complete with a skating rink under the watchful gaze of our enchanted Salazar Slytherin statute.

The full schedule of events can be found in today's Prophet and all of our loyal patrons will receive a copy with their monthly newsletter.

From Draco, Lucy and me, we wish you a very merry and magical holiday season!

Darling Violet already conveyed birthday wishes to my dearest beloved Lucy but that was hours ago so I think we're due a reminder that 29 years ago today the most wonderful woman I have ever met was born.

To my wonderful wife,

We pause on this day to celebrate you and all of the joy you have brought to this world. I can't think of anyone more deserving of a day in their honor.

Every day you inspire me. You wake up and conquer each day with such strength and determination and are so determined to make the world perfect for our dearest, darling Draco, no matter how little people appreciate your hard work. To persist in the face of such adversity is uplifting to everyone around you. Your leadership and your commitment make me want to be a better version of myself, pushing me towards possibilities I never would have dreamt of without you in my life.

I remember those days at Hogwarts when I would sit in the library staring at you while I was supposed to be studying my transfiguration. Everything you do is with such effortless confidence and grace that I find myself transfixed by your presence, like a moth is drawn to a flame. At night I will lay in bed and watch you fall asleep because even in your dreams you are compelling.

More than anything else I love how devoted you are to our perfect little family. You are an amazing parent to our perfect son and as he grows up I am so happy he will have someone as wonderful as you to mentor him and teach him how to face all of the world's challenges. I cherish the way you are always willing to make time for your family, from how you kiss me good night and good morning every day, even when I'm fast asleep to how you would destroy the lives of anyone who caused harm to Draco or me.

You are the best person I know and I am so very privileged to be the one that you chose to spend your life with. Happy birthday, my beloved. I am so excited for what the future has in store for us.

All of my love for all of my life,
Narcissa

My darling Lucy will be turning 29 years old next Thursday! And I am so blessed to be spending my life with her and little Draco. Naturally we will be hosting an intimate gathering with fifty of our closest friends and family to celebrate my dear wife! The theme of the gathering will be a classic White Party in the gardens. Which means an all-white dress code that will be very strictly enforced. One little pop of color that you think is so charming and you'll ruin the whole aesthetic. I will be very upset with anyone who makes Lucy's party anything less than perfect.

Of course we would love to let all of you bask in our joy, but after the UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT that was my cousin RUINING HALLOWEEN it's clear most of you can't be trusted to behave in civilized company. Besides, our guest list has been carefully curated to ensure the perfect balance of personality and background among our invitees. Those of you who receive an invitation this week should be honored. And anyone who declines our invitation will be dead to us.

Despite my former cousin's attempt to ruin everything just like he always does, Tessa, Devona and I have put together an amazing Halloween Festival we think all of you will love. We have three days worth of events planned, each with its own theme so there's something for everyone. A full schedule will be printed in tomorrow's Prophet, but I wanted to share the highlights before Sirius tried to claim credit

29 October will be Family Day at the Pride of Portree stadium, sponsored by Nimbus. They'll have all sorts of kid friendly activities including broom races, a petting zoo and for people who care, the chance to play quidditch with the Pride of Portree. Draco got so excited when he saw the plans for the decorations! And he's going to be so precious in his costume, which Lucy and I had hand stitched by a Tunisian woman who makes the most impressive embroidery. He's definitely going to win the costume contest! But now I'm getting ahead of myself.

For the second day, we're turning Hogsmeade into a giant carnival. To get in the Halloween spirit, we'll have a haunted house and a spooky maze and whatever things people do at carnivals. Including putting your mouth on apples other people have put their mouths on if you're into that sort of thing. We're also renting out booths to (almost) anyone who wants one if you want to sell whatever little basement crafts you play with or promote your organization. I'll be there with the Magical Institute of Learning and Fun to talk about the Institute's pre-Hogwarts education curriculum! If you want to rent a booth, talk to me and as long as it isn't totally stupid we'll probably approve it.

And Halloween will be the most special night of all. Minister Avery has so graciously allowed us to use the Ministry atrium for our Halloween ball! Costumes are MANDATORY and we'll have prizes for best family costume, best historical costume, best animal [...] It's a long list and most of you don't have a chance of winning anyway. I have personally designed the menu for the night and I promise the very best nibbles and cocktails, including my very own invention that I've named The Ghost.

All activities are free to the public thanks to support from our generous sponsors including Nimbus, Pride of Portree, Dine-N-Dash, TerrorTours, the Magical Institute of Learning and Fun, the Malfoy Family, and the Ministry of Magic.

I don't know why anyone thinks they're entitled to a job at the Ministry. And politics is so boring! Don't you have better things to talk about?

My dearest Draco has mastered his grasping ability so naturally I gave him a paintbrush to play with and he started the most magnificent portrait of his mommies. It's still in progress, but naturally I will be sure to share it with all of you when it's done. And Lucy and I will be soliciting recommendations for art instructors from the few of you with taste.

Every day with Draco is more amazing than the last and Lucy and I are just so blessed to have him in our lives. Each morning I wake up wondering what amazing thing he is going to impress us with today and I am never disappointed! I could spend hours staring at his perfectly symmetrical face or his tiny little toes.

I think some of you could really benefit from the joy that a child brings into your life. But I also think you'd be terrible parents and your children would probably grow up to be ugly, stupid and poor so maybe do the world a favor and stay virgins.

Malfoys & Lestranges

SIRIUS BLACK IS A MONSTER AND SOMEONE SHOULD JUST KILL HIM ALREADY SO I NEVER HAVE TO TALK TO HIS STUPID FACE AGAIN

I can't believe my dearest Draco will be four months old in four short days! He is the most delightful child and so smart! I took him to the healer for his four month check up and he said that Draco was the most advanced child he's ever seen at his age. Not that I was surprised. He's clearly going to start speaking any day now. And because Lucy and I are doing such an excellent job raising Draco, I thought I would do all of you a very generous favor and share some of our special parenting tips and tricks.

First, you want to be sure to hire the very best au pairs. Of course you can't have the best au pairs because Lucy and I scoured the world in search of the perfect nannies to take care of Draco. But you should hire the next best. You want at least one to be from another country because it's so important to expose your children to other cultures. And of course at least two nannies per child. Our children deserve the best!

Second, it's so important our children are properly stimulated! Darling Draco and I have been enjoying long walks every afternoon at my parents estate where we can escape the dirtiness of London and breathe the fresh air. Draco adores mother's flower garden although that is hardly surprising. He already has such an eye for beauty! And on those days it's too dreary to go outside, he has an entire playroom to keep him entertained. Because we love him!

Finally, there are so many dangers in the world that we need to protect our children from. Which is why Draco wears nothing but cashmere, linen and silk imported from an artisan in Peru. You don't want anything but the most natural fibers to touch your baby's delicate skin! After all, rashes make for ugly babies!

And now it's time for Draco's music lesson. Until next time!