This Is Fine

if you're going to fuck in the toilets at the pub be aware that if we catch you we're going to embarrass the hell out of you

Honestly, I can't decide which group is worse — the Death Eaters or the Order of the Phoenix. Are they even separate groups at all?

DEATH EATERS

I have to say, one week without Nova Williamson in the DMLE has been simply spectacular. You don't even know how ghastly it was, seeing her face day in and day out. I could tell she was always judging me, like she was so much better for having dirty blood. That was the reason she got Head Girl over me, after all, they felt sorry for her and wanted to be "fair." Of course to Dumbledore fair means punishing those of us who have pride in our heritage, but I digress.

So, I just have to say thank you. Which one of us did it? I could just hug you. I feel like it's my birthday week all over again.

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[Order]

So I'm not 100% because I refuse to believe that "one-of-a-kind" is ever really legit when it comes to jewelry but even if it's not, I was making a list of people I thought I might've fought at MILF and I kept going back to this watch that the Death Eater was wearing and trying to pick out where I might've seen it before.

And then today I was going through old Prophets and found a picture with an article and

I'm pretty sure I fought the Minister, guys. And I know we already sort of knew and that this still doesn't confirm it but between the watch and comparing the Minister's arse with this De other things, there's another bullet point we can add to our Avery is a Death Eater campaign.

Anyone else think they might have a closer idea of who they fought? I think this went well. What's next up?

My moke continues to be unimpressed with the weather.

[FORMER DMLE FRIENDS]

I'm sorry about Nova. She was one of the best.

[MAD]

I'm a little offended that someone decided to desecrate MILF and I wasn't invited.

Check in—does anyone need anything? While I doubt any of us are responsible for Rookwood, we should probably prepare for more retaliation on his behalf regardless, considering what happened when Ber the last time.

It seems like you have not yet learned. How many times do I have to say it, Britain? I do not like people touching my things. Augie Rookwood was my Knight, and you took him from me. And you don’t even appreciate him enough, clearly, because I haven’t seen anyone bragging about murdering him.

Mark my words, peons. I will have my revenge.

Death Eaters

If you thought that five days of my silence meant you were off the hook, think again! No, I have simply spared you all the honor of seeing me at my most terrible, but that does not mean my anger has subsided. I was very tempted to send you all to meet Rookwood, but I have decided to be merciful.

Speaking of my latest martyr, it was one of the Phoenixes who killed him, was it not? I assume so, given the lack of triumphant announcements coming from the DMLE and giving someone an Order if Merlin. Corban, what do your Aurors know?

That said, the time for hesitation is through. Forget making Algernon’s Ministry look good. No, make him look horrendous. Go out there and get my revenge! NOW!!!

I would like one idea from each of you on how to get revenge or, alternatively, a plate of baked goods decorated gruesomely.

Except for you, Bellatrix, because I’m not disappointed in you. You did magnificently.

The Magical Institute of Learning and Fun is an Important place of learning and fun and CULTURE that SOME PEOPLE are clearly incapable of appreciating. I hope the Ministry finds whoever was responsible for DESECRATING such an IMPORTANT MAGICAL INSTITUTION and puts them out for a PUBLIC FLOGGING. NONE OF YOU DESERVE TO BE WIZARDS!

Peter and Lucy

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PRICELESS ARTIFACTS WERE RUINED, PETER??? I thought this was the sort of thing you were going to WARN us about! Why are you useless?

I don't think I've ever seen so much gold in one place.

You've made It's quite a mess of things!

someone really should smudge hogsmeade bc woof

that negative energy is bringing out the weirdos

This is your Monday reminder. Don’t commit crimes.

DMLE

Report.

FABIAN

Running late?

Order

Well done everyone. I'm going to enjoy digging through MILF ruins tomorrow.

Check in. Let us know if you need anything. Or if you learned anything interesting.

I fought two Death Eaters. One highly skilled, one highly dramatic, both adept with unforgivables. Both annoying. I could use a healer to take a look at my shoulder but no rush.

Also I may have been outed. TBD.

ETA: If you need healing or can help heal, come here: [coordinates].

DEATH EATERS

Status and injuries. Now.

Who needs a Healer? Maitland your daughter is likely needed. An Imperiused Healer would not be turned down either if someone would fetch one. Now. I'm going to be summoned to the office soon and these injuries need dealt with.

Any details on who you fought would also not be remiss.

okay ladies and gents i got 11 days to find a date for valentine's day! now i know it's exciting but i got some requirements

1. you gotta treat me right, full date an' everything, no just hanging out on your couch
   
2. i'm a lady and this will be JUST a date
   
3. we gotta get dressed up cuz i spent a lot of money on the dress for lucy's party and wanna wear it again
   
4. we gotta go somewhere kinda nice that we don't get ta go all the time
   
5. no mudbloods
   
6. no babies — you gotta be old enough for me (28) and no little goblins runnin' around of yer own. i don't wanna be no one's evil step mum
   
7. must be willing to double date with my friends if they invite us
   
8. must bring me flowers an' chocolate
   
9. must be taller than me
   
10. additional requirements may be added an' just cuz you meet all the above don't mean i gotta say yes
    
    
    [Outer Circle]
    
    an' if you all got someone you wanna set me up with it'll bump em up the list but i couldn't say that

FABIAN PREWETT

Hello Mr Prewett.

My department is opening an investigation into the Floo Network. I'd like to talk to you about your article.

MWPPL / MOODY / DORCAS

I'm back! All is good! I'm home and in Sirius form and Devona is searching a park for me rn so for once a plan of mine didn't go sideways.

Anyways she's sure as shit hiding something. She has quite a collection of dark artifacts - specifically scarves, knives and books. There's also this box that was fucking loaded with Dark Magic. Layers of it. I spent an entire day just trying to get into that thing but nothing. Dorcas if you want to look through my memories on it? I tried to commit as much of it to memory as I could. I have the book titles written on my arm as well.

Anyways, Project Domesticated was a resounding success. What's happened on this side? I have to work tonight but I'm good until then.

There's no need to overreact. The Floo Network is more secure these days than it's ever been before.

Rosiers

Amalie, I'd like you to accompany me and Evan to an exclusive get together this weekend. I hope you'll be joining us. I believe your mother will be as well.

Sooo we're not going to talk about the evil floo usage or the fact Rosier doesn't give a damn to even reassure the public? Shocking, I know, but I hope people are disconnecting themselves and finding ways to ward their fireplaces.

ORDER.

Apparently, Voldemort is still deeply interested in collecting all the purebloods that haven't said yes to the murder cult. According to him, if I'd like to become a Death Eater, I should be at MILF on Sunday.

I can't guarantee this isn't a trap. But on the other hand, if you can't beat them, join them. Perhaps in disguise. Where you can then beat them anyway.

I have a new dog and I love him with all my heart.

Also, with the weather being as cold as it's been, please be careful with your animals exploring the outdoors, thanks!!!

This is your Tuesday reminder: don't break the law.

Some of you have some questions. These are the answers: bees are technically the jurisdiction of the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Yes, that's a real department. No, it's not brand new. Yes, I know most bees aren't magical but the DRCMC has more training in that area than the Hits do and No, we aren't going to consider beekeeping classes. Also, no, there aren't secret beehives on the roof of the Ministry. The Ministry building is underground.

These were all real questions my department has answered over the last few days. Also, we aren't going to comment on the identity of the Bee Witch, since it's an open investigation.

I'm done answering questions now.

XENO

Getting nervous?

How do people even decide on a flat like actually?

MWPPL / MOODY

So I just wanted to let all of you know that I'm (hopefully) not going to be around for a few days. I've been working out my plan to get into Devona's place and I think there's really one way that will give me the access and the time that I need. So... this evening after she gets off work I'm going to try and convince her to adopt me. Dog-me. Snuffles.

Before you say anything:
1) I know she lives alone
2)I know she has no pets
3) I know she misses having dogs
4) I know my animagus form looks a lot like an old dog she used to have
5) I know this will get me in the flat, even if only for a day or so.

I'm planning on letting her discover me after she gets off work, hopefully today but I'm off until Saturday so I have wiggle room. If you don't hear from me by Saturday evening assume something went wrong somewhere. Also please don't talk me out of it or anything or tell me I'm an idiot or something. Because I've been prepping for this for like two weeks now.

MWPP

Also. I want to tell Dorcas. About me, not you guys. We've been working on Occlumency together and it's really only a matter of time before I think of being a dog since that's like, 80% of my thoughts normally? Anyways, I want to ask if she'll look through my memories after I come back from Devona's and that would be hard to do if she doesn't know I'm an animagus.

But yeah I didn't want to do it without running it by you lot since we agreed. All for one.