Title: Cocksure
Author: Lady B
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco, Severus/Lucius/Remus
Rating: PG13 (Trust me!!)
Word Count: 528 words
Summary: Draco has a very bad habit of walking in on the tail-end of a conversation. What's worse is when he drags Harry along for the ride.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's Note: This lovely piece came to me while I was straightening the nuts section at work. I was staring at a can of cocktail peanuts and suddenly burst out laughing as this idea came to mind. Set in The Silence of Silence universe, just after Harry's fight with Ron (and if you haven't read Silence yet then you must be living under a rock). Enjoy!

- - -

"...Cock..."

Draco paused in his wanderings just outside Severus's rooms, eyes wide.

What the...

He moved nearer the door and pressed his ear against it. Apparently the three men inside had forgotten silencing charms again. He could hear movement back and forth and assumed Severus was pacing.

"I said...cock...bigger..." came Severus's distinct voice as he moved to and away from the door.

Draco choked.

"I can prove to you that mine is definitely bigger, Severus." Draco heard his father say. His mouth dropped open in shock.

"Well, shite. Mine is a tiny thing compared to the two of you." Draco heard Remus state.

Draco thought for sure he was blushing furiously. He turned on his heel and ran back to the room he was sharing with Harry. Harry was sitting at his desk working on his wandless exercises. He looked up at a flush and panting Draco. He activated his thought spell.

"What did you do, run from The Great Hall?"

"You're not going to believe what I just heard!" Draco exclaimed.

"Ron got his bits hexed off?" Harry asked with glee.

"No! Your dad, my dad and Remus were talking about cock sizes!"

Draco got a little satisfaction out of seeing his boyfriend's eyes widen in shock.

"What?" Harry gaped. "You're lying!"

"I'm not! Come hear for yourself!" He took Harry's hand and dragged him from the room.

Curious and breathless from their brief jog, they stopped outside of Severus's again, both pressing their ear to the door.

"See? I told you mine was bigger!" stated Lucius, a hint of smugness in his voice. Harry looked at Draco, struggling not to laugh. Draco had his hand over his mouth to keep his snorts of laughter from being overheard.

"Not by much, I assure you. Remus clearly has the biggest one. False modesty does not become you, Wolf." Severus replied.

"So I lied. Sue me." Remus chuckled.

All of a sudden (and both were sure that the door was securely closed), the door swung open and both boys tumbled into the room.

"Hello, boys." Remus grinned. Draco refused to look up, but Harry – who had fallen on top of him – got a good look at what was going on and burst out in breathless laughter. He poked Draco in the head.

"You git! I thought you said they were talking about cock sizes?" Harry asked.

"They were!" Draco exclaimed, looking up at him. "I heard Severus say his was bigger! What else would they be talking about?"

"How about cockatoos?" Harry grinned, directing Draco's gaze to three birds of various size and color resting on a perch across the room. Draco recognized his father's pet cockatoo, Cassiopeia.

"You should really learn to stop listening to the tail-end of conversations, son." Lucius smirked.

"Because one never knows what they may hear or see." Severus added.

"Especially when it pertains to things of unusual size." Remus grinned.

Laughing, Harry got to his feet and dragged his boyfriend from the room. As the door closed, Lucius could be heard exclaiming, "Remus is definitely the biggest where it counts."

"Silencing charms!" Draco shouted, face red, as Harry laughed.

~Fin!