The Bear and Barnacle

Rincewind walked down the hall of the pub to the kitchen so nonchalantly things that grow at the bottom of ponds would have known he was up to something. Loud voices sounded from the store room; something about a great mass of pumpkins that hadn’t been there ten minutes ago and if someone didn’t do something about them, someone was going to feel the edge of a rolling pin. Rincewind opened the kitchen door a crack and peeked in. He heaved a sigh of relief. The room was empty. He could deal with Ivonka, as long as they weren’t in the same room at the same time, but Rincewind was terrified of Xellos. Hopefully, he’d be done and gone before anyone came in or they got the pumpkins sorted out. Rincewind tiptoed into the kitchen and opened the box that kept things cold. He didn’t understand how it worked but then, he didn’t exactly understand how breathing worked either. He removed bottles and opened cupboards, getting the rest of the ingredients he needed.

( An easy and elegant dessert for your Valentine’s Day pleasure. )

The Joker was very curious. So when a note was left on the door to his flat, he was very curious indeed. It simply stated to be at an appointed construction site in Margate at an appointed time, that there was a job for him. It was certainly the first time since arriving here that someone had sought him out, on purpose.

At the appointed time (Tuesday, at 11am) he arrived at the appointed place. The construction site was deserted, no workers. Just sand, dirt, and…

A steamroller. A big, yellow, steamroller. With the keys in the ignition. The Joker clapped his hands in delight and began inspecting the machine. Out loud, he mumbled. "Well, there's LOTS of jobs this baby could help with. But, ah, who left the note? Who wanted me here? What's the job?" He was wary, eyes darting this way and that, though the grin never subsided. Just in case, he pulled his knife as he leaned against the machine to wait for the mysterious, vague note-writer.

He called out to the seemingly empty lot. "Here I am. Got the note. Nice, ah, steamroller here. With keys. So I could just drive off with it. See how I'm NOT? I think that's pretty decent of me. So why don't you come on out and tell me what you wanted me to do with this thing? Other than the, ah, obvious flattening of things…"