delayedpoet (delayedpoet) wrote in ourfunaus, @ 2008-11-14 22:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, au: endurance, date: 2000 11, mandy, mandy/nathan, nathan |
Title: Embracing the Truth
Characters/Pairing: Mandy/Nathan
Rating: NC-17 (as per usual)
Warnings: Sex, mature topics
Summary: Mandy confronts Nathan about his past... and he's finally honest.
A/N: The truth always comes out... but sometimes it doesn't ruin everything...
Mandy stood in the doorway and watched her fiancé. She braced herself for the coming confrontation.
"Nathan," Mandy whispered in a voice tinged with pain.
Nathan was next to her in a moment, his hands on either side of her face, his eyes filled with worry. "What's wrong? What happened?"
Mandy's eyes filled with tears. Her head moved back and forth between his hands. "Nothing," she said softly. "I'm all right. I mean... I hope it will be. Nathan, I love you. I love you so much, but I can't be with someone who would lie to me."
The words twisted like a knife in her gut, even though she was the one saying them. The tears in her eyes threatened to spill over. Her vision was so blurred that she nearly missed the way he jerked at her words.
"What are you talking about?" he asked sharply.
Mandy pulled her lower lip between her teeth, a tear slipping from the corner of one eye. "I know that you lied to me when I asked you about your past," she explained. He deserved to know why she was upset, why she couldn't be with him.
"What?" Nathan asked, shock clear on his face. He cleared his throat, and more tears fell from her eyes.
"I... I have to go, Nathan. I can't... I can't stay. I can't be with you knowing you don't trust me, that you'd lie to me. I'm sorry, Nathan. I'm so sorry."
Nathan's hands moved down to her arms as he held on to her, physically refusing to let her go. "You can't leave me. I love you, Mandy. I won't let you go," he said in a harsh whisper.
"Then tell me." The tears were falling down in quick succession, her voice was thick with them. "If you love me, then tell me everything." She searched his eyes through the veil of tears blocking her vision.
"I can't," he whispered. "I can't tell you about that." His thumbs stroked her arm. "I don't want you to hate me."
Mandy's hand lifted to press against his heart. "I could never hate you, Nathan. I love you. Nothing you could ever tell me about your past could make me hate you. Please trust me," she begged of him. "Please."
Nathan pulled her into his embrace, and she rested her cheek against the crook of his neck. His arms moved around her, holding her against him. "I did things I'm not proud of." His voice sounded softly against her ear. "I hurt people, Mandy."
Mandy squeezed her eyes shut, tears still slipping from between her lids. She needed to be supportive right now; she didn't want him to find any reason to not trust her. She just had to get through this conversation and find a way to move past it all. If he would just trust her, it would be all right. Together, they could get through it, but they had to trust each other.
"Tell me," she whispered against his neck. Her arms moved around him, her fingers lightly stroking his back.
"I... I tortured people for information." Mandy sucked in a breath at the words. Though she'd known that he lied, she hadn't known details, but she wouldn't judge him. She would let him tell her, and then they would move on.
"Go on," she whispered encouragingly.
"Mandy, please. Please," he repeated. "You don't want to hear these things." His voice sounded so pained, it tore at her heart, but she had to be strong right now.
"Nathan," she said firmly though encouragingly. "If you love me, if you trust me, you'll tell me."
"I do," he whispered. "Of course I do, but you don't deserve to have to live with knowing all of what happened."
Mandy pulled slightly away to look up into his eyes. Her hands lifted to frame his face, and she leaned up to press her lips softly against his. When she pulled away again, her eyes focused on his. "I love you. That won't change. But, if you don't tell me everything now, I can't be with you. That's all there is to it. I don't want any surprises down the road."
The fact was, she truly didn't want anyone to be able to tell her anything about his past that she didn't already know. If he would tell her all of it now, she would feel confident in standing next to him and supporting him.
Nathan's hands fell from her body as he moved away from her. She immediately felt cold, and she shivered at the loss of his warmth. Her eyes stung with moisture, and she wanted to pull him back to her. She didn't, though; she just watched as he moved to the window. His arms leaned against the windowsill, and he stared into the fading light. She resisted the urge to call out to him, giving him whatever time he needed to gather his thoughts.
When he finally spoke, it was in short, clipped tones. "I tortured people. I killed people. I raped women."
Mandy winced at the words, tears streaming down her cheeks. She moved to him. After hesitating for a moment, she rested her hands against his back and pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades.
"You're not that person anymore," she whispered, and she firmly believed it.
"There's more," he said in a harsh whisper. Her hands froze at the words. What more could there possibly be? After a moment, her hands rubbed gentle circles against his back.
"Go ahead," she said encouragingly.
He turned to her then, his hands grasping her upper arms as he stared into her eyes. "I can't tell you yet."
Mandy's brow furrowed at his words. "Why not?" she asked, trying not to be hurt by his refusal to tell her everything. She wasn't going to walk away now, though, now that he'd finally trusted her with the truth of what he'd done, even without details. She didn't want to know the details, though.
"Because it isn't just about me. It concerns my entire family, and I won't jeopardize that. Now I'm asking you to trust me."
His right hand trailed down her arm to hold her left hand, his thumb brushing over the engagement ring he'd given her only a fortnight ago. She'd been so excited and scared at the prospect of being a wife, and even though she'd decided that she couldn't stay with Nathan if he wasn't honest with her, she couldn't bring herself to take his ring off.
"Trust is a two-way street, Nathan. I need to know everything. I love you, Nathan. When are you going to understand that?" She held up her hand, bringing his with it, showing him the ring he'd given her. "We're going to be married."
His eyes seemed to search hers. "All right," he said softly. "Peter is my son."
"What?" Mandy frowned in confusion. "Explain, please.”
“There was a girl that I... liked,” he said carefully, “during the war.”
Mandy bit her lower lip as her frown deepened. “You raped her,” she clarified.
Nathan clenched his jaw, but nodded. “She got pregnant, so we took care of her. Ferrol and I,” he explained. “After she had Peter, we Obliviated her and let her go. I was... in no condition to raise a baby, so Theo took him in and claimed him as his own.”
“Okay,” Mandy said slowly. She sucked in a deep breath, let it out slowly. “That’s huge. How... How do you feel about it now?” She wasn’t sure what she wanted to hear, but knew that whatever it was, she wanted it to be true.
“I try not to think about it,” he answered softly as he lifted a hand to brush his knuckles over her cheek. “Theo, for all intents and purposes, is Peter’s father, and that’s how it will remain.”
His tone brokered no argument, so she nodded. Her mind was racing with so many thoughts she barely had time to process them all. She just stared into his eyes, trying to see what she’d always seen in him and not the things he’d told her today.
“Thank you,” she finally whispered, “for being honest with me.” She hugged him, then, her arms wrapping behind his neck as she pressed her body against his and her face against his neck. His arms moved around her waist, and he held her close.
For several minutes they stood just like that, simply holding one another. She felt his lips press against the top of her head, and she burrowed closer into his embrace. His fingers moved lightly over her back, sending chills through her body. She had so much to think about, but it was hard to think with his hands moving over her like that.
"Nathan?" Mandy whispered against his chest. He mumbled an encouraging noise against her hair. "I love you."
She felt his chest expand with a deep breath that he let out on a contented sigh. "I love you, too." He pulled slightly away from her and stroked a finger down her cheek. "Are we okay now?" he asked, the ghost of a hopeful smile on his face.
Mandy pulled her lower lip between her teeth before smiling hesitantly. "I have a lot to think about and work through, but yes, we're okay," she finally answered.
Nathan's head ducked toward hers, and when his lips pressed against hers, her eyes fluttered closed. She tried to focus on why it was too soon for this, but the way his lips moved against hers pushed a fog through her mind. His teeth pulled her lower lip between them, slowly releasing it, and she moaned softly against his lips.
Her body arched against him as his hands moved down her back to cup her backside. His lips kissed and sucked and nibbled a line down her jaw and neck. She tilted her head back to give him better access, her body flushed with lust. His fingers made quick work of pulling her robes from her body, letting them fall forgotten to the floor.
His hand cupped her breast, rolling her nipple between his thumb and finger. She gasped and moaned, her back arching against his hand. Her hands moved to his face, and she kissed him. This, this was what she needed right now, more than anything. To share with him what they'd always had. The passion, the love. Those things hadn't been faked. Whatever he'd done in the past, he was different now, with her.
"Take me to bed, Nathan," she murmured against his lips. He lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist and held on as he moved through the room to his bedroom.
He lowered her to the edge of his bed, his hands stroking her thighs. Her hands pushed his robes from his body, revealing himself to her. The sight never failed to send her system spinning, her heart pounding.
Her heels pressed into his lower back, urging him closer to her center. He slipped inside of her in one smooth motion, his fingers splayed across her lower back, his thumbs stroking her hips. She moaned, long and low at the feeling of him stretching her in that familiar way.
Hands and lips roamed as their bodies joined, flesh sliding sensuously against flesh. She gave herself to him, yielding, loving. She felt when he let go, the way he held on to her as he made love to her, as if she was the only thing keeping him grounded. When they peaked, it was together. Always together.
When they slid down from the high, they lay in his bed, and she curled against his side. Her legs tangled with his, their fingers linked. “It's completely different, Nathan,” she said softly into the fading light, “but you should know. I have my demons, too. I've never told anyone this. It's haunted me for years."
Her body tensed, her breathing became shallow. She was terrified of the confession she was about to make. Speaking it out loud made it true. She'd lived with this dark secret since she was fourteen years old. But, after everything Nathan had confided in her, he deserved to know what was inside her.
“I killed my father.”