The Lunatic Cafe

"Well, this is intriguing..." These was her first words when she found herself suddenly not only out of her world, which was a computer-simulated realm known as "The Grid" but also she's not been derezzed, or as the users would call it, dead. Clu had double-crossed her boss Castor, though in someways, she knew it would come back to bite him since he betrayed Sam to Clu's forces. She wasn't happy she lived, but she didn't really have much range of emotion, though she didn't question it.

Still, this world felt different. Warmer, less artificial. It felt oddly real. She rubbed her finger along a random empty seat and she took a look at her fingertip. The substance on it felt oily. She narrowed her eyes to take in what she discovered before she curled a lovely smirk. She thought out loud to herself. "I am in the world of the users. How extraordinary."

She still was in her outfit she wore in the grid as a Siren Program, so as she gracefully walked over to a seat, the lights on her outfit would dim and brighten with each movement of her body. She sat down in a booth within this cafe and demurely crosses her legs in lady-like fashion. She outstretched one arm on the top of the seat as she stoically studies the realm she finds herself in.

Oh kay what the hell. was the intital though that rang through her head, but then she realized, she wasn't in hell anymore. Strange. Cool but strange. Little did she know was how much time passed in the real world. To Jennifer, she has been in Hell listening to the same song "Through the Trees" Over and over again by that band that attempted to kill her, only in succeeding in making her a murderous demonic succubus for the past 200 years. But in her world, it's only been four years.

She did find ways to make her time in Hell less unpleasant. But the price she paid was....well she would rather not say, but it wasn't pleasant or cheap.

As she arrived, Jennifer somehow found herself no longer aged and back to her youthful self due to Hell's effects no longer having any effect on her. She found herself. in this cafe that made the nicest restaurant in Devil's Kettle look like an outhouse. She was just happy to be any where but where she was.

She was practically beaming when she practically skipped over to a table and took a seat. She closed her eyes and laid back in the chair, relaxing for the first time in a while, relieved to be out of Hell.

She entered the cafe, but it wasn't something she planned. Talia, under the guise of Miranda Tate, was about to speak to the Wayne Enterprises Board of Directors with Lucius Fox.

She saw Bane in there and her heart stopped, like everyone else who seen him. But it was more out of love rather than fear. But then just as they were about to leave the conference room, she vanished.

When she arrived, she knew somehow she wasn't not only out of Gotham, but out of her world. Rather than lose her mind, she acted as if things were normal as she took a seat in an empty booth.

Clark walks through the doors of the cafe wearing a tuxedo. There was a formal party at the Daily Planet, but Clark felt the need for some fresh air (ironic considering who he was underneath the tuxedo) and somehow he ended up here.

Still wanting that fresh air, he went outside and sat on a bench near an outdoor fireplace. It wasn't lit yet, so he uses his heat vision to light it.

With a content sigh, he leans back and looks up at the night sky.

Steve Rogers enters the cafe in a daze. His mind running in a hundred different directions.

His life had taken an unexpected turn lately. He saved a lot of lives, but sacrificed his own. Crashing into a snow and waking up 70 years later is a bit jarring.

After getting away from the strange guy in black with the eyepatch, he somehow ended up here.

Suddenly, he became aware of his surroundings. He looks around the cafe confused as to how he got here.

"Like this day wasn't weird enough," he mused aloud.

He looked around cautiously as he found a seat in a booth.

Clark Kent, dressed in his 3-piece suit and glasses, walks into the cafe and finds a seat in a booth. After ordering a coffee, he pulls out a notepad out of his briefcase that holds his Blur jacket.

Thinking for a moment he starts writing, but scratches it out and crumples up the paper.

Was he working on a story? Nope.

He was trying to find the right words for his wedding vows to Lois. And it was giving him problems.

My names is Doctor Rick Dagless M.D. and deciding that I needed a drink after the startling morning I've had visa a vie waking to my gardener, the man whom I hired to nurture and care for the lawn and plants around my homestead in Serenity Hills, going herbicidal maniac I decided to drop by the local pub and eatery named Lunatic Cafe.

The day started when I awoke at the crack of noon to the sounds of a high pitched buzzing noise plus the sounds of maniacal laughter. Springing from my bed like the well oiled panther I am, I stubbed my toe on the bedside stand and cursed loudly and longly.
Taking the time to dress in my chosen set of clothing for the day and my medical jacket, cause there is never a reason for a qualified doctor, nay do I say a healing god like myself to be seen without my medi-jacket, even if I am off duty at the moment from Darkplace Hospital where I work, I rushed out to see what the laughter and buzzing was about.

There I found Manson, my aforementioned gardener and chosen caretaker of all things plant like around my domicile dementedly attacking the lovely and delicate Alba Maximum with a weed whacker.

Alba Maximum being the large white rose bushes around the front entrance of my home. The herbicidal maniac had shredded most of Alba's delicate petals and they were strewn haphazardly across the front lawn.

I could describe the scene as drops of blood across an emerald carpet except for a few things. One being that Alba Maximum is a white rose and my front lawn already looked like crap with yellow dead grass.

Come to think of it, Manson was really a crappy gardener and I should have fired him months ago.

So reacting appropriately, I pulled my gun from my trousers and shot Manson between the eyes.

Oh don't get me wrong. It wasn't because he slaughtered two innocent rose bushes that I shot him. It wasn't even that he was obviously possessed by some evil demon of Hell that for some reason didn't like white roses.
No it was cause the bugger upon seeing me dropped his weed whacker and pulled a machete from his own front trousers and rushed to attack me.

Which by the way, if any young people had witnessed that this morning, they should be informed straight a way. Never store long sharp objects down the front of your trousers. Circumcisions should only be performed by qualified medical personnel or elderly men of the Jewish persuasions.
Something I don't think Manson was either of.

So after dealing with my now ex-gardener and having to explain to the local boys in blue what had happened, I felt the need for a few stiff drinks and a bit of breakfast.
I wasn't going to drink to dull the pain of loss of life, even though the Alba Maximums were my favorite flowers on my property, but just because I felt I could use some booze and food at the moment. Maybe more the booze than food but after that, who wouldn't?

So I found myself standing inside the entrance to the Lunatic Cafe pondering the twists and turns and mysteries of life. Visa a vie, just how long was I going to have to wait for a waitress to show up and seat me at a table this morning?

A black portal opens in the middle of the cafe and a moment later a stern faced, obviously annoyed looking young blond stomps out and heads to the bar. Clutched in the blond's fist in a death grip could barely be made out to be a girly type trash magazine.

"I'll kill him. And I mean it this time!" The blond muttered to herself. "He got away with this crap when it was distant dimensions but now... ON MY OWN DOORSTEP!"

The woman pauses long enough to glance up and acknowledge the bartender.

"Something really strong that I probably shouldn't be drinking." She says to them and goes back a moment later to muttering to herself.

"I really liked that body too. It was cute and more than a few times I was told it was perky!"

"PERKY!" She nearly yells and then looks up apologetically to the bartender. "Sorry. I'm upset." A moment later she asks. "Tell me, do you think this body is perky?"

The amount of newcomers to the cafe seemed to be increasing as the holiday season drew closer to completion. Perhaps the cafe was just trying to bring joy and happiness to those that could use it the most?

Or maybe the cafe was just making a desperate cry for help from all the decorating it's owner was putting it through lately?

Who knew what went through the cafe's mind? Or if indeed the cafe had a mind?

In whatever case as the doors of the cafe opened to reveal a darkness beyond, a even darker image strode through. As soon as the figure cleared the doorway, the doors swung shut closing off whatever dimension the person had come from.

"Another thing Lord Vader, I expect you to have handled that matter we discussed earlier..." The figure paused as he realized he was not where he had been and 'Lord Vader' had not managed to make it through the doors with him.

The doors to the cafe open and the sound of trumpets can be heard blaring and a moment later a bald headed man in fine robes walks in accompanied by a mousy looking man with a really bad haircut.
They both pause just inside the cafe as the doors to the cafe swing shut cutting off the trumpet fanfare.

"Oh I say Barnabus, I like what you have done with the feasting hall but who are all these other people here? And don't you think you over did it a bit with the trees and decorations? Mind you I like the effort you went to honor me."

The mousy looking man who it appears is named Barnabus looks around in confusion.
"My Lord? I...Um, Didn't do this. I think we may have made a wrong turn somewhere."

"Barnabus don't be foolish. We are in my castle and was headed towards the Feasting Hall. How could we possible make a wrong turn? Unless you are trying to suggest that some strange and clearly magical portal somehow opened as we were entering the hall and sent us to some strange dimension?"

"Um, yes sire. I'm afraid that is exactly what I'm suggesting."

"Oh?" Dongalor looks around the place with interest. "Well then... I guess you better announce me then."

"Oh, um, yes of course sire." Barnabus takes a few steps into the cafe and clears his throat.
"Announcing High Lord Chancellor Donold David Dongalor." Barnabus waits a moment but when no one seems to even look over in their direction he kind of deflates.

"They, um, don't seem to be that impressed."

"Well of course they aren't. They don't know my glory do they? That's okay, they'll learn." Dongalor explains to him. They wait looking at each other for a moment.

Finally Barnabus risks a question. "Do you think we are supposed to pick a table and seat ourselves?"

Dongalor looks around a moment. "Well I don't know. I've never been here before have I?" Spying the sign by the front entrance he pauses to read it. "Barnabus? What do you make of this? No weapons and no violence? Whatever do they do here for entertainment then?"

As one of the patrons of the Cafe opened the door to enter, there was a quick pattering of feet and something small scuttled inside before the door could close again.

The lights in the cafe this evening were slightly dimmed to allow the patrons to enjoy the Christmas lights and decorations that adorned almost every square inch of the interior of the cafe. The main dimmed lights also allowed the small dark figure to go mostly unseen as it momentarily took refuge under a huge Christmas tree right beside the front door. Those that did manage to catch a glimpse of the figure merely raised an eyebrow and then went back to their dining and/or drinking. After all stranger things were seen in the cafe on a regular basis.

The doll figure posed next to a large nutcracker under the tree for a moment before it scuttled out to stand and pause at the entrance signs to the cafe warning about weapons not being allowed in the cafe.

The tiny figure with the porcelain face looked up at the sign and then glanced at his right arm which ended in a knife blade and then raised his left 'hand' to reveal a wicked looking hook. If anyone had been looking at the creature's face they would have seen twin tiny spikes shoot forward to be seen in the thing's dark eye sockets before being pulled back. This continued several times, giving voice to the doll like creature's frustration.

Finally the puppet noticed small print near the bottom of the sign. "Note: No Weapons rule only applies to creatures, beings, androids, cyborgs or other life forms that can remove their weapons. If such weapons are impossible to remove or sheathed because they are part of your physical makeup let it be known the rule is amended for your sake and you may enter the cafe but the no violence rule is still strictly in force.

Impossible of course but it almost looked as if the puppet breathed a sigh of relief before once again darting back to the shadows of the tables and chairs and made its way deeper into the cafe.

Finally reaching the bar the puppet pulled it way up the side of it till it could sit on top of the bar. And there it sat as if waiting.

Normally Akane would be working the cafe, taking order, greeting customers.. But tonight wasn't one of those nights. No, tonight she was in the lounge and staring at her laptop. The couch she had claimed was a comfy one and like the rest of the cafe it was in holiday theme colors. Her sofa was a plush red one with white trim. In fact, the whole cafe looked, as one of the managers would say, 'Like Santa threw up and then exploded.' Oh, it certainly had other decor for the different winter holiday season, but it was obvious that whoever decorated had drank a little too much Christmas Spirits.

Akane herself was still dressed for work. She was wearing a short green dress that shined like wrapping paper. The trim was silver and covered in glitter much like a gift bow. In fact, she even had a big ribbon in her hair made of the same fabric. Akane didn't mind her theme uniform much. Being dressed as a 'present' wasn't nearly as bad as the snow woman or the reindeer costumes Buffy had some wear. She stopped her computer staring to readjust the skirt of her dress. Now if only her dress wasn't so binding...

The door to the cafe opened and revealed in the entrance way was to many a very familiar face. Course how anyone could forget a dead white face with a permanent grin on it, with a shock of green hair above?
The man in the purple suit paused for a moment and played with a yo-yo.

"Well... What do you know? It worked this time." The Joker said as he sauntered into the cafe.

He was quickly stopped by one of the cafe's waitresses who frowned at him and pointed to the sign at the entrance warning about weapons and attempting to harm anyone while at the cafe.

With a grumble the Joker quickly emptied his pockets of razor sharp playing cards, all Jokers of course. A whoopie cushion loaded with enough TNT to blow someone to bits, his acid squirting flower, a false grenade hand and finally his lethal high voltage joybuzzer.

Starting to stroll past the waitress he was stopped as she boldly put her hand on his chest and gently pushed him back.

"What?" He snarled. "I've left all my toys. What now?"

The waitress looked pointedly at the yo-yo he was still playing with.

"This thing? This is just a yo-yo!"

The waitress glanced at a computer pad in her hand. "Razor wire with a motor in the yo-yo part capable of taking a person's head off if were wrapped around their neck?"

The Joker gave a laugh. "Oopsie." His permanent smile fading just for a moment into a frown. "The damn sensors in this place can tell all that can they?" Instantly the smile was back. "Oh well. Can't blame a homicidal maniac for trying, now can you?"

Pulling the 'string' from around his finger the Joker reluctantly dropped his 'toy' into the bin with his other playthings.

Checking her pad one more time the waitress reluctantly nodded for the Joker to enter the cafe.

Running in terror I just managed to reach another ancient looking windmill.
Really how many of those damn things are there? What I get sent to Holland and no one saw fit to tell me?
Anyway, reaching the windmill I wrenched the door open, threw myself inside and slammed my back against the door to stop... Well, I'm never really sure what the hell it is that chases me on these dark moonless nights through the woods. In any case I let out a defiant and manly yell of defiance as I waited for the whatever the hell it was to slam against the door and take me.

"AHHHHH! AHHHH!" As I realized that there was no banging on the door long after there should have been I let out one more. "AHHH?" Before looking around.

Some how the inside of the windmill looked like some kind of fancy cafe or diner.

"Huh?" I said intelligently before turning back to the door and cautiously opening it.

Instead of the dark and ominous forest that I had just left, there was now a sunny bright parking lot.

"Okay... I dove through the door into the mill, hit my head and this is some kind of concussion induced hallucination. I'll wake any moment to find a Deadite gnawing on my leg."

Deciding to go with my delusion, I looked over the cafe I was in and saw a variety of people eating and drinking. A few were looking my way but none of them were overly reacting to a man carrying a shotgun in one hand and the other hand....Well, where a hand should be, was an attached chainsaw. Just more proof this was a hell of a concussion dream.

Clark hangs up his cell phone as he enters the cafe. It had been a busy day for him.

Stopped a bank robbery, few muggings, and worked the local Chamber of Commerce Banquet. Those were always boring, but not every story involved excitement and adventure. But that was something he'd never tell Lois.

It was one of her unwritten rules to journalism...Every story can be big if we dig deep enough.

He flags down a waitress and gets a cup of coffee before sitting on the couch.

Since Xander woke up that morning he spent a majority of the day in hiding. Cut off from the world.

Turned off his phone, didnt even turn on his computer.

It was his birthday.

His 30th.

So he went into stealth mode most of the day, but with less than an hour left he decided to come out into the world and into the cafe.

After getting a drink from the bar, he heads outside to enjoy the night air for what remained of his birthday.

A loud groaning, wheezing noise is heard in the cafe and a familiar blue box slowly materializes near the back of the cafe.

As the doors to the blue police box open a bright and bubbly blond practically dances out. Looking back to the interior of the box she calls out. "I'll go ahead and place our orders while you try to get Martha to come out."

A muffled voice from inside the box is heard but too muddled for anyone but the blond to hear.

"It wasn't my fault! You spilled the bottle on her not me!"

More muffled sounds from inside the box.

"Okay, I admit if I hadn't have bought the stuff it wouldn't have been there for you to knock over! Tell her I'm sorry and see if you can convince her to come out."

As Harley turns to find a table she mutters to herself. "It is so not my fault!"

She'd been busy as of late, since her last visit here. but finally she had gotten a break and decided to come back, this time dressed much differently. Not the disguise clothes she wore for work. Jeans, t-shirt and an unruly mane of blond hair. As she stepped inside she looked around the place. Last time she'd met Xander, and apparently he'd had some sort of relationship with another version of her mom or something.

Em ordered a soda and walked over towards the pool tables. Finding an empty one she started a game by herself just to pass the time. She wasn't bad since she played with her dad often. She moved around the table, making a few shots here and there.

She sipped her drink and looked over the table.

Some were pulled into the cafe, while others went there on purpose.

As the doors opened to admit the next patron though, it was a mixture of both pull and knowing. She'd been here many times before, though it'd been awhile since her last appearance. Still, it hadn't exactly been her expected destination.

Kali blinked as she looked about the once familiar space, immediately noting the changes, and stepping from the way of the door. "I'm getting a strong sense of deja vu..." Slowly, oddly watchful, she began to work her way toward the bar. If she hadn't intended to come, there was probably some reason for her to be here.

She smirked to herself. Maybe someone simply said her name three times. Wouldn't that be the cafe joke?

... A young woman with long black hair, wearing an odd combination of violet and obsidian fish-scale armor and heavy plate mail, falls into the Cafe with a thump. Landing hard on her rear, she doesn't seem to notice at first where she is, tending to her bruised posterior as she picks herself up.

"I bloody hate these landings.." She says, as she takes inventory of her person. Seemingly surprised to see she's dressed the way she is, she finally takes a moment to take in her surroundings, not quite sure what to make of the place.

"A... cafe. Makes about as much sense as anywhere else I've been."

Without pause, she makes her way for what seems to be the front door when some scent catches her nose, pulling her to a stop. She looks back at the counter with a mixture of desire and impatience mingling across her features.