I don't have to answer the voices in my head

Notes: Oh dear. Yeah, I wrote Snarry, but the twist is that this is house elf crack meta. I know, I know. Bad Loki. Stale cookies. ;)


( Dobby screamed in mortal terror... )

DISCLAIMER: Not mine! Never was or will be.
NOTES: It can't just be the magical folks, right? There's a lot to know about the Muggles in this universe. Used as part of the Random Facts Fest begun by iulia_linnea!


( 20 Things )

---

Not feeling so proud of this one, but here you go. Go on, tell me how wrong I am to doubt myself. I dare you.

Title: Vegas Vacation
Words: 100
Warnings: Implied animal sex.
Notes: Very random inspiration, I was watching CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, the episode with the furries' convention. Started giggling about the idea of Severus Snape being there.



Severus surveyed the conventioneers disdainfully. "Likenesses of humanised animals?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "We don't have to participate, and –"

Severus shoved a blue anthropomorphised fox in a sequined pink bikini away from himself, and snapped, "Neither of us yiff, thank you very much!"

The blue fox tottered away on huge glittery red high-heeled shoes, and Harry was sure those feet couldn't belong to a woman.

"We can get another hotel." Harry frowned. "Wait, what's yiff?"

"Nothing."

Harry seized Severus' sleeve. "Tell me."

Scowling, Severus whispered in Harry's ear.

Harry blushed, then grinned. "So, just like us, but not Animagi."

H/D comment ficlet. OMFG, this is why I can't write Draco. He comes out as a slightly retarded girl. *is only mildly mortified*

dripping_cherry had a poll; it inspired me. This is what it would look like if Harry and Draco decided to include me in their fun. Harry's not as dense as he seems, y'know. Note: Edited for very minor non-Brit-ness.

~o~

"Harry, her name is Loki. That means she'll be mischievous. You said we should spice things up!" Draco wiggled impatiently, like a puppy waiting at the front door with his leash.

Harry pondered that image and decided against bondage. Draco would want to wear leather trousers all the time. The noises alone would send him into hysterical laughter, and Draco didn't do well with that at all.

"Yes, her name is Loki, and you should know better. Loki wanted to end the world by triggering Ragnarok, and got stuck under a mountain with a serpent dripping poison on his head for all eternity. Not the sort we want in our bed. Don't you read any of those leatherbound monstrosities you rescued from the Manor?"

Draco pouted. "There are over five hundred books, I haven't gotten to them all. Anyway, this is a girl Loki." He smirked. "She's got red ha-air."

Harry, though he'd only briefly been interested in Ginny, perked up a bit. "Really? A redheaded Loki... er, wait. You seem to know an awful lot about her, and I've never met her at all. Where did you meet this woman?"

Draco clasped his hands over his chest and looked positively gleeful. "You said the internet didn't have anything good on it!"

Character(s): Vernon & Petunia Dursley, mentions Dudley, Harry, Lily, and James.
Rating: PG
Summary: They're not entirely repulsive, oddly.
Disclaimer: Not mine. JKR's getting rich, and I'm getting a little pleasant ear-scritching on the internet. I like to think she wouldn't begrudge me that much.
Author's Notes: This was written as part of LJ-er iulia_linnea's Harry Potter Random Facts Fest. Because Iuls is ♥.


( You'll never guess! )

Author: soberloki
Rating: PG (darkfic)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Challenge: 15minuteficlets #172 - Sophisticated
Notes: Recently given the editorial treatment over at fanficbunnies, and I thank the lot for their advice and encouragement.


The spell wasn't sophisticated or particularly pithy, nor was its caster, but it was powerful, and everyone agreed its essence was the thing they needed. Well. Harry wasn't so sure, but he trusted Ron, and Hermione certainly wouldn't agree to anything Ron proposed unless she'd already thoroughly trampled its flaws.

Finding Voldemort was never a problem. The red-eyed bastard was hanging about in Cornwall, openly torturing Muggles and decorating the locale with pieces of them. Inferi were common as well; already, they'd seen the risen corpses of Scrimgeour and Arthur Weasley

Oh Merlin, Ron whimpered, is that dad? Is that my dad?
Get it away, said Ginny, he isn't ours any longer, so fucking hex it. Do it, Harry!
And Harry did it, killed Arthur Weasley for a second time and later he killed Ginny after she was dead too

and Flitwick, which had been almost more terrible than the rest, tiny Flitwick still in his teaching robes, because who had time for white tombs and shrouds any longer?

But this was their newest effort. This was something that, if they were right about Harry's particular strengths and Voldemort's weaknesses, should make it all stop. End the war. Kill Voldemort, at long last.

The Horcruxes were a good start, they'd learned, but killing off even the fragment of Voldemort left in its original flesh was trickier than finding the locket Regulus Black stole; more difficult than finally, finally, crushing the power out of Ravenclaw's sodding living sink of magical learning, the Grimoire.

Wormtail, a human cockroach much more than a rat, brought Harry before his master so eagerly. Grinning, proud of his capture, and Harry was grateful he'd finally learned to block. Maybe, just maybe, he could give Voldemort enough of his mind to satisfy and he wouldn't search all the way to the bottom, all the way to the truth.

Harry saw the spell ripple out of his own mouth, coruscations of energy and intent. It was almost pretty, in a brutal sort of way, triggered by a word

Quidditch!
and comprised of every wish, every dream Harry ever had of his future in a free world. It rattled the walls, and killed Wormtail so quickly – Lucius Malfoy and Draco too – that even Voldemort was briefly unable to react to the outpouring of Harry's essence.

As Voldemort wavered and failed to exist, Harry saw the string-of-pearls pulses of magic turning pink, then darker, and understood why they'd developed this idea in the privacy of their shared bed, his two best friends. There were things they loved better than the Boy-Who-Lived.

Character(s): Harry, Hermione, Creeveys
Rating: G
Also Posted: Performance challenge, hp100
Word Count: 100
Notes: Because Harry so would, after watching Trilogy The First. Wouldn't you?


     Harry glanced over his shoulder at the Creevey brothers, poised with camera and Quick Quotes Quill.

     "Oi - Harry, just a few words for the Prophet, come on!" Dennis warbled, and Colin snapped a couple of photographs before Harry could tell them to bog off. He hated being followed in Muggle London. He couldn't even attend a film festival with a friend, lately.

     Wandlessly, he cast a silent spell. "These are not the wizards you're looking for."

     "Harry! You have to stop doing that. It's creepy," Hermione admonished, turning away so he wouldn't see her fail to conceal her smile.

Also Posted: hp100 entry
Word Count: 100
Rating/Character(s): Harry, Draco :: PG
A/N: This is what I get for listening to Letting The Cables Sleep by Bush, when I'm in this sort of mood. Honestly, WTF? First line is a lyric from the song. Think post-war.

     I'm a stranger in this town. I'm a stranger in this town.

     Harry followed Draco Malfoy as far as the barbershop, and watched him enter as if he belonged in a Muggle place. As if he allowed Muggles of any kind to touch him, for any reason, without soon after reducing them to piles of smoking bone and memory.

     Malfoy donned an apron, and spoke smilingly to the men waiting along one wall. Harry saw one man seat himself in a barber chair, and Malfoy raise a shining blade. He held it at the man's neck, still smiling.

     "Avada Kedavra!"

Also Posted: Perposterice Entry
Characters/Pairings: Severus Snape/Harry Potter
Word Count: 690
Rating: PG Crack, I'm hoping.
Summary: Severus Snape shouldn't speak to strangers.
Notes: Heeee. perposterice Spam Sender Challenge prompt #29.


( The girl seemed too... polished, in Severus' opinion. )

Word Count: 431
Rating: PG-13
Notes: I blame the song Still Waters, by Reverend Jim White. Seriously. That is one gorgeously weird song.


( Voldemort dies, and half of the Wizarding world disappears. )