I don't have to answer the voices in my head

Yeah... I wrote het - not only that, but dark het, featuring Tom/Ginny. WTF? Erm, I got bunnied over in pornandkittens. They're to blame for a lot of my blather lately, I think. 184 words of creepy, detached sex.

Warning: Chan ahead like whoa. Also dub-con, really. Not graphic, but pretty obvious.


Candor

( Ginny whimpered... )

DISCLAIMER: Not mine! Never was or will be.
NOTES: It can't just be the magical folks, right? There's a lot to know about the Muggles in this universe. Used as part of the Random Facts Fest begun by iulia_linnea!


( 20 Things )

---

Not feeling so proud of this one, but here you go. Go on, tell me how wrong I am to doubt myself. I dare you.

I jumped on the bandwagon again. A shock, I know. Inspired by celandineb, and my own uncontrollable urge to promote pretty much any pairing involving a happy Snape. 327 words, G-rated, single-voice crack.

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5 Reasons Snape Puts Up With Harry, or, Love Isn't One of Them
An interview with Rita Skeeter

You people ask the most intrusive questions. Why must you persist? Does it really matter, why I don't send him to live with Weasleys, or on his own?

Oh very well, Albus. Why I agreed to hang your bloody portrait in my home, I'll never know. Meddling old bugger, I'm sure it was actually Potter's idea.

I do not send Harry Potter away because he keeps the place in order. I know all of the standard housekeeping charms, but Tergeo and Scourgify are not the same thing as on-your-knees effort, are they?

I have yet to evict The Walking Bird's Nest for the simple reason that I am not used to a great deal of discussion. While he keeps house here, he also usually manages to deter fools who feel it necessary to track me down and pester me with questions, the answers to which are most assuredly none of their bloody business. Do not drip that vile pink excuse for ink on my furnishings, Skeeter.

I permit the annoying twit to inhabit my home because he's a reasonably good cook. His holiday meals are quite satisfactory, despite the company he insists on including. Weasleys. It's always Weasleys. And Granger. And that positively insufferable French bint who married one of the Weasleys. And their children...

I keep the Boy-Who-Lived about the place as a reminder that we are not who we believed ourselves to be when we were young. I am not a glory-seeking Dark Master. Potter is not a golden idol to be followed by the masses. Neither of us is the child who first set foot in the Great Hall of Hogwarts... and it is entirely possible that we never were.

Besides all that, I love the little green-eyed idiot, don't I? Dearest Merlin, I knew you'd drop your quill. Spell that ink out of my rug immediately, or I shall not be held responsible for what happens to you.

And Albus... do shut up.

Title: Vegas Vacation
Words: 100
Warnings: Implied animal sex.
Notes: Very random inspiration, I was watching CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, the episode with the furries' convention. Started giggling about the idea of Severus Snape being there.



Severus surveyed the conventioneers disdainfully. "Likenesses of humanised animals?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "We don't have to participate, and –"

Severus shoved a blue anthropomorphised fox in a sequined pink bikini away from himself, and snapped, "Neither of us yiff, thank you very much!"

The blue fox tottered away on huge glittery red high-heeled shoes, and Harry was sure those feet couldn't belong to a woman.

"We can get another hotel." Harry frowned. "Wait, what's yiff?"

"Nothing."

Harry seized Severus' sleeve. "Tell me."

Scowling, Severus whispered in Harry's ear.

Harry blushed, then grinned. "So, just like us, but not Animagi."

H/D comment ficlet. OMFG, this is why I can't write Draco. He comes out as a slightly retarded girl. *is only mildly mortified*

dripping_cherry had a poll; it inspired me. This is what it would look like if Harry and Draco decided to include me in their fun. Harry's not as dense as he seems, y'know. Note: Edited for very minor non-Brit-ness.

~o~

"Harry, her name is Loki. That means she'll be mischievous. You said we should spice things up!" Draco wiggled impatiently, like a puppy waiting at the front door with his leash.

Harry pondered that image and decided against bondage. Draco would want to wear leather trousers all the time. The noises alone would send him into hysterical laughter, and Draco didn't do well with that at all.

"Yes, her name is Loki, and you should know better. Loki wanted to end the world by triggering Ragnarok, and got stuck under a mountain with a serpent dripping poison on his head for all eternity. Not the sort we want in our bed. Don't you read any of those leatherbound monstrosities you rescued from the Manor?"

Draco pouted. "There are over five hundred books, I haven't gotten to them all. Anyway, this is a girl Loki." He smirked. "She's got red ha-air."

Harry, though he'd only briefly been interested in Ginny, perked up a bit. "Really? A redheaded Loki... er, wait. You seem to know an awful lot about her, and I've never met her at all. Where did you meet this woman?"

Draco clasped his hands over his chest and looked positively gleeful. "You said the internet didn't have anything good on it!"

Word Count: 350
Pairing/Characters: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Notes/Warnings: Directly inspired by LJ-er irisgirl12000's triplet of drabbles. Utter nonsense and mush.


( At four in the morning, Harry crept in at the kitchen door. )

Title: Turning Left
Characters: Lucius Malfoy, OFC
Word Count: 219
Notes: Brain fart. Read LJ-er circe_tigana's A Punch-Up At A Wedding and had this come upon me. Don't have anyone in mind for the parent, particularly. *is random*


"Sir? Mr. Malfoy?"

Lucius turns and glares at the girl, his son's age or younger, clearly not in their social circle because he doesn't know her and he thinks she might be wearing Muggle clothing, styled after Wizard garb.

"Yes?" He's ice, he's not bothered at all by the liquid brown eyes and shaggily familiar brown hair.

"Sir, my Daddy went to your wedding and he waited in the woods and he saw you tell them lies and burn the willow boughs. He says you're as pure as you ever were, even in school, but he's purer still." She doesn't seem to understand what she's saying.

Lucius is most assuredly not bothered. He is not. If he were bothered, he would have to remember the days before his wedding, and he doesn't want to. Those days are over. They cannot be resurrected and he cannot be saved.

"What is your father's name?"

The girl shakes her head. "I'm not allowed to say. You're supposed to know. He said if you didn't know, you didn't deserve to."

"What is your name?"

That makes her smile, and she doesn't answer. He expected it. He knows who sent her, now.

As he draws his wand, he wonders if the girl's father remembers the days before that wedding as clearly as he believes.

Rating: PG
Summary: Be careful what you wish for.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, locations, or attitudes. Dang.

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