I don't have to answer the voices in my head

Yeah... I wrote het - not only that, but dark het, featuring Tom/Ginny. WTF? Erm, I got bunnied over in pornandkittens. They're to blame for a lot of my blather lately, I think. 184 words of creepy, detached sex.

Warning: Chan ahead like whoa. Also dub-con, really. Not graphic, but pretty obvious.


Candor

( Ginny whimpered... )

Notes: Oh dear. Yeah, I wrote Snarry, but the twist is that this is house elf crack meta. I know, I know. Bad Loki. Stale cookies. ;)


( Dobby screamed in mortal terror... )

Yeah... complete crack. Warnings for het and implied oral. Hermione/Flitwick. I'm so sorry.


( Chitchat. )

Title: The Theory
Character/Pairing(s): Severus/George
Word Count: 100
Rated: PG for naked Weasley
Challenge: snape100 #145 – Snape, the Animagus
Notes: Snape rarepairs are my favorites!


     "One theory is that Animagus forms are facets of the personality, expressed as animals. But there's another... not as popular, but it might explain this."

     Snape returned to human form, sneering. "Do enlighten me, Mister Weasley."

     George flicked the sheet at Severus. "Don't be like that, I'm not telling anyone."

     Severus refrained from snarling, Better not, if you know what's good for you, and instead raised his eyebrow.

     George loved that eyebrow. "Right, this other theory is that a form can be a missing bit of a personality." He grinned. "Honestly, does anything about you resemble a Puffskein, normally?"

Title: Vegas Vacation
Words: 100
Warnings: Implied animal sex.
Notes: Very random inspiration, I was watching CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, the episode with the furries' convention. Started giggling about the idea of Severus Snape being there.



Severus surveyed the conventioneers disdainfully. "Likenesses of humanised animals?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "We don't have to participate, and –"

Severus shoved a blue anthropomorphised fox in a sequined pink bikini away from himself, and snapped, "Neither of us yiff, thank you very much!"

The blue fox tottered away on huge glittery red high-heeled shoes, and Harry was sure those feet couldn't belong to a woman.

"We can get another hotel." Harry frowned. "Wait, what's yiff?"

"Nothing."

Harry seized Severus' sleeve. "Tell me."

Scowling, Severus whispered in Harry's ear.

Harry blushed, then grinned. "So, just like us, but not Animagi."

H/D comment ficlet. OMFG, this is why I can't write Draco. He comes out as a slightly retarded girl. *is only mildly mortified*

dripping_cherry had a poll; it inspired me. This is what it would look like if Harry and Draco decided to include me in their fun. Harry's not as dense as he seems, y'know. Note: Edited for very minor non-Brit-ness.

~o~

"Harry, her name is Loki. That means she'll be mischievous. You said we should spice things up!" Draco wiggled impatiently, like a puppy waiting at the front door with his leash.

Harry pondered that image and decided against bondage. Draco would want to wear leather trousers all the time. The noises alone would send him into hysterical laughter, and Draco didn't do well with that at all.

"Yes, her name is Loki, and you should know better. Loki wanted to end the world by triggering Ragnarok, and got stuck under a mountain with a serpent dripping poison on his head for all eternity. Not the sort we want in our bed. Don't you read any of those leatherbound monstrosities you rescued from the Manor?"

Draco pouted. "There are over five hundred books, I haven't gotten to them all. Anyway, this is a girl Loki." He smirked. "She's got red ha-air."

Harry, though he'd only briefly been interested in Ginny, perked up a bit. "Really? A redheaded Loki... er, wait. You seem to know an awful lot about her, and I've never met her at all. Where did you meet this woman?"

Draco clasped his hands over his chest and looked positively gleeful. "You said the internet didn't have anything good on it!"

Challenge: #153 - Severus Snape and the Random Book Title.
Rated: R
Word count: 100, of course
Also Posted: Snape100
A/N: The generated title made me giggle, and then this came to me.


( On first entering his office... )

Also Posted: Perposterice Entry
Characters/Pairings: Severus Snape/Harry Potter
Word Count: 690
Rating: PG Crack, I'm hoping.
Summary: Severus Snape shouldn't speak to strangers.
Notes: Heeee. perposterice Spam Sender Challenge prompt #29.


( The girl seemed too... polished, in Severus' opinion. )

House: Ravenclaw
Also Posted: hp100 entry
Rating: G
Characters: Assorted Order Members
Challenge: Staff Development
Word count: 100
A/N: Muaaaahahahaaaa... a theme I'm sure we all recognise.


51. To all Muggleborns and children of the 1960s: Monty Python recitations during Order meetings are not appreciated.

52. While Charming Severus to sing, 'I have to push the pram-a-lot' in basso profundo is undoubtedly amusing, it can only end in tears.

53. "Run away!" is not our new battle cry.

54. Stop saying "Ni!" This means YOU, Remus.

55. Any further questions regarding the airspeed of swallows will result in Arithmancy tutorials.

56. Please stop re-enacting the Dead Parrot Sketch using Kreacher. It's rude.

57. Taunting Harry Potter with couplets from Brave Sir Robin is really quite cruel, Severus.

Title: Bugger This
Author: soberloki
Word Count: 425
Notes: Um, crack. Yeah.


One morning, Harry Potter sat for breakfast at the Slytherin table. Millicent, Pansy, Theodore, Blaise, and Crabbe gaped at the interloper as he settled next to Draco Malfoy. Goyle was already involved in his scrambled eggs, and couldn't be bothered.

( What are you doing, Potter? )