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!: network post, ₴ inactive: calamity ashe, ₴ inactive: jesse mccree, ₴ inactive: sydney clarke

Anyone who wants a job makin' somethin' hard to find, come send some sugar my way.

Movin' on. Some of you might have picked up that I was gonna be openin' up a legitimate business here. Finally sussed up a name for it: Bombshell. If you're DOA, you get a discount, but if you're a civie, well, love don't pay the bills and I ain't runnin' a charity. 18 and over, please; I only break the fun laws. I sold most of these in another place before this, so you can know they're tried and true.

Lovers' Quarrel: A petite dynamite designed to make sure your mate's paying attention to you. Blows up purple or pink smoke, your request. Don't put it nowhere that'll hurt.

A Kiss on the Cheek: Mild pop of noise to wake a body up. Good for distraction in the event that you're not looking to get anyone killed (boooooooo).

Two Hits and a Miss: Two loud and powerful blasts followed by a smoke bomb - pink, purple, red, and if I can get the pigment, ice-blue. This one's meant to cause some chaos, but I wouldn't recommend it unless you've got super soldiers or Asgardian types that can shrug off some flying boulders.

Lead A Horse to Water: Little pop-pop-pops that function as a good "what's that" before you swoop in. Takes a while to set up so only invest if you've got the sneaky-types and the time.

Big Baby Doll: Are you mad? Is the time for conversation over? Do you need to blow something the FUCK UP? Well now, meet my Big Baby Doll. She's my biggest, baddest, nastiest bomb I'm allowed to produce here on Boring Island. She explodes in a puff of red smoke and damn if she doesn't make a smoke cloud in the shape of a heart. She's my calling card, and she'll do you right if you treat her right.

This here's a preview; I'll be having my grand openin' in a week or two, assumin' weird shit ain't goin' down. Who'm I kiddin'? Of course weird shit'll go down. Let me rephrase - I won't open if whatever's happenin' interferes with business. Give me a holler here in comments if any of my wares appeal, and I'll make sure to stock it up. Y'all have yourselves a nice day.