WHO Caleb Widogast and Essek Thelyss WHERE The Xhorhaus, in their bedroom WHEN Early morning of June 28 WHAT Shadowgast gets caught up with what's going on back home. STATUS Complete WARNINGS Spoilers through C2E141 and maybe the wrap up
For all intents and purposes, Caleb should have expected to wake up in his own bed. It was where he went to sleep (very late, too late, summer was getting the best of him already) and it was where he spent the night restless but up against Essek’s back as usual. But if that was not a surprise, if he expected to wake up where he had gone to sleep.
Why was he still surprised? Why was the last thing he remembered being in the dome again, in Aeor, sleeping on a pile of blankets while Essek tranced nearby, floating in the way only Essek could.
His brain blipped. Memories merged. It was a mash of things all at once, blurring together as Caleb’s hand twitched against Essek’s chest, wrapped around him. As he slowly came to consciousness, he tensed against Essek’s back.
As if this was a place he shouldn’t have been, pressed up so nicely against the drow. It was on the tip of his tongue to apologize for getting so familiar, when thus far moments in Aeor had just been-- longing. Quiet touches, little looks. Nothing pressed further, they were both too exhausted when the dome was finally pitched to do anything other than rest, no matter how close the quarters were.
But Caleb could still feel Essek on his lips, even still. His hand didn’t retract, just flexed a little. He buried his face into Essek’s neck, prepared to apologize but not ready to escape the warmth after everything had just been so cold. “Ah-- please tell me I do not need to apologize for taking liberties.”
It had been a very long time -- decades, even -- since Essek had woken with a warm body not only next to him, but holding him close.
Except, no. That wasn't entirely true. Essek tranced. It had been even longer since he had actually slept, a true sleep that cut off his awareness of the world around him and instead let him sink into blessed unconsciousness for a handful of hours at a time.
Except... no. Neither of those things were right, because he had been doing both for nearly a year now.
Whether it was the whirring contradictions or simply Caleb's words that brought Essek to full consciousness, he didn't know. But as his eyes slowly fluttered open, they immediately adjusted and took in their bedroom -- their bedroom, which was certainly not some corner of Aeor that they had deemed safe enough to put the dome for the night. That should have been more jarring, except Essek let his eyes close once more, appreciating how it felt to have Caleb's arm holding him close, Caleb's breath on his neck where his face was pressed, Caleb, Caleb, Caleb.
He let out a soft breath, then sunk back into the human. Essek adjusted, hand snaking up to rest on Caleb's at his chest. This was allowed, because it was what he had been doing for months -- except that knowledge warred with memories of tentative circling in Aeor and sleep still clinging to Essek's brain. He would worry about untangling that mess in a moment.
"Don't apologize," he murmured, fingers lacing with Caleb's. "Unless you want me to apologize for doing the same."
Caleb breathed in deep again, steadying himself and letting the memories just slide to a cloudy, far-away part of his brain. It was easier to not focus on them right now, even if what came with it was relief. So much fucking relief. Pleasure at exploring Aeor’s ruins with Essek, as well, but it was done after knowing Trent Ikithon would never hurt anyone ever again.
That was priceless, in itself. He’d known some of it, from Beauregard, but having that experienced relief-- it was like a weight had been lifted off of his chest and his shoulders.
He laughed, the quietest chuckle, right on the back of Essek’s neck. He leaned away to give his lover room to turn over if he so wished. “Good, because I would have but I would have been very put out.” His hand stayed on Essek’s chest, needing that physical connection. “Did you wake up with any additional memories, schatz?”
Essek's eyes opened at that, a small smile forming at the corner of his mouth. He had to assume that Caleb asking at all meant that he also had gotten new memories, which was a relief in and of itself. The last time Caleb had remembered more from home, Essek hadn't -- and when Essek did, it wasn't nearly as much as Caleb and the others had recalled. This might be more of the latter, but at least it was happening at the same time.
Taking the invitation for what it was, Essek turned over so he could see Caleb, pausing just a moment to lean over and press a "good morning" brush of his lips to the cheek before settling back down. His hand also stayed on Caleb's, keeping it sandwiched between his fingers and chest.
"I did." He thought for a moment, all those memories of anxiety in Eiselcross, broken only by the Mighty Nein arriving and his offering aid before they eventually delved into Aeor and Essek got to experience what it was his friends did firsthand. He had gone into the ruins and come out in the Blooming Grove a different person, even moreso than the weeks between the peace talks and the Mighty Nein finding him at the outpost.
Essek lifted his free hand, his fingernails scratching gently at the hair along Caleb's jaw. "The last thing I remember was exploring Aeor with you -- only you."
Caleb made a little noise of contentment, almost a soft purr rumbling through his chest as he leaned into Essek’s touch. Eventually, he settled down onto the drow’s chest, head resting on Essek’s shoulder so he could cuddle in, not ready to get up and face the world just yet. Here they didn’t have the rush that they did back home.
Here they were just Essek and Caleb, Professors, Outlanders of Vallo, lovers. Kiri would be up soon, and then their quiet would break, but until then he could simply spend this time quietly, in the arms of someone who soothed his thoughts even more now than he did before.
“Ja, I had just spent the day against that blasted emerald. Again.” It was more difficult to succeed on that when he was here, but it appeared it would be his true nemesis in all things. He grumbled against Essek’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t feel as tired and sore as I do, and yet.”
As soon as Caleb made himself comfortable, Essek's arms moved to hold him closer still while his cheek came to rest atop soft, sleep mussed red hair. It was the sort of natural touch that was born of months of practice, the sort that he had once thought himself above and uninterested in -- and then he had met and gradually fallen for Caleb. They hadn't reached such a point in the new events in his mind, but he remembered the lingering looks and the not at all necessary brushes of fingers when passing books and papers. They were little things, but for someone like Essek, who had deliberately remained solitary for decades and didn't ordinarily feel such interest or attraction for another, they spoke volumes.
Essek lifted one of his arms, his fingers beginning to massage slow, gentle circles into the span of Caleb's shoulder and back that he could reach without getting up in an attempt to help with the mentioned soreness. "I have confidence that you will best it yet, d'anthe," Essek replied, soft amusement laced in his tone. Though amused, he certainly meant it as he added, "I am sure we'll think of something in time."
Because they had time. Essek felt less like he was existing on it being borrowed, now that he knew he had support and allies. Not wanting to focus on himself just yet, though, he asked, "Other than tired and sore, how do you feel? It is a lot to remember."
“Oh are you?” Caleb shot back, but it was without heat or any sharpness behind it. Just soft, hushed words, questioned and gentle as they floated across. His back arched with feline grace as Essek’s fingers went along his back and he leaned into the touch, savoring it and enjoying the pleasure and pain that went along with the massage.
“I am…” How did he feel? It was both an easy answer and a difficult one. A complex concoction of emotion rumbled through his brain and down to his chest as he thought about it. "I feel good, I think. Some of it is a weight off of my shoulders, to be sure.”
But then some of it was bittersweet, in a way. Things he had here that he wished he could have at home, and things at home that he wished he could have here. “I think most of all, I am relieved. I never expected to be someone who was afforded a second chance, let alone one that offers as much peace as this one does.”
That, at least, was something that Essek could understand. Both in Vallo and at home, he had been gifted a second chance and he was thankful every day for it. Was it deserved? He was sure there were plenty that would say it wasn't and there would likely always be moments of self-doubt where he found himself agreeing, but that just gave him more incentive to make the most positive impact he was capable of.
"Good and relieved are, well -- good." Essek shifted just a bit, pressing a small smile to the top of Caleb's head. "I'm glad you have some of it off your shoulders. I know there was a lot of unknown looming, even with Beau and Yasha here to fill in some blanks."
Caleb brought his fingers up to do a little walking dance up Essek’s chest, playful as they marched. “Beauregard had only told me a little bit, and while that was a relief to find out from her, it felt different than experiencing it myself. To-- see justice brought. To know Astrid did the right thing. That-- she dragged Eadwulf into ultimately doing the right thing as well.” Even if that was still complicated, and he had not missed the way their fingers pointed at Trent.
But that was a situation for the Caleb at home, to do his own dismantling, with or without their help. Here, he could do nothing for it.
He could lean up to offer Essek a kiss on the side of his jaw, though. That felt right. “Are you at peace? Or conflicted?”
Essek let out a soft, thoughtful noise as he considered, his fingers abandoning their massaging to travel up Caleb's back and comb into his hair. "It is hard to say." Another brief pause, before he added, "Hopeful, perhaps?"
There were still a great many unknowns ahead of Essek. He knew that his days were numbered with the Dynasty; they were circling ever closer and before long enough suspicion would be cast his way to give enough grounds for questioning and that could only lead one direction. With Trent and Vess out of the picture, he was left with only one co-conspirator from the Cerberus Assembly to worry about, but Ludinus was also the one that Essek knew to be most concerned about when it came to scheming. Elves lived long lives, after all. They were very good at the long game.
Even with that knowledge, though, he had to admit that he did feel a certain amount of peace. "I am a very different person now than I was when the wizard in a group of mercenaries undid half of my treason and changed my life entirely." He smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of Caleb's head. "I don't know what my future holds, if I will need to go on the run or hide or something else entirely, but I know I am on a better path than I once was."
Caleb’s smile slipped in when that group of mercenaries was brought up. He had no regrets there, with the path they chose, and with the choices they made, even involving Essek. They could have turned him in, they could have betrayed him, as he had betrayed them, but Caleb had seen the whole thing a little differently. He saw himself in Essek, and all of that, that realization.
That had made him realize that he deserved better. He deserved his redemption. If Essek worked at it, if he wanted the same, he would too. And he had, it was a warmth that settled into Caleb nicely, like it belonged there. Like Essek belonged there.
Caleb was a little more serious when he leaned back slightly to look at Essek. “You will always have a place with me. Here or home. No matter if you have to run, no matter if you have to hide. If you want it, your path can be along mine.” For as long as they had.
It wasn't often that Essek Thelyss was left speechless, but this moment was a near thing. He smiled at Caleb, soft and loving; the sort of expression that had become more and more common as time passed and he found himself accepting that this was his life now. It could very well be his life at home, even if it would look different in some ways. He could have a life of love, though, of support and happiness. He could do the good that he wanted to do. He could be the person he wanted to be.
Essek tucked a loose lock of hair behind Caleb's rounded ear, then traced his thumb across his cheekbone. "There is no one else whose path I would want to walk alongside, here or home or any other timeline in between." He leaned up then, closing the short distance between them as they shared space in their bed, and pressed a kiss to Caleb's forehead.
When he backed away, looking at Caleb once more, his expression was still just as soft. Normally expressing his feelings through words was a struggle for Essek, a lifetime of neither expressing nor embracing his deeper emotions making actions to show them somehow simpler. This moment was different, the words coming easy as he said, "I love you, Caleb."
Caleb slid up slightly, holding himself just above Essek so that he could cup the smooth, sharp jaw of his lover. His finger ran along Essek’s ear, over the piercings, up the tip. He could get lost in those eyes, and frequently did on their more quiet moments. “I love you too, Essek.” It felt nice to say, to have that comfort in another person.
They both had their own complex pasts when it came to love. To family. And to find each other in all of it, it was almost a remarkable thing, with all that they had been through, and all that they had left to do.
But for now, Caleb could give himself a small break. A reprieve.
At that thought, Caleb broke away for just a moment to glance at the clock, to see if they were about to be rudely interrupted by an alarm, or not-so-rudely interrupted by an adorable kenku. They had an hour, and with that realization came a slow smile as he turned back to Essek. “We have a little time before we have to get up. Any ideas of what we could do to fill that time?”
Essek met Caleb's smile with a slow one of his own. With a house as full as the one that they lived in, it could sometimes be a challenge to find what felt like true privacy, especially for someone like Essek, who still occasionally struggled with even tame public displays of affection. It just made the unexpected moments like this one, a morning that didn't call for getting ready for work or last minute grading of assignments or an early morning kenku wake up call, all the sweeter and easier to cherish.
Pushing himself up the short distance needed, Essek caught Caleb's mouth with his own, kissing him just as slowly as his smile had been moments before -- an echo of his declaration of love, or at least the start of one. He broke away, pausing before speaking to brush his nose against Caleb's and trail a few soft kisses across his cheekbone. The casual intimacy came as easy as the 'I love you' had, making the drow feel warm and relaxed and happy.
Then, finally, Essek teased, "I have a few. Let's see how many we can cross off, hm?"