Super Glee!

Good evening, everyone. Grant Wright here with Channel 2's nightly news.

Local business of Ohio were today rocked by the news that Richard Nelson, popularly known as 'Rick the Stick' to many, has died this morning. The twenty-eight-year-old was locally known for his investment business and financial dealings with numerous small and family run businesses in the local area's of Ohio.

Mr Neslon, a Lima native, was reportedly found dead in his family home in the early hours of the morning following a two week long convalescence period from a nasty case of the flu. Mr Nelson's co-workers had reported strange, erratic behaviour from the CEO of Nelson Investments Inc. and expressed their concern to Nelson's high-school sweetheart and wife of seven years, Joanne Nelson.

Mrs Nelson was unavailable for comment, however authorities have issued a statement pending the investigation of Mr Neslon's sudden death due to questionable circumstances. Reports indicate that Mr Nelson had discoloured nail beds, elevated core temperature and reports of uncharacteristic behaviour over the last few weeks.

Authorities are looking into Mr Nelson's last movements and are urging for anyone with information to come forward. Mr Nelson leaves behind a wife and one son still in the Lima area.

In other news...

Good evening, everyone. Grant Wright here with an update on the mysterious new virus that has been rocking the US's biggest Metropolitan areas.

The CDC is reporting another symptom to add to the list that we all should be aware of: an extended duration of the illness. If all visible symptoms persist more than 14 days, scientists are asking that you call your local CDC chapter. Authorities are also using this time to call for assistance from those already infected: please go see your Doctor. Current research regarding the illness, is extremely limited, scientists have said, due the the lack of available blood samples of those infected with this illness.

Again: if you find yourself with fever, chills, muscle aches, runny nose, shooting limb pains, blackened nail beds, odd, unexplained behavior, and an extended duration of your illness, please call the number on your screen, and your local doctor.

Thank you all for your attention, and please remember that personal hygiene is our first line of defense against this illness.

Greetings dedicated followers!

This week we have a change of course; this week there will be no news of Kim Kardashian's most recent face lift (which has given her a cat like quality), nor the news of Lima native Mr Anderson's political running, we're not even talking about Kristen Wiez of Carmel, Indiana supposedly giving birth to kittens. No, this week, we're going more mainstream.

We're talking conspiracy like.

Now, I know what you're thinking. When did I, Jacob ben Israel, dedicated celebrity news media outlet take a walk on the deranged and dorky side. Well, gentle readers, since we are being deceived!

Officials may want us to believe that we are facing just a backlash of winter flu, but alas, there is more to it. Sources indicate a deeper, darker secret is brewing.

Until the next Borat movie is complete; I shall be delving into this conspiracy and finding the infested root!

Watch out!

Hello everyone! Grant Wright here. We're briefly interrupting your regularly scheduled program with a WSGR Health Alert:

A new, mysterious illness that is breaking out in large Metropolitan areas has scientists at the CDC worried about a new mutation of the Influenza Virus. Current investigations have come up virtually empty, and the researchers are at somewhat of a standstill until more data can be recovered.

Health officials are advising everyone to be more diligent than ever with hand washing, bathing, and cleaning of normal household items, as there is strong evidence that the illness is contagious. Citizens should be cautious and pay special attention to what they're eating and drinking, and should avoid sharing food when possible.

If anyone has any information regarding this illness, or presents with 5 or more of the following symptoms: Fever, chills, muscle aches, runny nose, shooting limb pains, blackened nail beds, and odd, unexplained behavior, please contact your doctor and call the number on your screen. Public cooperation is appreciated as we work to solve this mystery.

This has been a WSGR News Health Alert - we now return you to The Big Bang Theory, already in progress.

Who: Sugar Motta
When: 6/1
Where: Her personal IJ
What: People question Sugar's methods; everyone is baffled.

( Sugary Sweet LLC is chock full of my awesome ideas. )