Real World TV RPG

[Liz has been talking at the camera for quite a long time when the clip actually begins. You can tell because her slouch is deeper than usual, her eyes are going just about everywhere other than toward the camera, and the clip begins as she is mid-sentence:]

--of my fourth grade play. I was up for the lead, but then I got cast as the tree because my teacher said I was the only one who could "pull off boring" well enough not to be noticed by the audience. And then there was the time at summer camp I--[she stops herself, takes a breath, and finally looks directly into the camera]--Is there a time limit on these things? [a small laugh] You don't...know, do you? Cameras don't...

I have been talking for a long time, haven't I? Well, I...am going to say something about my first few days in the house, because that's the point of these things, isn't it? Not to talk about why sleeping in a bunk bed makes me kind of nauseous, or about the recurring stress dreams I've had about eating ladybugs ever since I saw that episode of Fear Factor.

Right, so, my first few days. Okay. First of all, let me just say that there are a lot of TV characters here. I don't know how this is even happening, but Catwoman is on my team. Not the cartoon, but, like, Eartha Kitt, 1960s Catwoman. But don't even get me started on the cartoons. Even that baby from Family Guy is here. In my room! Which, I guess, is lucky for us, because he seems pretty determined. [Then she remembers and looks up with a sudden burst of life.] Devon Banks is here! But I think he was trying to hit on me, so I don't know what that was about. He keeps calling himself a magician. I think he's finally lost it. And then there's my ex-boyfriend, Drew, except he keeps smoking and acting like he just walked of the cast of Hairspray. And he has hands! Two of them!

[She goes on talking for several more minutes, about several different unrelated things. If this were edited into the show, the little gems of Liz Lemon wisdom would probably be intercut with clips of Liz making a sandwich or hitting her head off the bunk above her bed or having a staring contest with one of the cartoons. But as it is, the confessional video goes on and on and on...and...on...]

I hope this ends up being more like The Amazing Race than The Apprentice.

[Piz slips into the confessional room, looking around curiously and sits in the chair, he looks in the general direction of the camera but not quite making eye contact with it. One knee is bouncing like mad and he seems overly nervous.]

I'm Piz. Just Piz. Only Sheriff Mars is allowed to call me Stosh. I, uh, I'm not really sure what I'm doing here. Wallace spent his summer helping protect children in Uganda. Veronica spent hers doing bad ass thing for the FBI. Can I curse? [Piz looks around for a minute as if expecting an answer but then just shrugs.]

I'm not used to being on camera, well, not intentionally. [His face heats up and he unconsciously touches his right side with his left hand.] I'm more of a radio person. It's my calling, naturally so I don't mind talking a lot. I'm not quite sure about my house mates just yet. [Piz leans forward and drops his voice to a whisper.] Did you know there are vampires here? I've seen some crazy things in my time, but apparently not as much as some. It's just kind of...creepy. Vampires and Miss Piggy, I don't even...there's just no proper way to think about this all.

[Piz leans back and looks a little helpless. He shrugs with a heavy sigh before getting up and leaving the confessional quietly.]

( First Confessional )

[Artie opens the door to the confessional, then opens the door wider and rolls into the small room before shutting the door behind him. He gets settled by adjusting his chair, setting the brakes, and folding his hands over a bunch of cookies neatly wrapped in a napkin in his lap.]

First off, Samantha makes the best cookies ever. I could live off of them. I could go off about how strange it is here. It's still really weird, what with the way we're all still meeting each other. Most reality shows have like, twenty people max. And they're from all different places and times and some of them are cartoons. And vampires, and vampire slayers, and witches. And some other people who offend people as easily as breathing. Besides Ms. Sylvester. And I mean really, this is kind of like an epic sanity check for Call of Cthulhu. Especially after the talk about us playing characters on television. That's weird. And when Rachel mentioned it, I wondered about it. And then I remembered I couldn't check the stuff online. So it was kind of pointless.

[He lifts a hand to adjust his glasses and then straightens his shirt.] It's like a comic book. Like X-Men, when they just throw in crazy stuff because they can. Worlds destroyed. But also lots of people coming from nowhere all to the same place. [He pauses.] Wow, it's weird to say that out loud. [He shrugs and releases his brakes, then looks at the camera and forces the smile off his face.] Or maybe we're all going mad. [His eyes widen dramatically, and he snorts and rolls out of the room.]