Helium Raven (severity_softly) wrote in pervy_werewolf, @ 2008-05-11 21:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | #lmom 2008, author: severity_softly, kink: frottage, kink: public sex, remus/peter pettigrew |
LMOM: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 11/31 (Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus)
Title: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 11/31 (I hope)
Rating: R
Characters/Pairing (this part): Remus/Peter
Characters/Pairing (overall fic): Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus
Summary: "It would take too long to explain the intimate alliance of contradictions in human nature which makes love itself wear at times the desperate shape of betrayal. And perhaps there is no possible explanation." ~ Joseph Conrad
Kinks/Warnings: frottage, outdoor sex
Overall warnings: Angst
Challenge: LMOM '08, day eleven
Word Count: 2950-ish
Notes: This part is set in 7th year. I plan to span 7th year to POA, and keep this canon compliant. Thanks so so much to innerslytherin and mnemosyne_1 for the beta-reading! :)
Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 5 l Part 6 l Part 7 l Part 8 l Part 9 l Part 10 l Part 11
Peter couldn't get Remus' words out of his head. I really like you. I like you so much it hurts. I like you so much I'd do anything. It won't ruin you. They'd played so many times in his head, Peter was starting to think that as long as Moony really liked him, and he seemed to, Peter might be able to get away with letting Moony touch him some more. As long as they were quiet. As long as no one knew. As long as it was only their dirty secret.
Peter knew he wasn't anything special. He knew as much as his mum might want it, he was never going to marry some Pureblood witch that would make her proud. On top of that, he'd already let Moony suck him, so maybe he was already ruined. If that was the case, Peter was starting to slowly persuade himself that if he was already dirty, what would it hurt if he did more with Remus? It had been terrifying, yes, but it had felt good too, and nobody else wanted him anyway.
Maybe there was no use fighting his wickedness.
It was bad enough that Peter's thoughts and dreams were betraying everything he knew was right and normal, but then Sirius had gone and acted like it was okay for Remus to be queer. Sirius and James, who affirmed that he knew about Remus and didn't care, just like Sirius said, when he came back from hols, clapped Remus on the back and congratulated him for admitting it.
"It's about bloody time, Moony," James had said, and he and Sirius had set about a plan to get Remus laid, which Peter knew wasn't necessary, though Remus didn't protest.
Remus had dropped his head to let his fringe fall in his eyes, bit his lip, and blushed bright red, but didn't protest one bit.
He was so fucking adorable it made Peter angry sometimes, because in moments like that Peter wanted Remus. Peter had seen how tender and gentle Remus could be with him, and every time he saw Remus be cute, it made Peter want to have that all to himself.
Oh, God. He was thinking of Remus as cute. Maybe there was no use fighting Moony.
Peter wasn't sure it made sense, when he really thought about it. James and Sirius were Purebloods, normal Purebloods, and Peter usually agreed with the way they thought, except perhaps where Sirius was concerned. The Pettigrews weren't high society, old money Purebloods, and Peter sort of thought if his family were anything like Sirius', he would have used it for all its potential, rather than walk away from it. Otherwise, for all of Peter's many misgivings about his friends, they usually knew what they were talking about, especially where friendships and enemies were concerned.
Peter had been exasperated at first. First Remus was a halfblood, then a werewolf (which had been hard to accept at first, even if he had grown to think it was rather brilliant), and now a poof?! What was next? Where would his friends finally draw the line?!
It was vexing that Remus was better than all of them put together, because Peter knew there'd never be a line, where Remus was concerned. And also because Remus was what he was and he shouldn't be better than all of them, and yet he still was. He was the best person Peter knew and he liked Peter. So much it hurt. And James and Sirius thought that was okay, for Moony to like blokes.
Maybe it was okay for Peter to like Moony too. He clearly did, in spite of himself. It didn't make him gay if he just liked one specific bloke, did it? No one had ever looked at him the way Remus did. No one was ever so kind to him. In Peter's darker moments, he could sometimes convince himself that Remus had taken advantage of him on Halloween, but Peter knew better than that. Peter knew Remus was the last one of them that would ever hurt one of the others.
Christmas had come and gone, and Peter had finally given back in to his fantasies, had given back in to wanking and thinking about Remus' lips on him. That only made the desire for Remus more persistent. It only made James and Sirius seem more sensible. Peter started letting himself sit closer to Remus, like he used to, after a few weeks had passed, and to his amazement, Remus seemed happier because of it. His smile went more natural again and his shoulders lost the tense lines he'd been carrying around for months.
Peter felt oddly powerful, for perhaps the first time in his life.
It wasn't as though he'd changed. He knew he wasn't really powerful. But he could hardly believe that he had the power to make Remus happy, when even James and Sirius' attempts had failed. Making Remus happy was the one little aspect of his life that Peter had complete control over. It was amazing. He found after a while he craved it, and one day he sat down close enough to brush Remus' shoulder with his own and relished the way Remus sucked in a breath at it.
"Hi," Peter said, smiling at him, satisfied at Remus' reaction.
"Hi," Remus said softly, and he looked surprised by how suddenly close they were. In fact, he looked to be debating whether or not he should shift away from Peter or not. "Um, hi."
Remus didn't pull back, but he looked away and so did Peter. There was no one out on the grounds in January, but Peter had noticed the past few years that Remus always liked to go out and sit when it was snowy.
"I meant it when I called you weird before." Peter shifted and pulled a packet of fags out of his pocket and lit one, then offered one to Remus, who took it from him and lit it wandlessly. "It's freezing and you come sit out here without a warming charm. Is werewolf blood hotter than ours or something?"
Remus snorted, taking in a lungful of smoke. "Doubtful."
Peter inched closer to Remus and told himself it was for warmth, though he sort of liked the way Remus tried to pretend he didn't notice. "So why're you sitting out here? You did it last year, and the year before."
Remus looked at him and smiled, and Peter thought he knew it was because the other Marauders hadn't probably noticed Remus did this. He took a drag, and watched Remus as he exhaled.
"It's nice, isn't it?" Remus said, fidgeting with his fag. When Peter snorted, Remus amended, "Not the cold. But... look at it."
Peter looked out at the grounds, blanketed in white, and the frozen lake, and then back at Remus. There were a few strands of silver in Remus' hair that hadn't been there the previous year, and in the light reflecting off the snow, they shone just a bit brighter. Peter hadn't been this close to Remus since Halloween, and then it had been dim behind Remus' bed curtains. Remus really was beautiful. He wasn't typically handsome, like Sirius, but if Peter were going to be queer with anyone, Remus was nice to look at. And he was safe. Discreet. Peter leaned in against him a little more.
"When did you decide to be gay?" he asked absently, still staring at Remus' hair.
Remus turned his head, and then his lips parted softly. For a moment he just stared, then he finally breathed, "I don't remember deciding." He Vanished his smoke before it was even half gone, almost as if he anticipated where this was going.
"How many blokes have you had sex with?" Peter wasn't sure why he wanted to know these things. He hadn't intended to ask them; he'd, in fact, never considered them before, but they suddenly seemed important if he was considering letting Remus touch him again.
"Pete!" Remus gasped, pulling back a little, his breath fogging the air.
"No, honestly, Moony, I want to know!" Peter pulled back enough to give Remus an earnest expression, though he was still sort of pressed to Remus' side, and Vanished his own fag. "A lot?"
"No," Remus said automatically, but he was still looking at Peter like he'd gone mad.
"More than five?"
"No!" Remus exclaimed. "Pete--"
"More than three?" Peter pressed.
"No," Remus said again, though the surprised expression was starting to slide and his cheeks were starting to colour instead.
"Two?"
Remus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh my God, why?" he asked, sounding miserable.
"It's two, isn't it?" Peter asked. He wasn't sure why he was grinning, but he was.
"Like... all the way?"
A jolt of something funny went through Peter, because he hadn't considered he could possibly be one of Moony's numbers until then. His grin slid a bit. "Um... yeah."
"...Yes."
"Two?"
Remus nodded.
"Who?"
"This is weird, Pete," Remus said.
Peter realised he was leaning in close enough to easily drop his head to Remus' shoulder. When had he moved again? He reached up to brush at Remus' hair before he could stop himself.
Remus' eyes fluttered shut, and for a second, Peter was sure Remus had leaned into the touch of his fingers. But then Remus opened his eyes again. His eyelids were all droopy and his eyes kept darting to Peter's lips, and Peter thought it was quite possibly the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, which was a bit of a shock. So much of a shock that his body responded.
"You can't keep doing this," Remus murmured. "I thought we were going back to normal."
Peter shook his head slightly. "Tried. Can't."
Remus shook his head in return. "You can't keep doing this."
Peter frowned. "Yes, I can." I'm a pureblood. I can have anything I want, including you, he thought, feeling slightly irked. Now that he'd decided to do this, Remus was trying to tell him no when he so clearly wanted Peter back!?
Peter quickly went through a few things to say when Remus didn't reply other than to shake his head again, then dismissed them all and pressed his lips to Remus', still frowning. He thought he was a fairly quick study in kissing. He thought he was doing it right when he urged Remus' mouth open with his tongue. He was rewarded when their tongues slid together, feeling searing hot against the icy air, and Remus made a little whimper and closed his hand in Peter's shirt.
Remus pushed him back a little when the kiss ended and stared at him, looking breathless and well-kissed, but dubious. "You're suddenly okay with being queer? How'd--"
"I'm not queer. Don't say that. It's you. You mucked everything up," Peter snapped. The kiss had been very nice, and Peter's body was tingling in all the right places, but he still hadn't stopped frowning.
Remus' expression matched now. "I mucked everything up?!" he asked, his voice rising, even though he hadn't pulled away.
"Yes, and you can't just make me queer for you and then stop wanting me! That's not fair!" Peter breathed.
"It's not about that, Peter, I do want you--"
"Then shut the fuck up and kiss me again."
Remus blinked at him for a moment, then exhaled a shaky breath. "I swear, if you go all weird on me, I'll never do it again."
"I won't," Peter insisted. Merlin, he hoped it would be true. Now that he'd said it, he wasn't sure, but then Remus' lips curved into a shy smile and Peter was reminded of how adorable he was.
A moment later, Remus' lips were against Peter's again, and Peter felt his frown slowly melt off. He was more than happy to let Remus control the kiss. He wondered if they ought to put up a distraction spell, but reminded himself that no one but Moony was crazy enough to be out here in January, and anyone looking out the castle windows at this distance wouldn't be able to make out who they were.
Remus' hand moved to Peter's hair and he sighed and leaned into it. Kissing was nice. It was wet and messy, but it made his stomach jump and his cock harden, and then Remus' hand was stroking down his chest. Peter remembered the way Remus' mouth felt against his skin, which was better than this, but it was still nice to be caressed so gently. Remus' hands moved almost reverently over the top of Peter's shirt, and Peter unconsciously moved into the touch as Remus' lips ghosted over his jaw, scalding the wind-prickled skin there.
"Moony!" he gasped, as the burn of Remus' mouth moved and left a damp trail for the wind to freeze. "C-cold!"
Remus pulled back a bit, chuckling, and cast a warming charm around them. He was hard too, and Peter wondered how Remus managed to do magic when he was his prick was full.
"You can touch me too," Remus whispered. "It's okay." He resumed the gentle licking and nuzzling of Peter's jaw, and Peter's mind went all fuzzy around the edges.
Touch him? Oh God. Peter reached out and placed his hand awkwardly on Remus' shoulder, stroking across it to Remus' upper arm, and he felt a little dizzy. It was just an arm, and it wasn't like he hadn't touched Remus' shoulder before, but it was difficult to believe he was doing it in this context. Remus pushed off their coats now that it was warm around them and his hand moved over Peter's chest again. Peter mimicked him, sliding his fingers over the taut skin hidden beneath Remus' shirt.
It was doing things to him he didn't think touching a boy's chest should do. Bertha's chest had been squishy and not at all appealing, but Remus-- Peter suddenly wondered what it felt like to lick Remus' chest like Remus had licked his, and nuzzle Remus' stomach, and wrap his lips around...
"Oh fuck!" Peter panted, remembering that first fantasy of Remus and replacing the faceless man who was sucking Remus in it with himself. He decided suddenly that sitting side by side on the bench was awkward for touching, and nudged at Remus, hoping Remus might kneel in front of him and give him a repeat of what happened last time, but to his surprise, Remus slipped into his lap, straddling him on the bench.
"Pete," he whispered, and pressed down.
Peter cried out as Remus' length pressed against his own, and his hands wrapped around Remus to pull him down. He needed more of that. Remus wasn't pressing hard enough, and Peter shifted up against him, drawing a moan from Remus' lips.
It occurred to Peter that maybe he shouldn't like the way Remus' cock felt against him, or the nice curve of his arse (which he noticed suddenly, with a flash of heat, was what he'd grabbed to pull Remus down with), but there was nothing for it now. Remus was pressing down and rocking and leaning Peter back just enough to move while keeping them both from falling backward off the bench, and all Peter could do was moan and cling to Remus and push back.
Remus kept murmuring Peter's name, over and over against his neck, and Peter whimpered when Remus moved to kiss him again, a hungry, desperate kiss that set all the nerves in Peter's body on fire. Peter exploded with pleasure, coming inside his pants, and Remus wasn't too far after him, shuddering over Peter's body and then melting against him in a sated heap.
"Mmm, Peter," Remus whispered, and kissed Peter's neck softly, and Peter felt the familiar guilt start to surround him.
He was gay. He hadn't touched Remus before. He hadn't thought about what might happen if he touched Remus back instead of just letting Remus touch him, or what it might do to him to feel Remus' cock against him. Even through layers of fabric, Remus' body made more sense to him that Bertha's had; it felt like it fit better.
Remus pulled back to smile at him, looking giddy with release, but his smile slipped when he saw the distraught expression that had formed on Peter's face.
"Shit," Remus breathed.
"No, no," Peter said quickly, trying to flatten his expression. "I'm not running." Now that he knew what if felt like, the way Remus' body could truly move against his own, he knew it was too good to walk away from, no matter what his (rather large) reservations were. "Look, Remus," Peter murmured, his eyes resting on Remus' shiny lower lip, because he couldn't look at his eyes. "Let's not say anything. It'll be our secret, all right?"
Remus stilled a little in his arms and didn't answer, though his brows drew together in an unhappy knit. Eventually, he slid out of Peter's lap and back onto the bench. "Do you have another fag?" he asked, doing the charms to clean them up.
Oh Merlin, Moony was unhappy again. "No, I don't," Peter lied. "Look... it's just. It's just... mutually beneficial," he said, then nudged Remus' knee. "I mean, I'm not queer." He couldn't have anyone think that. At least not until he sorted this all out in his mind.
Remus nodded quickly. "Mutually beneficial," he said, his voice flat. He sighed and turned to give Peter a sidelong look that was a little too full of need for Peter. Peter had to look away.
"Let's get in out of the cold."
Part 12