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LMOM: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 10/31 (Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus)
Title: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 10/31 (I hope)
Rating: R/NC-17
Characters/Pairing (this part): fantasy Remus/Severus and Severus/Remus/Peter (sort of)
Characters/Pairing (overall fic): Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus
Summary: "It would take too long to explain the intimate alliance of contradictions in human nature which makes love itself wear at times the desperate shape of betrayal. And perhaps there is no possible explanation." ~ Joseph Conrad
Kinks/Warnings: dream sex, facial/bukakke, snowballing (sort of), rimming, two on one (sort of, but not totally, a threesome)
Overall warnings: Angst
Challenge: LMOM '08, day ten
Word Count: 1950-ish
Notes: This part is set in 7th year. I plan to span 7th year to POA, and keep this canon compliant. Thanks so so much to mnemosyne_1 for the awesome beta-reading! :)

Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 5 l Part 6 l Part 7 l Part 8 l Part 9 l Part 10


The dreams might have been nightmares if they weren't so fucking beautiful.

They'd started just after Remus had let Severus come on his face, and they were welcome, considering he was dreaming about Severus again, and not Peter. Not that he really understood where he stood with Severus after that kiss, but at least Severus seemed to enjoy Remus' "perversion". He wasn't in danger of Severus freaking out on him.

The dreams started where the reality had ended, with Remus slumped back on his ankles covered in Severus' come, except when Severus leaned forward to lick the corner of Remus' mouth this time, Severus didn't pull away. He climbed into Remus' lap and lapped at his skin, licking the fluid off Remus' face until Remus was clean again, then kissed Remus, expelling the still warm come in his mouth.

Remus realised something after leaving Severus that night. Severus had never really kissed him before then. Not properly, the way you might kiss a lover. Remus had later dismissed it as the newness of the moment overwhelming them, when Severus went back to using insults as foreplay the times they'd shagged since then. Remus had to start using a silencing spell at night before he went to bed, because every night, invariably, Severus would crawl on top of him in his dreams and clean him again, drawing his tongue over the bridge of Remus' nose and along his cheek, high enough for the edge of it to brush the tips of Remus' eyelashes. Then they'd kiss, the sticky semen gliding between their tongues until they were hard again and frotting against one another.

Those dreams were fine. Brilliant, actually.

But then Severus had gone home for the hols, which was a disappointment, and Peter, for the first time ever, had stayed in the castle, since his dad had died last year and his mum had decided to spend Christmas with some aunt or uncle Peter hated. The combination of more uninterrupted time with Peter and no time with Severus only made the dreams worse, made them both the most amazing things Remus had ever imagined, and the most confusing. Because Peter walked into them.

The first few times it happened, Remus had bolted upright in bed, out of sleep, ready to have to duck out of a crossfire of hexes naked.

After that, Remus' mind relaxed enough to the idea that he started staying asleep. His fantasy Peter would push him to the bed, smiling kindly down at him as he leaned in to kiss him, while the fantasy Severus shifted lower. They never acknowledged each other, Severus and Peter, and in Remus' waking moments, he was mildly amused that even his fantasies knew better than to actually interact with each other. The imaginary Peter would draw his tongue along Remus' and maybe splay his hand over Remus' chest, and the imaginary Severus would push Remus' legs up and open roughly, and draw his tongue around Remus' hole until he gasped and moaned into Peter's mouth.

Peter would be sweet and awkward, and Severus would dip his tongue inside Remus, making him whimper and cry out against Peter's lips. Then Remus would sift the fingers of one hand through Peter's hair, holding him in their increasingly hungry kiss as Severus drove his pleasure higher, and reach his other hand down to where Severus' hand was on his thigh, curling his fingers around it and squeezing in a way he wouldn't dare in reality.

He'd usually come without being touched, splattering his release over his stomach, and then Peter and Severus were gone and he was lying in his bed, sticky.

They were beautiful dreams at night that turned to nightmares as soon as Remus got out of bed the following day and had to face Peter. Remus tried to make himself stop wanting Peter, but he couldn't. Oh God, he couldn't.

Remus wasn't certain he'd ever been as grumpy during Christmas as he was by the time the first week of this year's break ended, which seemed to be in direct contradiction to the smiles on everyone else's faces, the green and red garland that lined the staircases, the Fairy Lights that flitted around the castle...

Even the castle's mocking me, he thought, as he settled in a squashy armchair in front of the fire, near where Sirius and Peter were sitting on the rug. James had gone home for the hols too, but that was hardly unusual.

Sirius glanced up at him, his expression oddly discerning, but then he turned his attention back to the fire. He tossed an Exploding Snap card in and cast a shield charm to block the flame and soot that came exploding back out of the fire. Peter wasn't as quick. He got pelted with a bit of flaming debris and had to do an aguamenti on his trousers when some of it landed there, as Remus drew his wand and extinguished the rest of it without a word.

"What the fuck, mate?!" Peter exclaimed, but Sirius laughed and Peter's angry expression melted into a sulky frown. When Sirius nudged him, the best apology he would get, Peter didn't respond.

Remus wanted to touch him, to put his hand out and comfort him, to brush his fringe back and kiss his forehead to soothe him. The feeling of intimacy with Peter wouldn't leave, no matter what, and it made Remus' chest ache.

Sirius shrugged and leaned back on his elbows, poking his wand through loops of the carpet, and looked between Remus and Peter. It was funny how lost he sometimes looked when James was gone, the way he looked at Remus and Peter as if he wondered whether he could convince them to join him in some plot and then thought better of sharing it. He seemed to think Peter was only good on his own when they were off hexing people, and Remus had tried to avoid most of the "mischief" after Sirius' attack on Severus. It was no small wonder Sirius disliked Lily so much. Remus slumped in his seat.

Peter had begun to unconsciously mimic Sirius and pick at the carpet, when Sirius suddenly looked up at Remus again, his lips pursed. "All right, let's have it. Do you think we're going to let you sulk forever?" he blurted.

Remus turned and blinked at him, and saw Peter freeze out of the corner of his eye. "Sulk?" he asked, "I'm not sulking."

"You look like shit and you're even less fun that usual. Out with it."

Remus watched as Sirius sat up and fixed him with interested eyes, and Remus almost groaned when he realised that he was what Sirius had decided would occupy his James-free time this afternoon. Oh God, what was he going to tell him?

"It's nothing. Really. I'm just worried about N.E.W.T.s, is all." Remus let his fringe fall into his face.

"You fucking liar," Sirius said, but he was smiling a little. "You're going to take Os in all of them and become the Minister for Magic. You know, you're just stodgy enough for it."

Remus laughed darkly, knowing it was meant to be a joke, but also knowing the Ministry would never hire him for anything. "Right."

"So. Spill," Sirius said, tilting his head at Remus and watching him.

"I'm-- I just..." I'm shagging Snape and he's making me crazy in ways that have nothing to do with sex? I can't look at Peter without my heart tugging funny? I sucked him and now he hates me? Remus grimaced. Beside him, he couldn't tell if Peter looked about ready to faint or strangle him to make him not say anything about him. "I'm just... I'm queer," he blurted. He felt a bit like he might throw up, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see Peter's jaw drop. "And--"

"Right," Sirius replied lightly, "So what, bloke trouble? You know, Lily's friend Michael is bent, maybe we could..."

Sirius was still talking, but Remus got lost in thought. Merlin, bloke trouble? Sirius didn't know the half of it! Remus thought, and then his mind ground to a screeching halt when he suddenly realised Sirius was talking about this like he'd known all along that Remus was gay. Remus turned to stare slack-jawed at him, and saw that Peter had done the same.

Sirius kept talking until he looked up from the bit of carpet that he was gouging with his wand, and suddenly barked a laugh at the way his friends were staring at him. "What?" he asked, amused.

"You-- you..." Remus stammered after he'd finally managed to stop gaping.

"I know?" Sirius filled in. "Prongs and I've known for ages, Moony. Merlin."

"You didn't tell me?!" Peter asked, and Sirius gave him an exasperated look, but something oddly sympathetic flashed in his eyes for a moment before he looked away. Remus blinked at that, noting the funny look Peter had missed and absence of a verbal reply, and suddenly realised with a shock that his friends were much more perceptive than he thought. James and Sirius, it seemed, knew they were both gay. Peter just frowned and started inspecting his nails for a spot to chew that hadn't already been chewed off.

Remus wasn't sure if he was relieved or not. He mostly felt exposed. And silly, because they'd known and he thought he was good at keeping those sort of secrets, they'd known and hadn't said anything. "How'd you know?" he asked quietly.

Sirius' eyebrows peaked, and he took on a serious expression, then reached up and squeezed Remus' knee, as if his next point was of great importance. "Moony. You let us put you in a cat suit on Halloween. How could we not know?" Remus blushed and Sirius grinned again immediately.

"You both knew?" Peter squeaked, but Sirius ignored him completely this time and Remus was more focused on not falling out of his chair. Or throwing up. Or fainting, or punching Sirius (not hard, but just enough), or looking at Peter.

That was the worst thing he could do, look at Peter. Mostly because he was having a hard time controlling the sudden impulse to blurt out something about it being okay to be gay, and look, Sirius doesn't care, and there's nothing wrong with you, and I want you.

"Honestly, mate, you're the poofiest bloke I know," Sirius said, "We were half hoping we'd get you all tarted up and you'd finally get laid, and learn to relax a little."

Remus' mouth dropped open yet again, but his expression went half-way between horrified and amused. Okay, mostly horrified. But it was finally starting to hit him that they didn't care. In the back of his mind, he'd always known that, considering they didn't care that he was a werewolf, but it had still taken all this time to admit.

He ignored the way Peter was bright red. He didn't have to ask to know what the thought of Remus in his cat suit was doing to Peter. "I'm not poofy," he muttered finally, feeling his cheeks were still a little too warm.

Sirius regarded him for a moment before his grin went wicked. "Have you seen yourself throw a Quaffle?"

In spite of himself, a nervous laugh bubbled up in Remus, and he smiled even though his brows wouldn't lower from his hair line. "Oi, fuck off!" he breathed.

Sirius was laughing when Remus kicked him lightly in the ribs.


Part 11