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LMOM: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 8/31 (Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus)
Title: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 8/31 (I hope)
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairing (this part): Remus/Peter
Characters/Pairing (overall fic): Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus
Summary: "It would take too long to explain the intimate alliance of contradictions in human nature which makes love itself wear at times the desperate shape of betrayal. And perhaps there is no possible explanation." ~ Joseph Conrad
Kinks/Warnings: first time oral, angst, manipulative!Peter
Overall warnings: Angst
Challenge: LMOM '08, day eight
Word Count: 3000-ish
Notes: I'M SO SORRY FOR THIS! *giggles* This part is set in 7th year. I plan to span 7th year to POA, and keep this canon compliant. Thanks so so much to innerslytherin for inspiring the Remus/Peter love, and for the speed beta-reading. :)

Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 5 l Part 6 l Part 7 l Part 8


It was absolutely out of the question to go to Remus. It was a dangerous idea to try again, seeing if maybe letting Remus touch him would make Peter stop having the thoughts he was having. It obviously hadn't worked, just letting Remus kiss him and touching himself. Of course, when he'd had those damnable fantasies about Remus, Peter had never once fantasized about wanking himself while Remus kissed him. Maybe in order to rid himself of these thoughts, Peter had to actually do exactly what he thought about.

The thought made Peter blush and squirm and feel rotten. He'd thought all sorts of wicked thoughts about Remus since that first wank. It was weird that Moony had gone from being one of the most benign people he knew to becoming one of the most unsettling.

Remus was a good kisser. Not that Peter had anyone to compare it to, besides... well, Bertha, who hadn't seemed to want to kiss him back. He wondered if that was because he was bad at it. Remus hadn't complained, and Remus had moved slowly enough that after a while Peter was able to imitate Remus' movements and kiss him back. It made his stomach do weird things when Peter realised, one afternoon, that Moony had taught him how to kiss. It made him think he ought to go off and try to snog another girl and see if he was better at it, but usually the thought of Remus' tongue on his had him simply ducking in the closest loo for a quick wank.

He was going to go straight to hell when he died. He hoped that wouldn't be anytime soon.

Remus had been looking down for a while now, and Peter felt a little guilty because it seemed to have started not too long after Remus had taken him to the clearing. Except he also didn't feel guilty, because maybe Remus should be miserable. He's a shirt-lifter werewolf with dirty blood, he'd remind himself, and then invariably he thought next, he's also sort of beautiful. He's the nicest person I know, and his lips are warm and soft and gentle.

Peter had just finished his Herbology homework alone. He'd been avoiding Remus, who was his usual study partner, ever since that afternoon in the clearing. Well, avoiding him to the extent of not being alone with him when he could help it. When he stepped into the dormitory, he was surprised to find Remus was the only one sitting inside, smoking and... dressed like a cat. Peter blinked at him for a moment, and Remus looked at him miserably. It took a moment for Peter to remember it was Halloween.

Remus never dressed up, but James and Sirius had insisted on it, as this was their last year, and said that they would even go to the trouble of getting Remus a costume. Peter ignored the fact that Prefect Lupin was smoking inside, and tilted his head at Remus. "Bet they thought that was funny," he said.

"Oh yes, hilarious." Remus' enchanted cat's tail twitched irritably. "I talked them out of whiskers, at least."

"What are they dressed as?" Peter asked, telling himself he could not look at the way Remus' cat suit fitted his body snugly in certain areas.

Remus Vanished his fag and did a quick spell to get rid of the smoke in the room. "The Knights Who Say Ni."

In spite of Peter's hesitance with Remus lately, Peter laughed. Remus' eyes lit for a moment, but then he just looked back at his hands. Peter had to fight with himself over whether or not he should feel guilty, but in the end, he was. He walked across the room and sat on his bed, looking at Remus. He not only looked sort of miserable, but ridiculous on top of it. Peter felt a little flash of irritation at James and Sirius. They were always making people feel stupid, though he had a sneaking suspicion that the cat suit wasn't what was making Remus feel bad, since Moony never seemed to mind being teased. "How come you didn't tell them no?"

Remus shrugged. "Doesn't really matter. It's just a stupid costume, and if it makes them happy, I don't care."

Peter frowned, but only shifted to put his bag on the bed.

"I'm sorry. I fucked everything up, didn't I?"

Peter's gaze snapped back to Remus. He stared for a moment. No matter what he'd been thinking about what had happened, he hadn't been expecting (or, to his surprise, wanting) an apology. "It didn't take anyway."

Remus laughed an unhappy laugh. "I didn't think it would."

Peter's frown was back. "What did you do that for, then? Were you having me on?"

Remus finally looked up, his expression worried. "No! No, I just hoped you... I just... I just wanted to... wanted... you."

The irritation Peter was feeling was replaced with a rush of warmth, as his face heated. No one had ever told him they wanted him before, he wasn't that sort. Not even Bertha had wanted him. He'd "bought" Bertha with a few drinks. "W-why?" he stammered.

Remus still looked concerned, and he shrugged again. "It's not like I haven't known you and liked you for seven years, you know, but this year you just... when you... I don't know, I just do, but I'd give anything to just make it go back to how it used to be, because I can't stand you avoiding me."

"I haven't been avoiding you," Peter said, but Remus gave him a look and he dropped his gaze because they both knew he was. He was silent for a long time, trying to ignore the traitorous thoughts in his head that kept telling him that no one else would ever actually want him. He told the voice several times that Remus only liked him because Remus was weird, which he already knew, but the little voice wouldn't stop. "You'd do anything?"

Remus tilted his head at Peter, a curious expression that Peter couldn't read crossing his face, but then he just nodded.

Don't say it, he told himself vehemently, but his stomach twisted and his mouth formed the words, "Maybe if you did it again..." Remus' eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open and then he just started shaking his head; Peter knew he should be relieved, but he just felt exposed and rejected, and irrationally angry. Remus said he wanted him and he wasn't even going to help him again?!

"No, no," Remus said urgently, "I really don't think that's--"

"You said anything," Peter snapped. "You said you wanted me!"

"I do!" Remus exclaimed. "I told you I don't think it'll work and--"

"It has to work, Moony, and you just said anything!" Peter was scowling now, but Remus looked completely floored. Floored and miserable... and cat-ish.

"I... I..." Remus looked back at the floor and shifted, then didn't say anything, and Peter was still scowling when Remus looked back up. "Are you sure?" he asked, and his voice was tiny.

"D'you think I would have said it if I wasn't?" Peter asked, still feeling irked. It was sort of making an implication that he wouldn't have, he supposed, which was a lie, since Peter had never been more unsure of asking that. He'd been more sure about it the very first time, but now he knew that time hadn't worked at all. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was aware that he wasn't so confident this time would make any more difference than the time before, but they were doing it now, and that's all there was to it.

Remus still looked unsure, but he stood, cat tail flicking around like mad, and made a few steps toward Peter's bed, and Peter stood abruptly and said, "Your bed." He couldn't do this in his bed, where the memory might haunt him every night. Remus seemed to have the same thought though, as he looked mildly arrested for a moment before relenting and walking back toward his own bed.

In a matter of moments, Remus was lying next to him on Remus' bed and the curtains were drawn. Remus cast a silencing charm and eyed Peter cautiously. "Pete," he said softly, and cupped Peter's cheek with his hand.

Peter only flinched a little, and then closed his eyes. A moment later he reopened them, because it occurred to him that, while it might be easier to not look at Remus while they did this, it also might not stop the thoughts if he didn't actually see that it was Remus doing this. "Go on, then," he said, because Remus was still just looking at him. "Take your ears off first, though."

Remus blinked, then laughed nervously and pulled his cat ears off. A moment later, Remus' tail was gone, too, but not before it moved to run up Peter's thigh and make his cock pulse to life just a little. Merlin, it really shouldn't be so responsive to this!

Remus drew a deep breath then, and leaned in and kissed Peter, and Peter's eyes fluttered closed. Remus was doing that closed mouth kissing thing again, and Peter knew he needed more this time than last, so he poked Remus' lip awkwardly with his tongue. Remus gasped, but then kissed him properly, and Peter felt his body light on fire, just like it had last time. Actually, it happened faster this time, because he knew how to kiss Moony back now, so he was a little less worried about making an arse of himself.

Oh, God, he was kissing Moony again, he realised, and it was just as brilliant as it had been before. Peter knew it was wrong, but he couldn't deny that it felt amazing. He kissed Remus for a little while, whimpering softly at the way it made his cock ache for touch, but he didn't touch himself this time. If this was going to work, Moony had to do it. He pulled away just enough to breathe, "touch me." Remus paused, and Peter tried not to feel upset that Remus was hesitating again.

Remus pulled away and gave him a searching look, then murmured, "I really do like you. I meant that."

Remus really needed to stop saying things like that. Really. Peter's lips curled into a confused smile anyway, and then Remus' hands were on him, and Remus was kissing his neck, and Peter let his eyes flutter shut now, letting himself enjoy the way Remus' tongue felt on him. He'd already given in and let himself enjoy this last time, so he didn't see what the point in holding back this time.

"Can I touch your skin?"

Peter held his breath as Remus' question sank in, the words hot against his skin, and then he nodded, a quick jerky move. Unexpectedly, Remus pushed himself up and nudged Peter back onto his back. Peter wasn't sure why, but there was a different look in Remus' eyes now, something that was more akin to the way Remus had looked the last time. Remus sat back a bit and started slowly pulling open Peter's buttons.

Something was wrong. Remus was slowly baring his chest, but he wasn't kissing Peter. He was supposed to be kissing Peter and not looking at him the way that he was. He wasn't supposed to be looking at Peter's chest like he was being given some great gift. He was supposed to kiss peter and touch him, and wank him, and then it would be over. You're doing it wrong, Peter almost said, but then Remus swooped down and licked his throat, and his tongue moved over the top of Peter's chest. Remus had said 'touch' not 'lick,' and the unexpected pleasure caused a moan that Peter tried to stifle badly.

"It's okay to like this," Remus murmured.

"No it's not," Peter breathed, mostly because Remus was screwing this all up. He couldn't tell Remus to stop now, though. He couldn't. It was too amazing.

"It is," Remus insisted, and then cupped a hand against Peter's crotch, and Peter's hips jerked against it.

Peter's already erratic breath went wilder. Remus' hand was against his cock! Someone else was touching him. Peter couldn't even argue this time, no words would form, and then Remus' mouth closed over his nipple and Peter squeaked and fisted his hand in Remus' hair without thinking. "Ohhh..."

Remus licked and nipped across Peter's chest until Peter couldn't breath, and then his hand pulled at the top of Peter's trousers and his gasped in both arousal and Panic. He should stop this. He should say no. He should close his hand around Remus' wrist and stop it, but he was paralyzed by want. It wasn't until Remus stopped and looked at him that Peter realised he'd literally frozen.

Remus looked down at him with concern, and damn it if Moony would stop seeming to care about him, this would be so much easier. But Remus just leaned down and kissed his lips, dipping his tongue into Peter's mouth tenderly and something inside Peter melted and froze and then melted again, and he moaned. Remus' hands started moving again, and Peter held Remus hair to keep him kissing him, because it was distracting from what Remus' hand was doing... until Remus' fingers curled around his cock.

"Remus!" Peter gasped, and Remus looked at him, a slow smile curling his lips.

Remus ducked his head, kissing Peter's chest again, only this time he was moving lower over Peter's stomach, which Remus nuzzled. "Shhhh..."

That Peter didn't understand, until Remus dropped another kiss below his belly button and swooped down to suck Peter's cock into his mouth. Pleasure erupted in him, shooting flames through his body, along his spine. "Fuck! Oh, oh, f-fuck," he hissed, but his mind had filled with static and he couldn't hold still and Remus' mouth moved over him. "Nnnnngh, oh, fuck," he babbled. It was the most amazing thing he'd ever felt, and it was weird, and the weirdness even felt good.

Remus moaned around him, and that sent new waves of molten pleasure through Peter, both from the vibrations around him and the idea that Remus liked the taste of his prick. The bed was shifting in a funny way, and Peter was suddenly aware that Remus really enjoyed it, because at some point Remus had started to stroke himself. There was a niggling feeling in Peter's mind that there was something wrong with enjoying sucking a cock so much, but then Remus sucked a little harder and cupped Peter's balls with his free hand, and Peter arched back against the bed, forgetting the thought as quickly as it came.

God, Remus wanted him, and was sucking him, and, in spite of himself Peter reached down to put his hand on the top of Remus' head. Remus made a satisfied noise at that, and Peter's hips jerked up, surging into Remus' mouth as the feel of Remus' head bobbing under his hand caused his balls to tighten and pleasure to coil low in his stomach, and then he came hard, spasming against the sheets. Oh God, and Remus was swallowing it, and moaning, and obviously coming, too, and it was too much!

Peter's eyes went wide as the last of his orgasm ripped through him, but then he just laid there panting. Remus pulled back, and looked up. The smile on Remus' face slid when he saw Peter's anxious look, and he quickly scrambled up the bed to lay next to Peter again. "Peter. Please don't panic. I really like you. I like you so much it hurts. I like you so much I'd do anything. Anything. But please don't freak out on me."

"I... could tell... that you liked..." Peter said, breathless and confused.

"You're gay, Peter."

Remus looked a little desperate, and as much as Peter wanted to argue, he couldn't. He couldn't move any part of him, let alone his mouth.

"Or you at least like blokes," Remus amended, "And it's not some demon, and it won't ruin you, and you're only going to be miserable forever if you don't..." Remus trailed off and sighed. "I like you, but if you don't like me, I don't want to lose your friendship."

Peter stared at him. The world had turned upside down and Peter couldn't make sense of it. He started to stuff himself back into his pants, and pull his shirt closed. He'd asked for this, and liked it - really liked it - but he didn't want anything Remus was saying to be true. None of it. "Thanks, Moony," he breathed, just like he had the time before, mostly because he'd asked for it, and it would be dreadful of him to make Moony feel bad about this, even thought part of him wanted to, and it was obvious Remus already did.

God, Remus was beautiful and caring, wasn't he? Peter swallowed thickly, watching the way Remus looked at him like he might burst with emotion, and then slipped out of the bed before he could do or say something stupider than what he'd already done tonight.


Part 9