Helium Raven (severity_softly) wrote in pervy_werewolf, @ 2008-05-02 21:29:00 |
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Entry tags: | #lmom 2008, author: severity_softly, kink: first time, kink: wanking (solo or mutual), remus alone, remus/peter pettigrew, remus/severus |
LMOM: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 2/31 (Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus)
Title: An Intimate Alliance of Contradictions, part 2/31 (I hope)
Rating: R (ish?)
Characters/Pairing (this part): Remus/his hand, Peter/his hand, Remus/Peter in fantasy, Remus/Severus (with passing mentions Sirius/Emmeline Vance and James/Lily)
Characters/Pairing (overall fic): Remus/Peter, Remus/Severus
Kinks/Warnings: Fantasy first time, and more wanking!
Overall warnings: Angst
Challenge: LMOM '08, day two
Word Count: 1100-ish
Notes: This part is set in 7th year. Promise, it will get pornier. *G* I plan to span 7th year to POA, keep this canon compliant, and, if it doesn't become a jumbled mess, it may turn out more plot with porn than truly porny. We'll see. Thanks so so much to innerslytherin for inspiring the Remus/Peter love, and for the speed beta-reading. :) Title from the quote "It would take too long to explain the intimate alliance of contradictions in human nature which makes love itself wear at times the desperate shape of betrayal. And perhaps there is no possible explanation," by Joseph Conrad
Part 1 l Part 2
If there was one thing Peter Pettigrew wasn't, it was subtle. Of course when you were friends were James Potter and Sirius Black, who had no eye for subtlety, there really wasn't much need for it. It was useful, Remus mused, as he looked up from his breakfast to find Peter watching him. Again. For what had to be the tenth time across the Gyffindor table at breakfast this morning.
It was useful because Remus was subtle, and because it made his friends incredibly easy to read. He knew, for example, that Sirius had shagged Emmeline Vance on more than one occasion, in spite of his assurance that he wasn't interested in relationships of any sort, by the way he smiled at her in a completely different way than he did the other girls. He knew, too, that James sometimes cheated in Quidditch matches, charming the snitch to be easier to catch for him and not the other seeker, just so he could impress Lily, and drag her to some broom closet sooner than he would have had he played fairly. Remus had also known that Peter was queer for probably longer than even Peter had. He'd seen the way Peter had watched Sirius, leered at Sirius. He'd seen the sidelong glances at James when he stripped off his muddy gear after a match. James and Sirius had always thought it dopey, ridiculous idol worship from a friend they had to know would never be as popular as they were, even though he obviously wanted to be, but Remus knew what it was. He knew it was desire.
In the past couple of years, however, Remus had seen the thinly-veiled hunger in Peter's eyes die slowly. He'd seen James and Sirius' teasing start to take its toll in the way Peter didn't laugh it off as much as he used to. James and Sirius would say something they thought particularly witty, and Peter would frown and look at Remus. Remus had, at first, assumed this was only because Peter knew he would be frowning, too, but after a while it had become clear that Peter's attentions were shifting to him. It was surprising at first. Of the four of them, Peter hadn't ever really paid Remus all that much attention before. After a while, though, Remus had found himself sort of enjoying Peter's attention. He'd found himself encouraging it when they were alone, smiling a little too invitingly, sitting or lying in ways he knew would show off the curve of his arse.
Peter was awkward, still, even though the other Marauders all seemed to have grown out of that. He said the wrong things all the time, and he was somehow gawky and still slightly round at the same time, but there was a strange charm to him. Not that Remus could be accused of being attracted to the sorts of blokes you were supposed to be attracted to, anyway. If he could, he wouldn't have been fucking Severus Snape for as long as he had been.
That was another thing his subtlety afforded him: an almost innate ability in keeping secrets.
Remus wasn't sure why tempting Peter had become almost a hobby of sorts. He knew Peter didn't want to be gay. He knew it by the blush that crept on his cheeks when Remus caught him looking too long. He knew by the way Peter sucked in a breath and stilled slightly every time Remus touched him. He knew by the way he'd known Peter was gay for years and Peter still hadn't told even his best mates.
And he knew, too, by the way Peter had promised himself he'd only wank once thinking about Remus - Peter forgot how good Remus' hearing could be, sometimes - and then did it every night after that with the same promise. "Just once. Just one more time and that's it." It made Remus feel good every time; it made him feel attractive in a way Snape never made him feel, because Peter actually liked him. Some nights, Remus had listened and wanked with Peter, closing his hand around his prick and squeezing to the sound of Peter breathing his name in near silent whispers that Remus was sure only he could hear. He'd stroke himself until they came together, panting softly in their separate, curtained beds, Peter blissfully unaware Remus was listening, let alone joining in.
Other nights, with the physical memory of Snape inside him, Remus could easily imagine letting Peter fuck him, too. He'd imagine Peter chewing his thumbnail like he always did when he was nervous as he pushed his trousers down, and moist, shaky hands fumbling with his cock. It wouldn't be demanding like Snape was, or rough, he didn't think. At least not at first, at least not before Peter had shagged a few times. In his guiltiest moments, Remus sometimes imagined taking Peter's virginity. He assumed Peter was still a virgin. Remus wasn't even sure if Peter had kissed anyone yet.
Remus would be gentle and careful in this fantasy. He knew what it felt like, after all, and he knew how it felt when his partner wasn't gentle. Peter might bite his lip and nod his head to give his consent, looking up vulnerably through his lashes at Remus, and Remus would push inside and watch Peter gasp, watch his face twist in ecstasy like he never saw on Snape's face, like Snape never allowed him to see. He shouldn't think things like that about his mates, but he did. It was Peter's fault, too. Remus wouldn't have ever looked at Peter like this if Peter hadn't started looking at him first.
Most nights, he would be smile softly as he approached orgasm, thinking of how awkward, boyish expressions of want, breathed against his neck, might be nice in place of waspish insults every once in a while.
Still, Remus was afraid to break the barrier between them, afraid to harm the safety Peter felt with him. Remus didn't know what might happen if he ever confronted Peter about his feelings, if Peter would be relieved, or lash out in fear. Remus never crossed the line. He never stealthily hopped beds in the middle of the night like he was tempted... and he never missed an "appointment" with Snape. Reality, as imperfect as it may be, was more reliable than acting on fantasy and gambling on the outcome.
Part 3