monstermatch: in character

Good thing this prom is themed. Last time I got talked into the powder blue suit.

Every once in a while, I find myself questioning human intelligence in our current generation (and this is coming from a human, for the record), but who the hell robs a strip club, goes back to it to spend the stolen cash, and then tweets about it?

Unfortunately, that's not where this story ends. Guy ends up skipping bail and three guesses where I find him. No, wait. Guess how I find him.

I mean, don't get me wrong. This makes my job a hell of a lot easier, but people are pretty fucking stupid sometime.

I went out on a proper date last night. I say proper because it wasn't some random hook up in the guise of "hanging out". It started out fine. He dressed nicely. We went to a nice restaurant. And, as it turned out, his wife was having dinner with some girlfriends. Needless to say, things began to spiral very, very quickly.

So, my question to you is: what has been the worst date you've been on in the last year?

You know what's difficult? An impulse/neurological disorder + Jotunn ice magic. That's difficult. I locked myself out of my house this morning with a solid chunk of ice on the knob/lock, turned somebody's coffee into icy slush, and froze a desk. Luckily, there wasn't a student at the desk.

So that was my day. Hi, I'm twitch and I'm a Jotunn with Tourette syndrome, a dog, and a mini-pig. I also really, really love numbers. I'm from Germany.

Where are you all from? Originally, I mean, not what part of Las Veags, unless that's where you're from-from.

What's up, Vegas? So I've been hitting the gym a lot lately. Jamming out the whole time. But my playlist's getting a little stale. I mean, great stuff! But I've heard it way too much lately. Here's what I'm listening to now:

• One Woman Army - Porcelain Black
• Donatella - Lady Gaga
• Problem - Natalia Kills
• Work Bitch - Britney Spears
• Boss Ass Bitch - Nicki Minaj
• I Am the Best - 2NE1
• Bulletproof - La Roux
• Broken Heels - Alexandra Burke
• Bad Girls - M.I.A.
• Competition - Little Mix
• Salute - Little Mix
• Gold Trans Am - Ke$ha
• Revolver (One Love Remix) - Madonna vs. David Guetta feat. Lil' Wayne
• Angels - Adrian Lux
• Addicted - Morgan Page feat. Greg Laswell

Some of those are more for running than the gym, but whatevs. So my question for you all is this: any suggestions? I cannot rule the world as a fierce af benevolent queen if I don't have great workout music, y'all. Girl power a plus, not a must.

I saw this today and thought it was cute.
"i just want a boy who touches me distractedly
like sitting watching a movie and he just kinds of drags his fingers over your skin while watching and he doesn’t have a motive he’s not trying to tickle you or be sexual with you he’s just touching your skin and feeling the shape of your bones under that skin like it’s physically comforting for him to know that you’re there right under his fingertips"

But this one's also a little true...
"The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave"

Which camp would you sit in?

Speaking of cute, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, emoji style.

Okay, so who's excited for Captain America? It's coming out Friday, guys.

private: [kweenkillstreak/habibi]

Hey, Lady on Fire. So are you sick of me yet or can "Captain America, Saturday" maybe be a date?

private: [flymetothemoon/habibi]

Are you okay?

In this edition of Today I Learned:

TIL the best thing to have on your death certificate

TIL that Alanis Morissette has an advice column

What did you learn today, Las Vegas?

You know what you don't think about when opening a strip club? How much business you're going to give to/get from the Burger King across the street. Last night I had a sex dream about the King instead of my usual Katy Perry dream.

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