InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "There's never enough time."

MarinaNova NPCs (marinanova_npc) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-01-04 07:27:00

Entry tags:

:mingle, aidan reilly, aigis, euphemia li britannia, haruka tenoh, ianto jones, jack harkness, james howlett/logan, kitty pryde (aoa), kitty pryde (evolution), leia organa, nathan harris, neil dylandy, pavel chekov (au), piper halliwell, sam winchester, shallan davar, spencer reid, suzaku kururugi, tieria erde, yenyoji quryoja

Day 357 — Body/Mind Swap Mingle
[Everything may be a bit topsy turvy today. Maybe you lost your head. Maybe you lost everything else. Or maybe you're perfectly you and it's just your friends and neighbors who don't make any sense.

Good luck going out and about to figure out your new surroundings.]

(MIND/BODY SWAP EVENT INFO)

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	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-06 05:47 am UTC (link)
	[It's okay. Kitty is not a snowflake. She gets it.] How are you feeling then? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2016-01-06 06:02 am UTC (link)
	Like I want to take myself apart. [He'd be whispering if he spoke any more quietly.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-06 06:08 am UTC (link)
	It's hard, but you can get through this. It's going to be over tomorrow. [She wishes she felt as confident about her words as she wants him to feel about them.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

questionofwhen
2016-01-06 07:21 am UTC (link)

How do I make it to tomorrow?

[He was doing so well. He was starting to think that there was a chance—maybe, with more time—that he could control himself, but the fantasy of ripping this body open that plays in his head when he forgets to focus is driving that thought away. It's not real control if it's lost that easily. It's not real improvement when it's this easy to slide backwards.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-06 04:30 pm UTC (link)
	[Stay alive. But how is harder.] Do you still have the restraint? [And does it work on you or just other people?] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2016-01-06 11:45 pm UTC (link)
	[He's still alive for now. Don't look away; he might stab himself.] No. [He pulls down his shirt's high neck. It seems that it wandered off along with his body.] I don't know if that matters. I don't want to hurt anyone else. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-06 11:49 pm UTC (link)
	[I'm making a note here, "huge success".] You are an important person to not hurt. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2016-01-07 12:15 am UTC (link)
	Why? [He sounds like he's either going to start crying or get angry. Maybe both at the same time.] I wanted to kill her. I still want to. Why shouldn't I hurt myself? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-07 12:38 am UTC (link)
	You also don't want to hurt her, right? You don't like that you want to. You aren't in control of it and you don't deserve to die for it. ...And I don't want to lose anyone else. [Okay, so he'd just heal or he'd be back the next day because it's Marina, but it's still a hard thing to think about.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2016-01-07 01:26 am UTC (link)
	It doesn't matter. If I kill someone, it doesn't matter if I didn't want to. [He can't dismiss that last part so easily.] I'd just come back. Whatever I do, I'll come back. [That's upsetting. When you want to kill yourself, you don't want to know that even a successful suicide won't be that successful.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-07 01:34 am UTC (link)
	I know. [Hey, she was an assassin who always hated killing. She doesn't give herself a pass on it and it's even harder here in more ideal than a mid-apocalypse condition.] But it matters now. And it's a loss even if it isn't permanent, so fight it for you, but fight it for me too and Reid and the person on the other end of that blue band you've been wearing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2016-01-07 02:54 am UTC (link)
	[Sometimes he forgets that she knows. He gets so caught up in the possibility of killing people that he doesn't remember that Kitty has actually killed people herself.] I get tired of fighting. [Kitty successfully diffused most the anger by reminding him that other people would appreciate it if he didn't kill himself.] I don't want to do it anymore. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-07 03:04 am UTC (link)
	What would you say to me if I told you the same thing? [And she has felt the same thing even if she never voiced it. It never lasts forever. She knows life is worth fighting for—hers and those around her, but sometimes the losses pile up too high to see that.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2016-01-07 04:54 am UTC (link)
	I dunno. I'd want to say stop fighting... [That's not the right answer, though. It's the answer that he wants.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-07 04:56 am UTC (link)
	Really? [That hurts a little.] Well, don't anyway. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	icon fail! questionofwhen 2016-01-07 05:08 am UTC (link)
	[What did Kitty expect from a Nathan who is more mentally compromised than usual? Something kinder than the first truth that popped into his head?] I wouldn't mean that you should kill yourself. [He's the only one who can do that.] That's not the way you're fighting. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	I always think I'm good at the icons and then I see I've been doing them wrong kitty_has_claws 2016-01-07 05:11 am UTC (link)
	...How am I fighting? [She shouldn't be asking this, should she? But she's been depressed and living with a perceptive young man with suicidal and homicidal tendencies. She should probably know where they're at.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	and here I was just letting the cat select them questionofwhen 2016-01-07 05:18 am UTC (link)
	[Maybe this is exactly what she should be doing. Asking questions that Nathan has to think about is keeping him from running away and eviscerating himself, so.] You just are, all the time. Against everything. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: and here I was just letting the cat select them kitty_has_claws 2016-01-07 05:20 am UTC (link)
	It's what I know. [But she wouldn't want him letting himself off the hook like that, so.] What should I do instead? [At least he's talking.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2016-01-07 05:26 am UTC (link)
	[Thinking intensifies. The conclusion that he comes to isn't satisfactory.] I dunno. Ask someone what's between always fighting and always giving up and do that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-07 05:29 am UTC (link)
	If you try harder to fight I'll try harder to let go. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2016-01-07 06:03 am UTC (link)
	I can try... but trying doesn't fix crazy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-07 06:11 am UTC (link)
	Don't write yourself off like that. [She really wishes she had some kind of background in...this. She's never sure if she's helping or hurting with Nathan.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	questionofwhen 2016-01-08 01:30 am UTC (link)
	I thought I was getting better. I thought I could be better, but I can't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-01-08 02:00 am UTC (link)
	You are. Just because it isn't over or perfect doesn't mean it isn't progress. [Basically just a rehash of her conversation with Chuck about her own healing over Reid.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)