InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "It's always better the 2nd day"

Siri Tachi (neverlosefocus) wrote in makebelievecomm,
@ 2013-09-14 22:03:00

Entry tags:

obi-wan kenobi, siri tachi

[VOICE; LOCKED TO OBI-WAN]
Would you feel like taking a walk with me?

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	neverlosefocus 2013-09-15 10:39 pm UTC (link)
	[Of course she called. She couldn’t take the chance of him hiding in his room and avoiding her the way he did after the lake incident; no matter anything else they’re friends. They’ve been friends a long time. And she’d miss him.] Me, too. [She leaves everything else unsaid, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

master_kenobi
2013-09-15 10:54 pm UTC (link)

Siri, I'm... I'm not sure how to approach this publicly. I mean... I didn't want to be public before we worked out just what... [He looked at her a little helplessly. Why couldn't he express what he felt? He pressed his lips together in frustration, the took a different tack.]

When I returned to my room for Anakin's lesson, he could tell that something had changed. He questioned me about it; I didn't know what to tell him.

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neverlosefocus
2013-09-15 11:43 pm UTC (link)

[Sithspit. She stops, pulling him to a halt and turning to face him. There’s so little she can do to help him with this.]

Then we won’t be.

[As much as it pains her to (something else she hides in the Force, she really should thank Anakin for teaching that to her), she slips her hand free of his, smiling gently.] I think I can restrain myself until we figure out just what we are.

[Her habit of making physical contact had so far refused to be broken, but she can at least lessen the frequency of it. She hopes. And the desire to kiss him is going to be just as hard to ignore.]

Is there a way to explain it to him without... details? Tell him that you’re working through something, but not what that something is?

[Which, he was, wasn’t he? So it was the truth.]

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master_kenobi
2013-09-16 12:02 am UTC (link)

No, I -" He glanced down at his hand, where hers used to be, then raked it through his hair. "That's not what I meant. That's not... " He attempts elaboration on that, but has to fall back on "That's not what I meant."

He's silent for a moment and starts walking again, hoping she moves with him, rather than away.

"I didn't mean...for you to change your conduct. I'm... If we're going to do this, it should be our journey. And I just...wasn't prepared to share it so early on, when we're not even sure what the destination is yet. But it wasn't my intention for you to change your conduct. I...I wanted you to know what was going on. And maybe... I was wondering if maybe anything had happened to...to throw you...off-balance. As it were."

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neverlosefocus
2013-09-16 12:35 am UTC (link)

Siri sighs, frustrated that she’s floundering so badly. She falls into step beside him for a moment, before grabbing his hand and pulling him to a stop. “It is our journey. And it’s not changing my conduct. It’s just... altering it. Slightly.” She pauses a moment, to find the words. “It troubled you. That matters.”

And then she’s touching his face again, because there’s no one else there and she’s always had a hard time fighting this habit. “For star’s sake, Obi-Wan, it’s a small thing to do for someone I...” there’s a brief, awkward pause. “for you. If it’s needed.”

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master_kenobi
2013-09-16 08:13 am UTC (link)

"But it's not what I want!" he snapped back with equal frustration. "That is not what I want." He may not have known much, but he knew that. He took a breath, trying to centre himself, then added more calmly. "I appreciate the offer, but no. No. I don't want that."

He tugged her by the hand next. The motion helped him think and she had invited him to walk.

"It's not that I..." He looked at her. "I'm not ashamed of you," he told her earnestly. He looked ahead of them, towards the green scenery surrounding that castle. "It's more...what I told Anakin: I'm having trouble reconciling what feels right with what the Code says is wrong. Anakin insists that it's a simple matter of accepting that parts of the Code are wrong, but I'm not finding it simple. I'm trying, but I always... I always hear that warning whisper in the back of my mind. So I can't explain it to Ani yet, Siri, because I haven't worked it out myself. But not because I don't understand how I feel about you. I think I've always known that."

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neverlosefocus
2013-09-17 01:12 am UTC (link)

“Then I won’t change anything,” she told him easily. It was as simple as that. She’d continue to be as she was, making the same amount of casual physical contact. Or, if she was honest with herself, there would probably be more.

She let him tug her along, falling into step beside him. “I didn’t think you were. I’d never think you were.” The idea hadn’t even crossed her mind; she knew what it meant for him to even consider going against the code. Death had... changed some things for her. As much as her training was at war with what she wanted, what she felt for him... she kept coming back to the idea that second chances like this shouldn’t be wasted.

And there was more... she couldn’t even put it into words to describe it, but this change... it wasn’t a bad one. She just... knew it. Had come to trust in the sense of conviction during her time spent so long undercover with Krayn.

Her steps faltered at his words. They hadn’t talked about the reason behind the agreement they’d decided to go back on. It hadn’t come up. Maybe there hadn’t been need, considering the reason for the agreement in the first place. But they hadn’t talked about it. And despite his trouble reconciling the code with... them, Obi-Wan just casually told her... that.

It was unfair just how easily he could send her reeling with so few words. She pulled him gently to a stop, closing what little remaining distance there was between them. Her hand slid into his hair, and she kissed him.

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master_kenobi
2013-09-17 07:36 am UTC (link)

Well, as far as what he wanted went, that was much closer. Spot on, really, though she took him by surprise and there was a brief startled moment before he returned the kiss. His hands hovered awkwardly before settling at her waist, something that was easier to do this time, with fabric there rather than distractingly bare skin.

He wasn't sure what he did to instigate this. Had he said something? It was hard to go back over the conversation in this situation, so he gave up on it, casting the concern aside in favour of letting himself fall more deeply into the sensation.

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neverlosefocus
2013-09-18 12:05 am UTC (link)

Kissing him was never going to lose its appeal. She hoped he didn’t mind; it was something that she’d do her best to keep from doing too much of in public, until they’d figured out what they were, but it was something that had slotted easily into her already bad habit of casual physical contact. She could feel the warmth of his hands on her waist through her shirt, and she pressed closer to him, sliding her other hand into his hair.

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	master_kenobi 2013-09-18 09:24 am UTC (link)
	Lost in the moment, it took him another inordinately long moment to realize they were still outside. He paused, pulling back slightly. His voice was breathless when he spoke. "Um... maybe we should... go inside. Somewhere. Somewhere less... exposed." He was more concerned about Ani walking outside and spotting them than anything else. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	neverlosefocus 2013-09-19 12:52 am UTC (link)
	Her laugh was soft, and a little breathless, her blue eyes bright and her hands still tangled in his hair. “Probably, yes.” That would mean withdrawing, at least a little, and she (reluctantly, always reluctantly) stepped back just a bit, beginning to slip her hands from his hair. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-09-19 11:01 am UTC (link)
	He almost followed those hands. Jedi weren't touched often and certainly they weren't touched like that. He hadn't even been aware of the effect it could have on him. As he recovered, he slipped his hand into hers, turning to head back to the castle. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	neverlosefocus 2013-09-20 04:00 am UTC (link)
	He’d probably get used to it eventually, since it was something that Siri already had no trouble doing despite how new the sliding hands into his hair was. His hand was warm in hers, and she marvelled for a moment at the feel of it. It felt... right. All of this did. She fell into step beside him as they headed back to the castle. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-09-20 09:20 am UTC (link)
	"Where, um, where should we go?" he asked as they stepped back inside. It was difficult to know just how careful to be. He wasn't hiding it, but he wasn't advertising it. He certainly didn't want it shoved in Ani's face until he could at least explain his reasoning for it adequately. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

neverlosefocus
2013-09-20 05:45 pm UTC (link)

After a moment’s thought, she began leading Obi-Wan towards the North West tower. The roof should be out of the way enough. Which seemed... good. She was a bit new to all this, but that seemed preferable. And she hadn’t exactly expected this when they turned around and headed back inside. But she certainly wasn’t complaining about stealing away for a few moments.

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	master_kenobi 2013-09-20 10:48 pm UTC (link)
	He followed easily, but he'd never been this way. It made him curious. "Where are we going?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	neverlosefocus 2013-09-21 05:40 am UTC (link)
	“The north west tower,” she told him. “And then the roof. It has a decent view of the grounds. The forest.” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-09-21 09:00 am UTC (link)
	"The roof? I didn't realize it was accessible." Except by Ahsoka's method, perhaps. He glanced at her. "Is this one of the places you go at night?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	neverlosefocus 2013-09-21 05:44 pm UTC (link)
	“We could scale the outside of it, if you wanted. But it’s easier to just take the stairs.” She couldn’t help but tease him a little. She nodded. “One of the places. I still prefer the lake, but when you’re not sleeping there’s a lot of time to explore.” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-09-21 10:31 pm UTC (link)
	"I'm sorry to hear you're still having trouble," Obi-Wan said as they headed up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	neverlosefocus 2013-09-21 11:16 pm UTC (link)
	"It's improving," she told him quietly. "There are still nights where I'm not getting sleep, but they're slowly becoming less frequent." A few more steps and they were walking through the door that lead to the rooftop. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-09-21 11:32 pm UTC (link)
	"You dream about...what happened to you, don't you?" he guessed. He looked over at her, squeezing her hand. "You have a mark on your chest. It wasn't there before. Blaster bolt. It isn't hard to put together." He had, after all, seen her in variations on very little clothing in their undercover missions. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	neverlosefocus 2013-09-21 11:54 pm UTC (link)
	Siri wasn’t surprised he figured it out. She’d known he would, sooner, or later. Something loosened in her chest, and her grip on his hand was tight. She nodded. “Yes.” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-09-22 09:14 pm UTC (link)
	His voice falls quiet. It's barely above a whisper. "Were you alone?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	neverlosefocus 2013-09-22 09:21 pm UTC (link)
	She shook her head. “No. I wasn’t.” Her voice was quiet, and sad. She hadn’t wanted him to know that he would have to watch her die. But she couldn’t keep it from him anymore. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)