Equality and Love in Snupin
I originally wrote this up on my own LJ, and lore pointed out that I'd just inadverntantly made a meta post. So I thought some cleaning up was in order so I could repost in time for meta-month. *grin* The things we contemplate after a sleepless night...
The reason I am so hurt by fics where Severus loves Remus more than Remus loves him (if Remus loves him at all) is that Severus' life has been so dreadful already. I know life isn't fair, but I confess, in fanfic, I want it to be. I don't care if they have to face adversity, as long as, in the end, I know they have each other, and they are equal partners in it.
Don't get me wrong, I know Remus' life hasn't exactly been a picnic. But he's had a bit more control in some respects than Severus, at least over the past fifteen years or so. Not to mention that in my mind, Remus is more emotionally mature than Severus--because he's had more of an opportunity to experience positive emotions as well as negative ones.
All too often, I've been the one who loved more, in a relationship. I know how much that hurts. I know those constant fears that someday you won't be enough, that someday someone else will offer more than you can, even if you're offering everything. I know what it feels like to tell someone you love him, and not hear it back. To know that somehow you're too flawed to be given his commitment. That you're good enough to mess about with but not good enough to show off to his friends.
(Lest you think this is a self-pity party, I'll also say that I've had at least one serious relationship in which I was the one who loved less, so I've been on that side of the fence.)
But what we saw of Severus in canon through HBP was a picture of a man who had been bullied in his youth, made a probably impetuous decision to serve Voldemort, repented, and then spent the next 17 or so years of his life making up for that one mistake. In the meantime, he was still seen as someone to be hated and called names like greasy, even by students, who ought to have respected him, if not for his personality, at least for the knowledge he could impart. And Remus Lupin is one of very few people who actually treats him with equanimity, amiableness, even polite friendliness. Who else does that? Dumbledore, and perhaps Minerva.
Of course, DH made things worse. Oh, JKR tells us Snape is inexcusable because he was once loved. Right, okay, he had friendship from a girl named Lily Evans who obviously hadn't learned what unconditional love is when she refused to forgive him. Sorry, I don't buy it. If I look too closely at DH, I get angry for Severus all over again, so I'm just not going to go there, except to say that Lily's "love" for him wasn't much of a favour. And Dumbledore...well, if I look at DH, Dumbledore didn't even treat him as well as Remus does.
I suppose what it comes down to is why I read fanfic, and I'll be very frank: at least 90% of the time I read fanfic to be happy. Generally speaking that means I want the characters to come out of everything happy in the end, or at least with the promise of happiness. And Severus couldn't be happy in a relationship where he was treated as inferior or second best. I don't see the point in shipping Snape with anyone if he's not given at least equal treatment, after a lifetime of being second best in almost every respect.
The reason I am so hurt by fics where Severus loves Remus more than Remus loves him (if Remus loves him at all) is that Severus' life has been so dreadful already. I know life isn't fair, but I confess, in fanfic, I want it to be. I don't care if they have to face adversity, as long as, in the end, I know they have each other, and they are equal partners in it.
Don't get me wrong, I know Remus' life hasn't exactly been a picnic. But he's had a bit more control in some respects than Severus, at least over the past fifteen years or so. Not to mention that in my mind, Remus is more emotionally mature than Severus--because he's had more of an opportunity to experience positive emotions as well as negative ones.
All too often, I've been the one who loved more, in a relationship. I know how much that hurts. I know those constant fears that someday you won't be enough, that someday someone else will offer more than you can, even if you're offering everything. I know what it feels like to tell someone you love him, and not hear it back. To know that somehow you're too flawed to be given his commitment. That you're good enough to mess about with but not good enough to show off to his friends.
(Lest you think this is a self-pity party, I'll also say that I've had at least one serious relationship in which I was the one who loved less, so I've been on that side of the fence.)
But what we saw of Severus in canon through HBP was a picture of a man who had been bullied in his youth, made a probably impetuous decision to serve Voldemort, repented, and then spent the next 17 or so years of his life making up for that one mistake. In the meantime, he was still seen as someone to be hated and called names like greasy, even by students, who ought to have respected him, if not for his personality, at least for the knowledge he could impart. And Remus Lupin is one of very few people who actually treats him with equanimity, amiableness, even polite friendliness. Who else does that? Dumbledore, and perhaps Minerva.
Of course, DH made things worse. Oh, JKR tells us Snape is inexcusable because he was once loved. Right, okay, he had friendship from a girl named Lily Evans who obviously hadn't learned what unconditional love is when she refused to forgive him. Sorry, I don't buy it. If I look too closely at DH, I get angry for Severus all over again, so I'm just not going to go there, except to say that Lily's "love" for him wasn't much of a favour. And Dumbledore...well, if I look at DH, Dumbledore didn't even treat him as well as Remus does.
I suppose what it comes down to is why I read fanfic, and I'll be very frank: at least 90% of the time I read fanfic to be happy. Generally speaking that means I want the characters to come out of everything happy in the end, or at least with the promise of happiness. And Severus couldn't be happy in a relationship where he was treated as inferior or second best. I don't see the point in shipping Snape with anyone if he's not given at least equal treatment, after a lifetime of being second best in almost every respect.