The Lunatic Cafe

As one of the patrons of the Cafe opened the door to enter, there was a quick pattering of feet and something small scuttled inside before the door could close again.

The lights in the cafe this evening were slightly dimmed to allow the patrons to enjoy the Christmas lights and decorations that adorned almost every square inch of the interior of the cafe. The main dimmed lights also allowed the small dark figure to go mostly unseen as it momentarily took refuge under a huge Christmas tree right beside the front door. Those that did manage to catch a glimpse of the figure merely raised an eyebrow and then went back to their dining and/or drinking. After all stranger things were seen in the cafe on a regular basis.

The doll figure posed next to a large nutcracker under the tree for a moment before it scuttled out to stand and pause at the entrance signs to the cafe warning about weapons not being allowed in the cafe.

The tiny figure with the porcelain face looked up at the sign and then glanced at his right arm which ended in a knife blade and then raised his left 'hand' to reveal a wicked looking hook. If anyone had been looking at the creature's face they would have seen twin tiny spikes shoot forward to be seen in the thing's dark eye sockets before being pulled back. This continued several times, giving voice to the doll like creature's frustration.

Finally the puppet noticed small print near the bottom of the sign. "Note: No Weapons rule only applies to creatures, beings, androids, cyborgs or other life forms that can remove their weapons. If such weapons are impossible to remove or sheathed because they are part of your physical makeup let it be known the rule is amended for your sake and you may enter the cafe but the no violence rule is still strictly in force.

Impossible of course but it almost looked as if the puppet breathed a sigh of relief before once again darting back to the shadows of the tables and chairs and made its way deeper into the cafe.

Finally reaching the bar the puppet pulled it way up the side of it till it could sit on top of the bar. And there it sat as if waiting.

Normally Akane would be working the cafe, taking order, greeting customers.. But tonight wasn't one of those nights. No, tonight she was in the lounge and staring at her laptop. The couch she had claimed was a comfy one and like the rest of the cafe it was in holiday theme colors. Her sofa was a plush red one with white trim. In fact, the whole cafe looked, as one of the managers would say, 'Like Santa threw up and then exploded.' Oh, it certainly had other decor for the different winter holiday season, but it was obvious that whoever decorated had drank a little too much Christmas Spirits.

Akane herself was still dressed for work. She was wearing a short green dress that shined like wrapping paper. The trim was silver and covered in glitter much like a gift bow. In fact, she even had a big ribbon in her hair made of the same fabric. Akane didn't mind her theme uniform much. Being dressed as a 'present' wasn't nearly as bad as the snow woman or the reindeer costumes Buffy had some wear. She stopped her computer staring to readjust the skirt of her dress. Now if only her dress wasn't so binding...

The door to the cafe opened and revealed in the entrance way was to many a very familiar face. Course how anyone could forget a dead white face with a permanent grin on it, with a shock of green hair above?
The man in the purple suit paused for a moment and played with a yo-yo.

"Well... What do you know? It worked this time." The Joker said as he sauntered into the cafe.

He was quickly stopped by one of the cafe's waitresses who frowned at him and pointed to the sign at the entrance warning about weapons and attempting to harm anyone while at the cafe.

With a grumble the Joker quickly emptied his pockets of razor sharp playing cards, all Jokers of course. A whoopie cushion loaded with enough TNT to blow someone to bits, his acid squirting flower, a false grenade hand and finally his lethal high voltage joybuzzer.

Starting to stroll past the waitress he was stopped as she boldly put her hand on his chest and gently pushed him back.

"What?" He snarled. "I've left all my toys. What now?"

The waitress looked pointedly at the yo-yo he was still playing with.

"This thing? This is just a yo-yo!"

The waitress glanced at a computer pad in her hand. "Razor wire with a motor in the yo-yo part capable of taking a person's head off if were wrapped around their neck?"

The Joker gave a laugh. "Oopsie." His permanent smile fading just for a moment into a frown. "The damn sensors in this place can tell all that can they?" Instantly the smile was back. "Oh well. Can't blame a homicidal maniac for trying, now can you?"

Pulling the 'string' from around his finger the Joker reluctantly dropped his 'toy' into the bin with his other playthings.

Checking her pad one more time the waitress reluctantly nodded for the Joker to enter the cafe.

Running in terror I just managed to reach another ancient looking windmill.
Really how many of those damn things are there? What I get sent to Holland and no one saw fit to tell me?
Anyway, reaching the windmill I wrenched the door open, threw myself inside and slammed my back against the door to stop... Well, I'm never really sure what the hell it is that chases me on these dark moonless nights through the woods. In any case I let out a defiant and manly yell of defiance as I waited for the whatever the hell it was to slam against the door and take me.

"AHHHHH! AHHHH!" As I realized that there was no banging on the door long after there should have been I let out one more. "AHHH?" Before looking around.

Some how the inside of the windmill looked like some kind of fancy cafe or diner.

"Huh?" I said intelligently before turning back to the door and cautiously opening it.

Instead of the dark and ominous forest that I had just left, there was now a sunny bright parking lot.

"Okay... I dove through the door into the mill, hit my head and this is some kind of concussion induced hallucination. I'll wake any moment to find a Deadite gnawing on my leg."

Deciding to go with my delusion, I looked over the cafe I was in and saw a variety of people eating and drinking. A few were looking my way but none of them were overly reacting to a man carrying a shotgun in one hand and the other hand....Well, where a hand should be, was an attached chainsaw. Just more proof this was a hell of a concussion dream.

Clark hangs up his cell phone as he enters the cafe. It had been a busy day for him.

Stopped a bank robbery, few muggings, and worked the local Chamber of Commerce Banquet. Those were always boring, but not every story involved excitement and adventure. But that was something he'd never tell Lois.

It was one of her unwritten rules to journalism...Every story can be big if we dig deep enough.

He flags down a waitress and gets a cup of coffee before sitting on the couch.

Since Xander woke up that morning he spent a majority of the day in hiding. Cut off from the world.

Turned off his phone, didnt even turn on his computer.

It was his birthday.

His 30th.

So he went into stealth mode most of the day, but with less than an hour left he decided to come out into the world and into the cafe.

After getting a drink from the bar, he heads outside to enjoy the night air for what remained of his birthday.

A loud groaning, wheezing noise is heard in the cafe and a familiar blue box slowly materializes near the back of the cafe.

As the doors to the blue police box open a bright and bubbly blond practically dances out. Looking back to the interior of the box she calls out. "I'll go ahead and place our orders while you try to get Martha to come out."

A muffled voice from inside the box is heard but too muddled for anyone but the blond to hear.

"It wasn't my fault! You spilled the bottle on her not me!"

More muffled sounds from inside the box.

"Okay, I admit if I hadn't have bought the stuff it wouldn't have been there for you to knock over! Tell her I'm sorry and see if you can convince her to come out."

As Harley turns to find a table she mutters to herself. "It is so not my fault!"

She'd been busy as of late, since her last visit here. but finally she had gotten a break and decided to come back, this time dressed much differently. Not the disguise clothes she wore for work. Jeans, t-shirt and an unruly mane of blond hair. As she stepped inside she looked around the place. Last time she'd met Xander, and apparently he'd had some sort of relationship with another version of her mom or something.

Em ordered a soda and walked over towards the pool tables. Finding an empty one she started a game by herself just to pass the time. She wasn't bad since she played with her dad often. She moved around the table, making a few shots here and there.

She sipped her drink and looked over the table.

Some were pulled into the cafe, while others went there on purpose.

As the doors opened to admit the next patron though, it was a mixture of both pull and knowing. She'd been here many times before, though it'd been awhile since her last appearance. Still, it hadn't exactly been her expected destination.

Kali blinked as she looked about the once familiar space, immediately noting the changes, and stepping from the way of the door. "I'm getting a strong sense of deja vu..." Slowly, oddly watchful, she began to work her way toward the bar. If she hadn't intended to come, there was probably some reason for her to be here.

She smirked to herself. Maybe someone simply said her name three times. Wouldn't that be the cafe joke?

... A young woman with long black hair, wearing an odd combination of violet and obsidian fish-scale armor and heavy plate mail, falls into the Cafe with a thump. Landing hard on her rear, she doesn't seem to notice at first where she is, tending to her bruised posterior as she picks herself up.

"I bloody hate these landings.." She says, as she takes inventory of her person. Seemingly surprised to see she's dressed the way she is, she finally takes a moment to take in her surroundings, not quite sure what to make of the place.

"A... cafe. Makes about as much sense as anywhere else I've been."

Without pause, she makes her way for what seems to be the front door when some scent catches her nose, pulling her to a stop. She looks back at the counter with a mixture of desire and impatience mingling across her features.

The stage was once again taken this night. There were stacks of coloring books, boxes of crayons, and a little girl laying down on her stomach as she hummed quietly to herself. She was lost in coloring land as she carefully filled in the She-Ra coloring book open in front of her.
The karaoke machine nearby had an "Out of Service" sign on it and so Akane had been given permission to use the stage as her coloring outpost. After all it would be rude if she'd done this without asking.
Sitting beside her was a a plush gargoyle toy and if anyone looked carefully they would find an abnormal amount of shadows surrounding the stage and her.
None of this seemed to affect her any as she continued to color merrily.

There was an intrepid investigative journalist in the cafe. No, not that one. This one had talent, ideas, and actual drive. Unlike others who entered the cafe, Lois Lane knew what she was doing. Maybe it was bravado to cover up underlining issues. Or most likely it was because she was a semi regular to nexus travel. In fact, she had met one of her best friends through the nexus.

Still, Lois was on a mission as she walked over to the jukebox. The selection was extremely varied, considering it had music from everything a person could think of, and of course Lois picked the best, and first, thing she could find.

As the sound of "Gunter glieben glauchen globen." filtered through the air, Lois headed for a table with her messenger bag.She set up all of her usual items on the table, placed her order with the first waitress to arrive, and a few moments later the sound of her typing on her laptop joined the Rock of Ages.

Celine Dion hadn't been considered amazing by Parissa's age group for years, but when traveling with a friend recently she had heard one of her songs that had hadn't found the aspiring singer's ears for... probably centuries. It's been about that amount of time since Celine was deemed a pop diva hasn't it? At the time she liked the song alright, but due to the status of her life and the whirlwind changes involving a certain someone she wasn't exactly flashing around in the streets as "her boy", the lyrics had really hit her. Like maybe the song was written with the sole purpose of touching her now. Her first performance had been decently received and Sly had inspired her to keep at it. If no one else was going to make the stage worthwhile, she would.

( Taking Chances lyrics )

It was evident by the way her voice hit each note and the way her entire body reacted in song that this song meant something to her. Even if it never reached the right person. The intention was there at least.

It had been a while since Lana had truly let herself sit down and enjoy her time in the Cafe. Her last visit had ended up being more emotional than she expected, but it was probably needed on the part of both party members involved. She had learned a lot about herself since her time away from Smallville and what could have been a curse had ended up being a blessing.

There was the beginning stages of blossoming love. And not the kind of sadistic love you can't resist but just didn't seem to be much good for you in the end. Sure, there were her shares of fears this would end up the same, but... It felt different. She felt confident that this new connection was healthy. Not just for her, but for the other involved.

Taking a seat in her favorite location (where she had met Silence and many of the others she beloved so well here), she wondered if she'd recognize any of the faces here or if all that she knew had found a new way to spend their time.

With an air of both arrogance and curiosity, enters the Upper Eastsider Chuck Bass. Unlike some who found themselves brought here by some unworldly power, the Bass heir came here of his own volition. With the aide of his money, Chuck made sure he had eyes everywhere of interest. And the Lunatic Cafe had struck him as interesting the moment it had come up. He had sealed the deal with women of all locations and cultures, but to expand his ever-growing collection to another world? Why such ideals would bring his already amazing ego to another level. And what better way to drive Waldorf completely insane than by hooking up with tons of women that was not her?

Chuck had to admit, he had his doubts this place was genuine. A Cafe connecting to multiple worlds? It sounded preposterous. Especially for a man like who needed to see it with his eyes and touch it with his hands for it to be real. But for the price he paid for this information? He damn well better have been true.

Sauntering in, Chuck grabbed one of the pamphlets in order to expand his knowledge. There were very few things in life he cared to learn and fortunately this one was almost number one. But of course, to be number one it would have had to beat out Blair. And such a subject was far too curious for him to let slip to number two.

A tiny black dot appears in the center of the cafe and grows until a huge black oval about eight feet tall and six feet wide is visible. Thickness wise the oval is less than a molecule in depth. Walk to the edge and you wouldn't be able to even see it floating in mid air but face in from the front or rear and you have a portal that leads to... Well who really knows?

A moment after the oval forms floating in air a being that could be described as a nightmare comes strolling out. The figure is easily seven feet tall if not bigger. Massive curling horns crown it's head and jagged and unpleasant angles make up the rest of its face. The fierce horrible image only belies the gentle fun loving soul inside the hulk.

Weirdbard looks around until he catches the eye of a passing waitress. "Something so strong that Silence or Buffy will probably kick my butt once they find out I ordered it." He says as he plops down heavily in a chair that groans under his weight and places his head in his hands as he waits for his drink to arrive.

When everyone's (well almost everyone's) favorite resident psycho entered the cafe, no one would think something was amiss. And as a matter of fact, nothing was amiss for the moment. Her usual cheery smile was on her face, making it no wonder why people had no problem approaching her. And that same attitude would resume until Sheri decided to claim a table and fiddle with her cellphone. It was then she noticed a text message sent to her phone sometime recently with a picture file. At first Sheri was excited, figuring it was just a silly picture from one of her equally silly friends. That was until the picture loaded.

It was then that the Korean cutie let out a scream of bloody murder.

Was that really...?!

Immediately she typed in her brother's cell number, ready to continue to scream, but this time there would be words involved. That was if she could manage to form them. Unfortunately his phone went to voicemail. So she did the only thing she could do. Shrill into it her disbelief, "JUTO KIM! H-HOW! WHY?!"

Of all people! Her own flesh and blood!

After a long and weird conversation with Dean, Sam headed into the cafe for a beer.

With a sigh, he sips his beer while working on his computer doing research. They were holed up in a hotel for the night. Big storm. Almost biblical. And that didn't sit right with Sam. Something was up. So he came here to relax while Dean was trying to watch Casa Erotica 13.

"There's a break in on the corner of 4th and-" Chloe Sullivan winced as her connection went to static. The white noise screeched into ear and she was forced to tear off her headset as she came to an instant halt, her eyes wide. Unless someone had replaced her base of operations with a dive of a restaurant then this wasn't Watchtower. Where was she and how did she get here? It could be some kind of set up by Checkmate or even Zod. Hadn't they done enough to her already?

In an attempt to escape, Chloe exited the way she came only to find herself in a parking lot. An instant curse flew from her mouth and she reentered the building. She was frustrated, angry, and she wanted to know what the hell was going on and she wanted to know now.

Having finally coming out of the shadows to get the 411 on the Cafe's karaoke stage, Parissa finally decided to embrace her diva side in the name of entertainment. She had been working on a Korean song and feared a good portion of the members wouldn't have been able to understand.

Now with those fears put to rest, she had decided to go for it. Now with the magic of this place everyone could not only enjoy the beats but the words of her song in their own language.

Even with the alcohol warming her inside, she felt the nerves when her feet hit the stage. But eventually it would be replaced by the adrenaline. It always did:

( Kiss lyrics )

With her song over and the attention of the crowd, she was inspired for another, but had decided against it for now. She could always come back. If anything she should go mingle and see if heard any positive reviews of her song and performance.