Lucas Eli Sawyer (wingsofillusion) wrote in _fracture_, @ 2014-07-04 21:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | adam, chapter 3, chase, kyle, the regent hotel |
No Place Like Not-Home
Who: Chase and Kyle, Chase Kyle and Adam, Kyle and Adam
Where: Round the hotel
When: Morning
The last place that Kyle expected to be when he woke up that morning was his bed back in the hotel. It was disorientating, to say the least. For the first few moments, he had no idea where he was - only when he caught sight of the ripped pages of abandoned drawings by the side of the bed did everything come slamming back. He sat bolt up in bed, looking round the room. He was back. He wasn’t going to get lynched and burned at the stake or anything horrible like that. The relief was overwhelming - right up until the moment that it clicked in that he was alone. He scrambled out of bed, throwing on jeans and a shirt. He needed to go check on the others, make sure everyone made it back okay.
Okay, he had no idea what room some of the people he knew might be in, but he knew where the top of his list was - Adam. So, that was where he headed, hoping he’d find the others on the way.
Chase had been just as disoriented, but in the best kind of way. The bed was comfortable. Really comfortable. And yes, Justin in all his glory wasn’t in sight like he’d been the past two mornings, but the bed was comfortable. He loitered for a few minutes, then got up, relieved to get dressed in a real shower, have his things, even if he was awake earlier than he would have liked he was dressed, properly, looking like he’d walked off a yacht with the well fitted striped shirt and pale khakis, maybe a little on purpose and gone out to find his knight. Just to check in. Justin had to be here. As well as the others, but Justin was the first person to pop into his mind. They were friends after all weren’t they?
He was just wandering the halls, trying to determine where Justin might be when he spotted someone else familiar. “Kyle!” Kyle was a wreck. He looked like he’d just rolled out of bed and Chase’s expression said he noticed.
Kyle turned as he heard his name called, and sagged with relief to see Chase there. “Hi!” he called, walking up and just hugging the other guy without a second thought. “You’re okay. I want to make sure everyone’s back.”
Chase wasn’t expecting to be hugged and as result he froze a little. It was strange considering half of his job was very physical, the other half had strict rules about how physically people could be and in the end he wasn’t very physical with much of anyone . “Oh, um yes. I’m here. I actually wanted to talk to you.”
Kyle pulled back rather more quickly when Chase wasn’t exactly receptive to the hug. He took a step back, straightening his clothes. “You did?”
Chase felt bad when Kyle pulled back because being hugged was actually kinda nice, but he didn’t say anything about it. “I did. Your friend, she’s insane apparently. You left that part off.” Chase gave Kyle a little look, as if he was waiting for more.
Kyle frowned. “What friend? Mazie? She’s not insane,” he said.
Chase gave Kyle a look. “Kennedy. The one I tried to set Justin up with. It didn’t go well. He blamed me. I wound up having to tell him the truth which wasn’t exactly fun.”
“Kennedy’s not my friend. But... I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was... insane? Really? What happened?” Kyle said, guilt flickering clearly across his face. “I never meant you to get the blame for anything. Was he angry? I’m so, so sorry.”
“He was briefly angry,” Chase said shrugging his shoulders. “Thankfully once I told him the truth he let it go. He’s not really the angry type anyway. He said she was just weird. She wouldn’t tell him her name, wouldn’t call him by his and didn’t really seem interested in him as a human until she found out he worked on a boat.”
“I’m sorry. So sorry. It was a really bad idea. God, I never think things through. Seriously, never let me come up with a plan. I suck - seriously suck,” Kyle said, babbling and falling over himself to apologize.
“Hey, hey, no one said that,” Chase said that. “You don’t suck. It just didn’t work the way we planned because apparently she’s a loose cannon. We just need a better plan. You don’t suck. Promise.” He looked at Kyle then reached out and tried to tame his hair, desperate to put something into place because Kyle did look a bit like he’d rolled out of bed.
“I do. I let jealousy blind me when really I should just trust him to say no and trust that he’d never do that and just... but I didn’t. And I got you in trouble with the guy you like and... I’m glad you’re back okay. Why are we back anyway? Do you know if we all cane back? Because Adam met a guy who’d been suck there for ten years already.”
Chase listened to that, frowning a little. “Do you not trust him? Is that a concern?” He waved off getting him in trouble with Justin. “Justin’s fine. And I like him, but it’s nothing that would happen. Just a tiny crush on a handsome man. I have no idea if anyone else is back, you’re the first person I’ve run into.” He chewed on his lip then looked at Kyle. “He was stuck there for ten years? He was...we could be stuck here that long?”
“No! No, I just... I do trust him. I do. Really. But, just... I don’t know. My last boyfriend cheated on me like all the time and I know Adam’s not like that but I get scared and do stupid things,” Kyle said, summing it up, since he knew they were rehashing old news. He reached up to massage his temples, dropping his head and trying to calm himself down. It worked enough that he could take a breath, straighten back up and carry on as if he hadn’t just had a total freak out. “Sympathies with having a crush on a guy that’s never gonna happen. Did you want to come look to see if other people are back? Adam said that he’d met this one guy - the black knight guy? The one that everyone seemed scared of? Apparently, he’s from here, originally. Ten years or so ago, he was at the hotel, and then he was back in the medieval world and he never found a way back out. I would not want to be stuck there for a decade!”
Chase nodded sagely, as if that explained everything. “It’s okay to get scared. Just hold off on the stupid things. Not that what you did was all that stupid, just..you get the idea.” He shrugged his shoulders about Justin. “Most my crushes aren’t worth anything. Passing interests at the most, but yeah I’ll come with you. I was doing the same thing.” He listened about the knight that got stuck, sad frown taking over his features. “That’s awful. I hope he made it back here. I can’t imagine what that’s like, not knowing if you’ll ever get home. I mean for longer than a day or two.” Though it wasn’t like he’d wound up back in his apartment. He just wound up back in the hotel thinking that was better than a permanent visit to Camelot.
Kyle shrugged as they started walking down the corridor, footsteps falling silently on the carpeted floor. “My problem is I don’t see what’s ‘stupid’ until afterward. Everything seems like a really good idea when I’m in the moment. Then I look back on it and it’s only then that I think ‘fucking idiot’ when I’ve made a bad decision.” Which was one of the reasons that he had fallen into the habit of letting Harry make decisions for him. Unfortunately, that had been the first bad decision, a real ‘fucking idiot’ moment. The theory had been sound, he thought - choose someone he trusted to make better choices for him. That made sense, when he made such a mess of his life when he was left to his own devices. He’d just screwed up by putting his trust in someone who would abuse it. “I wondered if we’d get back here. I was having nightmares about the thought that we might be stuck there. Though... working with the blacksmith was great. I’ll never regret that. I’ll miss that part of the whole thing.”
“Well I’m positive you’re not the only one who runs into that problem,” Chase said. He’d seen it himself and his boss had a tendency to find himself in the same sticky situations. “Nightmares? About what? You had a reasonable job, your boyfriend, all of that. It could be a lot worse.”
“I felt like I was living in the closet for the first time in my life,” Kyle admitted. “I’m not used to feeling like I have to hide who I was - and apparently I’m no good at it. I barely said three sentences about Adam and you could tell how I felt about him. Or, y’know. And that kind of time wasn’t exactly known for being just fine with two guys together. I kept expecting to be lynched at any moment.”
“Well if I learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s not like people weren’t with guys back then,” Chase said with a shrug. “But yes, you can’t hide that you’re in love with him. Though I’m sure you weren’t the first squire in love with his knight. It’s a little too Brokeback Mountain to not be right?”
Kyle side-eyed him. “Game of Thrones is fictional,” he pointed out. “And I’m not in love with Adam.”
“The Tudors then,” Chase countered. That was at least historical fiction. “And you’re in denial.”
“I’m not in denial!” Kyle protested. “I’ve not know the guy long enough to be in love with him. I just... really like him.” That was all. Sure, previously he’d fallen hard and fallen fast, but look where that had landed him: with Harry. He wasn’t going to go there again with Adam. Even if the guy was all kinds of wonderful.
“You do know that argument is one hundred percent not applicable right?” Chase said. “You don’t have to know someone forever to fall in love with them.” Or that was the way that Chase liked to imagine it was. He had no real experience to back that up, but it was a nice concept, love at first sight, and Chase was going to continue to believe in it.
Kyle stopped in the hall and turned to Chase. “Why is it so important to you that I’m in love with Adam?” he challenged, since that’s how it seemed to be. Chase was so sure - Kyle didn’t understand that.
Chase stopped just short of bumping into Kyle, tucking his hands in his pockets as he thought about it. “I guess it’s important to me that it’s possible. That star crossed lovers exist and fate can step in and make sure you’re with who you’re meant to be with. I like to believe in the possibility of love.” Chase tilted his head at Kyle. “Why are you so against it?”
“I’ve been in love before,” Kyle told him, bitterly. “Harry came in and swept me off my feet. Saying all the same things about ‘love at first sight’ and how it was ‘meant to be’. I’m... I need to be more cautious. I need to learn from my mistakes.”
Chase’s face fell, letting one hand fall on Kyle’s shoulder. “I understand. It’s just...you can’t always assume it’s going to be that way. That can’t be the norm you know?” He wanted Kyle to hope for something better and if Kyle couldn’t do it, Chase would do it for him.
Kyle shook his head. “I’m not assuming. Adam’s not Harry.” God, that was like a mantra in his head, on continuous repeat. Adam wasn’t Harry. Adam was the exact opposite of Harry. Adam was honest and kind and considerate and self-deprecating. Adam was nothing like Harry. “I just... Remember what I said before? About how I just can’t judge whether something’s good or bad when I’m in the moment. I... I really like Adam. He really likes me. I just... I don’t trust my own judgement right now.”
Chase nodded sagely. “Maybe I should meet him. With you. Then I can tell you what it looks like.” Outside opinions helped with not trusting your own gut didn’t they? That was the point? And if Chase could help Kyle sort out what he was feeling, then Chase was going to do it.
Kyle blinked. “You... Sure! Sure - that’d. Yes! Please,” he said, jumping on that, because he hated feeling like this. Hated it to the pit of his stomach. It was like a huge giant ball of horrible sitting in his gut. He desperately wanted someone else to just... say it was okay. Tell him he had nothing to worry about and that he was being stupid. He wanted to be being stupid. He wanted to be able to relax and just know that Adam was as awesomely wonderful as he felt like the other guy was. That he could just be happy.
Chase had half been expecting Kyle to say no, but instead Kyle jumped on the idea and Chase was secretly thrilled at the idea of being able to help someone. “Of course. Once you find him, just come find me and we’ll chat. I’d like to met him anyway.”
Kyle smiled widely. “Of course, though-” he mock scowled, deciding to tease a little. “-remember, he’s mine. No turning his head. After all, I get jealous.” Which was true, but here Kyle was entirely joking. He trusted Chase in a way that he didn’t trust Kennedy. He couldn’t imagine that Chase, of all people, would be any threat, even if he was stunningly good looking. No, Chase was... a nice guy.
Chase held his hands up in mock surrender. “You’re fine. He’s all yours. Trust me, I don’t have boyfriends, so stealing them is a waste of my time.” Plus he saw men cheat on their wives constantly and it disgusted him. Why would anyone do that to someone they loved? It was just cruel.
Kyle laughed a little at that. “Someday, you’re gonna meet someone and that whole ‘I don’t do boyfriends’ thing? Is going to sound so silly. He’ll be all you see, and all you want to see,” he said with a small, contented sigh and a slightly faraway look in his eyes - until he remembered something and those blue eyes widened. He looked at Chase. “Oh, erm - fair warning. Adam, kinda... He knows what you did for a living.”
Chase laughed, liking the idea, but not thinking it was in the cards for him. “I hope that doesn’t happen. I don’t meet a lot of nice people.” He did like that face on Kyle and was pretty sure it was one he’d worn himself. “He does? You told him?” Chase wouldn’t call it what he did for a living as it wasn’t really a career any more than being a bartender, but that was the polite way of saying what he did to make ends meet.
Kyle blushed. “It... kinda slipped out. I admitted that I was possessive and he said he was the same way and I said that he didn’t need to be worried and that I’d been talking with, like, a pornstar and he’d been the main topic of conversation and I mentioned how I can speak without thinking, right?”
“I’m not a star,” Chase pointed out, but he still smiled. “Though I guess that’s fair. It is a good argument for loyalty. What did he say to that?”
“He tried to say he had nothing on you, which I shot down pretty quickly - no offence or anything. Anyway, then it kind of descended into a really embarrassing admission on why exactly I knew who you were...”
“Which you’re supposed to do. We aren’t really real you know.” Chase shrugged a little, not taking offense to the comment. It wasn’t that big of a deal. “You really shouldn’t be embarrassed. It’s a ridiculously huge industry. And that’s not counting the free stuff you can find online.”
Kyle reached out and poked Chase in the arm. “You seem pretty real to me. And.. it’s kind of embarrassing to have to admit to your boyfriend that you jerk off to porn. Especially when said boyfriend then tells you that he doesn’t think you look like the type to do that. Apparently, when you’re a straight guy, porn becomes a social occasion that you watch like a regular movie.” Which Kyle had never actually realised. He’d had plenty of straight friends, especially in high school, but he’d tried not to get drawn into their porn conversations. He’d seen straight porn a couple of times and it had always made him feel uncomfortable. The women never really seemed like, well, like they were actually having a good time.
“Everyone jacks off to porn. Again, huge, mega millions type industry. Billion dollar. Zillions. If everyone wasn’t doing it, no one would make any money,” Chase concluded. He smiled a little more nodding. “They do do that. I’ve heard stories. That it just comes on and they pretend it doesn’t turn them on. Absolute crap, but it’s not may place to judge. Makes me wonder if they aren’t all a little gay themselves.” He winked at Kyle. “Part of that’s the acting? Some of the girls have said those aren’t real noises they’d make in bed. Just trying to trump it up. Cover up the other noises.”
“Well, clearly Adam is,” Kyle joked, his eyes flashing with mirth. He felt better, more relaxed as though he could let go of some of his insecurities for a while. “But... Wait, what? What do you mean ‘other noises’?” he asked, looking confused.
“Clearly. Maybe that’s what did it. Jacking off in a room full of other dudes.” Chase laughed a little to himself, then laughed more at Kyle. “What other noises? All the gross ones. Imagine having a mic right here,” Chase said, putting his hand not far from Kyle’s head. “What noises during sex are you going to pick up? There’s a lot of squishy noises you know.”
Kyle rolled his eyes. “If that’s all it takes to turns someone gay, then I think most of the world would be, from the way he was talking,” he said, blushing both at the thought and also the idea of the noises Chase was talking about. Yeah, he probably was a prude. This was the most ‘out there’ discussion about sex that he’d ever had, and he imagined that this was actually pretty tame, all things considered.
“Oh well, then that just betters the odds for us right?” Chase teased with a grin. He watched Kyle blush and chuckled more. “You really are that embarrassed by it aren’t you?”
“No! Well, yes. Kind of. I just... I’m not really used to talking about sex like this or at all if I can help it I guess and it’s not like, I mean, I’ve, y’know, but I just I’ve never really seen the need to talk about it and I just get all sorts of oh god can we change the subject?” Kyle said in a torrent of words.
Chase made a face. “So how do you tell Adam what you like if you don’t talk about it? How do you tell anyone?” He didn’t have much sex that wasn’t for work but he knew enough about it that there were important things to talk about. “You know it’s normal to talk about it right?”
Kyle blushed a deeper red. “That’s different. In the moment. That’s... It’s just different. But, I couldn’t imagine just, like, sitting down over coffee and having a conversation about kinks. That’d be weird, and kinda uncomfortable, I’d think.”
“Depends on how you feel about you kinks. And you’ve got to be willing to tell him what you want when you’re not just in the moment.” Chase tucked his hands in his pockets again. “Especially if he’s learning.”
“Right now, I want whatever he’s comfortable with, so it’s not an issue. I... don’t want to rush things.” Even if they were, pretty much, doing that. All the promises of ‘taking things slowly’ tended to go out the window whenever they could get their hands on each other.
“And what is he comfortable with? Have you asked? And it’s still an issue. You’re in the relationship too. It can’t be all one sided. There’s no point in doing it if you aren’t enjoying it.” Chase was mostly going off his knowledge of what he knew from work, but he assumed that speaking through the act in a relationship was just as important as speaking through the act at work.
“Trust me - I’ve enjoyed everything we’ve done so far,” Kyle said, before his brain could tell him it was a bad idea. “And... I always ask before we do anything new - and whilst. He’s... he’s said that he doesn’t know whether he’ll like anything or not until we try, so... I never want him to be uncomfortable.”
“And you still don’t think it’s important to talk about it?” Chase asked. “If you are that worried about it. I’d think you’d want to talk about it.”
“We’re okay - plus, not trying to make it all about sex.” Kyle didn’t want to mention the argument that he and Adam had had. The misunderstanding, the idea that Kyle was only sleeping with him to somehow tie them together. It wasn’t like that, not at all. He thought Adam realised that now, and he just really wanted to move on from that.
Chase nodded agreeing with that. “That’s important too. I just don’t give as good advice about that part.” He had little experience in it.
Kyle laughed a little at that. “I’ll bear that in mind - that you’re some kind of sex guru, but your guru-ness is strictly limited.”
“Essentially, yes,” Chase agreed with a smile himself. “But like I said, I can still help here and there.”
Kyle rolled his eyes, but it was with a smile. “Noted. Now, please, can we change the subject?” he asked.
Chase chuckled lightly. “Fine, fine. What would you rather talk about?”
“The giant elephant in the room of how we’ve yet again woken up in a place we definitely didn’t go to sleep?” Kyle suggested to him. “Just as an option, y’know. Or has that just become the new normal already?”
“Maybe we should talk about how it doesn’t feel bad because at least we’ve been here before,” Chase said with a sigh. He’d rather be back in his apartment, but at least it wasn’t a third new place and this place had his clothes and his things. “I don’t know what it normal. It’s feeling less like a dream that’s for sure.”
“Definitely less like a dream,” Kyle acknowledged with a small laugh. “I just... I was so relieved to find myself here, and I still don’t know where ‘here’ is.”
“Because here is better than there? It’s that familiar thing. Like...it’s far less scary to wake up not in your bed if you’re at least somewhere you recognize.” Chase shrugged. “Outside of that, I got nothing.”
Kyle smiled, widely. “Here is definitely better than there.” Plus, he didn’t actually have anywhere else to go right now, at least that didn’t involve swallowing his pride. He didn’t know what he would do if he woke up suddenly on the streets of New York. The hotel was his little bubble and he wasn’t in any hurry to leave it.
Chase was curious about that smile, not sure what it meant. It was more enthusiasm than he would have expected. “Definitely better. I just hope we wind up home soon.”
Kyle shrugged a shoulder, knowing that it was expected that he would want to get home. Maybe he did. He wouldn’t say that it was his major life goal to stay in the hotel for the rest of his life or anything - that would suck. For now, though, he was okay being here. It was safe and comfortable and he didn’t have to think about things too hard. “I guess. If we do… Once I get back on my feet… If you still wanted to make it to New York, look me up, I guess.” He sounded more welcoming than his words suggested. It was less that he didn’t want to see Chase, and far more than, at the moment, he was technically homeless.
Chase raised an eyebrow at that. “Really? Thank you. Though I’m not sure if I will at this point. I might be stuck in Atlantic City.” He’d gotten comfortable and the idea of moving elsewhere felt terrifying. Chase paused though, looking back at Kyle. “Back on your feet?”
There was another shoulder shrug. “Yeah - kicked out by my boyfriend, remember? Ex-boyfriend. But it means I have to find a new place to live and sort some stuff out.” That Kyle sounded less than happy about. There was a reason he was comfortable avoiding.
“Don’t you have a new boyfriend?” Chase asked. “Or don’t you think he’d help?” It only made sense that Adam would help Kyle out, give him a way to get on his feet. That was what boyfriends were supposed to do, even if Chase hadn’t ever really had one.
Kyle opened his mouth, then hesitated. “I don’t know if he would - I mean, that’s a huge step and I just… I wouldn’t want to presume.” He sighed, and then reluctantly added, “And my parents wouldn’t approve. They never liked Harry. Actually ‘hated’ would probably be a better word. If they found out that I’d broken up with Harry and moved in with a guy like Adam?” Kyle shook his head. “They wouldn’t see him the way I do. They wouldn’t look past his job and background. That’s all they’d see and then they’d label him a loser, or call him a freeloader, just after me for my money and…” Kyle shook his head. That was the last thing he wanted.
“And tell you could do better. That’s what they do right?” Adam really hadn’t timed running in Kyle and blondie well, but maybe it was what he needed to hear. It didn’t sound like anything Kyle would have told him to his face anyway.
Chase was going to point out that his parents probably told people he was dead or they’d never had a son, so at least Kyle’s were at a point where they were looking out for him even if it was a snobby way of doing so, but someone else was there. “I’m gonna guess that’s Adam.”
Kyle’s eyes had widened in panic the moment that he had heard the other man’s voice and he ignored Chase’s comment altogether as he spun to face his boyfriend. “It’s not what I think!” he exclaimed, desperately, wishing he could take it back, that he’d never said it out loud. He had no idea how Adam would react, but Kyle’s demeanour clearly screamed that he doubted it would be good.
Adam shrugged slowly. “They’d be right about most of it. Probably not the freeloader part, but the rest. Can’t blame them for hating me.” He sounded sad even if he knew it was true. He looked past Kyle, but still held a hand out for him. “I am. Who’re you?”
Chase rubbed at the back of his neck watching the two of them, feeling that slight pang of jealousy. “Chase. Kyle’s friend.”
Kyle hung back, wanting to promise Adam that his parents wouldn’t hate him, that they’d play it right and make it work, but he wasn’t going to interrupt him meeting Chase, so instead he waited quietly, twisting one hand in the bottom of his shirt.
“Chase. Right.” Adam nodded, but his eyes went to Kyle reaching for the hand that was twisted in his shirt. “Nice to meet you.” Too bad Chase was even better looking than Adam had imagined. Sure, looks weren’t everything to Adam, but he wasn’t blind. He could see gorgeous.
Chase nodded. “I figured you knew who I was,” he said with a way that sounded like he didn’t mind. “He’s handsome Kyle.”
Kyle took a step toward Adam, intertwining their hands and straightening up as he realised that he wasn’t in trouble. Of course he wasn’t in trouble - Adam wasn’t Harry and he needed to keep reminding himself of that. Sometimes, though, the instinct to brace for impact was an impossible one to override.
As Chase complimented Adam, Kyle relaxed even more, and he left go of Adam’s hand to slip an arm round his waist. “Isn’t he though?” he said with a smile, his eyes darting between the two men.
Adam shook his head. “I’m not.” They could talk about what Kyle’s parents might think later. For right now, he had Kyle back in his arms. “Glad you’re okay,” he told him lightly.
Chase laughed at both of them and shook his head. “Modest too. Lucky you. The good looking ones usually know they’re good looking. You care if I leave you two and go looking for my knight?” he asked, smiling about it.
“More than modest - he’s delusional,” Kyle said, with a roll of his eyes. He would convince Adam of his beauty if it was the last thing he did. “Will you let me know that you find him?” Even if Kyle didn’t know Chase’s knight, he really did want to make sure everyone was back okay.
“Who’s his knight?” Adam asked, but tried not to sound eager that Chase might leave. It wasn’t that he didn’t seem nice. He seemed really nice, but Adam did want Kyle to himself. And he was trying very hard not to be intimidated by Chase’s good looks.
“Justin. He’s more of a sailor than a knight, but it still applies.” Chase smiled as he said it. “It’s not like this, but we’re...friends.” Friends was different, but still something Chase was attached to. “I’ll let you know when I find him. Promise. Be safe.”
“You too - talk to you soon, okay?” Kyle said. He hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward. Letting go of Adam for a moment, he gave Chase the quickest of hugs. He felt brave doing it. It was something he would never have dared do in front of Harry and he figured that was part of the reason he did so now. Because he wanted to prove to himself that he could. That and, prior to Harry, he had always been such a physically demonstrative person. He wanted to be that person again.
The hug was surprising to Chase, but not because of Kyle, more because he wasn’t used to hugs. He did manage to smile though, nodding. “Of course. Not like we can go far right? See you soon. Nice meeting you Adam.” Chase smiled as he passed them, heading the way Adam had come.
Adam watched Chase go before turning to look back at Kyle. “So you’re parents are going to hate me?” he asked, trying to fight a smile.
“No. They’re not,” Kyle declared, his face serious. “I won’t let them. If they tried to, it would just be them being stupid and prejudiced and it’s not going to happen that way.”
“I don’t think you can stop them,” Adam said shaking his head. “At least I don’t have parents you can upset. Which is probably part of the problem huh?”
Kyle rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to date someone just because of who they are, and mom and dad have always known that. I tell them that I’ve broken up with Harry, they’ll be over the moon. I just… They’ll like you. As long as they have an opportunity of getting to know you. I know they’re going to be stupidly overprotective. But, you’re not Harry.”
“You do date someone because of who they are.” Adam reached for Kyle, pulling him back to him. “You can pretend I’m whoever I need to be to make them like me okay? I don’t care. I’m not much of anyone anyway.”
Kyle went where Adam pulled him, but scowled a little. “No pretending,” he admonished lightly. “You are someone - you’re you. The sooner you latch onto that, the better. You’re not standing in anyone’s shadow anymore, A.”
Adam shivered a little when Kyle called him that, loving the nickname. “I don’t mind the shadows. I like the shadows. I’m better at not being noticed.” He ran his hand over Kyle’s cheek, pulling him closer still.
Kyle wasn’t letting him get away with it that easily. “Adam, people are going to notice you. People should notice you. You deserve to be noticed. To be appreciated.”
“Why? There’s nothing to see. That guy?” Adam pointed towards where Chase had gone. “He deserves to be noticed. Me, not as much.”
Kyle’s brow crinkled in confusion as he looked down the corridor after Chase, then back at Adam. “Why him and not you?” he asked.
“Because everything about him says look at me? He’s gorgeous. The kind you can’t even joke about. Me, I’m nobody.”
Kyle’s mouth dropped open as his eyebrows arched to his hairline. Then he pushed Adam back against the wall and crowded him in, kissing him firmly and deeply. “You’re gorgeous,” he said, breathlessly pulling back after a moment. “The kind that you can’t even joke about. Fucking, god - so gorgeous,” he added, before kissing him again, pressing his entire body flush into Adam’s.
Adam made a small noise as his back hit the wall, groaning as Kyle kissed him, twisting his fingers into Kyle’s hair. “When you put it like that,” he said, but Kyle was kissing him again and Adam went with that instead. If Kyle was going to do this every time, then Adam was fine with it.
“I do,” Kyle murmured against his lip. “I do put it like that. Between you and him? You, every time. No contest.”
“So you don’t like blondes?” Adam teased, kissing Kyle but lighter this time before his voice went soft. “Missed you this morning.”
“Hair colour is irrelevant. He’s not you. I like you and I missed you this morning too. I’ve been looking for you,” Kyle confessed, though it didn’t feel like much of a confession - more a statement of the obvious. He realised that he really was falling hard and fast - he didn’t want to be anywhere that Adam wasn’t.
“I started that. Or I was going to then…” Adam looked past Kyle, making a face at the bird sitting on the light fixture halfway down the hall. “Then that showed up and I’ve been sort of trying to avoid it ever since. And I met someone new and showed her around while we hid from it.”
Kyle looked and jumped as he saw the bird. “Adam - there’s… there’s a bird? Why is there a bird? Inside? How did it get in here?” The fact Adam had met someone new completely passed the artist by.
“Very good questions. It was on the poster on my bed when I woke up. And then outside my room. Then back in my room and all around. It actually scares me.” Adam shook his head and shifted uncomfortably.
“Go way,” Kyle said, flapping his hands at the bird in a shooing gesture. The bird just steadily looked at them both. “Shoo. Go. Go away!” Kyle said again, taking several steps toward the bird.
Adam reached for Kyle, pulling him back from the bird that still didn’t move. “It doesn’t work. It’s just...there.”
Kyle looked round, back at Adam, his face fixed in a scowl. “Wanna get out of here?” he asked, grabbing hold of Adam’s hand. “My room - maybe we can shut it out.”
“Yes but not when you make that face about it.” Though Kyle’s room sounded nice, but not if Kyle was scowling about it. “We can try to.”
“Let’s go,” Kyle said, tightening his hold on Adam’s hand and taking off at a run. He didn’t look back, just went hell for leather to his room.
It took a moment to catch up, but Adam did, following after Kyle until they were at his room and he was catching his breath and his cheeks were flushed red. “I don’t think we had to run.”
“Running never hurt anyone,” Kyle said, pulling his door open and tumbling them both inside, before pushing it shut behind them and turning the lock. “Anyway,” he said, running his hands down Adam’s chest and eyeing him, hungrily. “You look good like that.”
Adam laughed as he tumbled inside and shook his head. “Do I?” He loved when Kyle looked at him like that. It was intoxicating.
“That… colour?” Kyle said, running a hand down Adam’s cheek. “That… yeah. You do.” Shit, he was helpless and he knew it.
Adam leaned into Kyle’s arm, kissing his wrist then nipping at the skin before tugging at his arm to pull him closer. “You’re distracting you know that?” He thought of Kennedy’s words, but pushed them away. It wasn’t like she said.
“Me? God, I could say the same about you. I could get lost in you.” He did get lost in Adam. He thought of what he’d said to Chase earlier on, and whilst he was still denying it was the truth, it was feeling more and more like a lie.
“Lost sounds bad,” Adam said with frown. He fixed his eyes on Kyle, watching him. “I don’t want you to be lost.”
Kyle’s face fell and he felt the rising of guilt. Stepping back, he looked away and down. “Oh. Sorry. I…” He turned and headed to the other side of the room, needing some space from his bad decisions. “Sorry,” he repeated.
Adam made a noise when he pulled away. “What…No. Where are you going?” he asked. “Why are you going?” Sometimes he was just confusing and Adam was sure he was supposed to know something was going on, but he had no idea what.
Kyle swallowed and turned round, though he didn’t look Adam in the eye, keeping his head down. “You said… You didn’t want…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He wasn’t entirely sure that he even knew how the sentence ended, only that Adam had said no and Kyle had had too long trying to please someone who couldn’t be pleased not to be hotwired to react to that.
“I said I didn’t want you to be lost. Lost sounds scary.” He moved closer to Kyle, reaching for his chin to turn it up to look at him. “I didn’t say I didn’t want you.”
Kyle reluctantly lifted his eyes. “Lost isn’t scary,” he said, his voice barely audible. “Or, well, it is, but… for the right reasons. It’s… I could just stay here, with you, and just forget about the world.”
“That’s different than lost.” Adam leaned in closer, pressing his forehead against Kyle’s. “I could stay here with you too. Forever. I want to. But we aren’t supposed to be scary.”
“It’s only scary cos it’s fast,” Kyle said. “That’s all. Bit more time and it’d be just where we’re meant to be. For me.” He could feel his heart beating faster as Adam said ‘forever’. Too fast. Definitely too fast, but he couldn’t deny there was more than a small part of him that wanted that.
Adam frowned more, leaning back slightly. “It’s too fast? I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to. Maybe we should wait until then?”
Kyle stared at him, wide eyed. “Wait? You think that you can, what - just decide? How you feel? I mean - maybe you can? But I can’t. This isn’t about what we’re doing, or not doing. This is - god, A. I’m crazy about you. Crazy. I can’t stop being crazy about you just because I know that I shouldn’t have fallen this fast. And you can’t stop being the guy you are, just because I have.”
“We talked about that. I’m crazy about you too. You don’t have to worry about it.” Adam held on to Kyle’s arms, running his thumbs over his forearms. “I don’t want you feel bad about anything or be scared or anything. I want you to be happy Ky.”
“I don’t worry that you don’t feel the same,” Kyle said, feeling the goosebumps rise at Adam’s touch as he leaned into him a little more. “And I am happy. I just - need to adjust, I guess. Time, and you being here. Being wonderful. Being you. Have I mentioned how glad I am that you don’t have to fight any more?”
“No you haven’t, well not recently,” Adam said before settling his eyes on Kyle’s. “Tell me what you need then? More time? Should we go slower?” The idea of resisting Kyle might kill him, but he could wait if he needed to.
Kyle arched a brow. “You’re not letting me change the subject on this one, are you?” he asked, though he didn’t actually need an answer to that one. It was obvious. “No - I don’t need anything. I told you - this isn’t about the physical. As long as you’re not, like, going to ask me to move in with you or anything like that, then we’re good. You could screw me five ways from Sunday and it’s still not going to make a damn difference about the fact that I have to face the fact that I’m not a guy that’s led around by his dick.” Which was Kyle talking around the fact that it was his heart that was over-involved.
“When have I ever?” Adam asked, smiling slightly, though it was mostly covering up the idea that he wasn’t against Kyle moving in. That would be easier that much was for sure. “I thought it would be a good thing to not be that guy. You’re confusing me and I don’t think you answered my question.”
“Which one?” Kyle asked. “Because, I’m pretty sure there were several and I think I got them all.” He stuck up a finger, then another, “No, I don’t need more time.” Then another, “No - we definitely don’t need to be going slower. I don’t need anything, other than you to be you. This is scary, but it’s real and I refuse to give this up, just because it’s a little frightening. You’ve got me - that’s all I really need to know.”
“Alright fine, you answered them, but I want you to be less scared. Can I help with that?” Adam wanted to help. Anything to make Kyle feel more at ease.
Kyle looked at Adam assessingly for a moment. Then he took hold of his hands and pulled him to sit on the bed. He looked conflicted for a moment, then said, “Adam? Do you understand where I’m coming from with this? I mean - really?”
Adam watched Kyle, letting himself be pulled until he was sitting next to him. “Will you get mad at me if I say no? Because I don’t think I do.”
Kyle smiled a little. “No - I’m not going to get mad. I didn’t think you did,” he said, rubbing circles into Adam’s hands with the pads of his thumbs. “I’m gonna try and explain, okay?” Kyle took a breath and launched straight into it. “In normal dating terms, after a couple of weeks, we’d have been on, what? Two dates? Three? I would have found out that… you were a waiter and that you never went to college. You would have found out that I don’t drink much because I can’t hold my alcohol. You probably would have kissed me. If you were pushy, you probably would have found out that I don’t sleep with a guy on the first date, because one night stands make me uncomfortable. That’s if you and I were normal people in a normal situation. Which we’re not. Nothing about you or I has been normal. We’ve… been really intense. And please don’t try and blame yourself for that. Please. That’s not what I meant. It’s just… circumstance. And because it’s you. And me. And for my part? Definitely me, I mean, I know - I throw myself into things headlong. And the way I feel about you… Has absolutely… Okay, no, I can’t lie - you’re… Shit, A. The things you do to me?” Kyle gave a silly, helpless smile. “If you chained me to this bed and never let me leave, I don’t think I’d complain. But, it’s not really about that. Taking the physical out of us, that won’t help the emotional.” Kyle took Adam’s hand and lifted it to his heart. “This is where I’m crazy about you. But it’s my head that’s saying it’s too soon. I’ve just never been very good at getting my head to overrule what my heart wants. And right now, my dick’s a bystander that’s happy to side with my heart if it really comes down to it. So, my head’s just gonna have to get used to the idea. Which it will. Given time.”
“If that’s all two dates are, we had two dates.” Adam said, but he sounded shy about it, his eyes on his hand on Kyle’s chest. He waited a breath before tightening his fingers in Kyle’s shirt and pulling him closer. “My heart’s in this too. And same with the getting tied up which almost made me forget what you were saying. So that too obviously.” He kissed Kyle lightly. “We’ve known each other longer than you’re remembering. If you’d been available you would have come by more.”
“But I wasn’t, and I didn’t,” Kyle pointed out.
“I pretended you did,” Adam said. “I imagined it. You coming by, we’d chat, maybe we’d spend time after. You’d walk me home or the other way around. Silly huh?”
Kyle looked at Adam, hearts practically visible in his eyes. “No - not silly at all. I… Would have really liked that. I… thought about that too. Sometimes. Before. That things would have been different.”
“They’re different now Kyle. I don’t see why it’s...such a bad thing if we want the same things.” Adam smiled more though, liking the face on Kyle.
“I never said it was a bad thing,” Kyle pointed out. “I said it was scary - but that’s not the same as bad.”
Adam chewed on his lip, shaking his head. “Yeah in my life scary usually means bad.”
Kyle shrugged. “Then welcome to my life,” he teased, hopefully.
“Where scary isn’t a bad thing and your parents hate me because I’m a loser orphan?” Adam asked, fighting back a laugh.
“Where scary isn’t a bad thing, and where my parents aren’t going to hate you, because if we ever get in a position where I can introduce you to them, we’re going to do it right, where they don’t have to be afraid that you’re only with me for what I am, not who I am. Then you’ll totally charm the hell out of them.”
“I don’t know if I’m that charming. Though I will wear something to cover my tattoos.” That would help some. “I want to meet them though. They can’t be worse than Jeffrey’s family and...it’s nice that you have them.”
"I think you're charming," Kyle said, with a private little smile. "I think you're very charming. And when I introduce you to my parents, I'll personally approve your wardrobe, if you think that'd help. They're harmless, really."
"Why do I have a feeling you're going to 'personally approve' my wardrobe a lot?" Adam teased. "You aren't the only one who thinks it needs a change though. Autumn said the same thing this morning. I'm sure they are harmless, but I want them to like me. They should like me. You deserve that."
Kyle rolled his eyes. "Not a lot - I just might have to take you shopping, which trust me, you want. Even without your wardrobe, which... is far too big. But, you'll feel more confident if you come shopping with me first. Trust me - you don't actually need the labels that I'm going to buy you, but it'll help you feel like you fit in."
"I only want it because you want it," Adam corrected. He didn't really care about his clothes even if he was apparently doing the world a disservice. "Labels? You don't have to buy me things Ky. It's fine. I'm going to feel out of place no matter what."
"I know I don't have to buy you things - but if I'm making you enter my world, then I want to try and make that as easy as possible. I know it can be intimidating to people who aren't used to it," Kyle told him, squeezing Adam's hands, hoping that would be comforting.
"I'll be fine if you're there," Adam promised. "But okay. I'll let you dress me and show me which fork to use." He smiled at Kyle, using the grip on his hands to pull him closer.
"That's easy: work from the outside in," Kyle said, with the ease of someone who was born to the knowledge and probably knew what all the forks were for, even the weirdly shaped ones.
"There really shouldn't be more than one you know that right?" Adam said with a laugh. He was going to be such a mess meeting Kyle's parents. He needed to come up with a fake life plan for when they asked him about it because odds were they were going to ask.
Kyle tilted his head to the side. "Why shouldn't there be more than one, if there's more than one course?" he asked. Then he shrugged. "Anyway, some of the knives really do make it easier to eat some of the food." Kyle talked like it wasn't a big thing, not really realising what his attitude was a direct result of his upbringing.
Adam just stared at Kyle for a moment before huffing out a laugh and falling back on the bed, hands in his hair. "I am so incredibly out of my league with you," he mumbled, before running his hands over his face. Impressing Kyle's parents was one thing, but now he was starting to worry about impressing Kyle. Nothing in his life was that fancy that more than one knife was required. Actually, what he'd learned about different knives came from slightly terrifying conversations with Jeffrey's cousin who had a ridiculous collection of them and definitely shouldn't. Psychopaths with obsessions with katanas were dangerous.
Kyle rolled his eyes. "It's just dinner, A," he said, lying down on the bed next to Adam and pulling his hands out of his hair. "I'm not out of your league. You're not beneath me, or any bullshit like that. At the end of the day, it's just food."
"It's a very intimidating dinner. You know that most of my life is take out on the couch right? Or eating at the diner. There's nothing fancy about it. You're going to find it boring." And below him. Adam could feel it.
"You know that most of my dinners consist of ramen and pizza right? Art student - taking a few hours out for dinner was not something that I would actually do all that often. There's a big difference between knowing what fork to use and actually having to use it. Mostly, even if we're talking several courses, there'll just be a smaller knife and fork for a starter, then your regular meal, then a spoon and a fork up the top for dessert," Kyle explained to him.
Adam pulled at Kyle's shirt to get him closer, trying to coax him over Adam. "My mind is blown at the prospect of that many different utensils. And there is a huge difference between knowing and not knowing. Because yeah, don't know. I don't know any of that. And my life plan that's currently keeping you satisfied isn't really one I can discuss with your parents."
"Your life plan is keeping me satisfied?" Kyle asked, amused at that.
"I like to think I'm getting good at it," Adam said with a grin, pulling Kyle closer and sitting up enough to kiss him. "So yeah, that's about all I want to do with myself right now."
Kyle returned the kiss, drawing it out before he asked, "And if I told you that I'm satisfied, then what then? What's next for Adam Samuels now that you've reached that goal?"
"I've seen you in bed. You're insatiable. I was planning on that keeping me busy for a long while." Adam sighed and shrugged his shoulders."I really don't know. I didn't have much of a plan before I met you."
Kyle raised a brow and smirked. "Your life plan is to be my booty call?" he asked, almost giggling at that.
"Yes. Yes, completely. That sounds like an awesome life plan. You're happy, I'm happy, everyone wins." Adam chuckled a little then pulled Kyle down for another kiss.
Kyle pulled back from the kiss. "No - no. I'm not happy," he said, though he sounded pretty happy. "I don't want to be the centre of your life. I want to be in your life, and you be in mine, but... What will we talk about? If all that's in your life is me?"
"You can talk about your art, or some art you saw or whatever, and I can talk about new things I researched to make you happy and maybe whoever wandered into the diner if there's a good story." Adam was pretty sure that it wasn't going to be all that different of an answer if Kyle wasn't the center of his universe.
"What are you researching to make me happy?" Kyle asked - that was a new one on him.
"Well I don't have any experience watching the porn you've watched so I'm sure there's something there I can learn," Adam said with a sly grin.
Kyle's eyes widened at that: not the answer he'd expected. "Oh..." he said, blinking.
"I did just say I was signing up to be a professional booty call Kyle," Adam teased lightly, pulling him closer. "You look like I scared you again."
"Tip for you, sweetie. Don't use the word 'professional' in the same sentence as talking about sex. But... I'm just wondering about the kinds of things you're wanting to learn," Kyle confessed.
"You know I might make more money doing that then working at the diner," Adam mused, obviously teasing. He had a feeling he'd be terrible at being a pro, but he did know one now and he was nothing like Autumn so his feelings were probably right. Shrugging a little he ran his fingers over Kyle's stomach. "Anything. I know nothing about how to be with you so anything."