"The money doesn't matter," Kyle told him, frowning a little. "I want you to feel that you can do what you want to do. I just... I just don't want that just to be me. I want... I don't want some version of the nineteen fifties housewife, waiting at home for me when I get in. Asking me how my day was."
"If Jeff kicks me out for anything on the list of reasons I have in my head for him to kick me out it will matter." Adam sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "That's just it Ky. I never wanted to do anything. I could be happy waiting for you to come home and hear about everything you're doing."
Kyle's heart didn't care. Kyle's heart was happy just to be with Adam and as long as the other man was happy, then that was fine. Kyle's head was another matter and he knew he had to listen to his head. He couldn't go through this again. His family wouldn't allow him to go through this again. If Adam was afraid of them hating him, they would if all he did was lay around, live off Kyle's money and wait for him to come home. They'd find a way to run Adam out of town so fast that his head would spin. If Kyle wanted to stop that happening, if Kyle didn't want to have to choose, yet again, between his family and his boyfriend, then he needed to be strong in this.
"It's not enough for me, Adam," he said, firmly, standing up and moving away from the bed. If Adam could touch him, his resolve would crumble. "What you want? That? That's never going to be enough for me."
Adam whimpered slightly in protest as Kyle moved away, not sure what to do with himself. "So what would be enough?" He asked hating that his voice betrayed his emotions. He was hurt, hearing that he wasn't good enough and at the same time he almost sounded like he'd expected it. Like he knew it was coming. "I work at a diner Kyle. I spend half my time drunk or stoned. Or hungover." He sat up, pulling his knees towards his chest twisting his fingers in his hair.
"And that's enough for you?" Kyle asked, sounding pained himself. "You... Don't you want more out of your life?"
Adam shrugged. "More out of my life means becoming a dealer of working for Jeffrey's family. I don't want more because they scare me. I didn't need more than a friend and I got that." Adam sighed and looked at his hands. "Should I go? If that's not enough? You want me to go?"
"Take Jeffrey out of this for once!" Kyle snapped, his blue eyes flashing with momentary anger. He sucked in a breath and shuddered on the exhale. "Your life doesn't always have to be connected to his," he said, more calmly this time. "Don't you want to go to college? You're a smart guy, Adam - you could do anything you wanted."
Adam winced badly when Kyle snapped, too used to being yelled at and the potential aftermath that came with it. "Little late for college now isn't it?" How was he going to explain the past four years of nothing on an application. "I'm gonna go." He pushed up off the bed and started towards the door.
"Wait, Adam - don't go," Kyle said, though he didn't actually make any moves to stop him. He'd seen the wince. He knew what that meant. He wasn't going to go anywhere near an Adam that was worried he was going to be hit.