"I can't take your money," Adam said shaking his head, but he let himself get tangled up in Kyle's arms, burying his face in Kyle's neck. "I don't know what I need. It's not a bad thing, people like what they like," he said, though his voice was muffled. He'd taken when Autumn had said to heart even if it had only been a few hours before. It wasn't like he could help how he felt about Kyle. He liked Kyle. That was what mattered. "I just don't know how I missed such a big thing. How I didn't know." Maybe he'd convinced himself he didn't, but didn't really line up with how desperately he wanted Kyle, even now.
"You can take my money, sweetheart," Kyle told him. "If it's for something like college, I'll give it to you happily. I'd be more disappointed if you didn't take it. I'll do anything if it helps you to figure out who you are and who you want to be," he added, hugging Adam tightly to him. "I think... I think maybe that's part of the problem? That you - you spend a lot of the time wanting to be what other people want you to be. Wanting to be there for them. You need to look at yourself a bit more."
"I'm not. I can't. I won't," Adam said shaking his head. He didn't want to be something else Kyle had to support. That wasn't fair and it wasn't the point. He'd just find his own way. He pulled back a little despite liking the hug, mostly so he could see Kyle's face. "I guess maybe. Wanting to be what someone else would want and not knowing things about myself are a far stretch though right? I feel like I should have know and lied about it or something, but I didn't even know."
"Yes, you can. If it would make you happier, you can consider it a long term loan and you can pay me back as you're able. Trust me, baby, I don't need the money. I can spare it," Kyle said, holding Adam's gaze. "But about whether or not you should have known - I can't answer that. Maybe? Maybe not? Some people can be pretty deep in denial about these things, apparently. Maybe you were just lying to yourself, without even realising it."
"I don't want you paying for everything," Adam insisted. "It..." He let out a sigh then pulled back more, drifting towards the bed so he could sit down because he wasn't sure his legs were going to hold him up for much longer. "It makes me in debt to you and I don't want that. You're not a bank or something." Adam ran his fingers through his hair, trying on what Kyle was saying to see if it fit him. "I don't think I was in denial. That sounds awful."
"So, you'd rather be in debt to someone else?" Kyle posed. "Because if you're going to college, you're going to have to pay for it somehow and I'm not going to let you refuse to go, just because of the money. Not when I can solve that problem for you. I want you to have the space to figure everything out."
Adam sighed and held a hand out for Kyle to come to him. “I can take out loans or something right?” Though he’d have to get a job to pay that off. “And it’s not like I’d finish college in a couple of weeks.” And Adam wasn’t sure how long Kyle wanted to be with him.
Kyle shrugged a shoulder. "So, you take out loans from me instead."
“And when you get tired of me?” Adam hated that the words blurted out of him, he hadn’t meant them to, but he couldn’t take them back when he was thinking them so loudly in his head.
I'll never get tired of you! The words were on the tip of Kyle's tongue, but he was working hard to lead with his head, not his heart. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll get the terms drawn up by my attorney. Independent of our relationship."