InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm not crazy, the voices are."

book_bound (book_bound) wrote in wished,
@ 2009-10-24 21:47:00

Entry tags:

!1997: 10, !complete, alfred cattermole, julien dorny

Who: Alfie & Julien
What: Julien's worried about Alfie after the attack on the Ministry
Where: 'Their' room
When: This evening
Rating: TBD

Julien had never really been worried about someone else the way he now worried about Alfie.

He'd made his way to the room that only they ever used and found it empty, having made it there first the way he'd hoped to. He wasn't sure what kind of comfort he would even be, especially because there hadn't been any news on Alfie's dad yet, and he was probably still alive. Probably. It was possible anyone.

He ran his fingers through his own hair, sighing at his inadequacies and wondering why he felt his stomach in pieces, why it felt like it was his family that were MIA (so to speak) and why he felt like nothing apart from seeing Alfie before him would make those horrible fluttering feelings inside him go away.

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	alfiecat 2009-10-25 10:13 pm UTC (link)
	Alfie squeezed his eyes shut again, a sound that was halfway between a whimper and a hiccup caught in his throat. When he spoke again it was to mumble a 'thanks', but he didn't move away from Julien at all, and when Julien started petting his hair, he sunk in against him even closer. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	book_bound 2009-10-25 10:23 pm UTC (link)
	Julien held still and steady and let Alfie collapse in against him, his fingers still moving almost tenderly through dark curls, no response to the thanks because none was needed, just sitting quiet and being there for his best friend. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

alfiecat
2009-10-25 10:26 pm UTC (link)

Alfie had to fight for a moment to control his breathing, he was panting and felt almost like he'd hyperventilate and he had to force himself to breathe deep, to try to calm down. That same whimpered sound came again, and he gave up doing anything other than trying to breathe and shuddering there to keep back tears for a few minutes.

But Julien's fingers sliding that way through his hair helped, and after a few minutes breathing came easier, and his shoulders could relax. "Feel like an idiot," He mumbled, finally.

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	book_bound 2009-10-25 10:31 pm UTC (link)
	Julien didn't let go, maybe eased back a bit so that Alfie could breathe easier. He felt his friend relax and was somewhat relieved for him. "You're not, there's nothing idiotic about being upset after... after that." Julien reassured him. "I think you're being very brave." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	alfiecat 2009-10-25 10:33 pm UTC (link)
	Alfie snorted a half-laugh that was humorless but that said pretty clearly that he didn't believe a word of that, but he said 'thanks' anyway, and then shifted a little, turned accidentally but enough that it slid his mouth against Julien's jaw like he was trying to nuzzle in closer against him. He froze as soon as it happened, afraid to move. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

book_bound
2009-10-25 10:36 pm UTC (link)

Julien felt Alfie's mouth against his face, didn't know it was just a mistake of turning, an accident, and felt himself tense, scared and... exhilarated? He felt Alfie still and that more than anything had him reacting, afraid that Alfie would break away from him, and Julien felt so confused and scared by what he thought was a kiss, felt terrible for Alfie and wanted to make him feel like there was some kind of light at the end of the tunnel... turned his head a little towards his friend and kissed back, short, closed mouthed, dry-lipped but still a kiss on the mouth, returning what he thought he'd gotten.

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alfiecat
2009-10-25 10:42 pm UTC (link)

Alfie should have been able to move - when Julien started to turn his head Alfie could have pulled away, apologized, but just barely, accidentally kissing his jaw had been like a jolt of electricity straight through him, and he'd never felt anything like that. So he was frozen, and he couldn't move, even when Julien was obviously turning to push him away...

Except then Julien was kissing him. Actually kissing him. And Alfie had been so frozen, so still, but at that he could move again - to kiss him back, to push into that kiss, inept as he was, and try.

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book_bound
2009-10-25 10:48 pm UTC (link)

His very, very first kiss and Alfie was just kissing back, trying to deepen it. Julien had no idea what he was doing, didn't know if Alfie did, only knew that his friend(?) had kissed a girl before and did he match up to it, was he worse, why was Alfie even kissing him, he couldn't be interested in him, surely, not, not Alfie and, not with how different they were, with how attractive and sweet and funny and kind Alfie was... Julien pulled back looking a little bit startled, his tongue immediately going to lick his lips where he could still taste Alfie against them.

"I-I'm sorry." he stammered, but didn't let go. "We shouldn't.. you, you're upset and I, I'm taking advantage of it and, and..." and something else, something other than how badly he wanted to kiss Alfie again, even if he was crap at it. "You can't be thinking right, it's just you're upset and I'm comforting you and that's all..." Right? Right... Alfie would never be attracted to him.

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alfiecat
2009-10-25 10:53 pm UTC (link)

Alfie's hand somehow found the back of Julien's neck and he tried to pull him back into the kiss, maybe clinging a little desperately as he tried, when Julien pulled away. It had just felt so damn good, and everything else right now was horrible and terrifying and that had just felt like ... like summer, or light, or laughing. There in the middle of all of it.

But then Julien was talking, stammering over his words, and Alfie didn't hear all of it over how hard his heart was suddenly pounding but he heard 'taking advantage' and he heard that they shouldn't, and he heard that he was thinking right - and it was like ice water. Like Julien had slapped him. And he let go of him suddenly and jumped up, shaking, from the sofa like he'd been stabbed.

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book_bound
2009-10-25 10:57 pm UTC (link)

Julin tensed up further as Alfie held the back of his neck and he found his own breathing speeding up even though Alfie was the one upset here, but if it was because he was more afraid or something else he wasn't sure.

The cold that rushed in where Alfie had been lying into him made him huddle up on the couch, looking down at his knees as Alfie hurried to get space between them. He'd done something he shouldn't have, hadn't he... he'd kissed Alfie because, because his feelings had told him to, had been telling him to do so for some time if he was correct, and Alfie had just been reaching out for comfort and Julien had... he shuddered now, feeling sick at himself. "I'm sorry, I-" he started, but didn't know how to end.

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alfiecat
2009-10-25 11:00 pm UTC (link)

"Fine!" Alfie yelled it when he didn't mean to, but he wanted to cut Julien off. He didn't want to hear him apologize or say how wrong it had been. How bad it had been. He didn't want Julien to say anything because somehow that had been wonderful even in the middle of everything, and Alfie didn't want to lose that.

Except that Julien did. Obviously did. And Alfie mumbled a broken sort of 'fine' again and didn't even look at him as he ran out of the room.

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book_bound
2009-10-25 11:02 pm UTC (link)

If it had been any other sort of day, if what had just happened hadn't happened, then Julien might have left Alfie, might have let him run away.

As it was, Julien was still sick with worry and even the faux pas of his kiss couldn't prevent him tailing the other boy; he'd prefer to be there and have Alfie yell at him rather than have Alfie be on his own doing who knew what.

"Alfie!" he called, out, following his friend. Fuck but the Hufflepuff was fast. "Alfie, stop!"

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