The Universe's Mixer

It was another late night in the office. Or maybe it was day. Time was a little fuzzy in this City. It was even fuzzier to Bruce Banner, who'd had a very full week and had spent the last several hours grading papers, and whose caffeine level was starting to dip. He headed to the teachers' lounge to refill his Iron Man mug.

Now able to see the streets of the City, he was vaguely aware of motion. He pressed his face to the glass to cut down the reflections of the fluorescent lights. There were people out there - lots of them, just kind of milling around. Some kind of block party? Suddenly, someone darted down the street. The people around the woman lunged lazily at her, but she evaded their grasp. She turned a corner and ran right into a cluster of people, who proceeded to tackle her to the ground and rip her apart. Immediately, Bruce's heart was in his throat. "Oh my fuck..." was all he choked out before he felt his body start its painful transformation.

On the street, the woman stood up again, organs dangling. The zombies around her lost interest, and began milling around again. There was a sound of breaking glass, and the zombies looked around in vague confusion. One looked up just in time to see a huge form coming down on top of him. With a THUD and a squelch of dark flesh, the zombie was flattened under the Hulk's feet.

"NO EAT PEOPLE! EAT HULK FIST!"

The Hulk thrashed and stomped and ripped. Limbs and heads went flying and landed blocks away, and the ground was soon smeared dark brown and slick. But the promise of such a huge meal was irresistible to the throng of undead, and they clung to the Hulk with fingers and teeth.

Somewhere in his brain, Bruce held out hope that the Hulk's regenerative abilities would protect him from the effects of whatever agent turned these people into zombies. But to his dismay, he could feel it spreading all the faster throughout the Hulk's massive form, and soon his mind was swallowed up in darkness as well.

"HULK HUNGRY..."

Jack wasn't the brightest bulb in the box. Ever. He tended to use words and phrases to make himself look smarter than he actually was, and unfortunately, managed to convince himself that he was rather intelligent. Trouble was, he was a bit on the dim side. Which is probably why he found himself leaning against a building, grinning like a fool that someone was obsessed enough with him to not go away.

( 'Ok, I get it, you like me. But haven't you heard of a shower?' )

Jack was giggling to himself. This was going to be a riot. He'd been up for days working on this. First the idea had come to him while he'd been watching television in the rec room. He'd jumped up on the couch and bounced for a while before running around madly trying to gather all the things he'd thought he'd need. From makeup to clothing.

Then he'd started to put it all together.

It had all turned out more brilliantly than he could have ever imagined. And the people outside the walls of the asylum were going to run screaming in panic at the very sight of him. It was going to be his best prank ever. Oh, if only Punch and Judy were around. Or Harley. They would have joined in.

Jack tried out his look and role in the mirror for a while before leaving.

At the gates of Arkham Asylum, he got into character.

"Mrrrrrarrgh." He said, shambling toward a group of people. Just like he'd hoped, they screamed and turned direction. Beauty. He went forward again, hearing the sound of dozens of feet coming toward him.

What he saw was about nine people. All dressed like him. Jack felt the rage bubble up.

"YOU!" He screamed at them, stomping forward. "This was MY idea! You're RUINING MY PRANK!"

He shoved the first one he encountered. "I demand you stop now! Stop it right now!"

They started to crowd in on him. Each one moving slowly. Jack frowned. "Oh. So you think you can gang up on me, do you? I'll show you. I'll take you all on! You won't stand a chance. Hey. You're crowding back there. I don't know you well enough for that to be okay. Well, okay. It tickles. Do it again."

Then they started the biting. "HEY! Hey hey! That's just not nice! You guys have to stoaaaaaarrrrrrrg!"

The real zombies took the zombie-dressed Jack down to the ground until he stopped moving. When they were full, and he was dead, they shambled off in the next direction. Forgetting entirely about the man and even what he'd tasted like.

After a moment, Jack got up. A smile on his face. "Urr hurrr hurr hurr" it was a sick noise. Something like along the lines of possible laughter. But most of his throat and face were missing. Hard to laugh like that.

"Hurr hurrr hurr hurrr." Jack turned toward the center of the City and shambled off.