The Universe's Mixer

Anything and everything with a screen went blank, followed by the telltale ants. The City had an announcement, and it was using the ever so reliable news crew to share it.

A gorgeous bald man stood before a weather map, but there was no smile on his face. In fact, he looked sad with a hint of angry. His clothes looked as if he'd been fought to get in them, a button off, his tie askew. He just stared at the ground before glaring petulantly up at the screen.

"The sun will come out tomorrow." He looked to the side as if someone were talking to him, and he sighed, rolling his eyes. Glaring once more into the camera. "It will come out like clockwork from now on..." His head dipped, and there was a little smile on his lips as he mumbled. "Until it doesn't."

"Uh." A male voice off camera, one that hadn't been heard since the last big City announcement tried to claim attention. "Yes, thank you, Windy. Yes, it seems that five souls have been tasked to mend the City. They are great souls."

"What the hell! One doesn't even have a so--" Windy would have yelled more, but he was quickly stopped. A rather unprofessional yet curious camera man gave a brief yet telling glance at just what was happening to the slightly mercurial weatherman: he was being held down by a couple of burly grips, probably, who knew that the man was a little...under the weather. He wasn't taking the 'right as rain' attitude about having sunny days again.

"Well, whether they have souls, webbed fingers, or godlike powers, we at KWIT City News applaud and appreciate their sacrifice. Let us all take a moment of silence for - in no particular order - Jesse Custer, Jennifer Government, Hannibal Lecter, Eric Northman, and Annie Wagner." Frank's smile held a sense of sadness that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Yes, it is unfortunate; they were all rather attractive, weren't they?" Candy finally chimed in. "So very pretty."

"They aren't dead! Get off--" Windy grunted; the grips holding him down realized they were on camera and let him go to speak. "Get off me! I'm fine. They're not dead. Fuck, people. Get it right, and who cares if they looked like Jabba the Marshmallow Man! The City's back to normal. Just say it! Say it! Say i--" Once more Windy was restrained, and the camera went back to Candy and Frank.

"Well, yes, of course. Now, Candy, didn't we have a wonderful recipe for butternut squash souffle we were going to share?" Frank turned his usual smile to Candy, who was giving him her usual vapid one in response.

"Yes, yes, we do! Let's go over to..."

With that the screens were once more taken over by ants, and then returned to whatever they'd been on before.

Candy and Frank smiled their best smiles as every screen lit up with their faces. They looked impeccable, even though Frank did seem to keep a rather possessive hold on his coffee cup. Candy's smile may have been a little tense. Over to the side, Windy scowled as he was being forced yet again to sit in on something that had nothing to do with weather. His life was truly crap, and he refused to get cleaned up for it. The stubble on his chin and the mustard stain on his shirt said as much.

"It seems there is tragedy today in the City," Candy's overly dramatic voice did not match her smile.

"Yes, you can't get those weenies down at Mortensen's Deli. They were really-" Windy broke in. He really had liked those weenies.

"You liked those? I always liked the sausages over at Frank's." Frank interjected. "Hey! Frank's!"

"Tragedy has struck again in the form of fire as Angel Investigations burns to the ground." Cindy doggedly continued. She wasn't going to let these two bozos get in the way of her marvelous track record. She would report the news, and she'd do it with a freaking smile on her face. People needed a smile when things were bad.

"The authorities are looking for clues in relation to this violent attack. They are still looking for the building's current owner and only resident, the manager and owner of Angel Investigat-" Candy stopped, her hand lifted to her ear as she was getting more information. "I apologize, it seems that the owner was not the one believed to be lost in the fire. Instead it is a young woman who lived in the building at the time of the burning. Winifred 'Fred' Burkle is believed to be dead."

"Squatters take their risks." Windy grouched. "It's not even raining."

Frank took a sip of his coffee, smacking his lips a little as he appreciated his "coffee." He even added a little nod. It was certainly what he wanted.

"Please, contact local authorities if you have any information to share. If you see Squatter Burble, please let someone know?" Frank wondered if he had gotten something wrong, seeing as Candy was currently giving him a very ferocious glare over that same sweet smile. "Did you get a surgery to do that? Special class?"

Candy stared a little longer at her co-anchor, ignoring the mumbling coming from the weatherman. Soon, she turned back to the camera.

"This is KWIT News keeping you up to date whenever we can. Have a good night." And with Candy's sign off, all screens returned to normal.

Candy and Frank, as infallible as ever, sat behind the desk of the KWIT City News, the camera focused on them, their teeth bright and white and shining. Hair perfectly quaffed. Ever the ideal - if somewhat fake - television personalities.

"And get this, Frank." Candy laughed her tittering, false laugh.

"Get what?" Frank turned in his chair slightly, leaning in to his co-anchor. What the camera didn't pick up was the spike of booze that his breath held. Frank had been drinking again. He mooned a little in the direction of the pretty girl to his side.

"City Hall was burned down and rebuilt within a night's time!"

"Will wonders never cease."

"It's important! It's news! The people should know!"

"But why? It was fixed, right?"

"Can I just report on this without you getting snarky?"

"No."

"It seems that the deed was done by two..."

"Who cares."

"I care, Frank! I care!"

"I don't. Windy, do you care?"

"I don't care about anything!" Came an off-screen voice. "What is there to care about when there's no fucking actual weather?"

"Windy!" Candy's eyes were wide.

"What? It's true. My job, my whole life, it's supposed to be weather! But this shit never changes! It's always nice out. Sometimes it rains a little. But where are the big snows? Where are the storms that wreck buildings? Where is the goddamned fucking bastard asshole......"


BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

The City Hall was chosen because it held a room within it that was big enough to accommodate the droves of people that were sure to come. Plus, being inside space, there were no worries over weather that couldn't be controlled. The people could sit and listen and not have to try to hear past traffic or wind.

Even with the late notice, everything was done well before the scheduled start time, which Thomas was proud of. He was glad that the ones who were born here weren't entirely useless without him around. They were keeping their heads together, doing what needed to be done. Of course, it also could have been the fact that they believed Thomas was who he claimed to be, and with his presence there with them, they felt better about the situation they were currently in.

Thomas looked at the stage. That's where he would be standing, talking to the people he had brought here. He had no doubts that they would be the ones with the questions, the ones who demanded answers. He was ready. He could do this.

He sat in a seat hidden by a curtain, where he could still see the stage and the rows of chairs beyond, and waited.

TVs everywhere..that were on flashed all of a suddenly with the telltale sign that there was an incoming broadcast. Other devices that usually showed such broadcasts didn't. Something had definitely changed.

Frank and Candy sat in front of the camera, staring. Frank looked as if he hadn't shaved in a little while, and Candy seemed to have an oddly shaped eye from a bad make-up job. They were definitely out of sorts.

"What do we do?" Candy asked through the clenched teeth in her forced smile.

"I don't know." Frank hissed back.

"They can hear you!" came from off camera.

"Oh, blow me!" Candy yelled back.

"And in the weather..." The voice came from the side. The camera remained on the news anchors.

"And in the weather..." came the lead in again. Finally the camera moved to a very cheerful looking Windy. "We'll be having weather. The tempature is dropping, and there looks to be possibilities of snow and sleet in the future. Stay tuned."

The camera panned back to Candy who was bowed over the desk with her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Frank was drinking from a flask, but stopped quickly to shove the flask out of the way.

"They're back. Hey they're back." Frank hissed at Candy, who just shook her head, never lifting it.

From off camera, Windy exclaims, "I love this shit! Yes! Weather!"

Every screen in the City went to the normal dancing ants that foretold the coming of yet another installment of KWIT News. Candy and Frank stared at the camera for a moment as they came into view. Their fake smiles plastered to their faces.

"Well, the polls are closed, and soon we will have a new mayor," Candy announced.

"That's right, Candy. We'll find out whether we will be calling Gaius Baltar or Jack Heart 'Mr. Mayor," Frank chimed in.

"Oh, I'm sure they'd rather we call them by their own names," Candy replied. There was a brief tense moment as neither anchor said anything and just smiled at the camera.

"Whoever wins we wish them the best of luck," Frank finally said. Someone off camera could be heard mumbling, "They're gonna need it."

"Now, how about those penguins in the City Zoo?" Candy asked, to which Frank just smiled, and the screens fuzzed out and went back to whatever they'd been showing before the news broke in.



(OOC: The winner will be announced Thursday or Friday. The comments have been closed on the poll thread. Thanks for getting involved, everyone!)

"It's been ten days," Windy said as he came onto the screens of the televisions, computers, and phones of The City "since the devastating storm that crashed through our lives. People have spent that time cleaning up, and getting back to normal."

He walked past a map on a green screen, showing the general outline of the islands all lived, pointing with a special laser that showed up as an arrow on the television, but was just a light to him.

"We've certainly seen some whacky weather in this city of ours, but that was our biggest storm to date. There were reports of broken windows, roofs torn off, flooding, things ruined. Even our beloved library was hit. But thanks to one woman, it should be fixed in no time.

"The storm moved in an irregular pattern, and even left a few things alone completely. We've checked our radar from the day, and can't explain this phenomenon. There was no warning that a storm was even near us."

Windy smiled at the camera. "Certainly not as much fun as the snow storm we had a few years ago."

Pictures of storm damage flashed in a box to the left of Windy's face.

"As you can see, there were a lot of issues caused by this freak storm. But we've had many reports that things are pretty much back to normal out there." The smile faded "You can all rest easy. The City knows who did this, and The City won't let them go unpunished."

With an even bigger smile, a picture of a puppy popped up to cover the green screen where the map was. "And now for today's Adopt-A-Mutt!"

The interruptions happened on everything. Televisions. Radios. At the movies. Even the little phones people carried around sprang to life with the two faces of Candy and Frank of KWIT. They were both very smiley. Both of them had perfect hair and perfect tans and perfect clothes. They both looked up into the camera at the perfect moment.

"Well, Frank, it seems like our zookeepers are a little baffled!"

"It sure does, Candy. Seems that there's been absolutely no sighting of the freak wolf that they warned us about. They said that something that big would be clearly seen if it walked down the street. They assured us that it would be back in captivity within the hour! So much for that."

"What does this mean for the people of the City?" Her smile was obnoxiously wide.

"It means that the citizens should probably be continuing to watch out for it. But since there have been no reports of it to this news station, the paper, or the police, we're starting to wonder if the creature escaped the zoo at all. Perhaps it's still roaming around within the walls of the park and the keepers just aren't aware of it. But remember, if you do see it, climb onto something very tall - the thing is six feet at the shoulder - or into something very small. Don't try to be a hero and fight it. Call the police and tell them your location. It is a wild animal, no matter how friendly it's keepers claim it to be. You don't know what it might do."

"Such a big animal, you'd think they'd have more safeguards." Candy flipped her hair.

"You'd actually think that they might stop trying to keep the big ones at all. Remember Godzilla?" Frank shook his head.

The two smiled back up into the camera, as if they hadn't realized it was still there.

"On the lighter side of things," Candy exclaimed. "A naked man has been seen running through the City Park. If you sit in one place long enough, you can see him race from tree to tree like a wood nymph. So far nobody has found out the man's name and the naturist seems to be harming none."

"I'd like to run nude through the park. They'd just call me crazy if I did." Frank muttered. As the words left his mouth, the devices of the City returned to normal function. Frank and Candy fading to black.

All tvs, computers, smartphones, anything with a screen that could display video did. Everything was taken over at the same time, whether it was on or not. That was the fun thing about the City; if it wanted people to know, it made sure it did it big. Maybe this was a strange form of apology to those it had wronged recently, or maybe it was a strange announcement to those who would listen.

The screens snowed over, emitting the white noise that went with it. Then there were two ridiculously smiling faces staring out of the screens at the viewers. Frank and Candy were back.

"Welcome back, everyone. We thought we'd lost you." Candy cooed at the camera.

"Ha, ha. No, Candy, they thought they had lost us." Frank corrected her, before the two anchors of the City News looked at each other and laughed in a way that almost looked rehearsed.

"Well, why don't we tell them what has happened?" Candy and Frank looked at the camera at the same time.

"Yes, I think that's brilliant." Frank added a bit of English to that last word, which earned him a panned roll of eyes and grimace from Candy. "I kid. Yes, to be serious, there appears to be a rash of murders."

"I didn't know two counted as a rash." Candy chimed in.

"Well, it's certainly no birthmark." Frank came back, and somewhere someone actually gave the proper drum and cymbals for the joke. "Seriously-"

"Yes, seriously. Two of our very own have been killed recently. The City PD is still looking for clues and suspects, but as of yet, they only know that 'it was gruesome, sick, and a damn shame that anyone would ever do that to another human being,' or so one officer on the scene said." Candy was doing her serious face.

"The victims' names have yet to be released, but we will keep you up to date. There is some rumor that they worked in the asylum." Frank was working on his serious face. It was that or his debonair face.

"Oh, yes, right before they let all the nutjobs out. Probably was one of those complete loons who did it." Candy laughed. "You'd think they'd know better than..." Frank shook his head furiously, trying to smile through it. His finger could be seen on the top of the desk pointing to the camera that was still on. Candy turned to the camera, smiling a rather sheepish smile. "I'm sure they're all wonderful people. Every one of them."

"Yes, every one of them." Frank's smile was glued to his face, as was Candy's. "Now, a question that many men should be considering: Do you know where your wife is?"

Before the KWIT News could continue with the next story, the screens went to the usual snow and white noise that came with these interruptions. Whatever had been on the screens prior to the news report returned as if nothing had happened.

It had been some time since the KWIT crew took over the air ways, but the City felt it was time again to show their beaming faces. Plus, this was good news, not the bad news like last time. Snow was definitely for the birds.

Frank and Candy smiled brightly at the camera as the screens of so many televisions, monitors, and yes, even those fancy phones came into focus. The pair were all decked out in green and seemed rather proud to match the green background, the green desk, the green chairs. There was even a green tinting to the light; how they managed not to disappear with all that green really was a magical physics mystery that only the City could provide.

"We-he-hell. Welcome to the KWIT news room. We've got some very exciting news for all our wonderful viewers-" Frank beamed.

"Yes, that's right, Frank. We certainly do." Candy cut in trying to outshine her co-anchor.

"We've gone green! The whole City in fact." The picture cut to various shots of well-known City places like the Library, the Hospital, the Police Station, which were now all decked out in green bunting and shamrocks. The people milling about, coming and going, were also dressed in green, hospital staff, library clerks, and yes, even the police officers. Soon, the picture was back on Candy and Frank.

"Frank, can you believe it? It took us this long to finally catch on to that bandwagon?" Candy turned to look at Frank for only a second before turning back to the camera with that vapid smile.

"No, Candy, I can't. Well, going green certainly takes the worry out of matching up the clothes, doesn't it?" Frank gave Candy a knowing glance, and Candy glanced down at her outfit to make sure her clothes did indeed in all their greenness match.

"You're so very right, Frank. More news though. We've got little green men!"

"Oh, Candy, they're not green; they're just dressed in green, but they are certainly little. I've got one living in my closet right now!" The picture changed once more; this time little men in their green outfits looking very much like what most people expect out of leprechauns. Frank voiced over. "Yes, nothing like that one fellow, are they?"

"No, Frank, no. They're real leprechauns." Candy and Frank were back in view. "Rumor has it, there are pots of gold all around the City, and these little men know where to find them. Does the little man in your closet have some gold?"

"Well, that's why they call it a rumor, Candy. No, the little man in my closet likes my shoes; he didn't come with gold." Frank smiled. "He's actually a pretty good little shoeshine."

Candy smiled awkwardly, not sure how to move on, as Frank seemed rather smitten with his leprechaun. He started to talk about the way the little man was fascinated by the shiny buckles and buttons on his clothes. Candy looked up at the camera, lost, but then smiled brightly again.

"Well, that's all. Remember, go green! Actually, you don't have much of a choice. The City has taken care of all of it!" Candy continued to smile at the camera, and Frank kept babbling. The picture blacks out, and everything is returned to "normal."

The tv image snows over but soon fades into a smarmy smiling face.

"Hello, this is Frank with KWIT news. We interrupt your regular programing to bring you an interesting development in the Park. Candy?"

The image shifts to Candy, who is standing in front of a few space ships and what looks to be a very old log cabin covered in moss.

"Yes, Frank. Normally we wouldn't report on a new house, even in the Park, but there is something odd about the log cabin behind me." Candy points to the log cabin.

The image is of Frank again, who gives a condescending laugh. "Of course, there's something odd. Ha ha. It's a log cabin; what idiot would live in a log cabin?"

Back to Candy. "Well, the children in the Park and some of the adults have found it a fascinating cabin. Just watch as little Mary-Lou pushes on it."

A small child, who probably shouldn't be messing about with things beyond her ken, steps from the crowd and walks determinedly toward the cabin. She gives the cabin a very firm push, but nothing happens.

Back to Frank. "Oh, that is adorable, ha ha. A little girl trying to move a house."

"It's moving! It's moving! And look at those legs!" The image comes back to Candy; then the camera turns its focus on the cabin which is now many feet, at least 50 ft, in the air, supported bu great chicken legs. The camera watches the chicken leg house walk a few yards before settling down again. Candy is once more on screen. "Yes, you have now seen it with your own eyes. People have been trying to find a door in, but as of yet either cabin turns on those disgusting legs, or it just doesn't have a door. Either way, people are just not getting in. Back to you, Frank."

"Thank you, Candy. Those certainly are some fowl legs. Get it, ha ha. Fowl."

The image snows out, and the screen of whatever device is returned to "normal."


( (OOC) )

"Well it's a nice time to return to spring, isn't it Candy?"

"Why yes, Frank, it is. This is the perfect January day to see the bright sun and feel the warmth of the season on our shoulders. I'm sure that some of us out there enjoyed our brief interlude with the snow..."

"And what snow it was!"

"So we have to thank Windy for informing us all how that silly snow works. But the rest of us are beyond ready to have our warm weather back, aren't we?"

"Yes. We are."

Frank turned to the second camera, taking the screen all to himself. His smile wide. "For all you criminals out there, you'd best be careful! The City now has not one, but two teams of brilliant partners dedicated to the safety of our streets. It's a good thing that one of these foursome is male. Those girls will be needing somebody to look up to."

"That's right, Frank!" Candy laughed, and then it was her turn to fill the screen. "For the rest of us girls, you should come on down to the pet shelter and volunteer your time on Saturday. It'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside."

The TVs went dead for a moment, fuzzing out to blackness. Radios caught the static then died for a moment too. Even those who had computers received a viral feed that was surely worse than any pop up scam ever invented; poor Lindy Lou Who had been working on her research paper when the computer screen went blank. She wasn't much happier when what should come on. What took the radio waves, the air waves, the cable, the dsl, highspeed...you name it, this was on it.

"Hi! This is Windy Weatherton, coming to you from the City's KWIT Weather Center." He was a mix of Dick Clark, Michael Duncan Clark, Casey Kasem, and Movie Phone Guy. "Yes, Windy with your weather forecast."

Those who could see it were shown the map of the City. It wasn't anything overly fancy. Just a little Doppler radar over the most generic city streets one could imagine. It gave the false sense that the City could be mapped in general.

"As you can see with the blue spots is that we are in for a long winter." The Doppler image was completely blue; the streets had disappeared. Windy laughed as if that blue image was the biggest and best joke he'd ever made. "That's right; snow, and more snow. Pull out your snow shoes, people, we're in it for the long haul. Might want to bring in the pets and the kids, folks. Ha ha! Stay inside when you can. Ha ha! And watch out for those yeti!"

Windy beamed that "Damn, I'm good looking" smile, posing a little to show off his muscles...through his blazer.

"Yes, this has been Windy Weatherton, for KWIT News."

And like before, everything went right back to normal. Broadcasts took up as if they were never interrupted, and Lindy Lou Who got back to copying and pasting a paper she'd found online.

TVs everywhere were tuning into a new station. The City had created something new, and it was rather proud of taking on a new technology. The way the Barbie and Ken look-a-likes smiled into the camera might have suggested just how proud.

"Hello, and welcome to the KWIT City News, brought to you by the City Hospital and the City Library. I'm Candy Clarion." The Barbie anchorwoman continued in her smile.

"I'm Frank Bassett. This is the KWIT City News." Ken anchorman chimed in.

"Many of the City's residents have noticed that the snow is still coming; in fact, it's starting to stick." Frank's voice boomed over the air ways; the image shifted from pretty boy smile to a scene of children playing in the falling snowflakes. Some of the children were even attempting snowmen, but not with much success.

"Wow, Frank, when was the last time we had snow?" Candy turned stiffly to her co-anchor.

"I don't know, Candy, but it sure looks fun. Windy Weatherton will be by later to let us know just how long that snow will be staying, but in other news..."

Frank and Candy fuzzed out, returning all TVs to their regular broadcasts.