The Universe's Mixer

"Oh, friggin' sweetness! Check out that bathroom on the second floor," said 21 - or Judy, as the Joker had taken to calling him - scoping out Wayne Manor with his binoculars. "He's got one of those giant showers with three showerheads! You could bathe a polar bear in that thing!"

"Let me see..." 24 - Punch, now - grabbed the binoculars from his colleague. "No way! Does he have two toilets in there? Jeez! Forget going out and fighting crime - why does this guy even leave the house?"

"I know, right? If I was a multi-millionaire playboy bachelor, I would spend all my time just in that bathroom. Just give me a couple smoking hot babes and, like, round-the-clock gourmet pizza delivered to my door. I'd be set for life."

The night was cold, and the hill overlooking the Manor was growing damp. Punch pulled out a Kleenex from his tunic and blew his nose with a very sloppy sound, then suddenly started fidgeting with his mask. "Oh ... Gah! It got under my mask. It's on the lens!"

"What? How did you even do that? Do your nostrils point up or something?"

"I don't know." He took off the mask and began cleaning the lens with the clean corner of the tissue. "Urgh. That's the last of the Kleenex." He tossed the trash aside and put his mask back on. "All right, I'm sick of this. Come on, let's just report back to the Joker."

"Yeah, I gotta take a wicked dump, and if that's the last of the Kleenex, I'm not going in the woods." Judy looked through the binoculars again. After a pause, he continued. "Or..."

"Or what?"

"Come on." He stood up and unfolded his wings, grinning with glee.

"You're gonna take a dump in Batman's toilet, aren't you?" Punch's tone made it clear that he thought this was a really dumb idea, but it was too late. Judy was already soaring toward the house. "Aw, dammmit," he said with resignation, and took off after his friend.

This was not Gotham.

That thought had taken a little time to sink in, but now that it had, it sat like a brick in the pit of her stomach. Wherever she was, this was not Gotham City, and Harley had no idea what to do about that. How she got here, how she was going to get home, it was all a confused mess and she was actually on the verge of tears. Although, it made that weird conversation with Doc H make a little more sense. No wonder he was talking about unions and villains she’d never heard of! She wasn’t anywhere that she’d ever heard of.

Nor could she really get an answer about where she was. And she’d asked. Politely at first, and when that had failed, she might have gotten a bit snippy about it. Still that last lady hadn’t needed to scream like that. It was just a little gun. Harley hadn’t even pulled out her big gun yet. And now, she wasn’t sure she would.

( What was the point? )