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Sydney Sage will be (lady_ivashkov) wrote in wariscomingcom,
@ 2014-11-25 19:54:00

Entry tags:

james kirk, lois lane, rose hathaway, sydney sage, tris prior

No known threats or Adrian
I know I have some form of, well, I suppose it's PTSD? But I don't know how to get past it. Overcome it, somehow. Make the nightmares and the trembling and the jumping at nothing stop.

ETA: Is there a shooting range nearby? Somewhere I can go?

(Post a new comment)

	inpavidus 2014-11-26 01:07 am UTC (link)
	If you figure it out, let me know. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:09 am UTC (link)
	I will. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	lildampeer 2014-11-26 01:08 am UTC (link)
	~~Shit~~ Maybe try talking to someone? I mean someone who knows about this stuff. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:09 am UTC (link)
	~~God I should have filte~~ Yeah. I know. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lildampeer 2014-11-26 01:16 am UTC (link)
	I'm not a professional or anything, but maybe it would help you to talk about.. what happened to you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:19 am UTC (link)
	I want to forget it all. I don't want to relive it again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lildampeer 2014-11-26 01:25 am UTC (link)
	I get that, but it's not that easy. I went though.. a lot in Russia. A lot of stuff I never told you or Abe or Mark or Oksana about. I had nightmares for awhile after, but as much as I wanted to forget it, I talked to Lissa about it. I told her every detail and it helped. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:28 am UTC (link)
	That's good. I just - I'll think about it. I don't know if I can, Rose. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lildampeer 2014-11-26 01:29 am UTC (link)
	You don't have to do it all at once, but I don't think you'll ever put it behind you if you don't at least try to talk about it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:34 am UTC (link)
	I'll think about it. Thanks, Rose. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lildampeer 2014-11-26 04:46 am UTC (link)
	Anytime. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Sydney

captcasanova
2014-11-26 01:12 am UTC (link)

Filtering this because the reason I went through what you're going through is here and I don't want to piss him off because I have to deal with him at Thanksgiving and I promised Bo I'd be nice.

I don't know how much of my story you know, whether you've seen my movies or not. But about a year and a half before I ended up here I ended up losing a lot of people I was in charge of, people I was supposed to keep safe. And in the end I ended up dying to keep them safe. When I came to I had two things going on: survivors guilt and nightmares about what happened those two days. For a while I'd replay bits and pieces of everything that happened and I'd wake up in a cold sweat and it was everything I could do not to go chug down enough whiskey to just pass out. What I did instead was I talked to people. When it hit really hard I got on the phone with someone who would just let me talk and I talked until I felt better. Probably should have gone to a professional but it worked well enough.

It gets easier. I don't have nearly as many nightmares these days. I'm still not completely past it; the first time I watched my movies here I drank so much I got alcohol poisoning. But even here I have people I can talk to and it helps a lot. They may not completely understand, and I honestly hope they never will, but if you can find that here I think it will be a good thing.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	Jim lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:14 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry - I should have filtered all of this better. I don't know what I'm supposed to talk about. I want this done with, I want to get past it, but I still make Adrian leave a light on at night. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Sydney

captcasanova
2014-11-26 01:31 am UTC (link)

Maybe it isn't a bad thing you had a filter fail. Doesn't hurt to get as much advice as you can, even if you don't use any of it.

Well, you don't have to talk about whatever happened to get you to need to leave the light on. It might help if you can eventually, but you don't have to. Usually when I had a nightmare, at least at first, what happened on the Enterprise was the absolute last thing I wanted to talk about. I guess a lot of it came down to wanting reassurance that I wasn't alone. I wanted to know I had people who would be there for me however I needed them to be and be patient while I tried to figure out how to process everything. That helped get me to a point where I could talk about what actually happened and then I was able to start moving on.

It's going to take time, unfortunately. And that's frustrating as hell. That's a feeling I know really well. If you try and rush it it just ends up biting you later. You'll think you're over it and something will happen and it will flare up all over again, and then there's the risk it'll be worse. So patience is pretty much one of the big things you have to have in order to get better.

If you ever want to talk to someone who isn't from your home I'm available. I have no problem at all being someone you can lean on if you want.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jim lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:35 am UTC (link)
	I talked about it some before. But it was still...fresh. New. It had just happened. Now...I feel like I should be okay. They only kept me there for a month - I wish it wasn't going to take so much time. I know it will, logically, but I wish it wouldn't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Sydney

captcasanova
2014-11-26 01:50 am UTC (link)

It actually took me six months to talk about what happened, and that was only after Khan's trial was done and I was absolutely sure there was no way he was getting out of being put back in a cryotube. It's harder to talk about it after the fact, mostly because you feel like you're reopening old wounds. But it's kind of like they didn't heal right the first time, and this time they heal better. But I do get wishing that. Almost three years later for me and I'm finally to the point where when I do get a nightmare I can rebound from it in a matter of about thirty minutes or so. You'll get to that point too, eventually. You just have to keep that thought in mind.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jim lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:53 am UTC (link)
	I hope you're right. I just don't know what else to do right now. I'm afraid to sleep and I'm afraid of the dark, which I wasn't before they took me. I'm lucky, though, because I got out before they did worse, but still... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Sydney

captcasanova
2014-11-26 04:10 am UTC (link)

Just because they could have done worse doesn't make what they actually did any better. Having anything bad like that happen changes you. The fact you want to get back to normal is going to help a lot. It means you're going to do whatever it takes to get to that point again, even if it takes a while.

If you want company down at the range I could go with you. It wouldn't hurt to get some practice in myself.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jim lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 12:29 pm UTC (link)
	I hope it doesn't take too long. That would be nice. I probably shouldn't go alone. Thank you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sydney captcasanova 2014-12-02 11:10 pm UTC (link)
	You're welcome. Meet you outside your apartment in twenty? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Sydney lady_ivashkov 2014-12-02 11:36 pm UTC (link)
	I'll be there. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	thatlanewit 2014-11-26 01:50 am UTC (link)
	There is a range nearby. It's over at [ADDRESS]. Time is pretty much what helps. And talking to someone professionally. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:51 am UTC (link)
	I'd rather shoot something, currently. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thatlanewit 2014-11-26 01:53 am UTC (link)
	It's a start. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:54 am UTC (link)
	Really, I'm not a violent person, but I just feel like I need to do something. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thatlanewit 2014-11-26 01:55 am UTC (link)
	Firing a gun can be calming. You need to focus. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 01:56 am UTC (link)
	Yes, I remember. (Reply to this) (Parent)

robinofthehood
2014-11-26 08:10 am UTC (link)

There was someone here I talked to, unfortunately the seal took her recently. But, I thought it might help you to know from someone who has, and does, share that experience, talking about it made a big difference.

And I was very much against the idea. My wife can vouch for that.

I offer archery lessons at Rose's centre, on Tuesdays. And there is a range at [address]. It's open nights.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 12:27 pm UTC (link)
	I know it makes a difference, but...it's just that I don't want this to have to matter so much. I haven't tried archery before. Maybe I'll come next week. I'll go to the range for now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robinofthehood 2014-11-26 08:52 pm UTC (link)
	Neither did I. Until it did whether I wanted it to or not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-26 11:31 pm UTC (link)
	What do you mean? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robinofthehood 2014-11-27 08:12 am UTC (link)
	I mean it shouldn't be something that rules you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-27 01:29 pm UTC (link)
	I don't like it. Being a victim. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robinofthehood 2014-11-27 08:55 pm UTC (link)
	You're only a victim if you choose to be. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-27 08:58 pm UTC (link)
	I feel like one. They made me into one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robinofthehood 2014-11-27 08:59 pm UTC (link)
	They did what they did. What you choose to do now makes you who you are. No one else can control who you are but you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-27 09:02 pm UTC (link)
	I'm trying. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robinofthehood 2014-11-27 09:02 pm UTC (link)
	That's all you need to do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lady_ivashkov 2014-11-27 09:08 pm UTC (link)
	Okay. (Reply to this) (Parent)