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inmyownworld ([info]inmyownworld) wrote in [info]vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-09-21 02:01:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current music:Scars on Broadway- "Funny"
Entry tags:!active, day 24, l lawliet, location: pharmacy, merope gaunt

Funny, How You Turned Red, When I First Said, "Let's Join the Dead"
Who: L Lawliet and Merope
What: Merope agrees to help L. She doesn't deliver in quite the way he expected, though.
Where: The liquor store (ie, the place that he haunts and refuses to leave.)
When: Day 24, 8:00 PM
Rating: PG-13 for now for necrophilic implications.
Status: Active



L's hands shook as he set down his journal. He felt sick, in so many ways. Sick in the head, as Rose had implied, sick physically, sick in his soul. He was anything but quick to trust, and the moment he seemed to find someone he could confide in, trust his well-being and attempt a shy sliver of humanity with, they were taken away before he could attain any sort of closure. He clenched and unclenched his pale, thin hands, testing their strength. It was failing, his grip was becoming looser as his mental health declined. He was far from mad, but he saw the world in a skewed way that worsened with every day that passed in Vas Captio.

Merope was still his friend, at least. She had offered to give him what he wanted and needed, obtaining a body for him and bringing it to him. How the weak-limbed young woman would manage to haul the dead weight of a female corpse to him, he couldn't guess. Perhaps she planned to enlist the help of her stoic partner, Rorschach, even though he disapproved of L's preferences. He sighed, staring at the wax he'd found in the post office that was softening in the heat. He planned to use it to repair any spots where decomposition was too obvious. While L had had sex with Laura, he wasn't sure yet if he could go through with it with an inanimate corpse, whether it looked like her or not.


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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-21 06:17 am UTC (link)
L turned toward Merope, startled and confused by her presence. It wasn't like the girl to agree to something and then back out... he decided that the conditions had been impossible, and that she was here to apologize and say that it had been too terrible, that the insects had been too thick, that the corpse had been too heavy for her slight form to support. He immediately resolved to forgive anything she might say, knowing that she had tried and probably didn't mean to raise his hopes and then dash them.

Then, she offered herself to him. His breath caught in a slight gasp as he stood slowly, taking a step back. He averted his eyes, staring at his toes, long and thin like his fingers. He should have predicted this, should have seen it coming... with what he knew about Merope, how could this not have happened? Her soft heart had doubtless given her visions of him undressing something cold and decaying, caressing it, falling further away from humanity and becoming absorbed in his own depraved humanity. She was here, alone and willing, and she wanted to be a stand-in for a corpse.

She certainly looked the part. Merope looked near-death on the best of days, and in Vas Captio, where food and comfort were scarce, she was pale and too thin and though she was not as pretty as Laura, her coloration was about right. L had to fight back a wave of nausea, realizing that he was actually considering what he was.

"Merope, no." he said the word firmly, leaving no room for questions or doubts. "You're my friend, but you are under no obligation... I'm not angry. I just... you can't do that. You can't be that." he turned away, holding himself even though the weather was still over eighty degrees. He looked like he was trying to keep himself warm from cold that came from inside.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-21 06:26 am UTC (link)
She didn't move any closer, she couldn't imagine him doing something so sickly, so bad for himself. Merope had always been submissive enough and had low self worth that she could easily pretend to be a body for him. This was something she had some experience with, pretending to be asleep or dead while someone did what they wanted. The situation was only different because she wanted to help him and it might not involve anything sexual.

Even if it had been kind of sexual, she would likely forgive him.

She whispered to him,"...I can be that. I'll do whatever you want. I won't complain." Merope didn't want to allow her insecurities to deter her but they were there, nagging her and hurting her self-esteem. Could she not even be a dead body?

"Please." Merope begged him.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-21 06:34 am UTC (link)
Part of the reason L was horrified by Merope's offer was because he knew that her self-esteem was low, and that the girl had been through a lot in her short lifetime. She had conceived, given birth to, and lost a child by the age of 17. She was eight years--the better part of a decade-- younger than L, and he was still a child in many ways himself. He never sacrificed for others, he knew in his heart that he could never be a parent. He watched her with an expression somewhere between pity, horror, and deep respect.

One reason he had wanted a corpse so badly was because it would have been like Laura, that way. Another reason was obvious to any lonely, socially awkward man. The promise of being unconditionally accepted, allowed to do anything, without fear of humiliation or fear or shame. He was terrified, right now, because Merope was offering him that very thing, without being dead.

He couldn't look at her. He focused his eyes on the wall, staring across the room and sighing. "Why do you want to do this? Why do you want to do this for me?" he looked exhausted. There was no light in his eyes, no passion for life, no spirit of survival or spark to fight. He was very much like a dead thing, himself. Maybe he wanted a corpse next to him because it would make him feel more alive.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-21 06:45 am UTC (link)
Merope took a deep breath in and started thinking on how to answer this question, she could see that it was stirring in his head. It only took a bit of coaxing for her to convince him most likely, she would prefer him to mess with a living body, submissive and willing that a dead one that was unloving an rotten away beneath his weight. For now, she stayed at where she'd been so she wouldn't make him feel any worse than he'd been feeling.

"No one else will and a dead body won't do you any good." She approached him this time, standing in front of him with her head down. "...I can be limp, quiet, obedient...unresisting. Test me." The black haired girl said softly, giving him silent permission.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-21 07:08 am UTC (link)
Merope was correct, in understanding that a dead body would further warp L and do nothing for his mental or emotional health. Though she didn't advance towards him, he felt smothered by her willingness, by her overwhelming offering of her own body for him to do whatever he wanted with.

She was serious, and she was asking to be tested. He shook his head slowly; he didn't need a test, not after hearing her speak the way she was about obedience and submission. Permission or not, it wasn't needed. He watched her, understood that her need to help him was as great as his need to be helped.

L first went toward the freezer section, removing frozen bottle of water. He then went behind the counter, finding Laura's makeup kit and crouching in front of Merope. He gave her the frozen water bottle, placing her hands firmly over it to demonstrate that he wanted them to be cold. He instructed her to hold very still as he meticulously began to do her makeup, just the way he'd seen Laura.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-21 07:23 am UTC (link)
Merope's body reacted to orders better than she did anything else. As she watched him leave her, she was sure that she hadn't convinced him to do it. It wasn't until he came back with several items did she look up to what he was doing. She set her blue eyes on him for a moment before lowering them to the water bottle in her hands.

As she took it in her hands, she watched him firmly close her hands around it so she would have them freezing. Merope didn't suck in a breath, didn't move and didn't complain of how freezing it had been. Instead she held very still, closing her eyes so he could do whatever he needed.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-21 07:32 am UTC (link)
L was impressed by the fact that Merope didn't complain in the slightest about the ice against her hands. He focused diligently on the makeup, wondering if Merope would look in the mirror later. He ignored the softened wax, since it was unneeded. Merope's skin, while pale, was smooth and very much alive. Despite this, and the fact that her chest rose and fell shallowly as she breathed, she was doing very well at resembling a doll or a corpse.

He finished Merope's makeup, squinting like a craftsman examining his work, impressed with the final results. Merope was not a beautiful woman, but a well-done makeup job could make a great difference. After Merope had been holding the frozen water bottle for several minutes, L took her hands, bringing them toward his body. He sighed softly, feeling frigid hands against his face, and then, after drawing them under his white cotton shirt, against his bony chest.

Strangely enough, there was nothing sexual about the contact, or even sensual. L reacted almost as if it was, however, closing his eyes, relishing the human contact.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-21 07:43 am UTC (link)
Whenever she was sure that the make-up was finished, she opened her eyes and looked straight back at him. She resembled Laura in a way, but she was no where near as beautiful or as curvy, but she was passable. The make-up had done wonders for someone so unattractive and plain.

The coldness of her hands had them slightly stiff, but she didn't stretch them out. Her limbs were loose for him, delicate and gentle. Being that she could barely feel her fingers, she kept her eyes very settled and without judgement.

He drew them to his face and then beneath his shirt, against his chest. Merope forced herself not to react on her face even though she'd turned a bit pink on her flesh from it.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-21 04:49 pm UTC (link)
Merope did resemble Laura. Despite her youth and sweetness, and the affection she showed him that Laura never quite had, the likeness was striking and adequate for L's purposes. He'd thought aboug it briefly, and knew beyond a doubt that said purposes could not include having sex with Merope. The only thing sicker than using a dead body the way he'd intended was to use a living body ready and willing to fake death for him.

The stiffness of Merope's hands aided the illusion; as he held them against his chest, achingly remembering the way Laura had touched him, but he noticed Merope's blush. He swallowed, retracting his hands, feeling like a monster for allowing her to do this.

"One thing," he said softly, turning his back toward her and wrapping her arms around him from behind as he lay down. "Please, stay just like this until I am asleep."

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[info]heartache
2009-09-22 05:37 am UTC (link)
Merope tried not to do much moving or reacting so he didn't think he was doing something humiliating or sinful to her. As he moved himself so his taller form was against her front, she laid down with him and listened in quietly. Once they were on the ground, her freezing hands lightly rubbed his stomach for a moment before she to had curled up behind him.

If anything, she would never turn away affection of any sort.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-22 06:17 am UTC (link)
L sighed deeply, feeling Laura... no, feeling Merope's... hands, cool and soft against his stomach. That part of him was sunken in further than usual, and softer. He was young, so his skin didn't sag, but his bones were more prominent, and his his muscle tone was fading. He closed his eyes, listening to his heartbeat, which was irregular, alternating between a tense, fearful, pattering rhythm and a sluggish, dull one. He was not healthy, he was not doing well. His mind was in turmoil and his body was starting to fail him in small but noticeable ways. He curled in Merope's arms, feeling steadier just by having another body nearby. It would be gone when he woke up, he was sure, which made him want to delay sleep for just a bit longer.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-22 06:45 am UTC (link)
Merope shifted very slightly, she knew how bad he must have felt. Noticing the water bottle, she had an idea and called it over magically until it was near her mouth. Making sure he wasn't paying attention, she put her mouth on top of it until she was sure that her mouth was positively freezing.

He wanted more. He likely needed more.

When she was sure it was fine, she leaned up slightly and pressed her mouth against his. Rorschach had never minded them kissing in this way, so she did not find fault in it. Her lips were as icey as possible, before she could pull away,"....won't leave you." she whispered.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-22 06:59 am UTC (link)
L was so lost in his own thoughts, in his own careful self delusion, that he didn't notice Merope using the frozen water bottle to make her mouth icy. He was receptive to her kiss, sighing softly against her lips, definitely wanting more, but then he flinched and drew back as if it caused her pain. This was going too far, he realized, and one of them had to be the adult and keep the situation from progressing to the point where things happened that they would later regret. He fought with himself, understanding that his body's wants were at odds with his heart's and his mind's.

"Please... Merope, you don't have to do that..." he said hurriedly, in a rushed voice, a flush creeping into his pale cheeks. "You shouldn't do that... you're acting like a saint, you are, but this... it's not right." he took a deep breath, trying to keep it from shuddering and catching too much. It was painful to be responsible when he wanted to simply let go and simply opt for instant gratification.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-22 07:14 am UTC (link)
For once, she wouldn't mind if she laid with him and stole his body heat. The coldness of the floor and the water bottle hadn't warmed her hands, so they were still freezing. No complaining on her part, so she stopped angering him and laid down.

Merope was close to shivering but she refused to allow herself. Her lithe frame cuddled as close as she could to L without judgements or responses.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-22 07:24 am UTC (link)
Over the course of his life, L hadn't had many father figures or male role models. His real father was someone he had never known. His mother's boyfriends had imparted little wisdom, but what L could recall clearly was "boys don't cry." He had gone by these words faithfully for years, refusing to allow himself to break down and weep like something weak and helpless and unable to control his circumstances.

He was L. He was always, always in control. At least, that was what he tried to tell himself, and what he knew wasn't true. The entire world was out of control. More precisely, it was out of his control. In Vas, he was not a celebrated detective. He was a scrawny twenty-something who begged for the corpses of former companions over the journal system because, barring Jenny, corpses were the only people he could really get along with.

Though he could feel his lashes and his cheeks growing damp, he tried to keep his tears discreet. He didn't want Merope to see how affected he was. Laura had said that she wouldn't leave him, and he'd accepted that with a child's trust, and now he was hearing it from another young woman who was indulging him at a point approaching "too far." He didn't want such a girl to see that he was in fact crying, because it would either drive her away or draw her closer, make her feel fear or pity, and L was somewhat terrified of both of these things.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-22 07:40 am UTC (link)
She knew what it was like, she knew more than anyone what it was like to be left by a loved one. Standing there pregnant, left and called nothing more than a disgusting whore who bewitched him. Merope tried not to think, try not to feel that and tried to forget that Tom-- No, she couldn't even think of his name.

"Tell me what to do." She whispered to L, her face which was slightly different than Laura's but resembled her,"...Just say, don't think." Her voice was soft, holding no real tone while she whispered to him. Soft voices were not easily determined to belong to one person but could belong to many.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-22 07:50 am UTC (link)
L and Merope could truly relate to one another, and therein lay the danger in this sort of encounter. Pity would lead to comfort, which had the potential to lead to other, more dangerous things. L's rational side did not want this to happen, but the basic, human parts of him remembered what it felt like to be engaged in a sexual act, and wanted that again. Though Merope was not Laura, she was close to what he needed, which was closure and the chance to properly say goodbye to a woman he missed.

It was a terrible and perilous request, to ask a man in L's state of mind not to think. Thought, rationality, the ability to logically process situations... this was all he had left. This restraint and this ability to control his urges kept him human and sane, and kept him from loathing himself too completely. But she sounded so much like Laura that his body responded, anyway. He pushed a hand between his legs, clenching his teeth, ashamed and upset with himself for having such obvious needs.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-22 08:00 am UTC (link)
She felt she wasn't doing a good job, had she spoke to much? Had her reactions to touch been so obvious that he stopped? Merope was so stupid, so easy to push into things she felt she messed up that guilt ate her like flies on corpses. Easily, she pulled him over on his back and wrapped her arm around him like she had the time he had been near death. The way he supported his head and she hid her face in his shoulder slightly so she wouldn't mess up his make-up job.

Merope was mothering, loving and tried to be whatever L needed. Parts of her could hear Rorschach calling her a whore, she wasn't sure if this was hurting him or not. While he seemed unsure of what to do right now, Merope allowed him time to think and relaxed against his body.

She was playing dead for him, it's not like she wasn't cold enough because she had been.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-22 08:07 am UTC (link)
L did not touch himself frequently. It had the opposite effect he would have wanted, actually intensifying his erection rather than calming it. He tried to suppress it, frustrated, using his other hand to cover his flushed face when Merope turned him over. He could hear undefined voices in his own mind calling him a monster, for the fact that his body was becoming this way, for the fact that this was yet another thing L couldn't control. Just the fact that Merope had given him complete control made him feel helpless, ironically enough.

Merope's slight weight against him felt remarkably, wonderfully real and solid. Please, let me, he begged himself. She would let me. I know that she would let me.

Under NO circumstances.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-22 08:32 am UTC (link)
At this point, she had lost the idea of there being no sexual acts involved. She laid there, mostly cold and slightly breathing from relaxing fully against him. If he were to move her, she would be limp as if she were dead.

Merope was soft, slight and easily accepting of people's needs.

While she laid there, her thought of nothing so that she wasn't moving or trembling. Perhaps if he thought she had fallen asleep?

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-22 12:30 pm UTC (link)
L lay, mortified, scarcely breathing himself. He was starting to realize that he was not a classic necrophiliac, by the way he couldn't make the mental leap and actually have sex with an unresponsive dead body. Laura had been an exception... though dead, she had moved, and spoken, and there was something there. What turned him on was trust and willingness to give him exactly what he wanted, and therein lay the dilemma. Merope was giving L exactly what he wanted: a pliable body, one that flopped limply as he half-rose indecisively... but the thing was, L did not want Merope dead, just like he hadn't really wanted Laura dead. He knew well enough that she wasn't, watching her very slight breathing. It both reassured him and told him that it wouldn't be all right to simply strip her of her clothes and use her body the way he'd intended to use a dead one. It would defeat the purpose. He'd needed a body, certainly... a body that no one, including the owner, needed anymore, so that he could take care of himself without hurting anyone.

If he had sex with Merope (the thought that he could was very real. Even though L was slight for a man of twenty five, taking someone as small as Merope would be extremely easy), L knew that it would be physically satisfying. He also knew that it wouldn't feel right, to have her stand and walk away as if nothing had happened, or to leave and let her go in more privacy. She was his friend, and she was wordlessly offering him the opportunity to treat her body like it was the victimless crime he'd thought he wanted, but... perhaps he could think of this as a test, he decided. Merope might have been eager to please, and happy to give others what they needed, but it was only an erection. It would go away by itself, given time, or, even knowing that the voyeuristic Management was probably watching, L could go to a quiet corner and take care of it.

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[info]heartache
2009-09-22 12:51 pm UTC (link)
While L was laying there underneath her, she kept her eyes closed and breathing slowly, deeply. She wasn't sure of his motives at this point but they had been semi-pure, so she trusted him enough to decide she could lay there without him actually doing much. While she laid limply, it was unknown if she was actually asleep or awake from her lack of responses and movements to adjust herself.

In actuality, Merope was somewhere in-between the two of them. She was half-asleep, she'd respond to questions at this point still.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-22 01:06 pm UTC (link)
In actuality, Merope's unresponsiveness was becoming slightly unnerving to L. He squirmed slightly, hoping that his erection wasn't as excruciatingly noticeable to her as it was to him. It was uncomfortable, but he had faith that it would die down and leave them both alone in a little while, since it seemed unlikely that he'd be able to find an appropriate moment to get up. He'd asked Merope to stay like that until he was asleep, after all.

"Laura. Why are you doing this?" he sighed quietly, half to himself, unsure if she would answer. He caught himself a sentence too late, murmuring an apologetic correction. "Merope."

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[info]heartache
2009-09-22 07:47 pm UTC (link)
How did she respond? She breathed easily for a while until her ears perked slightly with his stirring and voice she heard booming inside of his chest. "...To help you." She hadn't even heard his mistake, it was muffled as she moved a little more so her right hand was against his own.


In her head, this moment of allowing L to use her was also a way for her to feel the way she made Tom feel. Tom felt used when he could do nothing to defend against her love potion, but she wouldn't tell anyone that. Only Rorschach had knew.

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[info]inmyownworld
2009-09-23 03:21 am UTC (link)
L couldn't honestly deny that Merope was helping him. Her supple, young body felt good against his own, and her willingness to become absorbed in a role that he wanted filled for the moment was admirable. Still, feeling her cold hand slip against his did nothing for his state of arousal... if he didn't know better, he'd have thought that Merope wanted him to take advantage of this. Either that, or she didn't know her own skill as a seductress.

"Merope... I need to get up," he said after a moment, trying to shift so that his erection wasn't pressing awkwardly against her. "I have to take care of something... I am sorry..." how mortifying.

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(no subject) - [info]heartache, 2009-09-24 03:08 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]inmyownworld, 2009-09-26 06:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]heartache, 2009-09-26 08:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]inmyownworld, 2009-09-26 08:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]heartache, 2009-09-26 08:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]inmyownworld, 2009-09-26 08:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]heartache, 2009-09-26 08:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]inmyownworld, 2009-09-26 08:59 am UTC

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