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Pete Wisdom is saving the world...from itself. ([info]mister_wisdom) wrote in [info]valarnet,
@ 2014-05-18 14:29:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:alyssa hamilton, christian grey, doreen green (squirrel girl), elizabeth comstock, kitty pryde (shadowcat), lara croft, nick fury, pete wisdom, tauriel


I can't believe I'm expected to make nice and normal at everyone, over the bloody internet.

There's not enough scotch on the planet for this.

Fuckedyfuckfuck Fuck-a-Duck fuckIT.

Hello. I'm Pete Wisdom. I work for a overseas company that sells plushies and things with tiny plastic chokey bits to toy stores, for all of the world's ankle biters to gnaw and drool on. I'm here because my bosses think that I'd be the perfect regional sales representative. How kind of them.

I am so happy to meet you all. So, so happy. With all of the absolute...happiness. Rainbows and baby fluffy animals.

Where's the nearest pub?

And show me all of your weird so I can write a sarcastic report and then go light myself on fire.


(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-18 09:37 pm UTC (link)
Oh hell no no again

You have no idea the kind of mess you just got assigned to, bub.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-18 10:12 pm UTC (link)
The American messy sort of mess. Since this is California, I expect it will be presented with a spray tan, bleached hair, and silicone body parts.

Or it could simply arrive in the form that says 'bub'.

Who even says that? Really.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-18 10:14 pm UTC (link)
Just a Canadian I hung out with a lot.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-18 10:21 pm UTC (link)
Oh. Right. Canadians.

That explains everything.

Now that we've disposed with the pleasantries: do pubs exist in this area and are they actual pubs, or merely shite facsimiles more commonly known as a bar?

Don't make me have to use the bloody internet with it's bloody maps and bloody colour-coded markers and it's general bloody annoyingness.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-18 10:31 pm UTC (link)
Having spent a couple years in London, I developed a taste for good pubs, so they do exist.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-18 10:42 pm UTC (link)
Is it some great mystery that you can claim they exist here? Or must I do a little dance while stabbing myself in the face, before you'll tell me where they are instead of your life story?

I'm clapping slowly that you lived somewhere sane for a small while.

Congratulations.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-18 10:46 pm UTC (link)
Well you certainly sound like Pete Wisdom

There's one that vaguely resembles the Crown in London.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-18 10:51 pm UTC (link)
Who showed you where The Crown was, I wonder? And no wonder I stopped going there, quite so often. No place is safe from tourists, anymore.

So you did actually spend part of your life's story in London and weren't simply talking out of your arse. Brilliant.

Now where is it?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-18 10:55 pm UTC (link)
I was there for awhile when I got out of college. Dated a cop.

Address

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-18 11:06 pm UTC (link)
How fascinating. I suppose this is where I should ask what you were studying and about how terrible it was dating a commitment hating Englishman, so that it either made you turn to women or buzzy toys (or both, which is brilliant), or drink yourself silly and swear off men and relationships forever.

And I would ask all those things, except I can't be arsed while I'm entering this address into my phone list of possibilities.

And no, I don't deal in those sorts of toys. Pity, really.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-18 11:11 pm UTC (link)
Oh I wasn't studying, I finished college before I was 18, it was my try to be normal stage. No real regrets except the Cerberus plant thing

And for the record, my last boyfriend was Russian and it's called being bisexual.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-18 11:24 pm UTC (link)
You seem to be doing as well as can be expected for trying to be normal, although that's merely my observation from reading this over the interweb.

For the record, that makes it seem like you're a bit of a tart when it comes to foreigners. At least you've let those of us with an accent know to be wary, and best of luck with your ongoing sexual indecision.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-18 11:26 pm UTC (link)
It's not indecision, it just means I have a bigger dating pool to choose from.

god you sound just like him

And if you'd ever met Piotr you'd completely understand why I dumped his ass.

Oh god if it's really you you'll never let me live dating BOBBY DRAKE down, either

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-18 11:40 pm UTC (link)
Right. Because we all know that any dating pools aren't in dire need of a healthy dose of chlorine, since it often gets overrun with filth. God forbid it's a smaller pool to try to dive into, but to each their bloody own, I suppose. That's your mess. Enjoy.

I don't need the details. It was because he was Russian and they're a bunch of moody wankers with the IQ of the root vegetables they use to make their cold soups.

At least they can make vodka that isn't absolute shit.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-18 11:45 pm UTC (link)
Let me guess, you're the kind of guy to spoon greasy eggs and bangers into your mouth with a backhoe. With copius amounts of scotch and a cigarette in each hand.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-18 11:51 pm UTC (link)
Yes, bangers and eggs. Yes, scotch. No, I don't smoke.

I quit, years ago. It was getting difficult to run to the gates if I was late for a flight to a business meeting, without leaving a coughed up lung behind me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-18 11:57 pm UTC (link)
Any siblings that managed to put up with you?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-19 12:14 am UTC (link)
Suspicious now.

Why do you ask?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-19 12:20 am UTC (link)
So I could have someone to pity.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-19 12:26 am UTC (link)
Evil older sister, of the pagan variety. I haven't spoken to her, nor seen her, for an entire decade. Thankfully. I'm also not going to answer any more of your questions, you nosy foreigner-obsessed dating pool nosediver.

Sod off and rot.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]shadowcat
2014-05-19 12:27 am UTC (link)
Oh, I can't wait for Fury to bring you in so I can question you. Luckily I promised to play nice

Nah.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mister_wisdom
2014-05-19 12:29 am UTC (link)
Oh no. Please. I insist.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

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