InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "What have you done today"

the lady door (door) wrote in thedoorway,
@ 2013-08-14 18:31:00

Entry tags:

!network post, annabelle / anna (tvd), annie sawyer, chloe sullivan, di lestrade (bbc), dorian gray, enjolras, fox mulder, francine peters, lady door, marguerite blakeney, rory williams, septimus smith, sherlock holmes (elementary), stephen dedalus, steve rogers / captain america (616), walter blythe

Sometimes I forget my father's dead. It's easy to do here. Just visiting, home still a snapshot from the last time we were all there at once. His smile and my mother's laugh, wet with wine and glowing in warm orange candlelight. And a wicked glint in my brother's eye and my sister's baby blonde curls just peeking over the table as he chased her.

And then I remember that no matter how much I practise, I will never open a door to them.

But I have learned to open doors to friends, so that's a small victory to be proud of. And it's all right to grieve and be happy at the same time.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	Doorian door 2013-08-15 01:49 am UTC (link)
	I suppose that's true. But it doesn't explain why you haven't inquired after him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-15 01:52 am UTC (link)
	I'll speak to him myself, in time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-15 01:55 am UTC (link)
	How did it feel to tell him? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-15 01:56 am UTC (link)
	...That's the trouble. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-15 01:56 am UTC (link)
	Tell me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-15 01:57 am UTC (link)
	I could have been telling him I broke a vase or spilled his coffee. I would have felt the same. Nothing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-15 02:01 am UTC (link)
	I wonder why that is. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-15 02:02 am UTC (link)
	You know why. Remorse just.... doesn't. With me. It doesn't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-15 02:03 am UTC (link)
	But you did feel remorse when we spoke of it not so very long ago. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-15 10:33 am UTC (link)
	I did... but it was different, speaking to him. I blamed him, as I'd done the first time and I hadn't expected to. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-16 01:09 am UTC (link)
	That troubles me somewhat. You didn't feel homicidal, though, did you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-16 12:21 pm UTC (link)
	No, not really. I'm not going to hurt him -- but I got so angry... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-16 08:27 pm UTC (link)
	Tell me a little about it, so I can understand better. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-16 08:57 pm UTC (link)
	...Is it strange to wish someone would love you conditionally? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-16 09:01 pm UTC (link)
	Well, I think most of us wish that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-17 12:28 pm UTC (link)
	He just... no matter what I do or who I am he still clings to me so desperately, and it's... it's pathetic, is what it is. I wish he would hate me, I wish he would show something more than his... devotion and his need. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-20 09:38 pm UTC (link)
	I think I understand. I had to think about it for a few days but I think I do. You want him to be emotionally independent. Do you feel responsible for him? Like he is a child? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-20 09:41 pm UTC (link)
	I feel... responsible for what he feels so badly about. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-20 09:42 pm UTC (link)
	He feels badly that you killed him? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-20 09:43 pm UTC (link)
	He does, actually. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-20 09:44 pm UTC (link)
	That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Maybe he should try taking a swing at you, that always seems to help for some reason. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-20 09:45 pm UTC (link)
	He thinks that... his love for me which he painted into the portrait -- that it was what corrupted everything, what corrupted me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-20 09:47 pm UTC (link)
	Perhaps it was. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian doriangray 2013-08-20 09:48 pm UTC (link)
	...No. It wasn't, it couldn't have been. There's... there isn't anything wrong with loving someone. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Doorian door 2013-08-20 09:54 pm UTC (link)
	But you want him to hate you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)