Reality Crash Communications

This is a most inconvenient place. I do not know who is behind this kidnapping but be assured that Thor will not stand for this injustice. I will find thee and you will regret the day you chose to make such dastardly plans!

You. Me. Dinner.

((Backdated texts for when Anansi was on vacation... Each line is a new text, spamming his phone over the resulting week.))


Where are you?
What did you do?
...I hate you.
The sink is overflowing!
OMGIHOPEYOUDIEINAFIRE.
What is a lolcat?
I'm going to kill you.
These numbers don't add up!
Phoebe is great, I almost forgive you.
But I still hate you.
OHCOMEON!
BARFIGHTWTF?
THECOPSAREHERE,WHATDOIDO??!!
ANANSI? Lord of Allusions? Hey. You with the hair. Anyone?
WHERE ARE YOU?
Petty cash is now bail money for Cloud. Some stupid drunk started a brawl.
I found your phone, you son of a bitch.
I've rearranged your entire office to my tastes because it's now mine.
I'm also giving us all raises.
I don't care if you don't see these now.
I hope wherever you are, you catch an incurable flesh rotting virus and get eaten by rabid dogs.
..........
What's a meme?
Revenue is up, just so you know. I'm awesome.
Cloud won't let me see his swords. He has a ton of them! I just want to borrow one! FIX THIS.
Your groupies are getting psychotic.
I'm not even kidding, they are wearing shirts that say "Team Anansi" on them and arguing how they are astraly married to you.
I'm charging them extra.
Fire marshall came. I took care of it.
Found a groupie in the bathroom writing her name and yours in hearts all over the walls.
Oh look, you just showed up.
You suck.
Jerk.
Did you bring me anything?