InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "i love you cupcake"

stillnotkatie (stillnotkatie) wrote in providence_rpg,
@ 2008-11-15 13:51:00

Who: Kate and Jason
Where: Jason’s apartment
When: backdated to bit after her break up with Jamie
What: Kate tells Jason how she feels
Rating: TBA

Kate really couldn’t believe what was happening, the past week had kind of happened all in a blur. First she ended up kissing Jason and realizing that she was in love with him, still in love with him but she didn’t have the nerve to tell Jamie about it right away. Kate wasn’t sure why, part of her wanted to stay with Jamie because he was safe. What they had going was a good thing, she knew that he cared about her and she cared about him, too. Kate was still unsure of how Jason felt about her, even though she distinctly remembered him saying that he would always love her, but who knew what kind of love he meant? Besides the initial burst of tears that Kate had right after Jason left her dorm that day, she managed to act pretty normal for the rest of the week when around her friends and Jamie. Then Jamie invited her to a celebration dinner Kate went, but it was a little bit harder for her to act normal because Nicole was there. Kate’s feelings about Nicole were very conflicted. Generally she liked the girl, she was nice and had never done anything personally mean to Kate, besides date Jason and now suddenly strike up a friendship with Jamie. Kate’s jealousy over Jamie and Nicole becoming friends confused her even more, and prolonged Kate’s ability to make up her mind or even decide when or what she wanted to tell Jamie.

And then Jamie and Kate were back in her dorm in her bed room and it didn’t take long for them get start getting physical, and that was when Kate realized, or just let it pop out, that she was still in love with Jason and couldn’t be with Jamie. He took it a lot better then Kate thought he would, she even wanted him to be angry with her, to yell at her because she felt so bad, but he did the complete opposite, which just proved how great of a guy Jamie really was.

By the time all of that was sorted out and Kate as alone again and not crying it was getting close to two in the morning, but she needed to talk to Jason and she needed to talk to him now. After throwing a sweater on, Kate ran full speed down to her car and headed to Jason’s apartment, not even taking into consideration how late it was and that he was probably sleeping. She sped the entire way to Jason’s house, parked in visitor’s parking and then ran up to where his apartment was, knocking on the door when she arrived. Kate fidgeted in front of his door and when he didn’t answer right away she knocked again, but harder. When he didn’t answer for a second time Kate practically pounded on his door, attempting to catch her breath at the same time but not doing too well at it.

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jmurph
2008-11-15 04:14 pm UTC (link)

Ever since he hung out with Kate last, Jason's head had been full of a bunch of stuff. He couldn't stop thinking about what it felt like to kiss her again, to have his arms around her and hold her. Just joking arond with her felt nice. Having her call him because she needed something ... it was a reminder of how things used to be between them, and Jason really liked it. And then things got out of hand, and Jason had to leave, which made him feel like such an asshole. Why he couldn't just tell her how he felt point blankly, Jason wasn't sure. He wanted her to know, he really did. But she was with Jamie, and Jason didn't want to come between them if Kate was happy ... which she seemed to be. He couldn't help it, he loved her and he wanted her to be happy. If that meant being miserable, then so be it.

He'd spent the last few days not really doing more than just going to work and coming home. He'd cook himself dinner, take Nightcrawler out for a walk, and then do a whole lot of nothing until he got tired and fell asleep. Tonight, he went to bed a little earlier than usual, he was tired and just in an all-around bad mood. He stripped down, then pulled on a pair of pajama pants, climbing into his bed and falling asleep right away. It couldn't have been any later than like 11pm, but Jason was tired. He'd only been asleep for a few hours when he heard Nightcrawler barking. Rolling over, Jason turned to look out the door. "Night, shut up!" he called, running a hand through his hair before he rolled over and hugged a pillow close. He closed his eyes again, and that's when he heard the pounding on the door.

Sitting up, Jason glanced at his clock and noticed that it was like 2am. "Who the fuck ...?" Jason trailed off, throwing his covers off of him and standing up, running a hand through his hair. It was more all over the place than normal, having just woken up, but Jason didn't give a shit. He didn't know who was at the door, and he didn't have anybody to impress. Yawning, he spotted Nightcrawler staring at the door, wagging his tail, and Jason rolled his eyes. "Go lay down, ya mutt," he called, moving over to the door and watching as Nightcrawler moved over to his little doggie bed. The dog was good, he listened to orders. Pulling open the door, Jason was shocked to see Kate standing there. Furrowing his brow, Jason reached a hand to run over his face before stepping back to let her in as he yawned again. "What the fuck are you doing here at like 2am?" Jason asked once she was inside, closing the door behind her.

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stillnotkatie
2008-11-15 04:46 pm UTC (link)

Kate was getting impatient, but that was because she was pretty sure that if she didn’t get to talk to Jason right then and there she wouldn’t have the guts to do it again for a long time. She was extremely nervous and scared that he would reject her, which was weird because for this would be the first time since her and Jason originally started dating back when she was eighteen did she ever feel scared around Jason. She was always so comfortable and confident for his feelings for her, but right now it was like she had to start from scratch again to build it up again. It was weird, different, but definitely something that Kate was willing to do if it meant being able to be with Jason again. She still loved him just as much as she did the day she left the island, and she couldn’t imagine what it would be like if she had to go any longer without him in her life and by her side.

She was just about to leave, out of frustration and fear when Jason didn’t answer the door right away, but she stopped in her tracks right when he opened the door. She ran a hand through her hair and looked him up and down. He was shirtless and in pyjama pants. Jesus Christ he looked good. “Hi,” Kate said, still a tiny bit out of breath from the running she had to do to get here. She suddenly felt self conscious. Her hair probably looked like crap, all wind blown and all over the place and she had just thrown on her Brown sweater on top of a pair of jeans and the shirt she wore to Jamie’s dinner, which was just a polo shirt. Her make up must of looked all smudged since she had just done crying, but Kate didn’t even look into a mirror before she left for Jason’s apartment. Fuck. She hoped it didn’t look like she had been crying, but she doubted it. Kate quickly wiped a finger under her eyes in an attempt to stop whatever raccoon eyes she might have from her eyeliner before walking to Jason’s apartment when he stepped out of the way.

“It is 2 am?” Kate asked, looking at her wrist but then realizing that she wasn’t wearing a watch, she never wore a watch. “Oh, shit. Sorry. I have to talk to you like, right now.” Kate then instantly started pacing, the nerves in her stomach getting worse and worse. She then looked down and realized she was still wearing her runners and she quickly kicked the off, not wanting to wear her shoes in his place. Though, maybe she wasn’t staying long so would it even matter? Who knew? Kate then turned her attention back to Jason and couldn’t help but look at his bare chest. If Kate was remembering correctly Jason wasn’t that toned. She always thought he looked good, but it was quite apparent that he had been working out more since the island…and he looked good. Really fucking good. Like, so good it was distracting. “Can you put a shirt on?” Kate then suddenly asked. She knew she was stalling, but she was trying to get the courage to tell him everything.

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jmurph
2008-11-15 05:17 pm UTC (link)

Jason watched as Kate entered his apartment, and then closed his door behind her, putting his hands on his hips as he watched her glancing around and then kicking her shoes off. Jason didn't think Kate looked bad at all. Sure, her hair was kind of a mess, but it usually was. And Jason loved when Kate's hair was all over the place. He thought it was incredibly sexy. And he did notice that her make-up seemed to be all run down her face, but he didn't really make the connection that she had been crying. Probably because he didn't want to think about her crying, since that usually made his heart hurt a little bit.

Watching as she turned around to look at him, Jason was suddenly aware that he wasn't wearing a shirt, either. And, he was aware of the fact that he was wearing pretty embarrassing pajama bottoms. They were white, and they had red hearts and lips and xo's all over them. Marcus had given them to him as a gag gift one Valentine's Day, and Jason had just thrown them into the back of his drawers, never thinking about them again. Until tonight, because he didn't have any clean pajamas. He needed to do laundry pretty badly, he was running out of clean clothese. Hence the embarrassing pajama bottoms.

Raising a brow at Kate as she glanced down at her wrist to look at a watch that wasn't there, Jason reached a hand up and ran it through his hair again. "Yeah, it's 2am," he confirmed, nodding. "Or, it was when I rolled over and heard the little mutt over there barking like mad," he said, gesturing to his dog, who was now laying comfortably in his doggie bed, ignoring the two of them. Glancing back at Kate, he watched as her eyes seemed to roam over his chest, and he felt self-conscious all of the sudden. Clearing his throat, he idly crossed his arms over his chest, and then Kate's eys looked back up at him and she asked him to put a shirt on. Raising a brow, Jason nodded. "Yeah, sure," he said, moving to his bedroom and opening a drawer, grabbing a plain grey t-shirt, pulling it on. He came back out, and looked at his balcony. "Talk to me out there," he said, gesturing. He grabbed his pack of cigarettes that laid on the windowsill next to the balcony doors, then opened the door and moved outside. Once Kate was out there with him, he closed the door and lit a cigarette, resting his arms on the railing of the balcony. "What's up?" he asked, raising a brow at her as he took a drag.

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stillnotkatie
2008-11-16 03:37 am UTC (link)

Kate waited patiently where she was as Jason went to his bed room and grabbed a shirt to put on. It wasn’t like Kate didn’t like that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. She just didn’t like how distracting it was. When she was trying to think of a way to put how she was feeling in words, it really didn’t help when Jason wasn’t wearing a shirt when his chest was a lot more toned then when she first dated him. Definitely distracting. Once Jason was out of his bed room and fully clothed, Kate nodded her head and followed him out to his balcony. She had momentarily forgotten that he had picked up smoking and for a second wondered why in God’s name they were going outside, but once he took a cigarette from his pack and lit up everything suddenly clicked in.

Once the two of them were outside Kate started pacing. She was terrible with taking about her feelings, and now that she was nervous and scared it totally made it worse. She folded her arms across her chest, took a deep breath in and watched Jason for a moment trying to find the right words but they were not coming to her. “So…” Kate started, unfolding her arms and looking at Jason, “I broke up with Jamie like…an hour ago. Or so. I don’t know, but it wasn’t that long ago.” Kate said, already starting to mumble and talk about nothing at all. It was true though, it had been less then a few hours since she had broken up with the boy. Kate then looked down at Jason and noticed the pyjama pants that she was wearing and couldn’t help herself from stopping in her tacks of pacing to look at him. “What the fuck are you wearing?”

Once Kate had fully looked at what Jason was wearing, she started pacing again and managed to concentrate on what she had originally come to talk about. No more procrastinating, not more stalling. She needed to get what she was about to say out or she was going to explode. “Wait, never mind,” Kate said, shaking her head and throwing her hands in the air for a second. “Do you want to know why I broke up with Jamie?” Kate then asked, looking at Jason again. She then waited for a moment for his reply, and then reached over and took the cigarette from his hands. Kate didn’t smoke, but she took a very large drag from his smoke and passed it back to him as she exhaled. Kate needed all of the courage that she could get right now, and it seemed like nicotine was the closest thing that she could get her hands on.

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jmurph
2008-11-16 12:34 pm UTC (link)

Jason smoked his cigarette and watched with a raised brow while Kate paced on the balcony in front of him. What the hell was going on? He wasn't sure, but she seemed nervous for some reason, and he wasn't exactly sure why. Sure, the last time they had hung out had ended pretty awkwardly with Kate kissing him, and then things escalating from there, but they hadn't gone very far. Maybe Kate was here to tell him that they couldn't hang out anymore, because she didn't want to hurt Jamie? That would suck. That would suck really bad. Taking another drag off his cigarette, Jason flicked the end of it and watched as the ashes from the lit end fell over the balcony.

Glancing back at Kate as she started talking, he watched as she unfolded her arms and then kept going. The words she said took him completely by surprise ... she broke up with Jamie? Why? Jason let this news sink in, and he wondered what exactly was going through her head at that moment. He held back a smile at the way she mumbled and rambled ... she was nervous about telling him this, he could tell. But why was she nervous? He was about to open his mouth to ask her why she was nervous, but then she stopped pacing and looked up at him, asking him what he was wearing. Jason straightened up from his previous position of leaning over the balcony and glanced down at his pants, letting a soft chuckle out. "Um ..." he started, but then she cut him off again, telling him nevermind.

Jason tilted his head to the side as she started pacing again, wondering what the hell she was thinking about. It was driving him crazy, seeing her acting like this and not having a clue what was going on in her head. Raising a brow as she asked him if he wanted to know why she broke up with Jamie, Jason reached a hand up and then scratched his neck. "Uh, sure," he said, nodding. He went to take another drag off his cigarette, but before it reached his mouth Kate had snatched it, taking a long drag from it. Jason rose a brow at her action ... Kate didn't smoke. At least, not that he remembered. Taking the cigarette back from her, Jason furrowed his brow. "Are you okay? What's going on, Kate?" he asked, trying to mask the concern that was crossing his face.

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stillnotkatie
2008-11-16 04:40 pm UTC (link)

Kate’s nerves had gone so wild that it was getting hard for her to talk without rambling about something else and distracting herself. Jason’s pyjama pants proved that, but luckily she managed to push herself on track. Kate needed to stay on track, and she needed to tell Jason how she felt. Now that she was standing there talking to him there was no turning back. She had broken up with Jamie, told Jamie that she was still in love with Jason and now she just needed to tell Jason. For the second time in her life she was unsure of how Jason would react to what she had to say, and she honestly couldn’t blame him if he didn’t love her anymore. She had dumped him over a year ago, she was the one who gave up on them and he had plenty of time to get over her and move on. Kate had thought she moved on when she found Jamie, but obviously it was just something that she had talked herself into and couldn’t realize that until she saw Jason again.

If Kate wasn’t so distracted by what she was going to say she would of noticed the worried look that come across Jason’s face and reassured him that she was fine. But she didn’t and just kept on pacing for a bit trying to calm herself down. “No. I am not OK,” Kate finally said, shaking her head but not being able to look at Jason right away. Kate definitely wasn’t OK, she was confused, scared, nervous and even more scared. She didn’t know what she was going to do if Jason didn’t love her anymore. Well, she would probably crawl into a little hole and never come out again. That is what she would do.

“All right,” Kate said, stopping herself in front of Jason and pacing her hands on his shoulders for a second to keep herself still. Her hands then went to her sides but soon enough Kate was picking at her nails while she looked at Jason. “I broke up with Jamie because I am still in love with you, Jason,” Kate said, the words coming out a bit easier for her once she actually got the sentence formed. “I have been in love with you since the island, and after we broke up I just talked myself into thinking I could get over you because I didn’t think I would ever be able to see you again, but that just wasn’t possible for me and I came to realize that when you came to Providence.” Once she had gotten that all out Kate still there for a second and then nodded her head quickly. “Yeah. There.”

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jmurph
2008-11-16 04:52 pm UTC (link)

Kate's pacing wasn't slowing and it wasn't stopping, and Jason just kept getting more concerned. Did something happen? Did Jamie do something to her? He'd kill him if he did. Well, maybe not. Jason wasn't exactly the most aggressive man in the world, but he'd definitely confront Jamie if it was something Jamie did. Did Jamie cheat on her? Kate deserved so much better than that. These thoughts were whirring through Jason's head, and he wished Kate would just say something. And then, she started saying that she wasn't okay. Fuck, what did Jamie do to her?! Jason wouldn't be able to just ignore it if he did do something. He loved Kate, and he thought she deserved the absolute best in the world.

Raising a brow as Kate stopped pacing and put her hands on his shoulders, Jason nodded once. "All right," he repeated, furrowing his brow as she removed her hands from his shoulders and then started playing with her nails, like she usually did when nervous. Jason was about to just tell her to spill, to tell him, but then Kate started talking. Jason heard the words she said, but he couldn't comprehend the meaning behind them. He was shocked, to say the least, that she was admitting to still being in love with him. Jason was positive that any hope he had of being with her again had completely died. Jason opened his mouth to say something, but he just closed it again after a minute. He stared at her for a few moments, not even thinking about what this might look like to her. He took another drag off his cigarette, and then ran a hand over his face as he blew the smoke out of his lungs. "Um ... wow," he finally managed, glancing out over the balcony.

Jason couldn't think of what to say. He couldn't get his mind to work to form some kind of a reply to her. He wanted to tell he that he loved her too, that he never stopped. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her like he'd never kissed her before. But his mind couldn't stop repeating her statement over and over again in his head, as if trying to figure out if this was real, or if this was something his mind was making up to keep him happy.

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stillnotkatie
2008-11-16 05:38 pm UTC (link)

Once Kate had spit the words out she couldn’t take them back, or do anything about what she said but wait to see what Jason’s reaction was going to be. She didn’t even know what she was going to expect, it wasn’t like you confessed your love for someone every day and got to know what people’s reactions were. Well, Kate didn’t confess her love to anyone. She was terrible at talking about feelings in general, and Jason was the only person that she had ever been in love with and been able to be open with about it. Jason was different, that was for sure. She had gone from not being able to keep up a relationship for more then three months, let alone talk about how she felt to falling head over heels in love with Jason within just a few months of dating him and then being with him for a year. They would have been together longer if it wasn’t for Kate going to school. Who knew, maybe they would still be together now? Kate liked to think that, but she would never know.

And then Jason reacted. Or well, didn’t really react at all. Kate watched his face, taking in every detail of how he looked trying to figure out what he might be thinking or feeling because she had gotten to know him so well, but his face seemed almost blank. Kate was waiting for him to speak, and the suspense was killing her, and when he finally did speak Kate was a little less then impressed. Wow? That was all he could say was Wow? What?! Kate stood there, shocked as well trying to comprehend what he just said and the meaning behind it. Wow was what you said when you were trying to be nice, like when you were trying to let someone down easy. Oh wow. I am really flattered that you think that, but I just don’t feel the same way.. Kate was expecting Jason to say something like that, but when he didn’t say anything at all it just made her feel even worse, and she could feel the tears threatening to immerge again. He didn’t love her, and that made Kate feel like absolute shit.

After standing in silence for a few seconds just staring at Jason, Kate finally took a step back and looked around. “Um, all right,” she said, her voice already starting to sound shaky. Kate suddenly had to blink back a few tears, so she knew that she had to get out of there, and fast. “Well, I am going to crawl into a hole now,” she found herself saying before turning and heading back inside and to his front door. Kate would of left right away, but she had kicked off her runners, and now had to try and untie them and put them back on before she could leave. Kate was tempted to just walk out to her car in her socks, but didn’t think that would be too warm. She was bent over attempting to shove her feet into her shoes as fast as possible while the tears started streaming down her face.

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jmurph
2008-11-16 05:53 pm UTC (link)

Jason was shit when it came to expressing emotions or telling someone how you felt. Well, with the one exception of Kate, and that had been awhile ago. Back when they were together on the island, they'd both admitted their feelings for each other, and then it became the easiest thing to say to each other. Whenever he was leaving her room, or saying goodbye to her on the phone or whatever, the last thing he'd say was 'I love you'. So why was it so hard for his brain to work right now? He kept replaying her words over and over, hearing what she had said to him in his head, and when he finally got his brain to actually work, and snapped out of his trance-like state, he realized that Kate was gone.

For a moment, Jason assumed that he'd hallucinated the whole thing, and then he glanced in the open door of his balcony to see Kate by the door, pulling on his shoes. 'Don't let her leave, you fucking moron,' he thought, and he took a last drag off his cigarette before throwing it over the balcony. He didn't care that he wasn't supposed to do that, he was just supposed to put the cigarette out in an ashtray. But right now that was the last thing on his mind. He needed to get inside to Kate before she left. Stepping inside, Jason pulled the glass door shut. "Kate," he called, hoping to get her attention before she left.

Seeing her bent over her shoes, Jason let out a sigh of relief. She hadn't left yet. His jackassery wouldn't cost him the only thing in the world that he wanted. Coming up behind her, Jason placed a hand on her back. "Kate, stand up. Look at me," he told her, his hand moving up to her shoulders to gently pull her up and turn her to face him. Once she was standing up, Jason put a hand under her chin, tilting her head up so she was looking at him. "I'm sorry for how I acted out there," he started, gesturing to the balcony. "You kind of ... I don't know, you took me by surprise, that's all," he told her. Clearing his throat, he watched her for a second, trying to form the words in his head to say to her. "I ... I never stopped loving you," he said softly, his fingers caressing her cheek gently and wiping away her tears before he leaned down to press his lips against hers.