When one does not know what it is, then it is something; but when one knows what it is, then it is nothing.
I am that and that is what I am. So what am I? Come on kids! Work those synapses.
I think I'm supposed to be trying to blend in. Where's the fun in that?
Let me tell ya, after being stuck in a cramped space for so long, blending in is the last thing on my mind. For fuck's sake, I want to actually have some fun. Oh, were you expecting something more stereotypically archaic for an oath? I'll be glad to deliver, just for laughs.
By Odin's BEARD!
There, you feeling better? Trust me, it won't last.
And using the internet to communicate? That's really cute. I invented the internet, I'll have you know. I thought it was brilliant at the time.
Once upon a time, there were these... kids. These kids named Billy and Amanda.
Now, y'see, Billy and Amanda were hungry. Nobody fed 'em, nobody paid 'em any attention- and it was all very, very tear-jerking. So, one day, this... magical clown came to town to turn Billy and Amanda's frowns into buckets of little smiles and happy rainbows. The magical clown invited 'em to play a game.
This clown- he really liked to play these games, and Billy and Amanda loved the idea SO much, they decided that they'd give in and follow the magical clown and play the game he'd made especially for them. Because these kids? They were special little angels. The kind that needed their cream cheese served on clouds and their halos polished by sparkling cherubs.
But Billy and Amanda didn't realize that the magical clown had led them into rush hour!
That was the end of little curly-topped Billy and pigtailed Amanda. Oh, but there's a moral, kiddies, a good moral with magical twists and turns. And whoever can figure it out'll get a special prize.
One that doesn't involve headlights and blood so thick ya can't wash it out of your suit. And you can trust me- I'm a man of my word.
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