InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "broosie has a nice caboosie"

Percy I. Chapman | Ἑρμης (polytropus) wrote in paxletale,
@ 2017-03-21 20:15:00

Entry tags:

aphrodite, apollo, ares, eris, hecate, hermes, vainamoinen

301 to Everyone
[prior to noticing BB's update, he'd written this message. deciding that it couldn't hurt to spread the news far and wide, he posted it on the apartment forums regardless of whatever BB would have to say. unfortunately, times were dire, and his worry meter--because, believe it or not, Percy could indeed be worried--was off the charts.]

This is a public announcement for anyone that may be concerned. There is a burglar among us, and they have ransacked not only my home, but stolen my pet box turtle. I have already notified the complex manager of this crime.

If anyone happens to come across a box turtle that isn't fully grown but will, regardless, crawl towards you for a bite of strawberry, let me know ASAP. She answers to Stella. Yell too loud for her, though, and she might hide inside her shell.

No one steals from me.

- P. Chapman.

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	tangoaurora 2017-03-22 12:18 am UTC (link)
	Well. I can't believe I'm about to ask this, but have you received a ransom note for your turtle? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	polytropus 2017-03-22 12:19 am UTC (link)
	Whoever stole her was too sloppy for a ransom note. This was an amateur job. ~~Minus the front door.~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tangoaurora 2017-03-22 12:23 am UTC (link)
	I'll keep Stella in my prayers then, and I understand she isn't big enough for soup? Actually, are there cameras in the hall? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	polytropus 2017-03-22 12:25 am UTC (link)
	(Reply to this) (Parent)

	polytropus 2017-03-22 12:25 am UTC (link)
	Stephan holds the keys to the cameras. Something strange is afoot, Aurora. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tangoaurora 2017-03-22 12:31 am UTC (link)
	Wait. Wait. I've watched this film and read this mystery novel. Who benefits? Soylent green is people. Wait. Wrong mystery. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	polytropus 2017-03-22 12:35 am UTC (link)
	Hey now, Watson. This is a serious situation at hand. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tangoaurora 2017-03-22 01:07 am UTC (link)
	Excuse me, I am being serious! The first bit at least. I am, admittedly, a bit tired, but the only one I can think of now is The Big Lebowski. So I don't know how to pick locks, honestly, one of my few flaws, but I can be distractingly ~~alluring~~ everything while YOU grab security tapes~? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	polytropus 2017-03-22 01:12 am UTC (link)
	Are you suggesting a proper reverse heist? At this hour? And at our age? Be still, my heart. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tangoaurora 2017-03-22 01:18 am UTC (link)
	Excuse you. Did you just call me old? I am as young as a newborn lamb, thank you very much. Now we are definitely pulling a heist. I have a silk nightie that is suitably distracting. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	polytropus 2017-03-22 01:26 am UTC (link)
	Would you prefer 'fresh as the morning dew?' Dew seems preferable to being next Sunday's dinner, in my humble opinion. How distracting are we talking here? Because nothing is enough to move a man like Stephan away from his desk. Trust me, I've tried. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tangoaurora 2017-03-22 01:31 am UTC (link)
	Next Sunday's dinner? I wasn't aware you were making me lamb, coincidentally I have a good wine for it. Quite. Only one way for you to find out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	polytropus 2017-03-22 01:45 am UTC (link)
	Have I ever told you that I'm a magnificent chef? ~~Because I am most certainly not.~~ Something tells me this is no longer about distracting Stephan from his duties. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tangoaurora 2017-03-22 01:56 am UTC (link)
	You have not, I'll believe it when I taste it however. You seem like you might have...focusing issues, that might interfere with things. Are you saying I am anything but straightforward? Second time your slanderous tongue has gotten away from you tonight my dear. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	thouros 2017-03-22 08:10 am UTC (link)
	Jesus Christ, get a room you two. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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