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Tweak says, "Remember the penny test?"

John Connor (johnbaum) wrote in omega_reality,
@ 2013-03-02 13:41:00

Entry tags:

*complete, 2013 03, character: alexis castle, character: brian kinney, character: claudia donovan, character: derek reese, character: john connor, character: mike weston, character: nell jones, character: sean hanna, character: thomas hammond, character: tommy merlyn, character: travis marks, character: troy bolton

RP: Birthday Party at the Club
Who: John Connor, Brian Kinney, Derek Reese, Sean Hanna, Troy Bolton, Nell Jones, Alexis Castle, Tim Riggins, Claudia Donovan, Travis Marks, TJ Hammond
Where: Eleven, West Hollywood
When: Saturday, March 2, 2013 - night
Summary: John and his friends celebrate his twentieth.

John had been a bit surprised when Vance told him he could plan a birthday party just for himself and those with whom he wanted to celebrate. He didn't really think of doing things for himself and was usually not expecting others to do anything either.

But, he'd been in this dimension for two years now. This was the third birthday he'd celebrate here. And it might be the last if things went as planned. So, for once, he was taking advantage of it.

The club was definitely not what he would have chosen just for himself. But, then, he wasn't much of a clubber. So, he picked one for his friends. Eleven was a dance club with all the house, techno, trance, hip hop they could desire to grind to on a dance floor. It was also in West Hollywood, which made it a gay club practically by default. And it was definitely not PG-13.

Derek was really the only one of those he'd invited -- which had consisted of only those he would consider friends or at least people he'd spoken to or spent time with that wasn't work related -- who would probably spend most of the night on edge. But, hopefully his uncle could have a little fun at some point during the night. John had felt a small pang at not including everyone. But, for once, he was doing something for himself.

And his friends could enjoy the music, dancing, and drinking. So, it was for them, too.

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Re: John/Brian

b_kinney
2013-03-02 11:58 pm UTC (link)

Brian stopped looking at the people and the club and focused on John the moment he heard the hesitation, because John was not the type to hesitate. He let him say his peace, before pulling him into a corner, glaring at the people he was pushing aside.

When he was as far away from the music and the crowd as possible, he pinned John against the wall. "You listen to me. One thing I've told you from the start is that you don't do anything you don't want. It doesn't matter where or why you're doing it, it's never acceptable. You're certainly not going to do it because of me. If we've gotten to the point where you're going to compromise on what you believe in for me, then we should break it off."

He pressed his forehead against John's, sighing. "If I'll have you? What does that mean, Gorgeous?" He pulled back and locked eyes with his lover. "Is this what you think it's happening? I don't want you anymore?" He shook his head. "You're wrong. I want you too much, and that scares me. I'm in a club that looks so much like mine that it hurts, because I'm not part of this world, because it's not my club, and even if I went home, how many years could I play this game? I'm getting old, and you are so young, but you have a death wish, and I can't do that. I can't watch you die."

He kissed John's forehead. "We don't have to go to the backroom. You don't ever have to go in there."

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Re: John/Brian

johnbaum
2013-03-03 04:34 am UTC (link)

This wasn't exactly how John thought Brian would be pushing him against a wall, if it happened. But, he couldn't help the slight catch in his breath anyway because it was the first sign of real life he'd seen in Brian in far too long. "I'm not compromising what I believe in. I wouldn't make the offer if it wasn't something I was at least curious about. I just..." He swallowed and nodded because Brian figured it out before John could say it. "I thought...You pull away and turn away and...that's what it feels like."

Sighing, he reached up cup Brian's face between his hands. "I don't have a death wish. I don't. And maybe you don't want to watch me die, but you're making me watch you die, us die, little by little we're losing everything we have left of life. That's why I wanted to do this for you, give you back something. I didn't think...I should have considered it would make you feel worse, not better.

"But, my offer isn't about compromising anything. I swear to that. I thought..." He took a deep breath. "I thought you didn't want me and so, you'd have...well, this." John pointed his chin at the room behind Brian. "But, I...hoped...you'd want to do it together. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't affected by the fantasies you shared. If it was because it was you describing them or because they truly appeal, I don't know. And I won't know if I never try them and find out, something I'd only do with you...not because I'm compromising anything for you, but because if there's any part of me that's starting to open up to new ideas and experiences, it exists because of you and I want you to be the one I share any further new experiences with.

"I've practically had sex with you in front of the only people I'd call friends and family. And I've voluntarily done it again. How embarrassing could it be in front of people I don't know and whose opinions don't matter? Unless, you really don't want to...which is fine. I just...I just want to make the most of the time we have together, here, there, whatever worlds in between. I want to take the chances we have here, now. There isn't even any guarantee we'll find our way there. I'm...not so certain I want to anymore." Closing his eyes, he leaned against Brian's chest, taking the moment while he could, half-waiting to be pushed away again. "I don't know what to do anymore. I just know that I want you."

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Re: John/Brian

b_kinney
2013-03-03 05:09 am UTC (link)

Brian closed his eyes just as his arms wrapped against John, holding him tight in a way he hadn't since New York, and even then he knew that things had been different. He'd been using, on edge, saying things that cut, because that was what he did when he got restless.

"I'm-" Sorry, but Brian didn't apologize. He had done it once, and it really hadn't solved anything, had it? "I love you, Gorgeous, and I'm not-" He pulled back so that he could look at John. "You're a sexy, gorgeous, intelligent, fucking hot man and anyone in his right mind would want you. If you think otherwise, then you need a mirror, because you're the most handsome man around. That was true at Splash, it's true tonight, and will be true at any other club we'll end up going in the future."

He sighed . "You were thinking that if I didn't want you." Brian shook his head. "Stick to thinking about computer, Gorgeous, because you missed the mark on this one." Words were so overrated in his opinion. His hands glided up and down John's back until his fingers cupped the swells of John's ass and he pulled his lover closer, almost possessively, before leaning down to kiss John, tongue pushing inside John's mouth, mapping it until it wasn't enough and he pushed John against the wall again, pressing his entire body against his lover's. "You're gorgeous," he panted. "Never doubt that."

Brian moved back only enough that he could look into John's eyes. "You really want to go and check it out, then we do it together. You can have anything you want in there. You can have anyone, but I'll be right there with you, because those fantasies were never about fucking in public. Been there, done that, it's-" He shrugged. "Not really a big deal. It'd doing it with you, it's seeing what you like, it's watching you blush for all the right reasons. We can go, but i want to know what you have in mind, because once you get in there, there isn't a lot of talking, and if you want someone to bring in there, we need to find that person out here." It was a lifetime ago that he stood on a balcony with Justin, picking out men they wanted to share, but it felt different, maybe he'd grown up, or maybe it was just life in this dimension, but it was important that they got this right. "what do you want, Gorgeous."

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Re: John/Brian

johnbaum
2013-03-03 02:48 pm UTC (link)

John clung to Brian. He knew that was what he was doing, clinging. But, for the first time in what felt like forever, when Brian held him it didn't feel like going through the motions. It finally felt like he was there with John and John didn't want to lose that spark now that he'd found it.

And this was nothing like the response he'd been expecting. Hoped for. Longed for. But expected? No.

He didn't so much listen to the words Brian spoke, as absorb them, staring up into his eyes. There was an intensity to it all that had been missing for so long and John desperately hoped this wasn't temporary. But, he could not seem to find more words of his own. The first sound he made as a low, deep moan as Brian kissed him. One arm wound around Brian's neck, while with the other hand he grasped at Brian's shoulder to pull him even closer. John gasped as his back hit the wall, sandwiched between it and Brian himself, only able to nod his understanding. After so long without, he felt almost scorched by the heat of both Brian's touch and his words.

Torn between standing like that forever just to feel Brian with him or kissing Brian again and again, John finally found his voice and a slight smile. "Really trying to lose that blush," he said with a rough chuckle. "I want to know what fantasy you'd like to make a reality. I think that's part of the appeal for me, knowing this isn't just something to try because I'm young and looking for new experiences. It's knowing that whatever happens is something you want, something that turns you on. Whether it's just us back there, or inviting a third to join us. You once said you wanted to watch me with someone else and then fuck me after in the same way I fucked him, knowing everyone was watching and that while I might fuck him, I was going home with you. Is that something you'd still like?"

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Re: John/Brian

b_kinney
2013-03-03 05:23 pm UTC (link)

Brian wasn't letting go just yet. They could have this discussion while they were wrapped around each other. It might not make sense to most people, but he really didn't give a fuck about what everyone else thought about them. The only one that mattered was John, whether he believed it or not.

"I love that blush. It was fucking awesome to see how you liked something I was suggesting just by the blush you get. It gave me an excuse to spend the night with you at Splash, because you wouldn't have lasted a second in that place, with that gorgeous blush in your face, the way you were looking and not at the same." He leaned down and kissed him again. "So fucking gorgeous," he whispered into the kiss.

"Do you want to be with someone else?" he asked. "Because fantasies are just that. If the idea of being with someone else while I watch makes you horny, then okay, but if it doesn't, then I don't need it. There are other things...." Brian stopped. This was going against everything he'd done for the past few months, and it would be so easy to use this to push John just enough to get what he wanted, but while he didn't give a fuck about people's feelings, he didn't play mind games with the people he considered friends.

"I... I'm getting old. I feel old, John, and I thought that... it wasn't even conscious, but I thought that you'd see that you were better off if we broke up, and this would be so easy to turn into something else, but I never expected that I could do the damage, the pain-" He brushed John's hair. "I don't want to hurt you and I'm tired of pushing you toward someone else, so if you want to fuck someone, be my guest, Gorgeous, but don't do it because you think it's what's going to fix me. I was fucked up long before you were born. I can give you the fantasy with just us if you'd prefer that."

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Re: John/Brian

johnbaum
2013-03-03 09:03 pm UTC (link)

John wasn't usually the 'aggressive' one in their relationship. Oh, he wasn't a doormat and he was stubborn to a fault. But, he usually let Brian take the initiative. He wasn't actually sure why. It just was the pattern they'd fallen into, probably for a myriad of reasons. Now, though, he pulled Brian as close as possible and kissed him with everything he had, everything he wanted to say and didn't know how to.

When he pulled back the scant distance between his head and the wall, he was back to staring. "There is no version of my life where I'm better off without you...and I ought to know," he added with a tiny smirk, then leaned up to kiss Brian again, unable to get enough now that they'd started. "Thinking you didn't want me anymore...yeah, it hurt. But, what hurts the most is watching you in pain and not being able to do anything to help you through it. I'm not alright if you're not alright. I can't be when you mean more to me than anything. And you've been in pain. You're not broken. You don't need fixing, definitely not from someone who's just as fucked up if in different ways."

He reached up to trace Brian's jaw with his fingertips. "I'm not trying to fix you and I wouldn't make this offer just to 'fix you'. Sex doesn't fix things, not even between us. If it did, we'd have been perfect back at Christmas. Do I want to be with someone else in general? No. You're all I need. And I know what you think about my doing things just for you. But, I'm not the green kid I was two years ago. I'm not even a teenager anymore now. I know the difference between doing something I don't want just to make you happy and doing something I may or may not enjoy on it's own, but brings you pleasure. Knowing I have the ability to give you pleasure...I don't know how to explain this. It's not so much the idea of being with someone else while you watch that gets to me. It's knowing that the watching brings you pleasure, that even my being with someone else has the ability to turn you on...I don't really understand the how because watching you with anyone else wouldn't do it for me. But, the reverse...that, in a way, it's showing you what I want you to do to me...I don't want to be with someone else on a regular basis. But, tonight, I want to share this with you, I want to experience a little more of your life, your world.

"And you're not old. Maybe you're in unfamiliar territory. But, you're not old. And, you know what? It doesn't matter if you are. I'm in love with the total package and the only way it gets better for me is if we're together. I guess, if I'm trying to fix anything, it's not you, but us. I miss us."

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